Re: Faith and Loneliness -

[Guest guest]

<< Imagine a baby born with some terrible, painful illness and dying

several days later after suffering greatly. What could a child possibly

have done to deserve such a fate? Nothing. If anyone wishes to explain

it by offering " the sins of the father are visited upon the son, " I'll

reject that, too. This could get me going on the original sin concept

and that would be pages and pages.>>

, what a great post. I don't agree with the original sin concept,

either. It's impossible for me to accept that a loving God would punish an

innocent child for the sins of Adam and Eve. I also like what you said

about " strange inventions and conventions of fallible people. " Sometimes we

need to keep that in mind. It's not that the Lord is in question, just the

interpretation of some of his words/desires by man.

Your dating ideas were great, too. I hope you have a pain-free weekend.

Love and hugs,

Carol

Re: [ ] Faith and Loneliness

Stacey, I'm sending you some of the big hugs you need first before I say

anything else. I sincerely hope you do continue to ask for comfort from

me and everyone here and realize that we do very much care about you.

You matter to us. I'm really sorry that you have so many difficult

issues to come to terms with and that you're hurting so profoundly. I

hope that we can help you feel better about things.

I was also raised Catholic - a church-going and church-serving family,

Catholic schools grade school through college, predominantly Catholic

friends, and even a bishop in the family (oy vey!). I'm a little bit

older than you (43), and I grew up in the same insanely strict, unkind,

and unreasonable era of Catholic education and culture. I know the kind

of guilt and even fear that such an upbringing can unfairly saddle you

with.

I urge you to free yourself from that harmful Catholic baggage by

realizing that, although there are many wonderful, loving, caring,

positive individuals who are part of the Church, the damaging

experiences and ideas that remain with you and bring you down have

nothing to do directly with God, they are the result of misguided

actions and strange inventions and conventions of fallible people.

My divorce is only a little more than a year old. I have three children

(18, 15, and 10) and I decided to end my marriage. It was a very

difficult journey and it took me a few years to come to that conclusion.

I'm also the oldest kid in the family. Talk about guilt and

second-guessing myself. It hasn't been easy, but I know that I needed to

do what I did for both me and my children, despite being instructed all

of my life that I should never do such a thing. Such a sinner!

Enough of that though. Back to the idea of God doling out punishments or

rewards. I just don't believe that stuff. I absolutely cannot accept

that a loving God would, under any circumstances, give you RA. Period.

I know you've heard that awful concept in various forms - most everyone

here has, Catholic or not. But, again, I believe that kind of notion is

born of man, not God. Not only isn't it a very constructive idea, it's

quite destructive.

Imagine a baby born with some terrible, painful illness and dying

several days later after suffering greatly. What could a child possibly

have done to deserve such a fate? Nothing. If anyone wishes to explain

it by offering " the sins of the father are visited upon the son, " I'll

reject that, too. This could get me going on the original sin concept

and that would be pages and pages. Then again, if you by chance are

having trouble sleeping, I should keep typing.

Many of those extreme things we've been told time and again as we grew

up were meant to coerce us, to force us to behave. Do these things

you've been told you should do or else! And don't forget to put a big

check or wad of cash in the collection basket. God knows exactly how

much you can afford. Shame and hell loom large in the Catholic world.

OK, I'll stop this part of my ramble before I get struck by lightning or

excommunicated.

Have you ever heard of or read Rabbi Harold Kushner's book " When Bad

Things Happen to Good People " ? He's more level-headed about all of this

than I am. Here's part of what he says in his chapter " No Exceptions for

Nice People " :

" I don't know why one person gets sick, and another does not, but I can

only assume that some natural laws which we don't understand are at

work. I cannot believe that God " sends " illness to a specific person for

a specific reason. I don't believe in a God who has a weekly quota of

malignant tumors to distribute, and consults His computer to find out

who deserves one most or who could handle it best. " What did I do to

deserve this? " is an understandable outcry from a sick and suffering

person, but it is really the wrong question. Being sick or being healthy

is not a matter of what God decides that we deserve. The better question

is " if this has happened to me, what do I do now, and who is there to

help me do it? " As we saw in the previous chapter, it becomes much

easier to take God seriously as the source of moral values if we don't

hold Him responsible for all the unfair things that happen in the

world. "

Now switching gears to men: they are out there. I guarantee it. Carol

had a lot of great suggestions. Many people meet via email. Too, let's

hope that the Remicade helps you feel well enough to go out more often.

It's not an unreasonable expectation at all. Find something you love to

do and try to do it with others. How about a jigsaw puzzle contest or

club? A book group. Take a course at a nearby college. Go listen to

music at a local coffee shop. Check out the library. Shop or take a

class at Home Depot. Swim at the Y. Volunteer for the Arthritis

Foundation. Make the first move if you meet someone you like. Sometimes

guys are intimidated or assume that you are already spoken for.

With love and hope for a happier future,

[ ] Faith and Loneliness

> I have heard all of you talking about your faith. I am having a

little

> trouble with mine. Let me explain. I was raised as a Catholic.

These were

> in the days when the nuns would crack your knuckles and were very

strict. I

> went to catechism and to mass on a regular basis. I was taught that

God

> rewards good people and punishes bad people. This is where the

problem is.

> I feel like my having RA is terrible and must be a punishment of some

sort.

> I really kind of feel silly for feeling this way, but it keeps popping

up in

> my mind. I have cried while asking myself if I am really that bad of

a

> person. I know that I am not perfect and that I was a handful as a

teenager,

> but I have not killed anyone, abused a child, robbed a bank, or gone

out of

> my way to inflict damage. I just don't know what to believe anymore.

When I

> was getting my divorce, I said that my ex was going to catch something

that

> there was no cure for and he was going to die a long, painful death.

Look

> who got the RA.

>

> Another problem that I am having is that I am lonely. My ex and I

separated

> 5 years ago and there has been no one in my life on a regular basis

since. I

> know that if I got out more, I would meet more people. It is hard

with the

> limitations of RA and many times I just hurt too much to go out. I

don't

> drink so the bar scene is out of the question. Everyone says that you

meet

> someone when you least expect it, but, I think 5 years is long enough.

I

> miss the comfort of having someone special to lean on. I miss the

intimacy

> of having someone to share experiences with and to be there to talk to

at 3

> am. Oh well, you get the point. I'm crying now. Been doing a lot of

that

> lately. Hugs needed.

> Love and Hugs

> Stacey in PA

[Guest guest]

Carol,

I will comment on the topic of the deathly ill baby. Wow we are getting

heavy here. But I believe as my Church teaches that the purpose of our

earthly life is to go through mortality to gain a body. Along the way, most

of us need to do other things in the great Plan of Salvation but those

babies or those mentally handicapped people were so good and perfect that

all they needed was the body, not to be tested or gain further experience to

return to God. So they never reached the age of accountability either

physically or sometimes mentally and return never having to sin and repent

or suffer loss or pain. Pish posh on the sins of the Fathers-we are each

individuals and make our own choices and mistakes.

Temple

3 Fox Haven Way

Chelmsford, MA 01824

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