Choices

[Guest guest]

What if you narrowed down the choice....do you want to go to grandpa's today or stay home and play with your legos ???

Would you like to invite Bryce over to play today or would you rather stay home and watch movies ???

Wags! Wags! Wags!

Lowry

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."

Author Ben

Aspergers Treatment From: lessen@...Date: Sat, 28 Jul 2007 16:02:22 -0700Subject: ( ) choices

I wonder if anyone else has this "problem" I'm having. When I ask my son something like "Do you want to invite Bryce over to play?" Connect to the next generation of MSN Messenger  Get it now!

[Guest guest]

one thing that has worked for us is having a jar that my son can pick from with different things to do-play with legos, read, watch a movie, color, etc. This way he feels more in control of the situation and his choices. Lowry <flyballmom@...> wrote: What if you narrowed down the choice....do you want to go to grandpa's today or stay home and play with your legos ??? Would you like to invite Bryce over to play today or would you rather stay home and watch movies ??? Wags! Wags! Wags! Lowry "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." Author Ben Aspergers Treatment From: lessensbcglobal (DOT) netDate: Sat, 28 Jul 2007 16:02:22 -0700Subject: ( ) choices I wonder if anyone else has this "problem" I'm having. When I ask my son something

like "Do you want to invite Bryce over to play?" Connect to the next generation of MSN Messenger Get it now!

Ready for the edge of your seat? Check out tonight's top picks on TV.

[Guest guest]

Well, at the time I asked it was more of a question than a choice I guess. I first said, "Do you want to invite Bryce over to play?" And he responded "I don't know, do I?" The grandpa thing was another day. Maybe I should phrase it as a choice? Lowry <flyballmom@...> wrote: What if you narrowed down the choice....do you want to go to grandpa's today or stay home and play with your legos ??? Would you like to invite Bryce over to play today or would you rather stay home and watch movies

??? Wags! Wags! Wags! Lowry "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." Author Ben Aspergers Treatment From: lessensbcglobal (DOT) netDate: Sat, 28 Jul 2007 16:02:22 -0700Subject: ( ) choices I wonder if anyone else has this "problem" I'm having. When I ask

my son something like "Do you want to invite Bryce over to play?" Connect to the next generation of MSN Messenger Get it now!

[Guest guest]

He may have picked up a phrase from a tv show - something my ds does a lot. He will see someone on tv say or do something and then try it on, like it's a pair of shoes. lol.

I would probably just shrug and say, "Well, you let me know if you decide..." and leave it go. I think that because you say he didn't used to do this before. So it's probably a phase of some sort.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) choices

I wonder if anyone else has this "problem" I'm having. When I ask my son something like "Do you want to invite Bryce over to play?" (And I've reprased it differently as well just to be sure he understook the question) he'll say, "I don't know, do I?" Same with the other day I asked if he wanted to go to Grandpa's house, which has never been an issue, he's always known whether he wants to or not, he said, "I don't know, do I?" I'm throrougly confused, as he has never been this way. I'm keeping my patience and staying calm but in my head I'm screaming, "Don't you f-ing know whether you want to or not!!!"

[Guest guest]

Oh boy do I understand!! When my son just finished watching a TV show,

I asked him if he liked it and he said " I don't know " . AAAAHHHH, how

can you not know?!?!? He does the same thing when I ask him if he liked

what he just ate, where we just went etc. And, like you, I rephrase the

question to ensure understanding. He even yells at me " yes I understood

the question but I just don't know! "

I have no way of gauging things when he gives me no feedback. I have no

idea if he is overwhelmed, can't formulate a response, can't decipher

own reactions, doesn't care...

How can you not have an opinion?!?! But, my husband who we suspect is

on the spectrum himself says that it really is possible not to have an

opinion. He says that unless it really matters to him, he has no

opinion. I remember a fight we had right when we were married when I

asked him if he liked a certain set of table lamps and his answer

was....you guessed it.... " I don't know " !

Let me know if you find an answer for this one

[Guest guest]

Choices

When you think of your past and remember that day,

just think of the choices that sent you this way.

Try to comprehend how the pieces fit in,

realizing the enigma as the shadows wear thin.

Timing is everything to see the next step,

a wrong choice or decision is a long non-stop trip.

If we could see answers to all life's little ways,

it wouldn't be so hard to see through the haze.

Seeing is learning and that is the test,

if you made the right choices at the start of this quest.

Live in the real world, a life and a goal,

good friends and true meaning ~ let love feed your soul.

So be careful of false signs, of tricks and of strife,

you'll remember those choices when you look back at your life.

The right things in life are here by your choice,

you made this yourself, now sit back and rejoice.

Don't cry over spilt milk, the past or the curves,

your choices just bring you to the place you deserve.VICTOR KAHNLove~All~Ways~Karma

[Guest guest]

Very well put and an excellent explanation of how AS impacts the ability to choose...you did a great job IMHO! Nothing to add...just wanted to express myself ;-) By the way---for the newbies, I have been a part of this online group for nearly ten years...my son has graduated from high school, has completed post-secondary classes at a vocational school and currently works as a board operator for a local CBS radio station...someday, he would like to be an on-air personality. He recently decided to get a learner's permit and is learning to drive (he'll be 21 yrs old in September.) He also has a disability pass and arranges for door-to-door transportation with our local transit system. He has several close friends that he has known since middle school...things could be better as he would like to have a girlfriend ;-) Maybe one day that will happen...he plans to be married and have a family...we'll see what happens one day at a time. This has been a wonderful group for support, information and encouragement...thank you, Roxanna, for all that you do to help make that possible...Blessings, Gail

( ) Choices

I think we'd have computers whether we were social butterflies or not. In fact, the computer has just opened up so many new ways of socializing really. So I doubt being more social would have prevented inventions.

Of course everyone is simply living their life - that's what we do. I am just pointing out that having a disability is limiting ones choices. One is not choosing to be social or not social if one can't be social due to various social disabilities. In other words, there is not a choice. If everyone is given, say, 10 options in life to choose from but the child with a disability is given option 7 no matter what he wants to do. Do we then say he has "chosen" option 7?

