The Law of Making Positive Connections

[Guest guest]

The Law of Making

Positive Connections:

We Attract Who We Are

by Judith Orloff, M.D.

A basic dynamic of energy is that we attract who we are--the more

positive energy we give off, the more positive connections we'll

magnetize to us. Ditto for negativity. It works like this: Love

attracts love. Grumpiness attracts grumpiness. Passion attracts

passion. Rage attracts rage. The explanation? This human form of ours

is a subtle energy transmitter. We're constantly sending out signals

which others on similar frequencies pick up on, and gravitate towards-

-an instinctual call we may not be aware of. Why opportunities do or

don't show up in our lives is a function of this.

A striking phenomenon known by many a therapist is that we often

attract waves of patients who mirror our current struggles and joys.

It's as if a communiqué is issued to the universe saying, " I'm here.

This is what I'm going through. Come to me. " For example, soon after

I sold my first book Second Sight, a series of patients also had

beloved projects that came through for them. A few years before, as I

helplessly watched my father losing control of mind and body from

Parkinson's Disease, I received a burst of anguished calls from new

patients whose parents with Parkinson's were suffering the same

harrowing decline. On a lighter note, when the daughter of

psychologist-friend got pregnant, my friend's practice suddenly

became a parade of expectant parents.

How can we harness this intriguing alchemy to bring yearned-for

positive connections to us? The crux is to strive to energetically

embody what we want to attract. For starters, take a look at where

you're at now. This entails nailing down parameters for what being

positive does and doesn't mean in terms of attitude and behavior.

Once you're definitive about this, you can strengthen these traits in

yourself, and attract the same. Don't worry if you're far from a

positive place now. The point of this program is to get you there.

It's an evolution. Give thought to what you value most in yourself or

others. Keep a running list in your journal. Here's the essence of

how I see it.

Positive persons are:

Committed to developing compassion towards themselves and others, and

having an open heart

Courageous about following their dreams

Those who seek to be authentic and believe in themselves, even when

externals are crumbling

Aware of their darkside, and are trying to heal it

Willing to learn from mistakes

Positive persons aren't:

Perfect, phony, or positive all the time

Beating themselves to a pulp over shortcomings or a black hole of

pessimism

Constantly mired in fear or tolerant of letting their hearts harden

Squeaky clean do-gooders who neglect their own well-being.

Saccharine pleasers who ignore their darkside and unconsciously act

it out at the expense of others.

Never forget: we're talking about real human beings with pluses and

minuses. What sets positive people apart though, is a determination

to do their best, and not succumb to what's negative in themselves or

externals. Where some of my patients go wrong is holding idealized

expectations, not grasping that everyone--including themselves!--has

irritating/challenging/disappointing aspects. Earth to humans: we're

inhabiting the material plane with all its foibles. Even so, you can

legitimately hope to personify and attract others fighting their way

out of the muck with an open heart and sense of humor. These are my

heroes and friends. In contrast, someone " too-perfect " feels like

finger nails on the blackboard to me. You don't want to be anything

like those always-smiling, aiming to please, married-women-robots in

the horror flick, " The Stepford Wives. " These are the evil twins of

the positive person I'm portraying.

This law of attraction will make doors open. But, the root truth of

my energy program is that quality of connections, not quantity

counts. Understanding this demands that we see beyond our culture's

obsession with popularity. I appreciate how inbred the desire may be.

High school can be hell for anyone " unpopular. " I, for one, felt so

agonizingly out of it; the " cool " kids hung on the " upper patio "

while I snuck cigarettes behind the auditorium with my scraggly

hippie friends. Thankfully, as an adult, I realize that popularity is

a mixed bag, which doesn't always deliver happiness. Yes,

opportunities may increase. And, of course, it feels good to be

liked. But I've seen this need turn into addiction.

I've worked with actors whose self-esteem is inextricably tied to

their public's adulation, certain suicide for self esteem. Also

without exceeding discrimination mass popularity can lead to

confusion and defeat. One patient, a drop-dead-gorgeous model, can't

get from the parking garage to my office without a guy coming on to

her. This woman has a seeming jackpot of romantic options, but still

keeps choosing the most horrifyingly flawed men, a destructive

pattern which brought her to see me.

