The Journey Of Loss

[Guest guest]

The Journey of Loss Author: Trish Hoglander

Two years ago as mother-in-law labored to breathe, I phoned hospice in a panic. "She's dying!!!" They answered with a question, "Is she in pain?" "No! She's not in pain!" . "Well, is it her wish to die at home?" "Yes!!" "So do you believe you are honoring her wishes?" (deep breath) "Yes!! I am honoring her wishes... why are you even asking me these things?" The hospice nurse spoke softly, "Well, I am trying to understand if you are calling for us to help her, or to help you." Oh. Truth? I had called because I didn't want to lose her. I didn't want to miss her, and I didn't want to experience that pain in my life ever again. I hung up and whispered words of comfort into her ear. Lovingly ran my fingers through her barely gray hair, and silently watched as her chest slowly stopped moving. The coroner came. He wrapped her body in a clear plastic bag and bumped the gurney down the stairs. I disposed of the hospice meds, and called my husband. When all the tasks were done, I sat outside on the rain soaked steps and cried for two hours. Nobody saw me cry for her. Not then, not now. This is also how I responded to the death of my 20 year old son, in 2001. Oddly, it was not the way I responded to the death of my other son, , in 1994. I wonder if my heart was softer in 1994, or if the situation was different, or if I've simply come to believe that loss is natural part of life. was born with a few developmental delays. Back then, the only thing worse than being a single mother, was being the parent of a developmentally delayed child. At the time, they said his best hope would be an institution, or maybe a foster family might help him. I married my husband when was five years old, hoping it would improve the quality of all our lives, and it did, for a while. By his high school years, mainstreamed to a few regular classes, some even advanced. 1987 he was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. I felt as though my heart was literally shattered. This child had overcome so much already that it seemed unfair to have more challenges fall upon his path but we had love, and a lot of hope, and , well, he took it all in stride, regardless of how he was feeling. The four of us were determined to stay positive and make the best of the hand we were given to play. In spite of our high hopes, he passed away in my arms, also at the age of 20, from complications of his illness. At the hour of his death, I remember dropping to my knees, sobbing hysterically, and asking my husband, "Where was this child's miracle?? He was born to a teenage mother, who had no idea how to parent, and yet he still managed to be a fantastic kid anyway. He overcame his developmental delays -- was even in advanced classes!! Then he got this horrible diagnosis and moved through his physical limitations with courage and grace, while still managing to be one of the most loving and compassionate people I have ever known. If anyone deserved a miracle in this lifetime it was him!!!" My husband looked at me sadly, but with compassion, and said, "Don't you get it?? "That was the miracle". Indeed, it was. Miracles don't come in the form of lightning bolts or bright skies, but in the gentle form of how we connect with one another. So often we ask for healing for ourselves, or another, yet it is sometimes difficult to remember that healing comes in many different and unexpected forms. A person may heal any number of ways, some of which we may not even understand. Life is the process and the journey of healing. It is not how we die, but rather how we live and manage our losses. The loss of a loved one is not about strength or courage or any of the cliché's we all like to hear. Instead, it is about the daily gift of life, and our ability to connect and share with one another that encourages, no drives us, to overcome life's challenges. I have no control over the death of another, but when I love without condition, and others love me in kind, well, in there lies the miracle of life and yes, healing. Truth of any kind, and especially the truth of true love, will set you free.

[Guest guest]

Thank You---That was beautiful! That IS exactly how it goes...

also.....Im dying of matastise breast cancer(im only 46 and it came

back after only 8 months clear, spread and normal means will not cure

me..the trials will extend my life a few more months only now).., im

my moms second daughter that will die before she does! Of corse no

parent should have to out live there children, my sister died 11

years ago.I have...well we just dont exactly how much time I have but

I know but I have to make provisions for my 10 year old daughter. I

ask God to make me the miricale, In my death, God will surround all

my loved ones, especially my daughter with an aboundance of pure

life...THAT'S THE MIRICALE.---I believe all will be fine after im

gone. All will be as it should be. With love and respect to

all,positive energys and hope for a cure,

Namaste

, " " <knightsintention@...> wrote:

>

> The Journey of Loss

> Author: Trish Hoglander

>

> Two years ago as mother-in-law labored to breathe, I phoned hospice

in a

> panic.