Sports minded people participating in sports is no different - they are making choices to participate or not. But they have the choice available to them.

I don't see AS as just a different way of thinking. I think that is where we miss eachother on this subject because I feel that you do. It feels to me like you are making excuses for the problems caused by the AS - if he can't do something, then you rationalize that "hey, not everyone can do that." And so it then becomes his choice not to do that because it isn't something he is good at doing. But it's not a choice, is what I am saying. He may not be good at doing "it" (whatever "it" is) but it isn't because he's made a choice to not do it.

What I am saying is that AS is a disability that limits choices. I am not saying everyone has to be a certain way or everyone has to be social to an nth degree. We all have strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes that shape who we are. I do not consider autism to be part of those strengths and weaknesses - it's a disability that limits the choices one can make. So often I've seen people a

ttribute their entire personality to autism, like it's an extra appendage they were given at birth. (i.e. "Yeah! Because I have autism, I'm really smart!") But I don't give it that much credit. I think people with autism would be smart without autism. The autism isn't making them smart, it's preventing their ability to shine and demonstrate themselves fully. It's a disability that prevents the natural personalities from coming out. My kids are already brilliant, beautiful and wonderful. They did not need autism to bring that out in them. And they would be even more so if not held back by autism.

But more important, they would have more choices available to them in life if they did not have the disability of autism. They could play a sports game...or not. Because they could be coordinated enough and savvy enough to participate and decide if they liked playing or not. Right now, they wouldn't do it because they can't do it. And that's not a choice that they have made - like preferring to read instead of play baseball.

Maybe if we consider=2

0another disability it would be easier to explain what I mean. Take any disability - dyslexia, for instance. Do we not bother to teach these kids how to read and just say, "Well, not everyone likes to read?" Do we then say they are making a choice to not be readers? I say this is not a choice that they made, the disability is making the choice for them. Is getting therapy to learn how to read fun? NO! My youngest whines and cries sometimes before he goes to therapy because it is HARD WORK! He doesn't like it. He says, "I read just fine!" But I think it's important to his ability to live and work independently someday to learn how to read. Perhaps he will choose not to read for pleasure someday when he is an adult and that will be fine with me. Because it will be a choice he has made with options available. We will live through these years and I will support him while he stresses out over learning because learning is hard work for him - harder for him than the average person. But it's necessary to his ultimate well being. I'd rather he suffer some now and learn than grow up without skills and spend a lifetime regretting paths he could not take because he can't read. Or have him spend years in school failing - would that not be even harder work? I think it would!

You could place in any disability really but I would give the same kind of examples. I hope you understand what I mean to say.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

( ) Re: torn

Date: Saturday, July 26, 2008, 3:10 PM

Robin and Donna,

It appears I'm in the same 'boat' as you two. My 18 yr old son sounds

very much like Robin's. And, like Donna, our son loves to travel on

family vacations.

I struggle with feeling sad that he doesn't socialize, other than

family and church and, rarely, someone his own age group. It was

easier in high school as it was a very small school and he belonged to

the academic team and such. But this first year of college has been

rough. I had always hoped he'd find it easier by the time he got to

college.

At the same time, I'm not sure he 'misses' socializing. He enjoys his

own company and reads, has a strict=2

0exercise routine (yes,OCD-ish) ,

and loves his animals. And like Robin mentioned, he doesn't get those

'mild freak-outs' after forced social situations.

How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? We have just

decided to stay informed, pray/meditate and have faith that it will

unfold as it should.

And I am grateful for this comforting forum.

sue

>

> > I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right. I

> > get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all kind

> > of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope.......

> >

> > But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let their

> > child just "be" and seen good things?

> >

> > We not only pulled him from traditional school for this last

> > grade,,,,,,, but I don't put him in anything he doesn't want to try.

> >

> > He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he doesnt'

> > want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a

> > walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,, or=2

0not. We go to church.

> >

> > We visit friends..... ......... ..some days are hermit-

> > days......others are wonderful.

> > He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was "coming down" from

> > interaction or having to keep it "together" all day.

> >

> > He talks to us. He's calmer.

> > I guess we took a different approach.... .in a way. Maybe it was

> > because the social stuff he "got" was all negative,,,, ,that we saw

> > that not everyone enjoys being social.....

> >

> > I love to stay home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home.

> > Not all of us have "social" jobs........ .........

> >

> > So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid "be" with AS

> > and doesn't try to mold it into something better for them. (Please

> > don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time with

> > whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped

> > them, too, cause we were told to always be "getting out there" and

> > playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how to

> > "be". We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were

> > supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his

> > games.....whatever, ,,,, but he was nicer. Ick.

> >

> > Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Ju

st wondering if there were

> > "others" like us.

> >

> > Hee hee.

> >

> >

> > Robin

> >

> > Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine!!

Ta semester! - sök efter resor hos Kelkoo.

Jämför pris på flygbiljetter och hotellrum: http://www.kelkoo. se/c-169901- resor-biljetter. html

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[Guest guest]

I get what you are saying....I guess it also depends where they are on the spectrum scale. Everyone has some form of choice ....but.....we are not all capable of our choices. For instance...I'll talk about my choices ....

I could be an artist, muscian, teacher, businesswoman, mother, pilot, accountant, marketing manager, sales person, farmer, stock broker, advertising accountant, telephone installer. These could be my choices.....most of these jobs I could do....would I want to...NO. There is 2 I can't do. Of these 2 ....only one I really could not do..even if I wanted.

No matter how much i tried...no matter how many classes I took....I would never be an artist...crafter yes. So what am I trying to say..(I really don't know-LOL). Oh, if I took all the classes in the world I still would never make a artist.

I guess what I am trying to say ...it all depends upond the Child. I really think it can't be generalized. Some kids can be trained and worked so that they are more social when they need to be but I do believe there are some kids...who just can't at all no matter how much training and classes they take. So, I really believe it all depends on the child.

Am I making sense????

