Guest guest Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 Oh, Mike darlin', you are not raving like a lunatic. I for one am really proud of you to be able to get those feelings out. Anytime you need to vent, we are here! I am in awe of people who committ to putting their marriages back together after something like this. One of my best friends did it. Her husband had an affair with his intern (yep, the old intern story). Anyway, we were the only ones who knew about it and it was hard on us let alone her. They both struggled to fix what was wrong in their marriage and to develop trust again. It was hard, but they did it. It's been 10 years now, I think, and we were talking about it a couple months ago. She says their marriage will never be the same, but it is stronger now and she doesn't regret staying together...she is happy. I've heard that lots on tv and in books, but to hear it from her first hand means more so I thought you should hear it, too. Stay strong and our prayers are with you in this as well as the dragon slaying. Jody PS I think a lot about stress causing Mark's SD or at least making it worse. He had rot Thank you Good mornning all fellow dragon slayers, I would like to thank all of you for welcoming me into your community and your lives. It is a great feeling to know I am not alone with this problem. I feel really bad and feel blessed that my health has rebounded and hope all of you that are not doing so wellkeep up the good fight and that maybe that will help some of us down the road if our time of need comes to help slay the dragon a little. It scares the hell out of me some of the drugs taht you guys have to endure. I was on the Preds for a little while and was lucky to have no problems weaning off of them. I have naproxen if I need it and this helps a little when the joint pain kicks in. But I can deal with the joint pain because I have had arthrirtis in my knees from the age of about 5 due to an accident when i was 4. I played sports heavily all of my life and I sometimes wonder if the stress and toll of all this on my body had anything to do with where I am at today? You know when I think back to the last 3- 5 years I think a lot of things and choices I have made in my life may have been a contributing factor.I am a recovering gambler of 3 years now, I have not made a bet or played a machine in just over 3 years. This almost cost me life and my marriage and kids, and led me to make some bad choices that ended up with a criminal record.O think stress palys a major role in how you deal and feel. Just before I went into the hospital, I had a ot of stress, bills were piling up, I suspected my wife was having an affair, and I was right, 1 week after coming out of the hospital I found out she was having an affair with my brother in law, my sisters husband. At the time it didn't hit me right away or I just didn't have the strength to fight at that moment. I wasn't surprised at an affair, I had put my wife through a lot the last few years, emotionally, fiancially. It was the surprise that my brother-in law was the one! He was like my best friend and I never would of thought this. MY wife and sister were best friends.But i see him now for what he truly was, a scoundrel. He admitted to me he used my situation, all my lying and problems to sieze the opportunity with my wife at her most vulnerable.He used all my lies and secrets of the past to get close to her. This blew my sister away as she was 6 months pregnant with their 3rs child when the affair started. My wife and I reamin together, we have sought some counselling, and have committed to make a go of it, We want to be a family with our 4 kids.Although my extended family is destroyed as we and our kids were close and no longer have anything to do woth each other. Sorry for ranting about my personal life, my point was how much did stress play a part in my breakdown? My doctor seems to think it may have progressed the disease a ot faster than may have happened normally. I have some problems remembering things now, and my memorey was always rock solid. I am much moe emotional now and find myself breaking down in tears at really silly things. I don't think my wife had ever seen me cry before. I am so sorry for raving like a lunatic, this was suppose to be a simple thank you for all being here and look where it has gone. Thanx all for listening, Mike ------------ --------- --------- --- Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 Thanx for the encouragement Jody.I have loved my wife like forever, I am 35 and we have been together like 18 years, over half my life. She is my soulmate, although sometimes I don't think she feels the same way.My dream is to live a good happy life with my wife and 4 kids and I will fight till I have no fight left in me.Not to bring you down, but this whole STills thing does not help as it kind of kills my energy. I think Mark is so lucky to have you being so supportive in his fight, and I believe he will win with you in his corner! You and mark have a great day! MIke... Jody Klein wrote: Oh, Mike darlin', you are not raving like a lunatic. I for one am really proud of you to be able to get those feelings out. Anytime you need to vent, we are here! I am in awe of people who committ to putting their marriages back together after something like this. One of my best friends did it. Her husband had an affair with his intern (yep, the old intern story). Anyway, we were the only ones who knew about it and it was hard on us let alone her. They both struggled to fix what was wrong in their marriage and to develop trust again. It was hard, but they did it. It's been 10 years now, I think, and we were talking about it a couple months ago. She says their marriage will never be the same, but it is stronger now and she doesn't regret staying together...she is happy. I've heard that lots on tv and in books, but to hear it from her first hand means more so I thought you should hear it, too. Stay strong and our prayers are with you in this as well as the dragon slaying. Jody PS I think a lot about stress causing Mark's SD or at least making it worse. He had rot Thank you Good mornning all fellow dragon slayers, I would like to thank all of you for welcoming me into your community and your lives. It is a great feeling to know I am not alone with this problem. I feel really bad and feel blessed that my health has rebounded and hope all of you that are not doing so wellkeep up the good fight and that maybe that will help some of us down the road if our time of need comes to help slay the dragon a little. It scares the hell out of me some of the drugs taht you guys have to endure. I was on the Preds for a little while and was lucky to have no problems weaning off of them. I have naproxen if I need it and this helps a little when the joint pain kicks in. But I can deal with the joint pain because I have had arthrirtis in my knees from the age of about 5 due to an accident when i was 4. I played sports heavily all of my life and I sometimes wonder if the stress and toll of all this on my body had anything to do with where I am at today? You know when I think back to the last 3- 5 years I think a lot of things