Faith and Loneliness

[Guest guest]

I have heard all of you talking about your faith. I am having a little

trouble with mine. Let me explain. I was raised as a Catholic. These were

in the days when the nuns would crack your knuckles and were very strict. I

went to catechism and to mass on a regular basis. I was taught that God

rewards good people and punishes bad people. This is where the problem is.

I feel like my having RA is terrible and must be a punishment of some sort.

I really kind of feel silly for feeling this way, but it keeps popping up in

my mind. I have cried while asking myself if I am really that bad of a

person. I know that I am not perfect and that I was a handful as a teenager,

but I have not killed anyone, abused a child, robbed a bank, or gone out of

my way to inflict damage. I just don't know what to believe anymore. When I

was getting my divorce, I said that my ex was going to catch something that

there was no cure for and he was going to die a long, painful death. Look

who got the RA.

Another problem that I am having is that I am lonely. My ex and I separated

5 years ago and there has been no one in my life on a regular basis since. I

know that if I got out more, I would meet more people. It is hard with the

limitations of RA and many times I just hurt too much to go out. I don't

drink so the bar scene is out of the question. Everyone says that you meet

someone when you least expect it, but, I think 5 years is long enough. I

miss the comfort of having someone special to lean on. I miss the intimacy

of having someone to share experiences with and to be there to talk to at 3

am. Oh well, you get the point. I'm crying now. Been doing a lot of that

lately. Hugs needed.

Love and Hugs

Stacey in PA