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: Sue Ann <iamgr8fulgmail (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: torn Date: Saturday, July 26, 2008, 3:10 PM

Robin and Donna,It appears I'm in the same 'boat' as you two. My 18 yr old son soundsvery much like Robin's. And, like Donna, our son loves to travel onfamily vacations.I struggle with feeling sad that he doesn't socialize, other thanfamily and church and, rarely, someone his own age group. It waseasier in high school as it was a very small school and he belonged tothe academic team and such. But this first year of college has beenrough. I had always hoped he'd find it easier by the time he got tocollege.At the same time, I'm not sure he 'misses' socializing. He enjoys hisown company and reads, has a strict=2 0exercise routine (yes,OCD-ish) ,and loves his animals. And like Robin mentioned, he doesn't get those'mild freak-outs' after forced social situations.How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? We have justdecided to stay informed,

pray/meditate and have faith that it willunfold as it should.And I am grateful for this comforting forum.sue> > > I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right. I > > get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all kind > > of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope.......> >> > But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let their > > child just "be" and seen good things?> >> > We not

only pulled him from traditional school for this last > > grade,,,,,,, but I don't put him in anything he doesn't want to try.> >> > He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he doesnt' > > want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a > > walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,, or=2 0not. We go to church.> >> > We visit friends..... ......... ..some days are hermit- > > days......others are wonderful.> > He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was "coming down" from > > interaction or having to keep it "together" all day.> >> > He talks to us. He's calmer.> > I guess we took a different approach.... .in a way. Maybe it was > > because the social stuff he "got" was all negative,,,, ,that we saw > > that not everyone enjoys being social.....> >> > I love to stay

home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home.> > Not all of us have "social" jobs........ .........> >> > So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid "be" with AS > > and doesn't try to mold it into something better for them. (Please > > don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time with > > whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped > > them, too, cause we were told to always be "getting out there" and > > playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how to > > "be". We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were > > supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his > > games.....whatever, ,,,, but he was nicer. Ick.> >> > Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Ju st wondering if there were > > "others" like us.> >> >

Hee hee.> >> >> > Robin> >> > Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine!!

Ta semester! - sök efter resor hos Kelkoo. Jämför pris på flygbiljetter och hotellrum: http://www.kelkoo. se/c-169901- resor-biljetter. html

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[Guest guest]

Gail that is awesome that your son is doing so well. Take a minute

for a pat on back to you both! Our son,too, would very much like to

have a girlfriend, he's 24, in vocational school now.

I have gotten so much from everyone on this group...I'm a relative

newbie, never occurred to me that DS could be on the spectrum until

this year! Duh. So reading the posts and successes is so inspiring.

Sue in Tennessee

-- In , pltoc@... wrote:

>

>

>

> Very well put and an excellent explanation of how AS impacts the

ability to choose...you did a great job IMHO!  Nothing to add...just

wanted to express myself ;-)  By the way---for the newbies, I have

been a part of this online group for nearly ten years...my son has

graduated from high school, has completed post-secondary classes at

a vocational school and currently works as a board operator for a

local CBS radio station...someday, he would like to be an on-air

personality.  He recently decided to get a learner's permit and is

learning to drive (he'll be 21 yrs old in September.)  He also has a

disability pass and arranges for door-to-door transportation with our

local transit system.  He has several close friends that he has

known since middle school...things could be better as he would like

to have a girlfriend ;-)  Maybe one day that will happen...he plans

to be married and have a family...we'll see what happens one day at a

time.  This has been a wonderful group for support, information and

encouragement...thank you, Roxanna, for all that you do to help make

that possible...Blessings, Gail

>

>

>

> ( ) Choices

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> I think we'd have computers whether we were social butterflies or

not.  In fact, the computer has just opened up so many new ways of

socializing really.  So I doubt being more social would have=2

> 0prevented inventions.

>

>  

>

> Of course everyone is simply living their life - that's what we

do.  I am just pointing out that having a disability is limiting

ones choices.  One is not choosing to be social or not social if one

can't be social due to various social disabilities.  In other words,

there is not a choice.  If everyone is given, say, 10 options in

life to choose from but the child with a disability is given option 7

no matter what he wants to do.  Do we then say he has " chosen "

option 7? 

>

>  

>

> Sports minded people participating in sports is no different - they

are making choices to participate or not.  But they have the choice

available to them. 

>

>  

>

> I don't see AS as just a different way of thinking.  I think that

is where we miss eachother on this subject because I feel that you

do.  It feels to me like you are making excuses for the problems

caused by the AS - if he can't do something, then you rationalize

that " hey, not everyone can do that. "   And so it then becomes his

choice not to do that because it isn't something he is good at

doing.  But it's not a choice, is what I am saying.  He may not be

good at doing " it " (whatever " it " is) but it isn't because he's made

a choice to not do it. 

>

>  

>

> What I am saying is that AS is a disability that limits choices. 

I am not saying everyone has to be a certain way or everyone has to

be social to an nth degree.=C

> 2 We all have strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes that

shape who we are.  I do not consider autism to be part of those

strengths and weaknesses - it's a disability that limits the choices

one can make.  So often I've seen people attribute their entire

personality to autism, like it's an extra appendage they were given

at birth.  (i.e.  " Yeah!  Because I have autism, I'm really smart! " )

  But I don't give it that much credit.  I think people with

autism would be smart without autism.  The autism isn't making them

smart, it's preventing their ability to shine and demonstrate

themselves fully.  It's a disability that prevents the natural

personalities from coming out.  My kids are already brilliant,

beautiful and wonderful.  They did not need autism to bring that out

in them.  And they would be even more so if not held back by autism.

>

>  

>

> But more important, they would have more choices available to them

in life if they did not have the disability of autism.  They could

play a sports game...or not.  Because they could be coordinated

enough and savvy enough to participate and decide if they liked

playing or not.  Right now, they wouldn't do it because they can't

do it.  And that's not a choice that they have made - like

preferring to read instead of play baseball. 

>

>  

>

> Maybe if we consider another disability it would be easier to

explain what I mean.  Take any disability - dyslexia, for

instance.  Do we=2

> 0not bother to teach these kids how to read and just say, " Well,

not everyone likes to read? "   Do we then say they are making a

choice to not be readers?  I say this is not a choice that they

made, the disability is making the choice for them.  Is getting

therapy to learn how to read fun?  NO!  My youngest whines and

cries sometimes before he goes to therapy because it is HARD WORK! 