and choices I have made in my life may have been a contributing factor.I am a recovering gambler of 3 years now, I have not made a bet or played a machine in just over 3 years. This almost cost me life and my marriage and kids, and led me to make some bad choices that ended up with a criminal record.O think stress palys a major role in how you deal and feel. Just before I went into the hospital, I had a ot of stress, bills were piling up, I suspected my wife was having an affair, and I was right, 1 week after coming out of the hospital I found out she was having an affair with my brother in law, my sisters husband. At the time it didn't hit me right away or I just didn't have the strength to fight at that moment. I wasn't surprised at an affair, I had put my wife through a lot the last few years, emotionally, fiancially. It was the surprise that my brother-in law was the one! He was like my best friend and I never would of thought this. MY wife and sister were best friends.But i see him now for what he truly was, a scoundrel. He admitted to me he used my situation, all my lying and problems to sieze the opportunity with my wife at her most vulnerable.He used all my lies and secrets of the past to get close to her. This blew my sister away as she was 6 months pregnant with their 3rs child when the affair started. My wife and I reamin together, we have sought some counselling, and have committed to make a go of it, We want to be a family with our 4 kids.Although my extended family is destroyed as we and our kids were close and no longer have anything to do woth each other. Sorry for ranting about my personal life, my point was how much did stress play a part in my breakdown? My doctor seems to think it may have progressed the disease a ot faster than may have happened normally. I have some problems remembering things now, and my memorey was always rock solid. I am much moe emotional now and find myself breaking down in tears at really silly things. I don't think my wife had ever seen me cry before. I am so sorry for raving like a lunatic, this was suppose to be a simple thank you for all being here and look where it has gone. Thanx all for listening, Mike ------------ --------- --------- --- Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 Sent accidentally while I was still typing...sorry. Mark had rotator cuff surgery in the spring and ended up with Strep in July, then just as he was finishing his round of antibiotics, we had a very stressful event happen (it's a long story, but we received a threatening phone call while we were camping...the guy knew our names, said he knew where we were and said he got to decide if we lived or died...we didn't sleep all night watching into the dark...we had called the police, etc, of course, but then we were alone guarding 3 kids...we assumed it was probably a prank, but...even the police said we had to take it seriously until we knew...well, the next day is when his knee started swelling and he ended up in the hospital for a month. He still doesn't remember the first few weeks. I had to give him sponge baths, he couldn't move, it was awful...and the fevers and pain! Anyway, if his body hadn't been stressed by the shoulder surgery and if he hadn't had strep that he had been fighting and if he hadn't been emotionally stressed by a night of worry and no sleep, and if had taken better care of himself in college...pulled lots of all-nighters (I mean slept only 4-5 hours every other night for 2 weeks at a time...multiple times) over the years finishing projects (he is an architect), well, would this have happened? What it has boiled down to for me is ...I have to just move forward and keep my faith. God has a plan for us so I don't think we could have avoided this challenge, but we can learn from it and teach our kids to care for themselves better and years down the road, maybe we will understand why this happened to us. But for now, we are serving a purpose and I thank God every day for keeping Mark with us. Our neighbor got sick at the same time Mark did. It turned out to be Stage IV esophagul cancer...he died last week. His wife is a stay-at-home mom with 4 kids (ages 4-14). So, Mark cannot play soccer with Gracie anymore, he cannot wrestle on the ground anymore, we may or may not be able to go camping this summer, but...he is here, he snuggles with them every day, he reads books to them every day, he is the homework guy for Gracie (1st grade), they have tickle fests now instead of wrestling, life is good! Okay, now I'm rambling. The point is...I've had the same thoughts about how stress has affected us. BTW, I need a moment to feel sorry for myself. Then I can get it out and remember the blessings and have a great day! Okay...I feel sorry for myself because I miss my husband. Not just the big, strong guy who can do anything I need him to do, but the snuggler. We used to snuggle on the couch every night, now he lays with his feet up on pillows every night and there is no room for me to snuggle in. I feel like I'm the mom and the dad running the house by myself...I take out the trash, I carry the boxes of Halloween decorations/Christmas decorations/etc. up and downstairs, etc. I'm tired and lonely sometimes. When he is flaring he sleeps all the time, when he is not, he still sleeps so much (he slept till 12 noon yesterday and then we were off to dr appt and rushing back to get Gracie off the bus, then rushing through dinner, I put the kids to bed, and he is done, on the couch, no time for his wife. It sucks! And this is every day!!! People say to me...it must be nice having him home from work all day! Yeah, right. I talked to him more when he worked full-time! Okay, now the good. He is still here with me. There have been times we've been able to just get off the ride and stop and talk. But mostly the reason he isn't there for me is because he is there for our kids which is our priority together. All of his spare time during the day is spent with them. And I am so blessed to not have time with him because that means that we have them and he is a great Daddy. He puts them to bed every night almost (tucking in, reading books, snuggling...I get the hard part of baths and brushing teeth although he has been able to take over some of that these last few weeks so that feels good), he does all of the laundry (except I carry up and down the stairs and put it away), and he makes us laugh. And, he doesn't ignore me...he tries to give me what I need, too, and he loves me...I feel it so it isn't as bad as it feels some days. Anyway, there is so much more, but I feel so much better now. Thanks all for listening! Back to work...the baby is done with breakfast, the preschooler is crashing trucks everywhere, Mark is still sleeping and the 18 mo old that I watch for 2 hours in the mornings will be going home soon (her mom works days and her dad works nights so I help out during the crossover hours), but for now is wreaking havoc in the living room...toys, toys, everywhere!!! Have a happy day! Jody Thank you Good mornning all fellow dragon slayers, I would like to thank all of you for welcoming me into your community and your lives. It is a great feeling to know I am