> " She's dying!!! "

> They answered with a question, " Is she in pain? "

> " No! She's not in pain! " .

> " Well, is it her wish to die at home? "

> " Yes!! "

> " So do you believe you are honoring her wishes? "

> (deep breath)

> " Yes!! I am honoring her wishes... why are you even asking me these

> things? "

> The hospice nurse spoke softly, " Well, I am trying to understand if

you

> are calling for us to help her, or to help you. "

> Oh. Truth?

> I had called because I didn't want to lose her. I didn't want to

miss

> her, and I didn't want to experience that pain in my life ever

again.

> I hung up and whispered words of comfort into her ear. Lovingly ran

my

> fingers through her barely gray hair, and silently watched as her

chest

> slowly stopped moving. The coroner came. He wrapped her body in a

clear

> plastic bag and bumped the gurney down the stairs. I disposed of the

> hospice meds, and called my husband. When all the tasks were done,

I sat

> outside on the rain soaked steps and cried for two hours. Nobody

saw me

> cry for her. Not then, not now.

> This is also how I responded to the death of my 20 year old son, in

> 2001.

> Oddly, it was not the way I responded to the death of my other son,

> , in 1994. I wonder if my heart was softer in 1994, or if the

> situation was different, or if I've simply come to believe that

loss is

> natural part of life.

> was born with a few developmental delays. Back then, the only

> thing worse than being a single mother, was being the parent of a

> developmentally delayed child. At the time, they said his best hope

> would be an institution, or maybe a foster family might help him.

> I married my husband when was five years old, hoping it would

> improve the quality of all our lives, and it did, for a while.

> By his high school years, mainstreamed to a few regular

classes,

> some even advanced. 1987 he was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. I

> felt as though my heart was literally shattered. This child had

overcome

> so much already that it seemed unfair to have more challenges fall

upon

> his path but we had love, and a lot of hope, and , well, he

took it

> all in stride, regardless of how he was feeling. The four of us were

> determined to stay positive and make the best of the hand we were

given

> to play.

> In spite of our high hopes, he passed away in my arms, also at the

age

> of 20, from complications of his illness. At the hour of his death,

I

> remember dropping to my knees, sobbing hysterically, and asking my

> husband, " Where was this child's miracle?? He was born to a teenage

> mother, who had no idea how to parent, and yet he still managed to

be a

> fantastic kid anyway. He overcame his developmental delays -- was

even

> in advanced classes!! Then he got this horrible diagnosis and moved

> through his physical limitations with courage and grace, while still

> managing to be one of the most loving and compassionate people I

have

> ever known. If anyone deserved a miracle in this lifetime it was

him!!! "

> My husband looked at me sadly, but with compassion, and

said, " Don't you

> get it?? " That was the miracle " . Indeed, it was. Miracles don't

come in

> the form of lightning bolts or bright skies, but in the gentle form

of

> how we connect with one another.

> So often we ask for healing for ourselves, or another, yet it is

> sometimes difficult to remember that healing comes in many

different and

> unexpected forms. A person may heal any number of ways, some of

which we

> may not even understand. Life is the process and the journey of

healing.

> It is not how we die, but rather how we live and manage our losses.

> The loss of a loved one is not about strength or courage or any of

the

> cliché's we all like to hear. Instead, it is about the daily gift of

> life, and our ability to connect and share with one another that

> encourages, no drives us, to overcome life's challenges.

> I have no control over the death of another, but when I love without

> condition, and others love me in kind, well, in there lies the

miracle

> of life and yes, healing. Truth of any kind, and especially the

truth of

> true love, will set you free.

>

[Guest guest]

Not so fast ....no " hope " to engage....you've put it out there

in the universe, now is the time to simply, agree and be tankful for

the healing that has already taken place. It is not yours to see the

how and why's, that belong to the universe...it's covered. Really...

Make the arrangements for your daughter if you wish, this is done by

many with no other cause to....that's fine, but from this point

forward....you are already well...love has been sent, not only to the

effected area but to the entire dna cell structure...the cells are

already transmuting...do you feel that warmth?

