9 yod won't face OCD worry thoughts

[Guest guest]

My 9 yod has had OCD since she was 3. Now for the past few months she

won't go to her therapist. So I got a couple workbooks for us to do

together to help her deal with the worry thoughts. She says if she

does them it will make her feel worse and make her more scared. I

just don't know what to do anymore. She just can't face the worry

thoughts right now. I have tried ways to get her to the therapist,

but none has worked. If I force her she will just refuse and it won't

accopilish anything. Maybe make it worse. I can't go by myself

because she won't be a way from me. She goes with me everywhere. I

am her security. It has been that way for a few months.

( we homeschool)

thanks,

Nat

[Guest guest]

Nat,

has your daughter been on medication? It may be time

to begin or change it up.

--- nforaker2001 wrote:

> My 9 yod has had OCD since she was 3. Now for the

> past few months she

> won't go to her therapist. So I got a couple

> workbooks for us to do

> together to help her deal with the worry thoughts.

> She says if she

> does them it will make her feel worse and make her

> more scared. I

> just don't know what to do anymore. She just can't

> face the worry

> thoughts right now. I have tried ways to get her to

> the therapist,

> but none has worked. If I force her she will just

> refuse and it won't

> accopilish anything. Maybe make it worse. I can't

> go by myself

> because she won't be a way from me. She goes with

> me everywhere. I

> am her security. It has been that way for a few

> months.

> ( we homeschool)

> thanks,

> Nat

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Hi Nat,

I wish I had some answers for you. I have an 11 yr old dd who does this also.

She refuses to go to therapy, and in the event I get her there, she will say she

is fine and nothing is going on with her. When I try to explain to the therapist

about the issues, my dd denies everything. She was diagnosed with OCD at age 5.

When I talk to my daughter about her OCD she says she can't talk about it either

because it brings the thoughts up.

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

PS- For what it's worth when my dd was younger I used to tell her if she

cooperated in therapy I would take her to the $ store or Mc's for a small

treat. This worked for a while.

Hugs

Judy

[Guest guest]

Hi, Nat. I remember reading that when children face their

rituals/thoughts in therapy that it will make the anxiety worse for a

while, which makes sense. They are facing things they have learned to

try to avoid. But, eventually it will get better and in a lot of

cases go away.

If she is unable to face it, it might help to have a small amount of

meds (if she's not on them), or to increase them if she is, to get her

past the overwhelming fear. Our son had to go on meds to even get him

to the therapist. He was relapsing so hard that he couldn't get off

of the sofa. He wouldn't eat or sleep much, and didn't communicate

much because he was so overwhelmed by fear. All he did was lie on the

sofa in the fetal position, all clenched up, white faced. With the

meds we were able to get it to all calm down enough that he was able

to do the work the therapist needed him to do.

It's hard. But, it's also hard to have them pasted to your side all

of the time, expecting you to somehow make the world safe for them.

<sigh> And no matter how hard you try, it's never safe enough. Been

there too.

BJ

>

> My 9 yod has had OCD since she was 3. Now for the past few months she

> won't go to her therapist. So I got a couple workbooks for us to do

> together to help her deal with the worry thoughts. She says if she

> does them it will make her feel worse and make her more scared. I

> just don't know what to do anymore. She just can't face the worry

> thoughts right now. I have tried ways to get her to the therapist,

> but none has worked. If I force her she will just refuse and it won't

> accopilish anything. Maybe make it worse. I can't go by myself

> because she won't be a way from me. She goes with me everywhere. I

> am her security. It has been that way for a few months.

> ( we homeschool)

> thanks,

> Nat

>

[Guest guest]

Hi BJ,

When your son was doing so little (and I can identify with your fears

and frustration) how did you handle school? Do OCD kids miss entire

grades? Repeat? Move on despite incompletion? Catch up later?

In my homeschooled 15 y/o daughter's case (OCD/aspie or is it NVLD

per her latest asessment?) she goes at her own pace (she is doing 9th

and 10th grade curiculum together right now-choosing what she can

best work on) so she will likely graduate as an older highschool

student, but there is not much stigma to that when she is not grouped

with a school full of peers. Plus she would not be ready for college

at age 18 anyways-no matter how good and on-schedule her academics.