not alone with this problem. I feel really bad and feel blessed that my health has rebounded and hope all of you that are not doing so wellkeep up the good fight and that maybe that will help some of us down the road if our time of need comes to help slay the dragon a little. It scares the hell out of me some of the drugs taht you guys have to endure. I was on the Preds for a little while and was lucky to have no problems weaning off of them. I have naproxen if I need it and this helps a little when the joint pain kicks in. But I can deal with the joint pain because I have had arthrirtis in my knees from the age of about 5 due to an accident when i was 4. I played sports heavily all of my life and I sometimes wonder if the stress and toll of all this on my body had anything to do with where I am at today? You know when I think back to the last 3- 5 years I think a lot of things and choices I have made in my life may have been a contributing factor.I am a recovering gambler of 3 years now, I have not made a bet or played a machine in just over 3 years. This almost cost me life and my marriage and kids, and led me to make some bad choices that ended up with a criminal record.O think stress palys a major role in how you deal and feel. Just before I went into the hospital, I had a ot of stress, bills were piling up, I suspected my wife was having an affair, and I was right, 1 week after coming out of the hospital I found out she was having an affair with my brother in law, my sisters husband. At the time it didn't hit me right away or I just didn't have the strength to fight at that moment. I wasn't surprised at an affair, I had put my wife through a lot the last few years, emotionally, fiancially. It was the surprise that my brother-in law was the one! He was like my best friend and I never would of thought this. MY wife and sister were best friends.But i see him now for what he truly was, a scoundrel. He admitted to me he used my situation, all my lying and problems to sieze the opportunity with my wife at her most vulnerable.He used all my lies and secrets of the past to get close to her. This blew my sister away as she was 6 months pregnant with their 3rs child when the affair started. My wife and I reamin together, we have sought some counselling, and have committed to make a go of it, We want to be a family with our 4 kids.Although my extended family is destroyed as we and our kids were close and no longer have anything to do woth each other. Sorry for ranting about my personal life, my point was how much did stress play a part in my breakdown? My doctor seems to think it may have progressed the disease a ot faster than may have happened normally. I have some problems remembering things now, and my memorey was always rock solid. I am much moe emotional now and find myself breaking down in tears at really silly things. I don't think my wife had ever seen me cry before. I am so sorry for raving like a lunatic, this was suppose to be a simple thank you for all being here and look where it has gone. Thanx all for listening, Mike ------------ --------- --------- --- Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. 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Guest guest Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 Jody, Absolutley terrifying, your experience i mean.I do my emailing form work as we have to buy a new computer for home. But someday when this happens I would love for you to talk to my wife.She also had to play Mommy and Daddy and everything for almost 4 months. I am so proud of her and you for taking on the extra role. Now I am able to pull my weight and help her thank god. I spend every waking moment thinking of ways to thank her and spoil her for all she has done.I try to give as much attention as possible between working two jobs, 4 kids, with hockey and soccer mixed in. definetley a challenge, but you give me hope that it is all worth it. Mike Jody Klein wrote: Sent accidentally while I was still typing...sorry. Mark had rotator cuff surgery in the spring and ended up with Strep in July, then just as he was finishing his round of antibiotics, we had a very stressful event happen (it's a long story, but we received a threatening phone call while we were camping...the guy knew our names, said he knew where we were and said he got to decide if we lived or died...we didn't sleep all night watching into the dark...we had called the police, etc, of course, but then we were alone guarding 3 kids...we assumed it was probably a prank, but...even the police said we had to take it seriously until we knew...well, the next day is when his knee started swelling and he ended up in the hospital for a month. He still doesn't remember the first few weeks. I had to give him sponge baths, he couldn't move, it was awful...and the fevers and pain! Anyway, if his body hadn't been stressed by the shoulder surgery and if he hadn't had strep that he had been fighting and if he hadn't been emotionally stressed by a night of worry and no sleep, and if had taken better care of himself in college...pulled lots of all-nighters (I mean slept only 4-5 hours every other night for 2 weeks at a time...multiple times) over the years finishing projects (he is an architect), well, would this have happened? What it has boiled down to for me is ...I have to just move forward and keep my faith. God has a plan for us so I don't think we could have avoided this challenge, but we can learn from it and teach our kids to care for themselves better and years down the road, maybe we will understand why this happened to us. But for now, we are serving a purpose and I thank God every day for keeping Mark with us. Our neighbor got sick at the same time Mark did. It turned out to be Stage IV esophagul cancer...he died last week. His wife is a stay-at-home mom with 4 kids (ages 4-14). So, Mark cannot play soccer with Gracie anymore, he cannot wrestle on the ground anymore, we may or may not be able to go camping this summer, but...he is here, he snuggles with them every day, he reads books to them every day, he is the homework guy for Gracie (1st grade), they have tickle fests now instead of wrestling, life is good! Okay, now I'm rambling. The point is...I've had the same thoughts about how stress has affected us. BTW, I need a moment to feel sorry for myself. Then I can get it out and remember the blessings and have a great day! Okay...I feel sorry for myself because I miss my husband. Not just the big, strong guy who can do anything I need him to do, but the snuggler. We used to snuggle on the couch every night, now he lays with his feet up on pillows every night and there is no room for me to snuggle in. I feel like I'm the mom and the dad running the house by myself...I take out the trash, I carry the boxes of Halloween decorations/Christmas decorations/etc. up and downstairs, etc. I'm tired and lonely sometimes. When he is flaring he sleeps all the time, when he is not, he still sleeps so much (he slept till 12 noon yesterday and then we were off to dr appt and rushing back to get Gracie off the bus, then rushing through dinner, I put the kids to bed, and he is done, on the couch, no time for his wife. It