Need some advice regarding school

[Guest guest]

I am looking for some advice - yesterday, we had a meeting with the school (team

of teachers, psychologist) regarding my 13 year old son with OCD. He was out

the entire month of Dec, and despite having tutors, fell completely behind. He

returned to school in January. His team of teachers all were in agreement that

basically, when my son goes to class, he does nothing. Zero on task. No

academic work/no class participation. He goes into his own world and draws.

Nothing academically going on. The teachers said they are basically unable to

help him. This was a kid who, up until a few months ago, would get As & Bs.

I feel numb. My husband and I didn't know what to say. We have submitted

papers for a Sec 504 and my son is currently being tested. But in the meantime,

what do we do? I work with him at home quite a bit, just to try and keep him

somewhat afloat. But as each week goes by, the sitation grows worse and worse.

Does anyone have any suggestions? He currently attends out patient therapy

everyday and is on medication (prozac and zyprexa). I feel like the school

pyschologists just look at me with a blank stare. I practically " begged " this

room of teachers/psychologists for help, b/c this is a kid in crisis.

I feel like I have no control, and i am scared for my son. It just breaks my

heart. any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

thx.

angela

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

I have posted many times here regarding homeschooling. We always have

even before we saw any signs of dd's OCD. Last year when things got bad

she couldnt possibly get any " school work " accomplished so i had to let

go of my fears regarding " schooly " stuff and truly become

an " unschooler " . Now after many months of meds and therapy and without

any pressure from me regarding books and school work my dd reads

classic novels, publishes her own newsletters, creates cartoon films on

the pc, runs her own virtual store and so much more!

If you can try to read anything by Holt and unschooling, also

check out this group's OCD and homeschooling list along with other

unschooling/homeschooling sites and blogs.

Hope this helps.

Melinda in TN

[Guest guest]

I have posted many times here regarding homeschooling. We always have

even before we saw any signs of dd's OCD. Last year when things got bad

she couldnt possibly get any " school work " accomplished so i had to let

go of my fears regarding " schooly " stuff and truly become

an " unschooler " . Now after many months of meds and therapy and without

any pressure from me regarding books and school work my dd reads

classic novels, publishes her own newsletters, creates cartoon films on

the pc, runs her own virtual store and so much more!

If you can try to read anything by Holt and unschooling, also

check out this group's OCD and homeschooling list along with other

unschooling/homeschooling sites and blogs.

Hope this helps.

Melinda in TN

[Guest guest]

Hi Melinda, I appreciate your points. Adding my take on it-I've been

stuck in the position that I cannot seem to offer a counter-argument

to suggestions or assertions that homeschooling has made my kids' OCD

or other problems worse. There is no way " they " can prove that-nor

can I prove my side (we cannot say behaviors would be worse if

another strategy was employed, or vice versa-no crytal ball, in other

words). But, it just seems much easier for the other side to assume

their position is true b/c they have conventions and standards on

their side, whereas I have only " experimentation " on my side-and 3

kids with what seems to be severe OCD. This really dampens one's

confidence...Part of me has to learn not to dwell on it.

The 'bad' OCD kicked in for two of my kids soon after starting school

too (one wanted to try school, and the other it was by default, b/c I

had a daughter in crisis and our whole home-life was rendered very

unstable). But I don't blame whatever kind of schooling for

increasing OCD either way.

Still, I've gotten weary of the speculation and implied blame

homeschooling (and maybe having 6 kids compounds it) has seemed to

invite in my case, even though having done both(homeschool and public

school-and private school and independent study for that matter) and

each situation has it's triggers and drawbacks as well as existing or

potential advantages.

But " Homeschooling-Causes-Problems " position seems so true to the

people suggesting it(including off and on, my dh, who gets pressured

by his parents-and dh's whole side of the family, and some

dcotors/therapists) so it makes homeschooling an unsupported endeavor

for me.

Just two days ago at my 15 yo daughter's IEP,(has always

homeschooled)- though overall they praised my dd's superior academic

scores in certain areas, and think homeschooling (or maybe my dd is

just smart) got her there-they still also suggested that

homeschooling was responsible for my dd's wildly divergent skills

(she scored so low on some things that it was uninterpretable ).

So not the processing disorder,aspie-related communication

difficulty, visuospatial/sensori-motor deficits, or non-verbal

learning disorder, or gifted/LD profile. I guess there are no kids in

school with wildy divergent skills?