He doesn't like it.  He says, " I read just fine! "   But I think it's

important to his ability to live and work independently someday to

learn how to read.  Perhaps he will choose not to read for pleasure

someday when he is an adult and that will be fine with me.  Because

it will be a choice he has made with options available.  We will

live through these years and I will support him while he stresses out

over learning because learning is hard work for him - harder for him

than the average person.  But it's necessary to his ultimate well

being.  I'd rather he suffer some now and learn than grow up without

skills and spend a lifetime regretting paths he could not take

because he can't read.  Or have him spend years in school failing -

would that not be even harder work?  I think it would! 

>

>  

>

> You could place in any disability really but I would give the same

kind of examples.  I hope you understand what I mean to say. 

>

>  

>

> Roxanna

> Autism Happens

>

>

> ( ) Re: torn

>

> Date: Saturday, July 26, 2008, 3:10 PM

>

>

>

>

> Robin and Donna,

> It appears I'm in the same 'boat' as you two. My 18 yr old son

sounds

> very much like Robin's. And, like Donna, our son loves to travel on

> family vacations.

> I struggle with feeling sad that he doesn't socialize, other than

> family and church and, rarely, someone his own age group. It was

> easier in high school as it was a very small school and he belonged

to

> the academic team and such. But this first year of college has been

> rough. I had always hoped he'd find it easier by the time he got to

> college.

> At the same time, I'm not sure he 'misses' socializing. He enjoys

his

> own company and reads, has a strict exercise routine

> (yes,OCD-ish) ,

> and loves his animals. And like Robin mentioned, he doesn't get

those

> 'mild freak-outs' after forced social situations.

> How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? We have just

> decided to stay informed, pray/meditate and have faith that it will

> unfold as it should.

> And I am grateful for this comforting forum.

> sue

>

>

> >

> > > I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right.

I

> > > get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all

kind

> > > of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope.......

> > >

> > > But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let

their

> > > child just " be " and seen good things?

> > >

> > > We not only pulled him from traditional school for this last

> > > grade,,,,,,, but I don't put him in anything he doesn't want to

try.

> > >

> > > He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he

doesnt'

> > > want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a

> > > walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,, or not. We go to church.

> > >

> > > We visit friends..... ......... ..some days are hermit-

> > > days......others are wonderful.

> > > He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was " coming down "

from

> > > interaction or having to keep it " together " all day.

> > >

> > > He talks to us. He's calmer.

> > > I guess we took a different approach.... .in a way. Maybe it

was

> > > because the social stuff he " got " was all negative,,,, ,that we

saw

> > > that not everyone enjoys being social.....

> > >

> > > I love to stay home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home.

> > > Not all=2

> 0of us have " social " jobs........ .........

> > >

> > > So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid " be "

with AS

> > > and doesn't try to mold it into something better for them.

(Please

> > > don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time

with

> > > whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped

> > > them, too, cause we were told to always be " getting out there "

and

> > > playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how

to

> > > " be " . We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were

> > > supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his

> > > games.....whatever, ,,,, but he was nicer. Ick.

> > >

> > > Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Just wondering if there were

> > > " others " like us.

> > >

> > > Hee hee.

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> > > Robin

> > >

> > > Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine!!

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> Ta semester! - sök efter resor hos Kelkoo.

> Jämför pris på flygbiljetter och hotellrum: http://www.kelkoo.

se/c-169901- resor-biljetter. html

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[Guest guest]

Oh Roxanna,,,,I totally hear what you're saying. And I agree!!!.

I never meant to come across as a gal who was saying that AS is in any way a great thing that makes Ian wonderful. I agree that our kids would be much better off without AS.

But,,,,,,,since he has it,,,,,,,I don't feel right making him do things that he's totally uncomfortable with anymore. Things that make him cry (and not the cries that a kid does when he doesn't want to do something),,,,,,but honestly gets sick. We initially stopped the therapies, etc because of the crying,,,,,,getting sick,,,,anger,,,,,,,just total lack of him emotionally benefitting from it. Now,,,,,I see that without the therapies, he's better. Calmer, more talkative,,,,,maybe this is because he feels more secure and so he is opening up more? Maybe it's because he's 12 and he's growing up.....maybe it's because he does everything we do....go out, hike, camp,.,,,,store,,,whatever....and maybe he's picking up on things? Maybe he's on a different level of functioning?

I totally agree with you about your examples about reading, dyslexia, etc.. Totally.

No issue there. You gotta do certain things. You don't have to love them,,,,,,but you gotta learn them.

My deal is that, with Ian,,,,,,,,he KNEW that you should look ppl in the eyes when they talk to you or you talk to them. He KNEW that you don't growl and school and give the "evil eye/evil face" when things don't go your way. He KNEW that when someone cuts in front of you, you don't have to start a kindergarten-like WW3,,,,,,,,,,(I could go on and on), but becasue he was in a situation (school, for him) that was overwhelming for a multitude of reasons, he couldn't BEHAVE the way he KNEW to behave. Know what I mean?

By taking the pressure off him,,,,,,,school,,,,,,therapies,,,,,,,he could do the things he should do. Not all the time, of course,,,hee hee.....but he can do them, now.

And obviously,,,,as with probably everyone on this list,,,,,(and in the world),,,,,our kids (NT or not) are always learning from what we do as a family. Like I said before,,,,whether it's just family things, or going to church, the store, social things...etc. They learn, hopefully, if they can.

They aren't ever going to be social butterflies, I don't think. I think we need to attempt, as parents, to get them to the point of functioning independently, hopefull, if they are able...and there are so many ways to try to get them there.

I guess,,,,for us,,,,we chose to "let him be". Not "let him be" as in leave him on the computer to veg out and never have to interact in the real world. We chose to "let him be" as far as taking him to therapists in effort to have him "learn" from professionals how to be better.

I think whatever works,,,,do it. We have to. Ultimately,,,,they'll be out in the world.................

Anyway,,,,,jsut wanted to say that I enjoy this topic. It's very emotional,,,,but very good to chat about. It validates, in a way,,,,why we all do what we do and how we do it, when we explain our 'whys', ya know?