My son (10) has an IAT coming up(interventional assesssment team)

b/c he is not handing in enough work as a homebound student. I have

told them that he is not capable of doing any of their work

independently, therefore it leaves me to cover all the work that his

tutor does not, which is too much for me in my schedule. So we hand

in bits and pieces.

I feel like I want to tell them that I've already been though

suspending all aspects of my life to refeed my daughter over course

of nearly two years-in which case meals took as long as would hours

of homework for my son-but she would have shrivelled away to nothing

otherwise. In my son's case, if I don't put life on hold to get him

through 5th grade(is that what is expected?) well it is not a life or

death situation.

I always feel like it comes back to me as the mom not doing enough

or not doing something right (so they suggest he is manipulating me-

maybe it is in part that I am not disciplined enough to complete 5th

grade along with my son?).

But to return him to school-that means facing the daily trauma of

getting him there against his will, and if depression comes back it

may not seem worth it on that count as well.

Do the teachers ever get that it is the OCD and maybe the kid is

just not going to be able to do what they expect for some time? If it

were a bad accident or illness would they accept no work getting

turned in? Is turning in too little work a too-low expectation, some

form of manipulation, lack of parental responsibility-or maybe it is

accepting the reality of OCD? Is it frivolous of me to compare OCD

to a serious injury or illness?

And if we accept that the OCD (and anxiety spectrums b/c I don't

think it is just OCD) impairs him this way (unless they come up with

completely non-conventional ways of evaluating him and accepting

work)- then he is just going to be behind by their calculations. Is

that a life sentence? I don't know. I hope not. But for now I do

better not thinking too far ahead.

I just feel like I am not willing to get into the push, coercion,

constant monitor, unnatural oversight mode-that I think makes life in

a family stressful for everyone.

So if I try to take a more laid back approach (in part as my health

dictates) does that doom him to school failure? So how bad is it for

him to miss alot of 5th grade? Anyone had a child skip a grade and

move on, or repeat a grade?

nancy grace

-- In , " svdbyhislove "

wrote:

>

> Hi, Nat. I remember reading that when children face their

> rituals/thoughts in therapy that it will make the anxiety worse for

a

> while, which makes sense. They are facing things they have learned

to

> try to avoid. But, eventually it will get better and in a lot of

> cases go away.

>

> If she is unable to face it, it might help to have a small amount of

> meds (if she's not on them), or to increase them if she is, to get

her

> past the overwhelming fear. Our son had to go on meds to even get

him

> to the therapist. He was relapsing so hard that he couldn't get off

> of the sofa. He wouldn't eat or sleep much, and didn't communicate

> much because he was so overwhelmed by fear. All he did was lie on

the

> sofa in the fetal position, all clenched up, white faced. With the

> meds we were able to get it to all calm down enough that he was able

> to do the work the therapist needed him to do.

>

> It's hard. But, it's also hard to have them pasted to your side all

> of the time, expecting you to somehow make the world safe for them.

> <sigh> And no matter how hard you try, it's never safe enough.

Been

> there too.

>

> BJ

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > My 9 yod has had OCD since she was 3. Now for the past few

months she

> > won't go to her therapist. So I got a couple workbooks for us to

do

> > together to help her deal with the worry thoughts. She says if

she

> > does them it will make her feel worse and make her more scared.

I

> > just don't know what to do anymore. She just can't face the

worry

> > thoughts right now. I have tried ways to get her to the

therapist,

> > but none has worked. If I force her she will just refuse and it

won't

> > accopilish anything. Maybe make it worse. I can't go by myself

> > because she won't be a way from me. She goes with me

everywhere. I

> > am her security. It has been that way for a few months.

> > ( we homeschool)

> > thanks,

> > Nat

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi BJ,

When your son was doing so little (and I can identify with your fears

and frustration) how did you handle school? Do OCD kids miss entire

grades? Repeat? Move on despite incompletion? Catch up later?

In my homeschooled 15 y/o daughter's case (OCD/aspie or is it NVLD

per her latest asessment?) she goes at her own pace (she is doing 9th

and 10th grade curiculum together right now-choosing what she can

best work on) so she will likely graduate as an older highschool

student, but there is not much stigma to that when she is not grouped

with a school full of peers. Plus she would not be ready for college

at age 18 anyways-no matter how good and on-schedule her academics.