sucks! And this is every day!!! People say to me...it must be nice having him home from work all day! Yeah, right. I talked to him more when he worked full-time! Okay, now the good. He is still here with me. There have been times we've been able to just get off the ride and stop and talk. But mostly the reason he isn't there for me is because he is there for our kids which is our priority together. All of his spare time during the day is spent with them. And I am so blessed to not have time with him because that means that we have them and he is a great Daddy. He puts them to bed every night almost (tucking in, reading books, snuggling...I get the hard part of baths and brushing teeth although he has been able to take over some of that these last few weeks so that feels good), he does all of the laundry (except I carry up and down the stairs and put it away), and he makes us laugh. And, he doesn't ignore me...he tries to give me what I need, too, and he loves me...I feel it so it isn't as bad as it feels some days. Anyway, there is so much more, but I feel so much better now. Thanks all for listening! Back to work...the baby is done with breakfast, the preschooler is crashing trucks everywhere, Mark is still sleeping and the 18 mo old that I watch for 2 hours in the mornings will be going home soon (her mom works days and her dad works nights so I help out during the crossover hours), but for now is wreaking havoc in the living room...toys, toys, everywhere!!! Have a happy day! Jody Thank you Good mornning all fellow dragon slayers, I would like to thank all of you for welcoming me into your community and your lives. It is a great feeling to know I am not alone with this problem. I feel really bad and feel blessed that my health has rebounded and hope all of you that are not doing so wellkeep up the good fight and that maybe that will help some of us down the road if our time of need comes to help slay the dragon a little. It scares the hell out of me some of the drugs taht you guys have to endure. I was on the Preds for a little while and was lucky to have no problems weaning off of them. I have naproxen if I need it and this helps a little when the joint pain kicks in. But I can deal with the joint pain because I have had arthrirtis in my knees from the age of about 5 due to an accident when i was 4. I played sports heavily all of my life and I sometimes wonder if the stress and toll of all this on my body had anything to do with where I am at today? You know when I think back to the last 3- 5 years I think a lot of things and choices I have made in my life may have been a contributing factor.I am a recovering gambler of 3 years now, I have not made a bet or played a machine in just over 3 years. This almost cost me life and my marriage and kids, and led me to make some bad choices that ended up with a criminal record.O think stress palys a major role in how you deal and feel. Just before I went into the hospital, I had a ot of stress, bills were piling up, I suspected my wife was having an affair, and I was right, 1 week after coming out of the hospital I found out she was having an affair with my brother in law, my sisters husband. At the time it didn't hit me right away or I just didn't have the strength to fight at that moment. I wasn't surprised at an affair, I had put my wife through a lot the last few years, emotionally, fiancially. It was the surprise that my brother-in law was the one! He was like my best friend and I never would of thought this. MY wife and sister were best friends.But i see him now for what he truly was, a scoundrel. He admitted to me he used my situation, all my lying and problems to sieze the opportunity with my wife at her most vulnerable.He used all my lies and secrets of the past to get close to her. This blew my sister away as she was 6 months pregnant with their 3rs child when the affair started. My wife and I reamin together, we have sought some counselling, and have committed to make a go of it, We want to be a family with our 4 kids.Although my extended family is destroyed as we and our kids were close and no longer have anything to do woth each other. Sorry for ranting about my personal life, my point was how much did stress play a part in my breakdown? My doctor seems to think it may have progressed the disease a ot faster than may have happened normally. I have some problems remembering things now, and my memorey was always rock solid. I am much moe emotional now and find myself breaking down in tears at really silly things. I don't think my wife had ever seen me cry before. I am so sorry for raving like a lunatic, this was suppose to be a simple thank you for all being here and look where it has gone. Thanx all for listening, Mike ------------ --------- --------- --- Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. 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Guest guest Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 Oh Mike, if only you knew all the stories on this message board! You will, I fear, in time. To answer your question, yes, stress is a great contributor to our situations and does do amazing things to our bodies. As a fellow addictive personality I can tell you that it makes life a little more challenging to fight our battle. I'm glad to hear you two have worked and are working through your difficulties. One of my dearest friends, here in Florida, has been married for 15 years and is getting divorced because her husband is an extremely controlling person and she can't deal with it anymore. There's also a huge age difference between them as well as a mother in law problem (his mother). They have two kids, both teenagers and they encouraged her to pursue a divorce. I'll explain that mess another time though. The point being, she nursed him back to health after his stroke and he only became more controlling, where once they had the " hippie " way of life, everything is now structured and rigid. Another form of stress and it's taking it's toll on my girlfriend. I'm seeing her tomorrow for lunch. Not to say that your stress and habits brought about the illness but it I'm sure (in my heart) it was a strong contributing factor. Our bodies are amazing in their warning signs but we rarely listen anymore. Most people pop a pill and ignore the pain until it's too late to do anything about it. I'm included in that. Now take a deep breath and relax, you're among family here. Take care and be well. You're very own Jewish mother (in case you don't have one all ready), Ellen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 Thank you for your words and encouragement Ellen. I realize we all have fought battles and have many more to come, we all will remember that we have each other to help keep the fight going. Mike.... Zovtic wrote: Oh Mike, if only you knew all the stories on this message board! You will, I fear, in time. To answer your question, yes, stress is a great contributor to our situations and does do amazing things to our bodies. As a fellow addictive personality I can tell you that it makes life a little more challenging to fight our battle. I'm glad to hear you two have worked and are working through your