Robin

From: Sue Ann <iamgr8fulgmail (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: torn Date: Saturday, July 26, 2008, 3:10 PM

Robin and Donna,It appears I'm in the same 'boat' as you two. My 18 yr old son soundsvery much like Robin's. And, like Donna, our son loves to travel onfamily vacations.I struggle with feeling sad that he doesn't socialize, other thanfamily and church and, rarely, someone his own age group. It waseasier in high school as it was a very small school and he belonged tothe academic team and such. But this first year of college has beenrough. I had always hoped he'd find it easier by the time he got tocollege.At the same time, I'm not sure he 'misses' socializing. He enjoys hisown company and reads, has a strict exercise routine (yes,OCD-ish) ,and loves his animals. And like Robin mentioned, he doesn't get those'mild freak-outs' after forced social situations.How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? We have justdecided to stay informed, pray/meditate and have faith that it

willunfold as it should.And I am grateful for this comforting forum.sue> > > I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right. I > > get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all kind > > of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope.......> >> > But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let their > > child just "be" and seen good things?> >> > We not only pulled him from traditional school for this last > > grade,,,,,,, but I don't put him in anything he doesn't want to

try.> >> > He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he doesnt' > > want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a > > walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,, or not. We go to church.> >> > We visit friends..... ......... ..some days are hermit- > > days......others are wonderful.> > He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was "coming down" from > > interaction or having to keep it "together" all day.> >> > He talks to us. He's calmer.> > I guess we took a different approach.... .in a way. Maybe it was > > because the social stuff he "got" was all negative,,,, ,that we saw > > that not everyone enjoys being social.....> >> > I love to stay home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home.> > Not all of us have "social" jobs........ .........> >>

> So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid "be" with AS > > and doesn't try to mold it into something better for them. (Please > > don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time with > > whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped > > them, too, cause we were told to always be "getting out there" and > > playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how to > > "be". We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were > > supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his > > games.....whatever, ,,,, but he was nicer. Ick.> >> > Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Just wondering if there were > > "others" like us.> >> > Hee hee.> >> >> > Robin> >> > Normal is just a cycle on a washing

machine!!

Ta semester! - sök efter resor hos Kelkoo. Jämför pris på flygbiljetter och hotellrum: http://www.kelkoo. se/c-169901- resor-biljetter. html

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I think you explained yourself very well Robin....and I agree with what you said and understand why you are doing what you are doing...and believe after ths week of having people in my house every day....I feel like stopping it all more than my son...LOL!!!

My son does get annoyed and fustrated with all these therapies....etc... it's summer...I want my summer....and you know what ...so do I. I may tell the agency to scale it back or do more in each day....but 3 hours of tSS every day...no ....becuase now neither of us has a life...and I need a life...I need some fun in my life...

And, you are right ...most AS chldren will never be social butterflies.....(maybe with the exception of mine- ha! ha!).....I do think it all depends on the child and where he or she falls within the spectrum.

My son would love to be even more social...have tons of people over 24/7.....I guess he really is the different Aspie....and I swear he is still ADHD..... He has a lot of the AS symptoms as well as PDD and ADHD...ha! Maybe I should make up a new dx....let's see

ADHDASPDD or jsuwt ADHDAS.....ya...I like that...ADHDAS...

Oh can you tell..he didn't let me sleep at all last night and he is still going strong...I think I need to keep him going so he falls asleep at 9 pm. He and his father are going to a water park tomorrow and I get the day to myself! ooooooooooooooo!

jan

Janice Rushen

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From: Sue Ann <iamgr8fulgmail (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: torn Date: Saturday, July 26, 2008, 3:10 PM

Robin and Donna,It appears I'm in the same 'boat' as you two. My 18 yr old son soundsvery much like Robin's. And, like Donna, our son loves to travel onfamily vacations.I struggle with feeling sad that he doesn't socialize, other thanfamily and church and, rarely, someone his own age group. It waseasier in high school as it was a very small school and he belonged tothe academic team and such. But this first year of college has beenrough. I had always hoped he'd find it easier by the time he got tocollege.At the same time, I'm not sure he 'misses' socializing. He enjoys hisown company and reads, has a strict exercise routine (yes,OCD-ish) ,and loves his animals. And like Robin mentioned, he doesn't get those'mild freak-outs' after forced social situations.How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? We have justdecided to stay informed, pray/meditate and have faith that it

willunfold as it should.And I am grateful for this comforting forum.sue> > > I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right. I > > get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all kind > > of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope.......> >> > But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let their > > child just "be" and seen good things?> >> > We not only pulled him from traditional school for this last > > grade,,,,,,, but I don't put him in anything he doesn't want to

try.> >> > He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he doesnt' > > want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a > > walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,, or not. We go to church.> >> > We visit friends..... ......... ..some days are hermit- > > days......others are wonderful.> > He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was "coming down" from > > interaction or having to keep it "together" all day.> >> > He talks to us. He's calmer.> > I guess we took a different approach.... .in a way. Maybe it was > > because the social stuff he "got" was all negative,,,, ,that we saw > > that not everyone enjoys being social.....> >> > I love to stay home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home.> > Not all of us have "social" jobs........ .........> >>

> So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid "be" with AS > > and doesn't try to mold it into something better for them. (Please > > don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time with > > whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped > > them, too, cause we were told to always be "getting out there" and > > playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how to > > "be". We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were > > supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his > > games.....whatever, ,,,, but he was nicer. Ick.> >> > Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Just wondering if there were > > "others" like us.> >> > Hee hee.> >> >> > Robin> >> > Normal is just a cycle on a washing

machine!!

Ta semester! - sök efter resor hos Kelkoo. Jämför pris på flygbiljetter och hotellrum: http://www.kelkoo. se/c-169901- resor-biljetter. html

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Gail,,,

What wonderful news about your son!!!!!

Thanks for sharing!!!!

