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Venting and scared

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Hello all. I am up .... again... its 4 am and I cant sleep due to pain

in my ankle. I can barely walk. I didnt go see my baby nephews

yesterday and it looks like I might not be able to walk either. Gosh I

hate this! My brain has so much going on but my exhausted in pain body

cant keep up. MY dishes are piling up, my house is filthy and

has been working like crazy. I can't stop being sad. I try to catch

moments here and there to remember that make me happy. I am not happy.

I have a great family wonderful friends and , who is my best

friend and angel and I still feel sorry for myself. I have been very

negative. I also hate being taken care of. My body is falling apart at

the seems and I feel like all I can do is take my meds and wait for

the wheelchair. I know that Stills damages organs too. I was dx w/

Stills and if my doc doesnt believe my 1st doctor, then how do I know

if my organs arent having problems if she wont check. I already have

the terrible pain just under my right front ribs. It has been for a

long while. I am afraid it is my spleen. I love you, Shar xxoo

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