RE: Housekeeping simplified

[Guest guest]

Housekeeping Simplified

1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers.

Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately

whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.

2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when

disturbed. Rename the area under the couch " The

Galapagos Islands " and claim an ecological

exemption.

3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide

a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from

the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.

4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces

the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic

atmosphere. If your spouse points out that the light

fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and

exclaim, " What? And spoil the mood? "

5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard

tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to

your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of

a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll

your eyes when you say this.

6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against

the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there

to use for stuffing handsewn play animals for

underprivileged children.

7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything

unsightly into one room and close the door. As you

show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the

door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, " I'd love

you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed

and the shots are SO expensive. "

8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a

showy urn on the coffee table and insist that " THIS

is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes... "

9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over

a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to

muster a glint of tears as you say, " Junior did this the

week before that unspeakable accident... I haven't

had the heart to clean it... "

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household

cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle.

Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in

conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look,

throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, " I clean

and I clean and I still don't get anywhere... " Kathi in OK

[Guest guest]

Kathi, I loved that!!!

My favorite is the film on the windows being SPF 5. Being sun sensitive, I

can use that one easily!

Love and hugs,

Carol

[ ] RE: Housekeeping simplified

Housekeeping Simplified

1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers.

Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately

whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.

2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when

disturbed. Rename the area under the couch " The

Galapagos Islands " and claim an ecological

exemption.

3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide

a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from

the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.

4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces

the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic

atmosphere. If your spouse points out that the light

fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and

exclaim, " What? And spoil the mood? "

5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard

tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to

your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of

a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll

your eyes when you say this.

6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against

the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there

to use for stuffing handsewn play animals for

underprivileged children.

7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything

unsightly into one room and close the door. As you

show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the

door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, " I'd love

you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed

and the shots are SO expensive. "

8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a

showy urn on the coffee table and insist that " THIS

is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes... "

9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over

a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to

muster a glint of tears as you say, " Junior did this the

week before that unspeakable accident... I haven't

had the heart to clean it... "

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household

cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle.

Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in

conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look,

throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, " I clean

and I clean and I still don't get anywhere... " Kathi in OK

[Guest guest]

Carol: I am glad you liked it....now if only I could

figure out how to actually do this and get away with

it,,,LOL...KAthi in OK

--- Carol <carol@...> wrote:

> Kathi, I loved that!!!

>

> My favorite is the film on the windows being SPF 5.

> Being sun sensitive, I

> can use that one easily!

>

> Love and hugs,

> Carol

>

> [ ] RE: Housekeeping simplified

>

> Housekeeping Simplified

>

> 1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet

> fibers.

> Say this with a serious face, and

> shudder delicately

> whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.

>

> 2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos

> when

> disturbed. Rename the area under the

> couch " The

> Galapagos Islands " and claim an

> ecological

> exemption.

>

> 3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens

> provide

> a helpful filter against harmful and

> aging rays from

> the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and

> leave it alone.

>

> 4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades

> reduces

> the glare from the bulb, thereby creating

> a romantic

> atmosphere. If your spouse points out

> that the light

> fixtures need dusting, simply look

> affronted and

> exclaim, " What? And spoil the mood? "

>

> 5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the

> haphazard

> tower of unread magazines and newspapers

> next to

> your chair provides the valuable Feng

> Shui aspect of

> a tiger, thereby reducing your

> vulnerability. Roll

> your eyes when you say this.

>

> 6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up

> against

> the doorways by claiming you are

> collecting it there

> to use for stuffing handsewn play animals

> for

> underprivileged children.

>

> 7. If unexpected company is coming, pile

> everything

> unsightly into one room and close the

> door. As you

> show your guests through your tidy home,

> rattle the

> door knob vigorously, fake a growl and

> say, " I'd love

> you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to

> be disturbed

> and the shots are SO expensive. "

>

> 8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply

> place a

> showy urn on the coffee table and insist

> that " THIS

> is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her

> ashes... "

>

> 9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble

> lightly over

> a dirty wall with an assortment of

> crayons, and try to

> muster a glint of tears as you say,

> " Junior did this the

> week before that unspeakable accident...

> I haven't

> had the heart to clean it... "

>

> 10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household

> cleaner with four cups of water in a

> spray bottle.

> Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened

> rags in

> conspicuous locations. Develop an

> exhausted look,

> throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh,

> " I clean

> and I clean and I still don't get

> anywhere... " Kathi in OK

>

>

>

>

>