As you go to sleep, relax and let yourself just be. Feel where your

heart is...imagine it opening, and the warmth of it flowing out,

entering every part of your body...entering into each cell...a gentle

flash as each is overcome by warth and light...a pink cloud appears,

surrounding each one as it is consumed by this outpouring....feel

your whole body become enveloped in this....allow yourself to drift

off, safe in this cloud of love.

Oh, and make some plans for a trip with your mom and daughter for

next August....Canada....go visit canada...it's nice during that time

of year....one year from now.

Anyway......go kiss your daughter, laugh alittle...laugh alot.

Love D~

> >

> > The Journey of Loss

> > Author: Trish Hoglander

> >

> > Two years ago as mother-in-law labored to breathe, I phoned

hospice

> in a

> > panic.

> > " She's dying!!! "

> > They answered with a question, " Is she in pain? "

> > " No! She's not in pain! " .

> > " Well, is it her wish to die at home? "

> > " Yes!! "

> > " So do you believe you are honoring her wishes? "

> > (deep breath)

> > " Yes!! I am honoring her wishes... why are you even asking me

these

> > things? "

> > The hospice nurse spoke softly, " Well, I am trying to understand

if

> you

> > are calling for us to help her, or to help you. "

> > Oh. Truth?

> > I had called because I didn't want to lose her. I didn't want to

> miss

> > her, and I didn't want to experience that pain in my life ever

> again.

> > I hung up and whispered words of comfort into her ear. Lovingly

ran

> my

> > fingers through her barely gray hair, and silently watched as her

> chest

> > slowly stopped moving. The coroner came. He wrapped her body in a

> clear

> > plastic bag and bumped the gurney down the stairs. I disposed of

the

> > hospice meds, and called my husband. When all the tasks were

done,

> I sat

> > outside on the rain soaked steps and cried for two hours. Nobody

> saw me

> > cry for her. Not then, not now.

> > This is also how I responded to the death of my 20 year old son,

in

> > 2001.

> > Oddly, it was not the way I responded to the death of my other

son,

> > , in 1994. I wonder if my heart was softer in 1994, or if the

> > situation was different, or if I've simply come to believe that

> loss is

> > natural part of life.

> > was born with a few developmental delays. Back then, the

only

> > thing worse than being a single mother, was being the parent of a

> > developmentally delayed child. At the time, they said his best

hope

> > would be an institution, or maybe a foster family might help him.

> > I married my husband when was five years old, hoping it

would

> > improve the quality of all our lives, and it did, for a while.

> > By his high school years, mainstreamed to a few regular

> classes,

> > some even advanced. 1987 he was diagnosed with muscular

dystrophy. I

> > felt as though my heart was literally shattered. This child had

> overcome

> > so much already that it seemed unfair to have more challenges

fall

> upon

> > his path but we had love, and a lot of hope, and , well, he

> took it

> > all in stride, regardless of how he was feeling. The four of us

were

> > determined to stay positive and make the best of the hand we were

> given

> > to play.

> > In spite of our high hopes, he passed away in my arms, also at

the

> age

> > of 20, from complications of his illness. At the hour of his

death,

> I

> > remember dropping to my knees, sobbing hysterically, and asking my

> > husband, " Where was this child's miracle?? He was born to a

teenage

> > mother, who had no idea how to parent, and yet he still managed

to

> be a

> > fantastic kid anyway. He overcame his developmental delays -- was

> even

> > in advanced classes!! Then he got this horrible diagnosis and

moved

> > through his physical limitations with courage and grace, while

still

> > managing to be one of the most loving and compassionate people I

> have

> > ever known. If anyone deserved a miracle in this lifetime it was

> him!!! "

> > My husband looked at me sadly, but with compassion, and

> said, " Don't you

> > get it?? " That was the miracle " . Indeed, it was. Miracles don't

> come in

> > the form of lightning bolts or bright skies, but in the gentle

form

> of

> > how we connect with one another.

> > So often we ask for healing for ourselves, or another, yet it is

> > sometimes difficult to remember that healing comes in many

> different and

> > unexpected forms. A person may heal any number of ways, some of

> which we

> > may not even understand. Life is the process and the journey of

> healing.