difficulties. One of my dearest friends, here in Florida, has been married for 15 years and is getting divorced because her husband is an extremely controlling person and she can't deal with it anymore. There's also a huge age difference between them as well as a mother in law problem (his mother). They have two kids, both teenagers and they encouraged her to pursue a divorce. I'll explain that mess another time though. The point being, she nursed him back to health after his stroke and he only became more controlling, where once they had the " hippie " way of life, everything is now structured and rigid. Another form of stress and it's taking it's toll on my girlfriend. I'm seeing her tomorrow for lunch. Not to say that your stress and habits brought about the illness but it I'm sure (in my heart) it was a strong contributing factor. Our bodies are amazing in their warning signs but we rarely listen anymore. Most people pop a pill and ignore the pain until it's too late to do anything about it. I'm included in that. Now take a deep breath and relax, you're among family here. Take care and be well. You're very own Jewish mother (in case you don't have one all ready), Ellen --------------------------------- Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 Thanks Mike. You are so kind and your words mean so much to me! Reading your words about your wife made me think you can do this! She is your soulmate and you are committed to making this work. That's the biggest part! Maybe you feel like she doesn't feel the same way because she is scared. I don't know as I've never met either of you, but I would be scared if Mark had had an addiction. And, she may feel guilty/ashamed because of the affair...I can see myself feeling that, too. So, just continue to love her, love her, love her! And enjoy every day you have as a family. E-mail anytime...you need to keep talking to people who will love and support you! Jody Thank you Good mornning all fellow dragon slayers, I would like to thank all of you for welcoming me into your community and your lives. It is a great feeling to know I am not alone with this problem. I feel really bad and feel blessed that my health has rebounded and hope all of you that are not doing so wellkeep up the good fight and that maybe that will help some of us down the road if our time of need comes to help slay the dragon a little. It scares the hell out of me some of the drugs taht you guys have to endure. I was on the Preds for a little while and was lucky to have no problems weaning off of them. I have naproxen if I need it and this helps a little when the joint pain kicks in. But I can deal with the joint pain because I have had arthrirtis in my knees from the age of about 5 due to an accident when i was 4. I played sports heavily all of my life and I sometimes wonder if the stress and toll of all this on my body had anything to do with where I am at today? You know when I think back to the last 3- 5 years I think a lot of things and choices I have made in my life may have been a contributing factor.I am a recovering gambler of 3 years now, I have not made a bet or played a machine in just over 3 years. This almost cost me life and my marriage and kids, and led me to make some bad choices that ended up with a criminal record.O think stress palys a major role in how you deal and feel. Just before I went into the hospital, I had a ot of stress, bills were piling up, I suspected my wife was having an affair, and I was right, 1 week after coming out of the hospital I found out she was having an affair with my brother in law, my sisters husband. At the time it didn't hit me right away or I just didn't have the strength to fight at that moment. I wasn't surprised at an affair, I had put my wife through a lot the last few years, emotionally, fiancially. It was the surprise that my brother-in law was the one! He was like my best friend and I never would of thought this. MY wife and sister were best friends.But i see him now for what he truly was, a scoundrel. He admitted to me he used my situation, all my lying and problems to sieze the opportunity with my wife at her most vulnerable.He used all my lies and secrets of the past to get close to her. This blew my sister away as she was 6 months pregnant with their 3rs child when the affair started. My wife and I reamin together, we have sought some counselling, and have committed to make a go of it, We want to be a family with our 4 kids.Although my extended family is destroyed as we and our kids were close and no longer have anything to do woth each other. Sorry for ranting about my personal life, my point was how much did stress play a part in my breakdown? My doctor seems to think it may have progressed the disease a ot faster than may have happened normally. I have some problems remembering things now, and my memorey was always rock solid. I am much moe emotional now and find myself breaking down in tears at really silly things. I don't think my wife had ever seen me cry before. I am so sorry for raving like a lunatic, this was suppose to be a simple thank you for all being here and look where it has gone. Thanx all for listening, Mike ------------ --------- --------- --- Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 Jody, WOW! Your email really gives a good perspective on what the spouses/partners of those suffering chronic illnesses go through. God bless you and hang in there. Jody Klein wrote: Sent accidentally while I was still typing...sorry. Mark had rotator cuff surgery in the spring and ended up with Strep in July, then just as he was finishing his round of antibiotics, we had a very stressful event happen (it's a long story, but we received a threatening phone call while we were camping...the guy knew our names, said he knew where we were and said he got to decide if we lived or died...we didn't sleep all night watching into the dark...we had called the police, etc, of course, but then we were alone guarding 3 kids...we assumed it was probably a prank, but...even the police said we had to take it seriously until we knew...well, the next day is when his knee started swelling and he ended up in the hospital for a month. He still doesn't remember the first few weeks. I had to give him sponge baths, he couldn't move, it was awful...and the fevers and pain! Anyway, if his body hadn't been stressed by the shoulder surgery and if he hadn't had strep that he had been fighting and if he hadn't been emotionally stressed by a night of worry and no sleep, and if had taken better care of himself in college...pulled lots of all-nighters (I mean slept only 4-5 hours every other night for 2 weeks at a time...multiple times) over the years finishing projects (he is an architect), well, would this have happened? What it has boiled down to for me is ...I have to just move forward and keep my faith. God has a plan for us so I don't think we could have avoided this challenge, but we can learn from it and teach our kids to care for themselves better and years down the road, maybe we will understand why this happened to us. But for now, we are serving a purpose and I thank God every day for keeping Mark with us. Our neighbor got sick