Re: Re: ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

Sondra I am glad you are amused with gutterboy. He loves an audience. LOL

Pennie

Abby's Mom

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[Guest guest]

Hi Debi,

This is more the type of response I am used to seeing from you & not the

" emotional,almost angry " response to Kassi & /or Ettina. (can't remember

exactly whom you responded to). Your patience seemed short & was hoping

that you weren't in crisis yourself b/c I would think it must be so

stressful what you're going through. Is there still a danger that it is

cancer & not benign growths that need to be removed? I thought from your

previous posts that the news was good. I hope for the best for you & that

you will be around for a long time to take care of your kids & to finish

nursing & help lots more people.

Marie A.

> Yes, I can only speak of my own sexual abuse, too, which I generally

> prefer not to speak about a lot. I do not feel it defines me and have

> forgiven the person who did it to me, he was also horribly abused that

> I really believe destroyed his mind. He was recently released from

> prison again and since he is a family member it pains me to see him

> listed as a violent offender, yet I know that he is a danger to

> society and it pains me even more that he is out again. I still have

> issues from it but consider myself very lucky in overcoming most of

> it. It is also why I'm so very protective of my girls, I don't know if

> I could deal with knowing someone ever hurt my girls like that.

>

> It is freezing here in Knoxville, low will be in the 20's again. Our

> house is SO COLD. It's poorly insulated and still has single pane

> windows, it's 60 yrs old and 2500 sq. ft so very difficult to heat. I

> have on 3 shirts right now and my hands are very cold. In enjoy *cool*

> weather, not *cold* weather.

>

> I have thought very much about death since being told I have this

> growth inside of me. It has been very terrifying. As a Christian I

> have always held profound faith in being with The Lord. Just before we

> started getting Allie tested I had a dream one night that I had died

> and was shot through a tunnel into white light with the arms of Christ

> standing there. I fell to my face in worship and then said, " My girls

> need me " and I was instantly awoken. I never understood that dream. I

> wondered if He was preparing me for a difficult journey but I never

> felt autism was it; maybe this upcoming surgery was His message, I

> dunno. Yet the thought of my dying and leaving my young girls without

> me has terrified me. I think some of it though is feeling guilty that

> the thought of Heaven is so appealing. Being with so many I have lost

> through the years, no more sorrows, no more fights. I think it's sort

> of a fear of staying and a fear of not wanting to stay.

>

> Debi

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

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--

Marie A.

[Guest guest]

Debi, I was referring to your usual calm, educational, accepting kind of

posts, which is more your norm rather than the angry name calling responses

you had for Kassi. Your responses to Kassi took me by surprise & thought

maybe it was b/c of your health worries & writing off the cuff?

I do pray that your health issues resolve; waiting must be so hard for you.

Maybe watch some really funny movies & laugh your worries away. I know, not

easy to do......

Love,

Marie

> I'm not sure which response you're referring?

>

> We don't know my situation until pathology has looked at it. What I

> have been told: radiology interpretation: organs appear unaffected,

> possible lipoma/liposarcoma. What I was told from the oncology

> surgeon: I don't think it's anything, it appears to be consistent with

> other tissues in your body but I won't needle biopsy because if it is

> cancer it could spread it. We could try waiting (I wasn't in to

> waiting) for a period of time and see what happens. Prepare a bowel

> prep in case it is cancer of the appendix and a bowel resection needs

> to be done. It likely is not cutting off blood flow to my kidney. I

> will get all I can but understand I will have to dig around the

> mediastinum and it will be impossible to remove every cell, so there

> is a possibility it will return, but we won't know until it's removed.

>

> What I was told from all of them & my SIL: Your blood work is good, it

> cannot be cancer.

>

> So pretty much I have 6 wks to sit & think about it and worry like

> crazy. I have pain in my upper abdomen that I now fear is the tumor

> growing, or it could be all in my head from my late night worrying.

>

> Debi

>

> -

>

>

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>

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>

>

>

>

--

Marie A.