Robin

From: Sue Ann <iamgr8fulgmail (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: torn Date: Saturday, July 26, 2008, 3:10 PM

Robin and Donna,It appears I'm in the same 'boat' as you two. My 18 yr old son soundsvery much like Robin's. And, like Donna, our son loves to travel onfamily vacations.I struggle with feeling sad that he doesn't socialize, other thanfamily and church and, rarely, someone his own age group. It waseasier in high school as it was a very small school and he belonged tothe academic team and such. But this first year of college has beenrough. I had always hoped he'd find it easier by the time he got tocollege.At the same time, I'm not sure he 'misses' socializing. He enjoys hisown company and reads, has a strict=2 0exercise routine (yes,OCD-ish) ,and loves his animals. And like Robin mentioned, he doesn't get those'mild freak-outs' after forced social situations.How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? We have justdecided to stay informed,

pray/meditate and have faith that it willunfold as it should.And I am grateful for this comforting forum.sue> > > I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right. I > > get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all kind > > of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope.......> >> > But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let their > > child just "be" and seen good things?> >> > We not

only pulled him from traditional school for this last > > grade,,,,,,, but I don't put him in anything he doesn't want to try.> >> > He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he doesnt' > > want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a > > walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,, or=2 0not. We go to church.> >> > We visit friends..... ......... ..some days are hermit- > > days......others are wonderful.> > He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was "coming down" from > > interaction or having to keep it "together" all day.> >> > He talks to us. He's calmer.> > I guess we took a different approach.... .in a way. Maybe it was > > because the social stuff he "got" was all negative,,,, ,that we saw > > that not everyone enjoys being social.....> >> > I love to stay

home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home.> > Not all of us have "social" jobs........ .........> >> > So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid "be" with AS > > and doesn't try to mold it into something better for them. (Please > > don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time with > > whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped > > them, too, cause we were told to always be "getting out there" and > > playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how to > > "be". We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were > > supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his > > games.....whatever, ,,,, but he was nicer. Ick.> >> > Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Ju st wondering if there were > > "others" like us.> >> >

Hee hee.> >> >> > Robin> >> > Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine!!

Ta semester! - sök efter resor hos Kelkoo. Jämför pris på flygbiljetter och hotellrum: http://www.kelkoo. se/c-169901- resor-biljetter. html

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lol, I disagree of course. I know people like to give all the great inventors/minds of the past disabilities like autism. BUT, I think we'd have computers anyway. There are people who are just plain geeky, smart or anti-social on their own without a dx of AS. I am glad we do have computers though! It really has changed my life, in a good way!

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) Re: torn Date: Saturday, July 26, 2008, 3:10 PM

Robin and Donna,It appears I'm in the same 'boat' as you two. My 18 yr old son soundsvery much like Robin's. And, like Donna, our son loves to travel onfamily vacations.I struggle with feeling sad that he doesn't socialize, other thanfamily and church and, rarely, someone his own age group. It waseasier in high school as it was a very small school and he belonged tothe academic team and such. But this first year of college has beenrough. I had always hoped he'd find it easier by the time he got tocollege.At the same time, I'm not sure he 'misses' socializing. He enjoys hisown company and reads, has a strict exercise routine (yes,OCD-ish) ,and loves his animals. And like Robin mentioned, he doesn't get those'mild freak-outs' after forced social situations.How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? We have justdecided to stay informed, pray/meditate and have faith that it willunfold as it should.And I am grateful for this comforting forum.sue> > > I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right. I > > get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all kind > > of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope.......> >> > But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let their > > child just "be" and seen good things?> >> > We not only pulled him from traditional school for this last > > grade,,,,,,, but I don't put him in anything he doesn't want to try.> >> > He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he doesnt' > > want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a > > walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,, or not. We go to church.> >> > We visit friends..... ......... ..some days are hermit- > > days......others are wonderful.> > He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was "coming down" from > > interaction or having to keep it "together" all day.> >> > He talks to us. He's calmer.> > I guess we took a different approach.... .in a way. Maybe it was > > because the social stuff he "got" was all negative,,,, ,that we saw > > that not everyone enjoys being social.....> >> > I love to stay home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home.> > Not all of us have "social" jobs........ .........> >> > So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid "be" with AS > > and doesn't try to mold it into something better for them. (Please > > don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time with > > whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped > > them, too, cause we were told to always be "getting out there" and > > playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how to > > "be". We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were > > supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his > > games.....whatever, ,,,, but he was nicer. Ick.> >> > Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Just wondering if there were > > "others" like us.> >> > Hee hee.> >> >> > Robin> >> > Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine!!

Ta semester! - sök efter resor hos Kelkoo. Jämför pris på flygbiljetter och hotellrum: http://www.kelkoo. se/c-169901- resor-biljetter. html

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you are probably right but it sounds good anyway...LOL!!!

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

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From: Sue Ann <iamgr8fulgmail (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: torn Date: Saturday, July 26, 2008, 3:10 PM

Robin and Donna,It appears I'm in the same 'boat' as you two. My 18 yr old son soundsvery much like Robin's. And, like Donna, our son loves to travel onfamily vacations.I struggle with feeling sad that he doesn't socialize, other thanfamily and church and, rarely, someone his own age group. It waseasier in high school as it was a very small school and he belonged tothe academic team and such. But this first year of college has beenrough. I had always hoped he'd find it easier by the time he got tocollege.At the same time, I'm not sure he 'misses' socializing. He enjoys hisown company and reads, has a strict exercise routine (yes,OCD-ish) ,and loves his animals. And like Robin mentioned, he doesn't get those'mild freak-outs' after forced social situations.How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? We have justdecided to stay informed, pray/meditate and have faith that it

willunfold as it should.And I am grateful for this comforting forum.sue> > > I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right. I > > get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all kind > > of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope.......> >> > But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let their > > child just "be" and seen good things?> >> > We not only pulled him from traditional school for this last > > grade,,,,,,, but I don't put him in anything he doesn't want to

try.> >> > He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he doesnt' > > want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a > > walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,, or not. We go to church.> >> > We visit friends..... ......... ..some days are hermit- > > days......others are wonderful.> > He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was "coming down" from > > interaction or having to keep it "together" all day.> >> > He talks to us. He's calmer.> > I guess we took a different approach.... .in a way. Maybe it was > > because the social stuff he "got" was all negative,,,, ,that we saw > > that not everyone enjoys being social.....> >> > I love to stay home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home.> > Not all of us have "social" jobs........ .........> >>

> So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid "be" with AS > > and doesn't try to mold it into something better for them. (Please > > don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time with > > whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped > > them, too, cause we were told to always be "getting out there" and > > playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how to > > "be". We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were > > supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his > > games.....whatever, ,,,, but he was nicer. Ick.> >> > Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Just wondering if there were > > "others" like us.> >> > Hee hee.> >> >> > Robin> >> > Normal is just a cycle on a washing

machine!!

