BJ, I liked your posting re. your coping techniques

[Guest guest]

B.J., Thank you for this posting. It is so true that it is SO important for us

parents to keep it together, stay strong and cheerful, relaxed and optimistic

for our kids who are struggling so much. And the general tone of our supportive

letters to each other is this way also; we must continue to look for the good

and share ideas and strategies, encourage each other onward. But it is

important too, I think, to be able to talk about how incredibly difficult it is,

especially when it goes on year after year. I would have to describe it as a

" grieving that never stops " . That doesn't mean that we don't have good times,

progress and room for lots of optimism for our kids. But, for me, watching the

suffering going on and on every day... well, it is like watching your child be

tortured and you can't stop it. Those are strong words, but it has felt that

way to me (like watching torture) so many times over the past ten years. You

know, as parents, we always felt that we could

" make things better " for our kids, that if they fell off their bikes and

scraped their knees or got their feelings hurt, etc.-- we could do something to

" make it better " .... but with severe OCD, we can't seem to " make it better " ...we

can't seem to stop the suffering, and we have tried so much and never stop

trying. That is where the grieving part comes in. When you see your child

desperately trying to salvage her life, but she can't do it and she continues to

suffer and you just grieve for her every day. I too have cried rivers in the

shower B.J., you're right, it's the place. One of my friends here, who has a

chronically depressed teenage son said to me once, " You know, they say that you

(a mother) are only as healthy as your sickest child. " In some ways that makes

sense. We must put on our strongest healthiest face, draw on our humor and

fight the battle for our kids but deep inside we all probably sometimes feel

that we are struggling as much as they are. I don't

have OCD but I live in such close contact with it every hour of the day and I

witness my daughter's suffering so much, that I might as well have it myself....

Oh, now to end this on a more positive note: When the road takes a sharp turn,

you still have to stay on the road, hang on for dear life and try to get to your

destination. We are all SO STRONG, we really are, we are survivors as much as

our children are. Take care everyone, keep going!

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