An Interesting Paradox

[Guest guest]

Have you ever noticed how much time we spend attempting to get to know someone only to arrive at the epiphany that, in some ways, we rarely ever really fully know another? How many times have you said, "I thought I knew them so well, but..."?Consider this...most of us spend most of our time looking outward; one of the greatest reasons we do this is to develop relationships of various types (e.g.work, love, friends, etc...) in all their glorious myriad of complex, simple,beautiful, difficult various shapes and types. Still, I've noted that seldom have these relationships been built upon a very solid foundation since we use them (albeit usually unconsciously) to avoid getting to know ourselves first and well. Odd, wouldn't you agree?What would happen if we spent even half as much time attempting to know ourselves (and not in an arrogant nor narcissistic manner) as we do others? Would we come to the know the depths of who we truly are - and not by labels or demographic-esque language? In short, the gist of the question becomes, if we spent as much time looking to understand our own motives, our thoughts, our fears, our hopes, our joys, would we sincerely know ourselves well enough to even begin to realize all that we are this day and can be at any given point? I postulate this then for your consideration: would the very act of knowing ourselves not also allow for the furthering and deepening of our various relationships; their structure, their essence, their beauty? Why? In what ways would this help? (You may be asking those questions now.) I believe, in my own humble estimation and experience,that the very art of undertaking the act of knowing one's truest self leads to less desire to blame others for our faults, stops blockades from being erected by us out of fear of being hurt, stops justifying maltreatment of others, leads to greater respect for self and therefore subsequently also others, and, last but not least, aids in ending or healing our base/root (often shared or common) fears. I humbly suggest that it is in the course of learning who we are that we can also begin to truly know and see the truth of who others are. We can also stop trying to label or pigeon-hole these cherished souls we love into categories that don't befit them or do justice to their importance to us; we can simply enjoy and accept them as they are, or leave them if things cannot work out despite the presence of love (in whatever form it may take) all while learning to love and accept our own selves more.Let's throw away personas, masks, veneers, labels and demographic information when we look at who we are because, again, in my humble opinion, we are NOT who we present to another in the course of one persona or another, be it our job label, or our marriage status, or our parental status; we are souls living a human life with special gifts, purposes, loves, desires, hopes, joys, fears, sorrows and struggles. This, my dear friends, is who we really are - at least to me. *soft smile*The short version? The crux?To have the capacity to sincerely deeply know another requires us to know ourselves first and foremost; truly, deeply and wholly. We do it backwards too often and expect to find ourselves in another; hence the paradox.Original work of: Alison Kain 2007 - posted in my Blog on MySpace (Eternally A Seeker)