Ta semester! - sök efter resor hos Kelkoo. Jämför pris på flygbiljetter och hotellrum: http://www.kelkoo. se/c-169901- resor-biljetter. html

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It is interesting how that is a common problem. Their ability to self-regulate seems to be so messed up and I think that includes the regular sleep cycle that "typical" people have. My dh does sleep studies and sometime when we get free time (lol) maybe he will do one on the boys and see if anything interesting shows up. I can't imagine my 11 yo staying still long enough to have a study completed on him, though.

At a conference a few years ago, the guy was telling about how kids with ADHD were not getting the right kind of sleep. They were doing studies and these kids were missing out on types of sleep. I thought at the time that this was interesting and wondered if kids with autism were having similar sleep gaps? Or, is it just a matter of being able to shut yourself down in order to sleep? Or both?

My 2 ds's can also be up all night and then the next day as if they don't require sleep at all. We figured out that our oldest was on a 36 hour schedule of sorts back when he was just one year old. That is when he started doing the all night thing. I used to fall asleep in front of his closed bedroom door - as if I could prevent him from leaving his room. He was always getting in to things around the house so it was important to be alert. However, he would wait me out and once I passed out from exhaustion, he would hop over me and go about his business. Ugh, the good old days! lol. We have a lot of stories we can tell about things he did in the night, lol.

Ever tried the med clonidine? It saved my life back then. It was the only thing that got him to sleep before midnight. He sleeps, I sleep, the world is a happy place. <G> At least until our second ds was born with the same problems.

PS: I am addicted to diet pepsi max with the extra caffeine. Hmmmm.....

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) Re: torn Date: Saturday, July 26, 2008, 3:10 PM

Robin and Donna,It appears I'm in the same 'boat' as you two. My 18 yr old son soundsvery much like Robin's. And, like Donna, our son loves to travel onfamily vacations.I struggle with feeling sad that he doesn't socialize, other thanfamily and church and, rarely, someone his own age group. It waseasier in high school as it was a very small school and he belonged tothe academic team and such. But this first year of college has beenrough. I had always hoped he'd find it easier by the time he got tocollege.At the same time, I'm not sure he 'misses' socializing. He enjoys hisown company and reads, has a strict=2 0exercise routine (yes,OCD-ish) ,and loves his animals. And like Robin mentioned, he doesn't get those'mild freak-outs' after forced social situations.How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? We have justdecided to stay informed, pray/meditate and have faith that it willunfold as it should.And I am grateful for this comforting forum.sue> > > I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right. I > > get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all kind > > of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope.......> >> > But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let their > > child just "be" and seen good things?> >> > We not only pulled him from traditional school for this last > > grade,,,,,,, but I don't put him in anything he doesn't want to try.> >> > He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he doesnt' > > want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a > > walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,, or=2 0not. We go to church.> >> > We visit friends..... ......... ..some days are hermit- > > days......others are wonderful.> > He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was "coming down" from > > interaction or having to keep it "together" all day.> >> > He talks to us. He's calmer.> > I guess we took a different approach.... .in a way. Maybe it was > > because the social stuff he "got" was all negative,,,, ,that we saw > > that not everyone enjoys being social.....> >> > I love to stay home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home.> > Not all of us have "social" jobs........ .........> >> > So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid "be" with AS > > and doesn't try to mold it into something better for them. (Please > > don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time with > > whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped > > them, too, cause we were told to always be "getting out there" and > > playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how to > > "be". We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were > > supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his > > games.....whatever, ,,,, but he was nicer. Ick.> >> > Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Ju st wondering if there were > > "others" like us.> >> > Hee hee.> >> >> > Robin> >> > Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine!!

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Robin,

I'm sorry, I was wrong to assume you thought AS was a good thing for him to have. It seemed to me as if people who disagree with me on this subject tend to have that outlook and it seemed like that's what you meant in your posts. I think we might agree more than disagree though. I don't think you should push a kid until he's ready to throw up. Also, I understand what you mean by letting him destress. We've done that a few times here.

I also understand about the therapist stuff but for a different reason. I think sometimes they don't know how to work with some of our kids. That makes therapy pointless and sometimes even more harmful than helpful. That was a big problem with my oldest ds (now 19 yo, hfa). He had a lot of clueless people trying to "fix" him. You can advocate for help and services but in the end, if that someone is not good at what they do or can't put together a relationship with your kid, then you are S.O.L., as they say.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) Re: torn Date: Saturday, July 26, 2008, 3:10 PM

Robin and Donna,It appears I'm in the same 'boat' as you two. My 18 yr old son soundsvery much like Robin's. And, like Donna, our son loves to travel onfamily vacations.I struggle with feeling sad that he doesn't socialize, other thanfamily and church and, rarely, someone his own age group. It waseasier in high school as it was a very small school and he belonged tothe academic team and such. But this first year of college has beenrough. I had always hoped he'd find it easier by the time he got tocollege.At the same time, I'm not sure he 'misses' socializing. He enjoys hisown company and reads, has a strict exercise routine (yes,OCD-ish) ,and loves his animals. And like Robin mentioned, he doesn't get those'mild freak-outs' after forced social situations.How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? We have justdecided to stay informed, pray/meditate and have faith that it willunfold as it should.And I am grateful for this comforting forum.sue> > > I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right. I > > get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all kind > > of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope.......> >> > But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let their > > child just "be" and seen good things?> >> > We not only pulled him from traditional school for this last > > grade,,,,,,, but I don't put him in anything he doesn't want to try.> >> > He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he doesnt' > > want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a > > walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,, or not. We go to church.> >> > We visit friends..... ......... ..some days are hermit- > > days......others are wonderful.> > He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was "coming down" from > > interaction or having to keep it "together" all day.> >> > He talks to us. He's calmer.> > I guess we took a different approach.... .in a way. Maybe it was > > because the social stuff he "got" was all negative,,,, ,that we saw > > that not everyone enjoys being social.....> >> > I love to stay home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home.> > Not all of us have "social" jobs........ .........> >> > So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid "be" with AS > > and doesn't try to mold it into something better for them. (Please > > don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time with > > whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped > > them, too, cause we were told to always be "getting out there" and > > playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how to > > "be". We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were > > supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his > > games.....whatever, ,,,, but he was nicer. Ick.> >> > Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Just wondering if there were > > "others" like us.> >> > Hee hee.> >> >> > Robin> >> > Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine!!