> > It is not how we die, but rather how we live and manage our

losses.

> > The loss of a loved one is not about strength or courage or any

of

> the

> > cliché's we all like to hear. Instead, it is about the daily gift

of

> > life, and our ability to connect and share with one another that

> > encourages, no drives us, to overcome life's challenges.

> > I have no control over the death of another, but when I love

without

> > condition, and others love me in kind, well, in there lies the

> miracle

> > of life and yes, healing. Truth of any kind, and especially the

> truth of

> > true love, will set you free.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hello my love. You're still in my prayers...and so is your family. *never ending loving hugs*Namaste,Stefanie> >> > The Journey of Loss> > Author: Trish Hoglander> > > > Two years ago as mother-in-law labored to breathe, I phoned hospice > in a> > panic.> > "She's dying!!!"> > They answered with a question, "Is she in pain?"> > "No! She's not in pain!" .> > "Well, is it her wish to die at home?"> > "Yes!!"> > "So do you believe you are honoring her wishes?"> > (deep breath)> > "Yes!! I am honoring her wishes... why are you even asking me these> > things?"> > The hospice nurse spoke softly, "Well, I am trying to understand if > you> > are calling for us to help her, or to help you."> > Oh. Truth?> > I had called because I didn't want to lose her. I didn't want to > miss> > her, and I didn't want to experience that pain in my life ever > again.> > I hung up and whispered words of comfort into her ear. Lovingly ran > my> > fingers through her barely gray hair, and silently watched as her > chest> > slowly stopped moving. The coroner came. He wrapped her body in a > clear> > plastic bag and bumped the gurney down the stairs. I disposed of the> > hospice meds, and called my husband. When all the tasks were done, > I sat> > outside on the rain soaked steps and cried for two hours. Nobody > saw me> > cry for her. Not then, not now.> > This is also how I responded to the death of my 20 year old son, in> > 2001.> > Oddly, it was not the way I responded to the death of my other son,> > , in 1994. I wonder if my heart was softer in 1994, or if the> > situation was different, or if I've simply come to believe that > loss is> > natural part of life.> > was born with a few developmental delays. Back then, the only> > thing worse than being a single mother, was being the parent of a> > developmentally delayed child. At the time, they said his best hope> > would be an institution, or maybe a foster family might help him.> > I married my husband when was five years old, hoping it would> > improve the quality of all our lives, and it did, for a while.> > By his high school years, mainstreamed to a few regular > classes,> > some even advanced. 1987 he was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. I> > felt as though my heart was literally shattered. This child had > overcome> > so much already that it seemed unfair to have more challenges fall > upon> > his path but we had love, and a lot of hope, and , well, he > took it> > all in stride, regardless of how he was feeling. The four of us were> > determined to stay positive and make the best of the hand we were > given> > to play.> > In spite of our high hopes, he passed away in my arms, also at the > age> > of 20, from complications of his illness. At the hour of his death, > I> > remember dropping to my knees, sobbing hysterically, and asking my> > husband, "Where was this child's miracle?? He was born to a teenage> > mother, who had no idea how to parent, and yet he still managed to > be a> > fantastic kid anyway. He overcame his developmental delays -- was > even> > in advanced classes!! Then he got this horrible diagnosis and moved> > through his physical limitations with courage and grace, while still> > managing to be one of the most loving and compassionate people I > have> > ever known. If anyone deserved a miracle in this lifetime it was > him!!!"> > My husband looked at me sadly, but with compassion, and > said, "Don't you> > get it?? "That was the miracle". Indeed, it was. Miracles don't > come in> > the form of lightning bolts or bright skies, but in the gentle form > of> > how we connect with one another.> > So often we ask for healing for ourselves, or another, yet it is> > sometimes difficult to remember that healing comes in many > different and> > unexpected forms. A person may heal any number of ways, some of > which we> > may not even understand. Life is the process and the journey of > healing.> > It is not how we die, but rather how we live and manage our losses.> > The loss of a loved one is not about strength or courage or any of > the> > cliché's we all like to hear. Instead, it is about the daily gift of> > life, and our ability to connect and share with one another that> > encourages, no drives us, to overcome life's challenges.> > I have no control over the death of another, but when I love without> > condition, and others love me in kind, well, in there lies the > miracle> > of life and yes, healing. Truth of any kind, and especially the > truth of> > true love, will set you free.> >>

[Guest guest]

,

You are a trully amazing woman with a beautiful soul. Your daughter has been blessed to have such a strong woman figure in her life, keep up the good fight and we will all be praying for you and your family, you have touched the lives of many and you have many more to touch yet .