at the same time Mark did. It turned out to be Stage IV esophagul cancer...he died last week. His wife is a stay-at-home mom with 4 kids (ages 4-14). So, Mark cannot play soccer with Gracie anymore, he cannot wrestle on the ground anymore, we may or may not be able to go camping this summer, but...he is here, he snuggles with them every day, he reads books to them every day, he is the homework guy for Gracie (1st grade), they have tickle fests now instead of wrestling, life is good! Okay, now I'm rambling. The point is...I've had the same thoughts about how stress has affected us. BTW, I need a moment to feel sorry for myself. Then I can get it out and remember the blessings and have a great day! Okay...I feel sorry for myself because I miss my husband. Not just the big, strong guy who can do anything I need him to do, but the snuggler. We used to snuggle on the couch every night, now he lays with his feet up on pillows every night and there is no room for me to snuggle in. I feel like I'm the mom and the dad running the house by myself...I take out the trash, I carry the boxes of Halloween decorations/Christmas decorations/etc. up and downstairs, etc. I'm tired and lonely sometimes. When he is flaring he sleeps all the time, when he is not, he still sleeps so much (he slept till 12 noon yesterday and then we were off to dr appt and rushing back to get Gracie off the bus, then rushing through dinner, I put the kids to bed, and he is done, on the couch, no time for his wife. It sucks! And this is every day!!! People say to me...it must be nice having him home from work all day! Yeah, right. I talked to him more when he worked full-time! Okay, now the good. He is still here with me. There have been times we've been able to just get off the ride and stop and talk. But mostly the reason he isn't there for me is because he is there for our kids which is our priority together. All of his spare time during the day is spent with them. And I am so blessed to not have time with him because that means that we have them and he is a great Daddy. He puts them to bed every night almost (tucking in, reading books, snuggling...I get the hard part of baths and brushing teeth although he has been able to take over some of that these last few weeks so that feels good), he does all of the laundry (except I carry up and down the stairs and put it away), and he makes us laugh. And, he doesn't ignore me...he tries to give me what I need, too, and he loves me...I feel it so it isn't as bad as it feels some days. Anyway, there is so much more, but I feel so much better now. Thanks all for listening! Back to work...the baby is done with breakfast, the preschooler is crashing trucks everywhere, Mark is still sleeping and the 18 mo old that I watch for 2 hours in the mornings will be going home soon (her mom works days and her dad works nights so I help out during the crossover hours), but for now is wreaking havoc in the living room...toys, toys, everywhere!!! Have a happy day! Jody Thank you Good mornning all fellow dragon slayers, I would like to thank all of you for welcoming me into your community and your lives. It is a great feeling to know I am not alone with this problem. I feel really bad and feel blessed that my health has rebounded and hope all of you that are not doing so wellkeep up the good fight and that maybe that will help some of us down the road if our time of need comes to help slay the dragon a little. It scares the hell out of me some of the drugs taht you guys have to endure. I was on the Preds for a little while and was lucky to have no problems weaning off of them. I have naproxen if I need it and this helps a little when the joint pain kicks in. But I can deal with the joint pain because I have had arthrirtis in my knees from the age of about 5 due to an accident when i was 4. I played sports heavily all of my life and I sometimes wonder if the stress and toll of all this on my body had anything to do with where I am at today? You know when I think back to the last 3- 5 years I think a lot of things and choices I have made in my life may have been a contributing factor.I am a recovering gambler of 3 years now, I have not made a bet or played a machine in just over 3 years. This almost cost me life and my marriage and kids, and led me to make some bad choices that ended up with a criminal record.O think stress palys a major role in how you deal and feel. Just before I went into the hospital, I had a ot of stress, bills were piling up, I suspected my wife was having an affair, and I was right, 1 week after coming out of the hospital I found out she was having an affair with my brother in law, my sisters husband. At the time it didn't hit me right away or I just didn't have the strength to fight at that moment. I wasn't surprised at an affair, I had put my wife through a lot the last few years, emotionally, fiancially. It was the surprise that my brother-in law was the one! He was like my best friend and I never would of thought this. MY wife and sister were best friends.But i see him now for what he truly was, a scoundrel. He admitted to me he used my situation, all my lying and problems to sieze the opportunity with my wife at her most vulnerable.He used all my lies and secrets of the past to get close to her. This blew my sister away as she was 6 months pregnant with their 3rs child when the affair started. My wife and I reamin together, we have sought some counselling, and have committed to make a go of it, We want to be a family with our 4 kids.Although my extended family is destroyed as we and our kids were close and no longer have anything to do woth each other. Sorry for ranting about my personal life, my point was how much did stress play a part in my breakdown? My doctor seems to think it may have progressed the disease a ot faster than may have happened normally. I have some problems remembering things now, and my memorey was always rock solid. I am much moe emotional now and find myself breaking down in tears at really silly things. I don't think my wife had ever seen me cry before. I am so sorry for raving like a lunatic, this was suppose to be a simple thank you for all being here and look where it has gone. Thanx all for listening, Mike ------------ --------- --------- --- Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. 