My son (10) has an IAT coming up(interventional assesssment team)

b/c he is not handing in enough work as a homebound student. I have

told them that he is not capable of doing any of their work

independently, therefore it leaves me to cover all the work that his

tutor does not, which is too much for me in my schedule. So we hand

in bits and pieces.

I feel like I want to tell them that I've already been though

suspending all aspects of my life to refeed my daughter over course

of nearly two years-in which case meals took as long as would hours

of homework for my son-but she would have shrivelled away to nothing

otherwise. In my son's case, if I don't put life on hold to get him

through 5th grade(is that what is expected?) well it is not a life or

death situation.

I always feel like it comes back to me as the mom not doing enough

or not doing something right (so they suggest he is manipulating me-

maybe it is in part that I am not disciplined enough to complete 5th

grade along with my son?).

But to return him to school-that means facing the daily trauma of

getting him there against his will, and if depression comes back it

may not seem worth it on that count as well.

Do the teachers ever get that it is the OCD and maybe the kid is

just not going to be able to do what they expect for some time? If it

were a bad accident or illness would they accept no work getting

turned in? Is turning in too little work a too-low expectation, some

form of manipulation, lack of parental responsibility-or maybe it is

accepting the reality of OCD? Is it frivolous of me to compare OCD

to a serious injury or illness?

And if we accept that the OCD (and anxiety spectrums b/c I don't

think it is just OCD) impairs him this way (unless they come up with

completely non-conventional ways of evaluating him and accepting

work)- then he is just going to be behind by their calculations. Is

that a life sentence? I don't know. I hope not. But for now I do

better not thinking too far ahead.

I just feel like I am not willing to get into the push, coercion,

constant monitor, unnatural oversight mode-that I think makes life in

a family stressful for everyone.

So if I try to take a more laid back approach (in part as my health

dictates) does that doom him to school failure? So how bad is it for

him to miss alot of 5th grade? Anyone had a child skip a grade and

move on, or repeat a grade?

nancy grace

-- In , " svdbyhislove "

wrote:

>

> Hi, Nat. I remember reading that when children face their

> rituals/thoughts in therapy that it will make the anxiety worse for

a

> while, which makes sense. They are facing things they have learned

to

> try to avoid. But, eventually it will get better and in a lot of

> cases go away.

>

> If she is unable to face it, it might help to have a small amount of

> meds (if she's not on them), or to increase them if she is, to get

her

> past the overwhelming fear. Our son had to go on meds to even get

him

> to the therapist. He was relapsing so hard that he couldn't get off

> of the sofa. He wouldn't eat or sleep much, and didn't communicate

> much because he was so overwhelmed by fear. All he did was lie on

the

> sofa in the fetal position, all clenched up, white faced. With the

> meds we were able to get it to all calm down enough that he was able

> to do the work the therapist needed him to do.

>

> It's hard. But, it's also hard to have them pasted to your side all

> of the time, expecting you to somehow make the world safe for them.

> <sigh> And no matter how hard you try, it's never safe enough.

Been

> there too.

>

> BJ

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > My 9 yod has had OCD since she was 3. Now for the past few

months she

> > won't go to her therapist. So I got a couple workbooks for us to

do

> > together to help her deal with the worry thoughts. She says if

she

> > does them it will make her feel worse and make her more scared.

I

> > just don't know what to do anymore. She just can't face the

worry

> > thoughts right now. I have tried ways to get her to the

therapist,

> > but none has worked. If I force her she will just refuse and it

won't

> > accopilish anything. Maybe make it worse. I can't go by myself

> > because she won't be a way from me. She goes with me

everywhere. I

> > am her security. It has been that way for a few months.

> > ( we homeschool)

> > thanks,

> > Nat

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Grace. As I read your posting I was thinking, " Uh huh. .

..Yep. . Oh yeah! " .