Their rationale- in homeschooling if the parent is not good at

something-then the child will also do poorly in that area-right? Or

in homeschooling children pursue what they like and let the other

stuff slide. Just examples of the typical speculation. People don't

tend to speculate so much about regular school causing problems b/c

it is the more accepted approach.

nancy grace

>

> I have posted many times here regarding homeschooling. We always

have

> even before we saw any signs of dd's OCD. Last year when things got

bad

> she couldnt possibly get any " school work " accomplished so i had to

let

> go of my fears regarding " schooly " stuff and truly become

> an " unschooler " . Now after many months of meds and therapy and

without

> any pressure from me regarding books and school work my dd reads

> classic novels, publishes her own newsletters, creates cartoon

films on

> the pc, runs her own virtual store and so much more!

>

> If you can try to read anything by Holt and unschooling, also

> check out this group's OCD and homeschooling list along with other

> unschooling/homeschooling sites and blogs.

>

> Hope this helps.

>

> Melinda in TN

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Melinda, I appreciate your points. Adding my take on it-I've been

stuck in the position that I cannot seem to offer a counter-argument

to suggestions or assertions that homeschooling has made my kids' OCD

or other problems worse. There is no way " they " can prove that-nor

can I prove my side (we cannot say behaviors would be worse if

another strategy was employed, or vice versa-no crytal ball, in other

words). But, it just seems much easier for the other side to assume

their position is true b/c they have conventions and standards on

their side, whereas I have only " experimentation " on my side-and 3

kids with what seems to be severe OCD. This really dampens one's

confidence...Part of me has to learn not to dwell on it.

The 'bad' OCD kicked in for two of my kids soon after starting school

too (one wanted to try school, and the other it was by default, b/c I

had a daughter in crisis and our whole home-life was rendered very

unstable). But I don't blame whatever kind of schooling for

increasing OCD either way.

Still, I've gotten weary of the speculation and implied blame

homeschooling (and maybe having 6 kids compounds it) has seemed to

invite in my case, even though having done both(homeschool and public

school-and private school and independent study for that matter) and

each situation has it's triggers and drawbacks as well as existing or

potential advantages.

But " Homeschooling-Causes-Problems " position seems so true to the

people suggesting it(including off and on, my dh, who gets pressured

by his parents-and dh's whole side of the family, and some

dcotors/therapists) so it makes homeschooling an unsupported endeavor

for me.

Just two days ago at my 15 yo daughter's IEP,(has always

homeschooled)- though overall they praised my dd's superior academic

scores in certain areas, and think homeschooling (or maybe my dd is

just smart) got her there-they still also suggested that

homeschooling was responsible for my dd's wildly divergent skills

(she scored so low on some things that it was uninterpretable ).

So not the processing disorder,aspie-related communication

difficulty, visuospatial/sensori-motor deficits, or non-verbal

learning disorder, or gifted/LD profile. I guess there are no kids in

school with wildy divergent skills?

Their rationale- in homeschooling if the parent is not good at

something-then the child will also do poorly in that area-right? Or

in homeschooling children pursue what they like and let the other

stuff slide. Just examples of the typical speculation. People don't

tend to speculate so much about regular school causing problems b/c

it is the more accepted approach.

nancy grace

>

> I have posted many times here regarding homeschooling. We always

have

> even before we saw any signs of dd's OCD. Last year when things got

bad

> she couldnt possibly get any " school work " accomplished so i had to

let

> go of my fears regarding " schooly " stuff and truly become

> an " unschooler " . Now after many months of meds and therapy and

without

> any pressure from me regarding books and school work my dd reads

> classic novels, publishes her own newsletters, creates cartoon

films on

> the pc, runs her own virtual store and so much more!

>

> If you can try to read anything by Holt and unschooling, also

> check out this group's OCD and homeschooling list along with other

> unschooling/homeschooling sites and blogs.

>

> Hope this helps.