Blessings of Love, Light and Hope,

Debbie> >> > The Journey of Loss> > Author: Trish Hoglander> > > > Two years ago as mother-in-law labored to breathe, I phoned hospice > in a> > panic.> > "She's dying!!!"> > They answered with a question, "Is she in pain?"> > "No! She's not in pain!" .> > "Well, is it her wish to die at home?"> > "Yes!!"> > "So do you believe you are honoring her wishes?"> > (deep breath)> > "Yes!! I am honoring her wishes... why are you even asking me these> > things?"> > The hospice nurse spoke softly, "Well, I am trying to understand if > you> > are calling for us to help her, or to help you."> > Oh. Truth?> > I had called because I didn't want to lose her. I didn't want to > miss> > her, and I didn't want to experience that pain in my life ever > again.> > I hung up and whispered words of comfort into her ear. Lovingly ran > my> > fingers through her barely gray hair, and silently watched as her > chest> > slowly stopped moving. The coroner came. He wrapped her body in a > clear> > plastic bag and bumped the gurney down the stairs. I disposed of the> > hospice meds, and called my husband. When all the tasks were done, > I sat> > outside on the rain soaked steps and cried for two hours. Nobody > saw me> > cry for her. Not then, not now.> > This is also how I responded to the death of my 20 year old son, in> > 2001.> > Oddly, it was not the way I responded to the death of my other son,> > , in 1994. I wonder if my heart was softer in 1994, or if the> > situation was different, or if I've simply come to believe that > loss is> > natural part of life.> > was born with a few developmental delays. Back then, the only> > thing worse than being a single mother, was being the parent of a> > developmentally delayed child. At the time, they said his best hope> > would be an institution, or maybe a foster family might help him.> > I married my husband when was five years old, hoping it would> > improve the quality of all our lives, and it did, for a while.> > By his high school years, mainstreamed to a few regular > classes,> > some even advanced. 1987 he was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. I> > felt as though my heart was literally shattered. This child had > overcome> > so much already that it seemed unfair to have more challenges fall > upon> > his path but we had love, and a lot of hope, and , well, he > took it> > all in stride, regardless of how he was feeling. The four of us were> > determined to stay positive and make the best of the hand we were > given> > to play.> > In spite of our high hopes, he passed away in my arms, also at the > age> > of 20, from complications of his illness. At the hour of his death, > I> > remember dropping to my knees, sobbing hysterically, and asking my> > husband, "Where was this child's miracle?? He was born to a teenage> > mother, who had no idea how to parent, and yet he still managed to > be a> > fantastic kid anyway. He overcame his developmental delays -- was > even> > in advanced classes!! Then he got this horrible diagnosis and moved> > through his physical limitations with courage and grace, while still> > managing to be one of the most loving and compassionate people I > have> > ever known. If anyone deserved a miracle in this lifetime it was > him!!!"> > My husband looked at me sadly, but with compassion, and > said, "Don't you> > get it?? "That was the miracle". Indeed, it was. Miracles don't > come in> > the form of lightning bolts or bright skies, but in the gentle form > of> > how we connect with one another.> > So often we ask for healing for ourselves, or another, yet it is> > sometimes difficult to remember that healing comes in many > different and> > unexpected forms. A person may heal any number of ways, some of > which we> > may not even understand. Life is the process and the journey of > healing.> > It is not how we die, but rather how we live and manage our losses.> > The loss of a loved one is not about strength or courage or any of > the> > cliché's we all like to hear. Instead, it is about the daily gift of> > life, and our ability to connect and share with one another that> > encourages, no drives us, to overcome life's challenges.> > I have no control over the death of another, but when I love without> > condition, and others love me in kind, well, in there lies the > miracle> > of life and yes, healing. Truth of any kind, and especially the > truth of> > true love, will set you free.> >>