RE: Emotions with my spouse

[Guest guest]

-

You're awesome!!!

We will all make it through- huh!

Love ya!

_____

From: Stillsdisease [mailto:Stillsdisease ]

On Behalf Of mellymelt

Sent: Sunday, January 13, 2008 1:18 PM

To: Stillsdisease

Subject: Emotions with my spouse

Thank you as well Jody, Theresa, Patty and all the other friends and

partners of Still's and arthritis patients I know.

I find myself thinking many of the same thoughts that have been expressed

here, about my relationship with my husband and his pain this past

year. It was not so bad as things changed when he was working. Things like

less activities, less laughter and happiness, more fatique, less personal

intimate time, but now that he is off it gets glaringly more apparent every

day and suddenly things that have been ok for fourteen years are not so ok

anymore and his constant need for reassurance of love and affection is not

as easily given by me. It's not that I love him any less, God knows I love

him to the ends of this earth and beyond and always will, but I feel as if

it's somehow hollow right now to keep saying it over and over because I'm

angry and that scares me. As he showed me this morning when I I was asked

why I was saying thank you and not " honey " as much any more I replied

in a wisper because I wasn't feeling it much lately, he motioned it made him

feel " drop kicked to the curb " .

I think men or at least mine fights (in a manner of speaking) illness and

therefor everything that goes along with that and it is so hard for me

because I feel as if I am always in a defensive mode with him no matter what

the subject is and I don't know if it's really about what the problem is or

my anger that he can't co-operate and help me deal with his injuries and

arthritis. Then I feel quilty because I've had thirty years to come to terms

with my Still's, and I did not have the support and help he does at least

for the medical processes of claims and doctors and had a baby at the same

time to care for on my own.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm as much a mess as he is, and it is so

hard. I have some very close friends in my family here that have held me up

privately these years with the group but this is by far the hardest part

I've ever dealt with in my relationship. I am now sharing my feelings a bit

more publicly in hopes that it will help some of the newer members or anyone

because some have asked for sharing and it is a point in my life that it

helps me to share a bit more openly as well. I will say that knows

what I am sharing today so for all my dearest friends, it is ok ;0) There

are no secrets, never has been, at least for long and never will be.

Thank you for listening,

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the Womans' perspective that I've never considered.....it makes

some sense to me.

Kirk.

>

> Thank you as well Jody, Theresa, Patty and all the other friends and

> partners of Still's and arthritis patients I know.

> I find myself thinking many of the same thoughts that have been expressed

> here, about my relationship with my husband and his pain this past

> year. It was not so bad as things changed when he was working. Things like

> less activities, less laughter and happiness, more fatique, less personal

> intimate time, but now that he is off it gets glaringly more apparent every

> day and suddenly things that have been ok for fourteen years are not so ok

> anymore and his constant need for reassurance of love and affection is not

> as easily given by me. It's not that I love him any less, God knows I love

> him to the ends of this earth and beyond and always will, but I feel as if

> it's somehow hollow right now to keep saying it over and over because I'm

> angry and that scares me. As he showed me this morning when I I was asked

> why I was saying thank you and not " honey " as much any more I replied

> in a wisper because I wasn't feeling it much lately, he motioned it made him

> feel " drop kicked to the curb " .

> I think men or at least mine fights (in a manner of speaking) illness and

> therefor everything that goes along with that and it is so hard for me

> because I feel as if I am always in a defensive mode with him no matter what

> the subject is and I don't know if it's really about what the problem is or

> my anger that he can't co-operate and help me deal with his injuries and

> arthritis. Then I feel quilty because I've had thirty years to come to terms

> with my Still's, and I did not have the support and help he does at least

> for the medical processes of claims and doctors and had a baby at the same

> time to care for on my own.

> I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm as much a mess as he is, and it is

> so hard. I have some very close friends in my family here that have held me

> up privately these years with the group but this is by far the hardest part

> I've ever dealt with in my relationship. I am now sharing my feelings a bit

> more publicly in hopes that it will help some of the newer members or anyone

> because some have asked for sharing and it is a point in my life that it

> helps me to share a bit more openly as well. I will say that knows

> what I am sharing today so for all my dearest friends, it is ok ;0) There

> are no secrets, never has been, at least for long and never will be.

> Thank you for listening,

>

>