When Josh was really, really bad, we just stopped schooling. He

couldn't do it and there was no point in trying. He could barely

function, trying to do school work was unrealistic. Just getting him

to eat and sleep every day was our goal. Homeschooling gives you the

flexibility to do as you please. He took half a year off. We still

did our end of year testing, as legally required by our state (he was

doing a bit better by then) and he passed it all at post college

level, so I didn't worry. We picked up this year where we left off

last year and he's been moving along pretty well. We are finishing

last year's work, then starting this year's work. I know we won't get

through it all, but it's going to have to be good enough. Most

schools don't finish their books, so I figure why put ourselves under

that kind of stress if they don't.

I do worry that he won't be able to handle Running Start next year

though, which we had really hoped to be able to take advantage of. We

also had in our sights a DigiPen class that is right up his alley,

since he's big into computer programming, but once again, I'm not sure

if he is going to be up for it. I had hoped so much that he'd be

doing better than he is right now. And I'm not just talking about

this week's setback. He always seems like he is right on the edge of

relapse.

From reading in here, it does sometimes sound like the school's

expectations are sometimes too high for what these kids can complete

at that given time. And it sounds like that is what is happening with

you and your son too.

And in my opinion, it is not frivolous of you to compare OCD to a

serious injury or illness. It is a serious illness for some,

depending on the severity of the OCD. Sometimes it seems if it can't

be physically seen, people don't understand. Or even if it can be,

they don't realize the mental anguish that goes with it.

It's hard not to worry that your kid might be falling behind. But,

when my sister pulled her kids out of public school and started

homeschooling she found they were both behind in some subjects

according to the grade appropriate curriculum she was buying. She had

to back them both up a bit so they could learn some of the basics as a

foundation. Because we had homeschooled from second grade on, we did

not have that problem. So, what's perceived as " falling behind " can

happen in school too. . Even to kids who are keeping up with the work

and getting good grades.

This week, we are doing the bare minimum for schoolwork, because he is

struggling so much. He's doing Algebra 2, Chemistry, and Language

Arts this week. I'm hoping and praying he doesn't get so bad that we

will have to completely stop again, but that's not really in our

control. Is it stressful? Yeah! Can I change that? Not in any way

that I know of.

Josh also struggles from more than just OCD. GAD for sure, possibly

Tourettes too. This week he is not having bad OCD thoughts, or even

the compulsion to do his rituals. This week it is just nondescript

anxiety that comes and goes, sometimes minute by minute. And the

severity level is also minute by minute. He's not sleeping again at

night, and can't seem to wake up in the morning. He's exhausted

pretty much all of the time, except bedtime. I know the exhaustion is

not helping but probably exacerbating the anxiety, yet I don't know

how to get him to sleep. He has tried Benadryl (sort of works,

sometimes) and Melatonin (also sort of works, sometimes), but I don't

know what else to try. (Frustration oozing out again)

Can you homeschool your son too, Grace? I know you have health

issues concerning your heart. Would that be more or less stressful if

you took on his education? That might take the stress off of you and

you could move at a pace that works for him. Or would he lose all

motivation if the school is not involved?

Okay, don't want to make this longer, so going to stop there.

I feel for you.

BJ

> > >

> > > My 9 yod has had OCD since she was 3. Now for the past few

> months she

> > > won't go to her therapist. So I got a couple workbooks for us to

> do

> > > together to help her deal with the worry thoughts. She says if

> she

> > > does them it will make her feel worse and make her more scared.

> I

> > > just don't know what to do anymore. She just can't face the

> worry

> > > thoughts right now. I have tried ways to get her to the

> therapist,

> > > but none has worked. If I force her she will just refuse and it

> won't

> > > accopilish anything. Maybe make it worse. I can't go by myself

> > > because she won't be a way from me. She goes with me

> everywhere. I

> > > am her security. It has been that way for a few months.

> > > ( we homeschool)

> > > thanks,

> > > Nat

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Grace. As I read your posting I was thinking, " Uh huh. .

..Yep. . Oh yeah! " .

When Josh was really, really bad, we just stopped schooling. He

couldn't do it and there was no point in trying. He could barely

function, trying to do school work was unrealistic. Just getting him

to eat and sleep every day was our goal. Homeschooling gives you the

flexibility to do as you please. He took half a year off. We still

did our end of year testing, as legally required by our state (he was

doing a bit better by then) and he passed it all at post college

level, so I didn't worry. We picked up this year where we left off

last year and he's been moving along pretty well. We are finishing

last year's work, then starting this year's work. I know we won't get

through it all, but it's going to have to be good enough. Most

schools don't finish their books, so I figure why put ourselves under

that kind of stress if they don't.