>

> Melinda in TN

>

[Guest guest]

To Grace:

Before you beat yourself up too bad -- or continue to let the school

play the blame game with you for homeschooling -- and to give you a

different perspective, my son has never been officially

homeschooled. But every single year when I reach out for help and

request an IEP or a 504, they blame me for my son's problems and

deficits and deny the need for help. It is always, lets take a wait

and see approach because you have allowed his absences, etc. or

because he is not disciplined enough, or we cannot assess because of

his absences, etc. They are in complete denial that his illness is

causing him to be unable to attend as regularly as other kids. It is

my cynical but deeply held belief that most school districts are all

about denying services, so that they're budgets for " normal " kids are

not taxed. If you understand the game in that way, it will be easier

to play. If they can weaken you by making you feel guilty, then they

win. But it is not really about YOU, after all. So, if you have

decided to deal with " them " , I recommend that you gently insist that

they focus on your child, and redirect their comments in a way that

makes clear that you are not interested in their theories. Just

solutions. I am sure you are making decisions as best you can for

your family. " They " are simply another tool for you to accomplish

your educational goals for each of your kids. They do not have the

right to question or criticize your parenting.

mm

> >

> > I have posted many times here regarding homeschooling. We always

> have

> > even before we saw any signs of dd's OCD. Last year when things

got

> bad

> > she couldnt possibly get any " school work " accomplished so i had

to

> let

> > go of my fears regarding " schooly " stuff and truly become

> > an " unschooler " . Now after many months of meds and therapy and

> without

> > any pressure from me regarding books and school work my dd reads

> > classic novels, publishes her own newsletters, creates cartoon

> films on

> > the pc, runs her own virtual store and so much more!

> >

> > If you can try to read anything by Holt and unschooling,

also

> > check out this group's OCD and homeschooling list along with

other

> > unschooling/homeschooling sites and blogs.

> >

> > Hope this helps.

> >

> > Melinda in TN

> >

>

[Guest guest]

To Grace:

Before you beat yourself up too bad -- or continue to let the school

play the blame game with you for homeschooling -- and to give you a

different perspective, my son has never been officially

homeschooled. But every single year when I reach out for help and

request an IEP or a 504, they blame me for my son's problems and

deficits and deny the need for help. It is always, lets take a wait

and see approach because you have allowed his absences, etc. or

because he is not disciplined enough, or we cannot assess because of

his absences, etc. They are in complete denial that his illness is

causing him to be unable to attend as regularly as other kids. It is

my cynical but deeply held belief that most school districts are all

about denying services, so that they're budgets for " normal " kids are

not taxed. If you understand the game in that way, it will be easier

to play. If they can weaken you by making you feel guilty, then they

win. But it is not really about YOU, after all. So, if you have

decided to deal with " them " , I recommend that you gently insist that

they focus on your child, and redirect their comments in a way that

makes clear that you are not interested in their theories. Just

solutions. I am sure you are making decisions as best you can for

your family. " They " are simply another tool for you to accomplish

your educational goals for each of your kids. They do not have the

right to question or criticize your parenting.

mm

> >

> > I have posted many times here regarding homeschooling. We always

> have

> > even before we saw any signs of dd's OCD. Last year when things

got

> bad

> > she couldnt possibly get any " school work " accomplished so i had

to

> let

> > go of my fears regarding " schooly " stuff and truly become

> > an " unschooler " . Now after many months of meds and therapy and

> without

> > any pressure from me regarding books and school work my dd reads

> > classic novels, publishes her own newsletters, creates cartoon

> films on

> > the pc, runs her own virtual store and so much more!

> >

> > If you can try to read anything by Holt and unschooling,

also

> > check out this group's OCD and homeschooling list along with

other

> > unschooling/homeschooling sites and blogs.

> >

> > Hope this helps.

> >

> > Melinda in TN

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wonderful post!

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of mega_mommie

Sent: Sunday, February 03, 2008 5:21 PM

To:

Subject: Re: Need some advice regarding school

To Grace:

Before you beat yourself up too bad -- or continue to let the school

play the blame game with you for homeschooling -- and to give you a

different perspective, my son has never been officially

homeschooled. But every single year when I reach out for help and

request an IEP or a 504, they blame me for my son's problems and

deficits and deny the need for help. It is always, lets take a wait

and see approach because you have allowed his absences, etc. or

because he is not disciplined enough, or we cannot assess because of

his absences, etc. They are in complete denial that his illness is

causing him to be unable to attend as regularly as other kids. It is

my cynical but deeply held belief that most school districts are all

about denying services, so that they're budgets for " normal " kids are

not taxed. If you understand the game in that way, it will be easier

to play. If they can weaken you by making you feel guilty, then they

win. But it is not really about YOU, after all. So, if you have

decided to deal with " them " , I recommend that you gently insist that

they focus on your child, and redirect their comments in a way that

makes clear that you are not interested in their theories. Just

solutions. I am sure you are making decisions as best you can for

your family. " They " are simply another tool for you to accomplish

your educational goals for each of your kids. They do not have the

right to question or criticize your parenting.