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Guest guest Posted January 11, 2008 Report Share Posted January 11, 2008 Mike if you think your a lunitic well welcome to the land of the Living . Some of us are know for rant and rave here but what you were writeing i do not see as any of that all. I read was a story that to many of us know personal with just a few changes . the redneck Marty Calling an illegal alien an " undocumented immigrant " is like calling a drug dealer an " unlicensed pharmacist. " " Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. " ~ Jefferson Stills ; An illness I know to well! To learn about Stills http://www.stillsdisease.org/stills_info To donate http://www.stillsdisease.org/donations ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page. http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2008 Report Share Posted January 12, 2008 I would love to talk to her someday! And good for you for wanting to spoil her. BTW all...sorry for being out of touch. My parents came to town and I haven't looked at e-mails so I am starting with the old in hopes of getting caught up with everyone! You've been in our thoughts and prayers, though! Jody Thank you Good mornning all fellow dragon slayers, I would like to thank all of you for welcoming me into your community and your lives. It is a great feeling to know I am not alone with this problem. I feel really bad and feel blessed that my health has rebounded and hope all of you that are not doing so wellkeep up the good fight and that maybe that will help some of us down the road if our time of need comes to help slay the dragon a little. It scares the hell out of me some of the drugs taht you guys have to endure. I was on the Preds for a little while and was lucky to have no problems weaning off of them. I have naproxen if I need it and this helps a little when the joint pain kicks in. But I can deal with the joint pain because I have had arthrirtis in my knees from the age of about 5 due to an accident when i was 4. I played sports heavily all of my life and I sometimes wonder if the stress and toll of all this on my body had anything to do with where I am at today? You know when I think back to the last 3- 5 years I think a lot of things and choices I have made in my life may have been a contributing factor.I am a recovering gambler of 3 years now, I have not made a bet or played a machine in just over 3 years. This almost cost me life and my marriage and kids, and led me to make some bad choices that ended up with a criminal record.O think stress palys a major role in how you deal and feel. Just before I went into the hospital, I had a ot of stress, bills were piling up, I suspected my wife was having an affair, and I was right, 1 week after coming out of the hospital I found out she was having an affair with my brother in law, my sisters husband. At the time it didn't hit me right away or I just didn't have the strength to fight at that moment. I wasn't surprised at an affair, I had put my wife through a lot the last few years, emotionally, fiancially. It was the surprise that my brother-in law was the one! He was like my best friend and I never would of thought this. MY wife and sister were best friends.But i see him now for what he truly was, a scoundrel. He admitted to me he used my situation, all my lying and problems to sieze the opportunity with my wife at her most vulnerable.He used all my lies and secrets of the past to get close to her. This blew my sister away as she was 6 months pregnant with their 3rs child when the affair started. My wife and I reamin together, we have sought some counselling, and have committed to make a go of it, We want to be a family with our 4 kids.Although my extended family is destroyed as we and our kids were close and no longer have anything to do woth each other. Sorry for ranting about my personal life, my point was how much did stress play a part in my breakdown? My doctor seems to think it may have progressed the disease a ot faster than may have happened normally. I have some problems remembering things now, and my memorey was always rock solid. I am much moe emotional now and find myself breaking down in tears at really silly things. I don't think my wife had ever seen me cry before. I am so sorry for raving like a lunatic, this was suppose to be a simple thank you for all being here and look where it has gone. Thanx all for listening, Mike ------------ --------- --------- --- Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Hey Jody and Mark, How are you guys doing this week? Just wanted to drop you a line as I felt a strong connection to you guys. This group is great and many wonderful people I have met. I don't jump in on a lot of posts but I do read most of them. So far I am a lucky one, my health holding, but it took about 6 months to get back. Now I am living it to the fullest, but sometimes think I am going too hard, back up to about 60-65 hours a week of work between 2 jobs. I feel like I better do it while I feel up to it, but wonder if this will just put me on my back again. I guess i have to find a happy medium. I am just afraid at 35 that i need to now more than ever get some things done financially as soon as possible before this thing really takes a hold of me. LOL Mike Jody Klein wrote: Thanks Mike. You are so kind and your words mean so much to me! Reading your words about your wife made me think you can do this! She is your soulmate and you are committed to making this work. That's the biggest part! Maybe you feel like she doesn't feel the same way because she is scared. I don't know as I've never met either of you, but I would be scared if Mark had had an addiction. And, she may feel guilty/ashamed because of the affair...I can see myself feeling that, too. So, just continue to love her, love her, love her! And enjoy every day you have as a family. E-mail anytime...you need to keep talking to people who will love and support you! Jody Thank you Good mornning all fellow dragon slayers, I would like to thank all of you for welcoming me into your community and your lives. It is a great feeling to know I am not alone with this problem. I feel really bad and feel blessed that my health has rebounded and hope all of you that are not doing so wellkeep up the good fight and that maybe that will help some of us down the road if our time of need comes to help slay the dragon a little. It scares the hell out of me some of the drugs taht you guys have to endure. I was on the Preds for a little while and was lucky to have no problems weaning off of them. I have naproxen if I need it and this helps a little when the joint pain kicks in. But I can deal with the joint pain because I have had arthrirtis in my knees from the age of about 5 due to an accident when i was 4. I played sports heavily all of my life and I sometimes wonder if the stress and toll of all this on my body had anything to do with where I am at today? You know when I think back to the last 3- 5 years I think a lot of things and choices I have made in my life may have been a contributing factor.I am a recovering gambler of 3 years now, I have not made a bet or played a machine in just over 3 years. This almost cost me life and my marriage and kids, and led me to make some bad choices that ended up with a criminal record.O think stress palys a major role in how you deal and feel. Just before I went into the hospital, I had a ot of stress, bills were piling up, I suspected my wife was having an affair, and I was right, 1 week after coming out of the hospital I found out she was having an affair with my brother in law, my sisters husband. At the time it didn't hit me right away or I just didn't have the strength to fight at that moment. I wasn't surprised at an affair, I had put my wife through a lot the last few years, emotionally, fiancially. It was the surprise that my brother-in law was the one! He was like my best friend and I never would of thought this. MY wife and sister were best friends.But i see him now for what he truly was, a