I do worry that he won't be able to handle Running Start next year

though, which we had really hoped to be able to take advantage of. We

also had in our sights a DigiPen class that is right up his alley,

since he's big into computer programming, but once again, I'm not sure

if he is going to be up for it. I had hoped so much that he'd be

doing better than he is right now. And I'm not just talking about

this week's setback. He always seems like he is right on the edge of

relapse.

From reading in here, it does sometimes sound like the school's

expectations are sometimes too high for what these kids can complete

at that given time. And it sounds like that is what is happening with

you and your son too.

And in my opinion, it is not frivolous of you to compare OCD to a

serious injury or illness. It is a serious illness for some,

depending on the severity of the OCD. Sometimes it seems if it can't

be physically seen, people don't understand. Or even if it can be,

they don't realize the mental anguish that goes with it.

It's hard not to worry that your kid might be falling behind. But,

when my sister pulled her kids out of public school and started

homeschooling she found they were both behind in some subjects

according to the grade appropriate curriculum she was buying. She had

to back them both up a bit so they could learn some of the basics as a

foundation. Because we had homeschooled from second grade on, we did

not have that problem. So, what's perceived as " falling behind " can

happen in school too. . Even to kids who are keeping up with the work

and getting good grades.

This week, we are doing the bare minimum for schoolwork, because he is

struggling so much. He's doing Algebra 2, Chemistry, and Language

Arts this week. I'm hoping and praying he doesn't get so bad that we

will have to completely stop again, but that's not really in our

control. Is it stressful? Yeah! Can I change that? Not in any way

that I know of.

Josh also struggles from more than just OCD. GAD for sure, possibly

Tourettes too. This week he is not having bad OCD thoughts, or even

the compulsion to do his rituals. This week it is just nondescript

anxiety that comes and goes, sometimes minute by minute. And the

severity level is also minute by minute. He's not sleeping again at

night, and can't seem to wake up in the morning. He's exhausted

pretty much all of the time, except bedtime. I know the exhaustion is

not helping but probably exacerbating the anxiety, yet I don't know

how to get him to sleep. He has tried Benadryl (sort of works,

sometimes) and Melatonin (also sort of works, sometimes), but I don't

know what else to try. (Frustration oozing out again)

Can you homeschool your son too, Grace? I know you have health

issues concerning your heart. Would that be more or less stressful if

you took on his education? That might take the stress off of you and

you could move at a pace that works for him. Or would he lose all

motivation if the school is not involved?

Okay, don't want to make this longer, so going to stop there.

I feel for you.

BJ

> > >

> > > My 9 yod has had OCD since she was 3. Now for the past few

> months she

> > > won't go to her therapist. So I got a couple workbooks for us to

> do

> > > together to help her deal with the worry thoughts. She says if

> she

> > > does them it will make her feel worse and make her more scared.

> I

> > > just don't know what to do anymore. She just can't face the

> worry

> > > thoughts right now. I have tried ways to get her to the

> therapist,

> > > but none has worked. If I force her she will just refuse and it

> won't

> > > accopilish anything. Maybe make it worse. I can't go by myself

> > > because she won't be a way from me. She goes with me

> everywhere. I

> > > am her security. It has been that way for a few months.

> > > ( we homeschool)

> > > thanks,

> > > Nat

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

She is on 75 mg of Zoloft. She has always went to therapy since she

was 4. It is just all of a sudden she won't go. She screams and

has a meltdown.

Nat

>

> My 9 yod has had OCD since she was 3. Now for the past few months

she

> won't go to her therapist. So I got a couple workbooks for us to

do

> together to help her deal with the worry thoughts. She says if

she

> does them it will make her feel worse and make her more scared. I

> just don't know what to do anymore. She just can't face the worry

> thoughts right now. I have tried ways to get her to the

therapist,

> but none has worked. If I force her she will just refuse and it

won't

> accopilish anything. Maybe make it worse. I can't go by myself

> because she won't be a way from me. She goes with me everywhere.

I

> am her security. It has been that way for a few months.

> ( we homeschool)

> thanks,

> Nat

>