How can I help my son and new husband bond?

[Guest guest]

Im a single mom to a 7yr old autistic boy getting ready to get

married. Im so happy to have a wonderful man who also loves and

accepts my boy. Im also very nervous because I know autism is hard on

marriages and especially on a step-parent. My son is moderately

autistic and doesnt bond easily with anyone but me. Hes come a long

way but on his bad days his behaviors can be quite challenging.Im

afraid down the line this may be too much for my husband. how can I

help them connect without pushing them? also any ideas on how step

parents handle discipline, treatment, school issues etc.. Im afraid

dear fiance may not understand what hes really getting himself

into...and I do not want to do anything that might cause a regression

on my son...

[Guest guest]

You have to ease into it. As is always recognized, a bond cannot be

forced. It has to be made naturally. Alone time won't do it either.

It has to be the 3 of you going to the park and swimming as a family or

doing things that you would all do together. I don't care if it is

even the grocery store. Then he will get comfortable with his new step

father. Also, I would not allow the step father to discipline him at

this time. There is nothing worse than making the step parent the 'bad

guy' while also trying to be the new 'good guy'.

>

> Im a single mom to a 7yr old autistic boy getting ready to get

> married. Im so happy to have a wonderful man who also loves and

> accepts my boy. Im also very nervous because I know autism is hard on

> marriages and especially on a step-parent. My son is moderately

> autistic and doesnt bond easily with anyone but me. Hes come a long

> way but on his bad days his behaviors can be quite challenging.Im

> afraid down the line this may be too much for my husband. how can I

> help them connect without pushing them? also any ideas on how step

> parents handle discipline, treatment, school issues etc.. Im afraid

> dear fiance may not understand what hes really getting himself

> into...and I do not want to do anything that might cause a regression

> on my son...

>

[Guest guest]

Can't remember where I read this but I once read that for any child bonding-trust relationship, that it is very important to show love, emotion, affection between the adult partners in front of the children. When your husband comes home from work/whatever it's important that he first show you affection (kiss hello) then show the child affection. Children find comfort and security in knowing that his parents love each other, pay attention to each other, listen to each other, then show love-attention to the children. My parents have this kind of relationship going on 53 years now and it is a lot of work. I have to remind myself to do this all the time in my own marriage.

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