The following exercise isn't intended to summon the hoards, though it

could. If you're energized by lots of people, it'll help you attract

the right kind. If you like a smaller circle, it'll enable you to

distinguish quality. So, whether you get a high from circulating at

parties, or like me, tend to talk to a single person the whole night,

one style isn't preferable. It depends on your disposition.

Whatever's your way, I'll teach you to magnetize positive

circumstances by emulating attributes you resonate with.

Energy doesn't simply have an on-off switch. Just as a radio emits

has a volume control, you can adjust your vibes. You can amp them up

with some people, tone them down with others.

Here's how to boost your positive signals.

1. Identify your best parts and speak from them.

Pinpoint your finest qualities. Perhaps irreverence, sensitivity,

compassion, humor--then project them to the world. By speaking up and

stepping out of your comfort zone you're enlarging your energy field.

Before meeting new people or going to important events prime

yourself. Take a break for an inner pep talk. Think, " I'm not going

to focus on my insecurity but on a strength; I'm going to feel and

trust the positive energy inside me. I'm going to claim my full

power. " Such a selective attention device puts your best parts front

and center. Then, perspective shifted, it's easier to confidently

move forward. You can't overdo this approach. Use it routinely.

Making a choice about where you're coming from focuses your energy.

My patient Dee, a single mother and flight attendant, lost her job.

For months she was unemployed with three children to feed, sinking

into despair. Dee's way out was to fire-up her beloved spunky self

again, and give it a voice during job interviews. She did this by

taking quiet moments each day to focus on that part of her that

said, " Go-girl! " She just sat there, eyes closed, inviting that

positive energy back in again. Such conjuring spurred Dee to apply

for positions in the fashion industry, a gutsy career shift she'd

fantasized about, and now made real. Let Dee's struggle and success

guide you.

2. Extend heart energy outward.

Love creates an irresistible charisma, a warm glow that makes us and

others happy. You can send it in any situation, a nurturing that

won't drain us. How? Focus on your heart center, and envision

something you love. A flock of seagulls. Your son's smile. A blooming

rose. Then, during a conversation, inwardly ask, " Let love flow

through me. " Feel it rise from your chest; notice a sense of heat,

serenity, a radiance. These vibes move outward. People soften around

them, feel safe, want more. So, when standing by your boss start

pumping away. Loving energy smoothes the rough edges of any

circumstance and facilitates rapport. Try it even if you don't like

someone, but seek to get along better. Our loving heart can melt the

feistiest curmudgeons. It conveys the sense of what Buddhists call

the " groundless ground, " an ultimate secure place that stabilizes us

from the inside out. Others pick up on this primal draw. Without

heart, people are energetically wobbly, despite outer confidence.

(For instance, a spiritual teacher who talks a good game but doesn't

emit heart energy is an imposter). The kinder we are to ourselves and

others, the more love we communicate.

3. Regularly Meditate

Happiness can be increased by meditating. Cutting edge brain research

confirms that we all have a certain mood set point, a range of

feelings we usually inhabit. But with regular meditation, It's been

shown that we can alter our habitual moods towards the positive. Use

this method. When feelings surface during meditation, monitor them.

Focus on what's uplifting, not the swirl of negative emotions. As

you've done before, use the breath to center yourself. This inner

turnabout transmutes pessimism to something higher. Subsequently,

your vibes change; others will respond.

4. Commit to Emotional Housecleaning

A fact I'll keep trumpeting: healing negativity prevents toxic build

up in your energy field. Consistently chipping away at the negative

makes room for more light in your being. Self-awareness is our

greatest ally against fear and its bullying cohorts. When these

brutes appear, it allows you to say, " I know you. Now scram! "

Psychotherapy, introspection, meditation, journaling, and/or talking

with friends all further healing. As negativity remits, your energy

becomes more alluring and positive connections will gravitate to you.

© Copyright 2007 Judith Orloff, M.D. All RIghts Reserved.

Source: http://www.soulfulliving.com/making_positive_connections.htm