mm

> >

> > I have posted many times here regarding homeschooling. We always

> have

> > even before we saw any signs of dd's OCD. Last year when things

got

> bad

> > she couldnt possibly get any " school work " accomplished so i had

to

> let

> > go of my fears regarding " schooly " stuff and truly become

> > an " unschooler " . Now after many months of meds and therapy and

> without

> > any pressure from me regarding books and school work my dd reads

> > classic novels, publishes her own newsletters, creates cartoon

> films on

> > the pc, runs her own virtual store and so much more!

> >

> > If you can try to read anything by Holt and unschooling,

also

> > check out this group's OCD and homeschooling list along with

other

> > unschooling/homeschooling sites and blogs.

> >

> > Hope this helps.

> >

> > Melinda in TN

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wonderful post!

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of mega_mommie

Sent: Sunday, February 03, 2008 5:21 PM

To:

Subject: Re: Need some advice regarding school

To Grace:

Before you beat yourself up too bad -- or continue to let the school

play the blame game with you for homeschooling -- and to give you a

different perspective, my son has never been officially

homeschooled. But every single year when I reach out for help and

request an IEP or a 504, they blame me for my son's problems and

deficits and deny the need for help. It is always, lets take a wait

and see approach because you have allowed his absences, etc. or

because he is not disciplined enough, or we cannot assess because of

his absences, etc. They are in complete denial that his illness is

causing him to be unable to attend as regularly as other kids. It is

my cynical but deeply held belief that most school districts are all

about denying services, so that they're budgets for " normal " kids are

not taxed. If you understand the game in that way, it will be easier

to play. If they can weaken you by making you feel guilty, then they

win. But it is not really about YOU, after all. So, if you have

decided to deal with " them " , I recommend that you gently insist that

they focus on your child, and redirect their comments in a way that

makes clear that you are not interested in their theories. Just

solutions. I am sure you are making decisions as best you can for

your family. " They " are simply another tool for you to accomplish

your educational goals for each of your kids. They do not have the

right to question or criticize your parenting.

mm

> >

> > I have posted many times here regarding homeschooling. We always

> have

> > even before we saw any signs of dd's OCD. Last year when things

got

> bad

> > she couldnt possibly get any " school work " accomplished so i had

to

> let

> > go of my fears regarding " schooly " stuff and truly become

> > an " unschooler " . Now after many months of meds and therapy and

> without

> > any pressure from me regarding books and school work my dd reads

> > classic novels, publishes her own newsletters, creates cartoon

> films on

> > the pc, runs her own virtual store and so much more!

> >

> > If you can try to read anything by Holt and unschooling,

also

> > check out this group's OCD and homeschooling list along with

other

> > unschooling/homeschooling sites and blogs.

> >

> > Hope this helps.

> >

> > Melinda in TN

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Awesome!!!! Ditto that!

sushi

Re: Need some advice regarding school

To Grace:

Before you beat yourself up too bad -- or continue to let the school

play the blame game with you for homeschooling -- and to give you a

different perspective, my son has never been officially

homeschooled. But every single year when I reach out for help and

request an IEP or a 504, they blame me for my son's problems and

deficits and deny the need for help. It is always, lets take a wait

and see approach because you have allowed his absences, etc. or

because he is not disciplined enough, or we cannot assess because of

his absences, etc. They are in complete denial that his illness is

causing him to be unable to attend as regularly as other kids. It is

my cynical but deeply held belief that most school districts are all

about denying services, so that they're budgets for " normal " kids are

not taxed. If you understand the game in that way, it will be easier

to play. If they can weaken you by making you feel guilty, then they

win. But it is not really about YOU, after all. So, if you have

decided to deal with " them " , I recommend that you gently insist that

they focus on your child, and redirect their comments in a way that

makes clear that you are not interested in their theories. Just

solutions. I am sure you are making decisions as best you can for

your family. " They " are simply another tool for you to accomplish

your educational goals for each of your kids. They do not have the

right to question or criticize your parenting.

mm

> >

> > I have posted many times here regarding homeschooling. We always

> have

> > even before we saw any signs of dd's OCD. Last year when things

got

> bad

> > she couldnt possibly get any " school work " accomplished so i had

to

> let

> > go of my fears regarding " schooly " stuff and truly become

> > an " unschooler " . Now after many months of meds and therapy and

> without

> > any pressure from me regarding books and school work my dd reads

> > classic novels, publishes her own newsletters, creates cartoon

> films on

> > the pc, runs her own virtual store and so much more!