scoundrel. He admitted to me he used my situation, all my lying and problems to sieze the opportunity with my wife at her most vulnerable.He used all my lies and secrets of the past to get close to her. This blew my sister away as she was 6 months pregnant with their 3rs child when the affair started. My wife and I reamin together, we have sought some counselling, and have committed to make a go of it, We want to be a family with our 4 kids.Although my extended family is destroyed as we and our kids were close and no longer have anything to do woth each other. Sorry for ranting about my personal life, my point was how much did stress play a part in my breakdown? My doctor seems to think it may have progressed the disease a ot faster than may have happened normally. I have some problems remembering things now, and my memorey was always rock solid. I am much moe emotional now and find myself breaking down in tears at really silly things. I don't think my wife had ever seen me cry before. I am so sorry for raving like a lunatic, this was suppose to be a simple thank you for all being here and look where it has gone. Thanx all for listening, Mike ------------ --------- --------- --- Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Hey marty, The lunatic is back. How you doing man? Things are well but freakin cold here in good old Winnipeg, manitoba, canada. It's like -30 Celsius today.I beeter watch for those polar bears!! I am glad to read your stuff man, all the stuff you endeared and went through and sometimes wondered if my wife would abandon me, but so far we still tough it out, almost 18 years and still kicking and fighting.But I guess with 4 kids we are better together than apart. Just wanted to say thanks and drop me a line anytime. Mike.. Marty wrote: Mike if you think your a lunitic well welcome to the land of the Living . Some of us are know for rant and rave here but what you were writeing i do not see as any of that all. I read was a story that to many of us know personal with just a few changes . the redneck Marty Calling an illegal alien an " undocumented immigrant " is like calling a drug dealer an " unlicensed pharmacist. " " Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. " ~ Jefferson Stills ; An illness I know to well! To learn about Stills http://www.stillsdisease.org/stills_info To donate http://www.stillsdisease.org/donations __________________________________________________________ Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page. http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Mike your welcome! I belive if any one can avoid or be helped by what I went threw so that the do not have to and if they do it makes it a bit easer then it is worth it . I know I habe learned from many here and have been encoreged by many here also when i wanted to just give up . tell I remarried I realy only had this family that suported my self out side of one sis and my mom. well to day I am sick as a dog so going to go take care mike and blessings to all my family here. stills sucks yes but it also can give you some gifts if your willing to look and see them the redneck Marty Calling an illegal alien an " undocumented immigrant " is like calling a drug dealer an " unlicensed pharmacist. " " Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. " ~ Jefferson Stills ; An illness I know to well! To learn about Stills http://www.stillsdisease.org/stills_info To donate http://www.stillsdisease.org/donations ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2008 Report Share Posted January 18, 2008 Ellen, I'm hanging in there. I seem to be In a constant flare, but I think I'm use to it. I get fevers every day. By noon my temp starts to go up. In the morning it's 97, by Noon it's 99.5, by Four it's 100 or so... And by Nine or ten anywhere between 100 and 102 depending on how much I did that day. It's pretty frustrating some days. Other days it doesn't bother me too much. My wrists are swollen and my back has bone spurs in a few places which I don't think they can do anything about other then try to stop the progression. Thanks for asking. On the positive side, I had run out of my pain meds and the prescription for them came late (because of the postal office - my pain med doc is still in WA state - I'm working on getting one in Nashville, but to make a long story short, my overnight delivery was lost and then found and was needless to say not overnight). So I finally got the rx today, which is very expensive and since I'm on medicare, hit the wonderful 'bucket' (or as my pharmisit calls it, 'bush math' where you have to pay $4000 and then the insurance starts to pay again)... So the medicine cost us $2900 today, but I didn't care, and next week, Kineret will get us for the rest of the amount needed to cover the $4000 - who ever came up with this crazy scheme where the insurance pays for $2500 of meds and then you pay for $4000 and then they pay for what they call 'catastrophic' is beyond me - for this whole Part D in medicare -- I'm just grateful we can manage it... Do these senators, etc, really think that senior citizins can really afford this? Ok... Sorry for the off topic notes .. It's just crazy... Anyway - I finally got my meds, that I had been going without for a week because the post office lost my overnight package. So today, on the positive Side, I am finally not in as much pain. I had a call from my insurance company, which is blue cross/blue shield. And they assigned me a nurse to be my 'case manager'. She will help me with medications that need to be approved and any other issues that come up. I was really surprised since this is a medicare supplemental insurance policy. She said that when they get new clients that have a lot of medications, that they offer this service to help make sure the client gets the best service possible and that the doctors have someone to go to for help for getting medications that need prior approvals done. I had never heard of this before with my other insurance companies. I'm posting this because if anyone has the need for medication approvals, etc, you should call your insurance company and ask if they offer any support for special case management for chronically ill patients. I'm finding that it really makes a big difference to have her help It's like having someone that understands all of your diagnoses and issues that works within the insurance company actually on your side. It's amazing Take care all, -- Re: Thank you , you are so sweet to ask. I'm a hurting unit at the moment. Yes, I over did it (as usual) and I'm paying for it. I went to the chiropractor today (great guy) and he stretched my back (never cracks me) and used that stapler sounding thing on me. Told me to stop walking in the water for a day though and to see him again in two weeks unless I'm in need before that. I've been under a great deal of stress lately; it triggered a flare up. I'm off until Sunday and the store knows NOT to call me, that I need to rest. Now tell me about you. How are you feeling? Thaanks again for asking. Take care and be well. Ellen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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