ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

This has gone WAY beyond a discussion. It has reached a new all time low for

this list. It is my hopes that if those that want to insult each

other-because that is what is going on. Please take it off the list.

Pennie

Abby's Mom

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[Guest guest]

pennie with the IE thanks for coming here to say this. I to just

finished reading this and feel very hurt that the some of the list

members here showed of sides of them in negative ways in which I to

never seen on this list and it is of uspetting to me greatly and not

even have of the words to respond to this mess of words anymore.

I to really wish gutter boy would play a silly song to make of the

list be as I to know of it.

If any just of recently joined of this list that I to referred her I

to greatly apologise for such rudeness that has not been of seen to

this level ever ever here.

the truth be of know I to like of kassi and ettina and I to like of

debi and mary and so it hurts of me greatly to see of such emotions

coming here.

my heart couldnot be to ever say or think of those things or words to

another ever in this life and cant understand why some reach of this

level to be of so strong in emotion with intent to cause harm. that

is sad.

sondra

[Guest guest]

Sondra, I don't understand it either. I love Kassi, it worries me that

she is attacking me so for no known reason. I really am worried about

her, I wasn't trying to be sarcastic or hurtful. My SIL's mom was

bipolar/schizophrenic, she would stop taking her meds and then start

calling names. Sometimes you could offer a trigger statement to her to

reflect. Sometimes it would work, unfortunately more often not. She

would end up in a mental hospital every 2-3 years. It was so sad.

Debi

>

> pennie with the IE thanks for coming here to say this. I to just

> finished reading this and feel very hurt that the some of the list

> members here showed of sides of them in negative ways in which I to

> never seen on this list and it is of uspetting to me greatly and not

> even have of the words to respond to this mess of words anymore.

>

> I to really wish gutter boy would play a silly song to make of the

> list be as I to know of it.

>

> If any just of recently joined of this list that I to referred her I

> to greatly apologise for such rudeness that has not been of seen to

> this level ever ever here.

>

> the truth be of know I to like of kassi and ettina and I to like of

> debi and mary and so it hurts of me greatly to see of such emotions

> coming here.

>

> my heart couldnot be to ever say or think of those things or words to

> another ever in this life and cant understand why some reach of this

> level to be of so strong in emotion with intent to cause harm. that

> is sad.

> sondra

>

[Guest guest]

Debi I to be of freezing in land in my hotel room even though got

of heat to 75 and so wrapped in a big blanket eating of a forbidden

treat of chocolate chip cookie . wanted of a hot cup of tea but they

do not have in the room the one i to like so tomorrow will venture

out to find some tea and other things.

about kassi i to not think she is of ill or having of a break she

just gets really really angry easily and at times over things i to my

own self have not understand yet of . she is of by far advanced in

her over all atonomy where as for self strill trying to figure out

what it means for me. so for me cant dispute her thinking because to

me she is of too at a different place in this journey and while we

are of slowly working towards some goal she is of sprinting past in

ways we cant understand because we are not that far up on the path

yet.

I cannot be to speak on her sexual abuse but can only speak of my

own. because for self it is of only the same in the words " sexual

abuse " but all the other things to each of is was a different trauma.

I to wish could be of have been ot strong and brave and had of my Dr.

Amigo help of me to confront of the scary man with me buthe is of

passed to the place of no longer breathing and hope the scary man

never ever comes back to life for me and in true have of much fears

of him for that but Dr. Amigo shared to me once dead always dead and

cant come of back to the living and so when that fear comes I to

repeat that so when some share of their beliefs that some do come

back it causes me great panic for a time.

so in saying of that some share definate no's to a thinking of death

things, and some will share strong belief of yes one can be to come

back but in different bodies and things and this is of strong views

so for me it causes me much fears because it to me has no set given

of truths for me to logically hold onto and feel safe in this life. I

to fear at times I to maybe have of more psychosis than anyone to

this list because of the fact cant stay balanced and or fucntional

and or know of things that others know and fears and paranoia and

things that cycles over and over in me. My dr. Amigo tells me this is

of not psychosis but just me growin and learning in life and this is

of not an easy things but a good things. i to trust of him and so

hold to that being of the truth to me in my fears.

sondra

[Guest guest]

Yes, I can only speak of my own sexual abuse, too, which I generally

prefer not to speak about a lot. I do not feel it defines me and have

forgiven the person who did it to me, he was also horribly abused that

I really believe destroyed his mind. He was recently released from

prison again and since he is a family member it pains me to see him

listed as a violent offender, yet I know that he is a danger to

society and it pains me even more that he is out again. I still have

issues from it but consider myself very lucky in overcoming most of

it. It is also why I'm so very protective of my girls, I don't know if

I could deal with knowing someone ever hurt my girls like that.

It is freezing here in Knoxville, low will be in the 20's again. Our

house is SO COLD. It's poorly insulated and still has single pane

windows, it's 60 yrs old and 2500 sq. ft so very difficult to heat. I

have on 3 shirts right now and my hands are very cold. In enjoy *cool*

weather, not *cold* weather.

I have thought very much about death since being told I have this

growth inside of me. It has been very terrifying. As a Christian I

have always held profound faith in being with The Lord. Just before we

started getting Allie tested I had a dream one night that I had died

and was shot through a tunnel into white light with the arms of Christ

standing there. I fell to my face in worship and then said, " My girls

need me " and I was instantly awoken. I never understood that dream. I

wondered if He was preparing me for a difficult journey but I never

felt autism was it; maybe this upcoming surgery was His message, I

dunno. Yet the thought of my dying and leaving my young girls without

me has terrified me. I think some of it though is feeling guilty that

the thought of Heaven is so appealing. Being with so many I have lost

through the years, no more sorrows, no more fights. I think it's sort

of a fear of staying and a fear of not wanting to stay.

Debi

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure which response you're referring?

We don't know my situation until pathology has looked at it. What I

have been told: radiology interpretation: organs appear unaffected,

possible lipoma/liposarcoma. What I was told from the oncology

surgeon: I don't think it's anything, it appears to be consistent with

other tissues in your body but I won't needle biopsy because if it is

cancer it could spread it. We could try waiting (I wasn't in to

waiting) for a period of time and see what happens. Prepare a bowel

prep in case it is cancer of the appendix and a bowel resection needs

to be done. It likely is not cutting off blood flow to my kidney. I

will get all I can but understand I will have to dig around the

mediastinum and it will be impossible to remove every cell, so there

is a possibility it will return, but we won't know until it's removed.

What I was told from all of them & my SIL: Your blood work is good, it

cannot be cancer.

So pretty much I have 6 wks to sit & think about it and worry like

crazy. I have pain in my upper abdomen that I now fear is the tumor

growing, or it could be all in my head from my late night worrying.

Debi

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