> >

> > If you can try to read anything by Holt and unschooling,

also

> > check out this group's OCD and homeschooling list along with

other

> > unschooling/homeschooling sites and blogs.

> >

> > Hope this helps.

> >

> > Melinda in TN

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Awesome!!!! Ditto that!

sushi

Re: Need some advice regarding school

To Grace:

Before you beat yourself up too bad -- or continue to let the school

play the blame game with you for homeschooling -- and to give you a

different perspective, my son has never been officially

homeschooled. But every single year when I reach out for help and

request an IEP or a 504, they blame me for my son's problems and

deficits and deny the need for help. It is always, lets take a wait

and see approach because you have allowed his absences, etc. or

because he is not disciplined enough, or we cannot assess because of

his absences, etc. They are in complete denial that his illness is

causing him to be unable to attend as regularly as other kids. It is

my cynical but deeply held belief that most school districts are all

about denying services, so that they're budgets for " normal " kids are

not taxed. If you understand the game in that way, it will be easier

to play. If they can weaken you by making you feel guilty, then they

win. But it is not really about YOU, after all. So, if you have

decided to deal with " them " , I recommend that you gently insist that

they focus on your child, and redirect their comments in a way that

makes clear that you are not interested in their theories. Just

solutions. I am sure you are making decisions as best you can for

your family. " They " are simply another tool for you to accomplish

your educational goals for each of your kids. They do not have the

right to question or criticize your parenting.

mm

> >

> > I have posted many times here regarding homeschooling. We always

> have

> > even before we saw any signs of dd's OCD. Last year when things

got

> bad

> > she couldnt possibly get any " school work " accomplished so i had

to

> let

> > go of my fears regarding " schooly " stuff and truly become

> > an " unschooler " . Now after many months of meds and therapy and

> without

> > any pressure from me regarding books and school work my dd reads

> > classic novels, publishes her own newsletters, creates cartoon

> films on

> > the pc, runs her own virtual store and so much more!

> >

> > If you can try to read anything by Holt and unschooling,

also

> > check out this group's OCD and homeschooling list along with

other

> > unschooling/homeschooling sites and blogs.

> >

> > Hope this helps.

> >

> > Melinda in TN

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Melinda. I've not heard of Holt but I'll certainly look into it.

Melinda wrote: I have posted many times here

regarding homeschooling. We always have

even before we saw any signs of dd's OCD. Last year when things got bad

she couldnt possibly get any " school work " accomplished so i had to let

go of my fears regarding " schooly " stuff and truly become

an " unschooler " . Now after many months of meds and therapy and without

any pressure from me regarding books and school work my dd reads

classic novels, publishes her own newsletters, creates cartoon films on

the pc, runs her own virtual store and so much more!

If you can try to read anything by Holt and unschooling, also

check out this group's OCD and homeschooling list along with other

unschooling/homeschooling sites and blogs.

Hope this helps.

Melinda in TN

---------------------------------

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

[Guest guest]

Thanks Melinda. I've not heard of Holt but I'll certainly look into it.

Melinda wrote: I have posted many times here

regarding homeschooling. We always have

even before we saw any signs of dd's OCD. Last year when things got bad

she couldnt possibly get any " school work " accomplished so i had to let

go of my fears regarding " schooly " stuff and truly become

an " unschooler " . Now after many months of meds and therapy and without

any pressure from me regarding books and school work my dd reads

classic novels, publishes her own newsletters, creates cartoon films on

the pc, runs her own virtual store and so much more!

If you can try to read anything by Holt and unschooling, also

check out this group's OCD and homeschooling list along with other

unschooling/homeschooling sites and blogs.

Hope this helps.

Melinda in TN

---------------------------------

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.