Ta semester! - sök efter resor hos Kelkoo. Jämför pris på flygbiljetter och hotellrum: http://www.kelkoo. se/c-169901- resor-biljetter. html

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[Guest guest]

Totally right about the therapist.........if they're good,,,,they can make the world of difference.

Maybe we didnt' have good ones......?

I think the personality of the kiddo matters, too. My son is very "let's get this over with",,, ahhhhhhh...gotta love it.

Yep,......we agree on most things....hee hee.

Good conversations, I'd say.

Robin

From: Sue Ann <iamgr8fulgmail (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: torn Date: Saturday, July 26, 2008, 3:10 PM

Robin and Donna,It appears I'm in the same 'boat' as you two. My 18 yr old son soundsvery much like Robin's. And, like Donna, our son loves to travel onfamily vacations.I struggle with feeling sad that he doesn't socialize, other thanfamily and church and, rarely, someone his own age group. It waseasier in high school as it was a very small school and he belonged tothe academic team and such. But this first year of college has beenrough. I had always hoped he'd find it easier by the time he got tocollege.At the same time, I'm not sure he 'misses' socializing. He enjoys hisown company and reads, has a strict exercise routine (yes,OCD-ish) ,and loves his animals. And like Robin mentioned, he doesn't get those'mild freak-outs' after forced social situations.How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? We have justdecided to stay informed, pray/meditate and have faith that it

willunfold as it should.And I am grateful for this comforting forum.sue> > > I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right. I > > get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all kind > > of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope.......> >> > But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let their > > child just "be" and seen good things?> >> > We not only pulled him from traditional school for this last > > grade,,,,,,, but I don't put him in anything he doesn't want to

try.> >> > He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he doesnt' > > want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a > > walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,, or not. We go to church.> >> > We visit friends..... ......... ..some days are hermit- > > days......others are wonderful.> > He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was "coming down" from > > interaction or having to keep it "together" all day.> >> > He talks to us. He's calmer.> > I guess we took a different approach.... .in a way. Maybe it was > > because the social stuff he "got" was all negative,,,, ,that we saw > > that not everyone enjoys being social.....> >> > I love to stay home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home.> > Not all of us have "social" jobs........ .........> >>

> So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid "be" with AS > > and doesn't try to mold it into something better for them. (Please > > don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time with > > whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped > > them, too, cause we were told to always be "getting out there" and > > playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how to > > "be". We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were > > supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his > > games.....whatever, ,,,, but he was nicer. Ick.> >> > Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Just wondering if there were > > "others" like us.> >> > Hee hee.> >> >> > Robin> >> > Normal is just a cycle on a washing

machine!!

Ta semester! - sök efter resor hos Kelkoo. Jämför pris på flygbiljetter och hotellrum: http://www.kelkoo. se/c-169901- resor-biljetter. html

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[Guest guest]

Whoa, first off,,,,I HAVE been enjoying our conversations. Secondly,,,,I wrote, "Maybe you just don't want to see it the other way" because you wrote it to me first. I responded to you.

Third,,,,,I start off my posts stating that I agree with you on a certain point/points because I see that not only as polite, but as a good way to "say" that I "hear" the other persons' view. I then, tell my side again. That's a discussion. Right?

Yes,,,,again,,,,I'm actually enjoying our posts. Well,,,,was enjoying. I think it's now getting old for me as well.

You stated that you don't feel the need to tear apart every post to see what she (Jan) said or I said. Wow......I honestly haven't been "teaming up" at all. Sorry you see it that way. When 2 or more people agree on a support group site,,,,,,,,,I don't think that's reason to feel,,,,I don't know,,,,,,,,,didn't know we were making you feel bad by agreeing with each other. Heck....I didn't even know there was 1 specific person that shared my view.

I

n your last paragraph.....you said that you "...shouldn't feel like you're being put down because you disagree...". I'm at a loss, Roxanna. I haven't felt/read anything from myself that would be "said" in a putting-down way.

When you reply to me saying that you disagree with me, I reply saying that I agree with a point/example that you gave and then state how I feel, again.

Also,,,,in response to your 2nd paragraph, where you state that "...you don't want to single anyone out and cause anyone to cry...",,,,,holy moly...........I don't mind you singling me out. I won't cry......promise. I don't mind disagreements. I don't mind disagreeing with you. I don't mind reading your points and agreeing with you, either.

You're right....a lot of the time, Roxanna. But,,,I wish I could get my point across in that we are kinda ALL right. We all do things that are right for us.

When I stated that, and I am not quoting myself,,,,,,,that I bet that not many things were "invented" by social, popular, etc people.....I wasn't' saying that all things were invented by kids with ASD's. Really.

I guess I'm confused cause I feel like instead of really hearing each other and just discussing things.........or deleting a post cause the thread doesn't interest a member or whatever,,,,,,that you seem personally offended that you can't get "me" to totally see your side. I'm also not trying to offend you or anyone else on this group. I enjoy discussions. I rarely find something to really comment on. Others seem to really know more and have more experience,,,,so I seem to keep my comments short or sorta funny. When I click with a subject,,,,I love it.

Anyway,,,,I could go on with this for a while. I'm quite offended, actually, and I don't want to be.

I feel like you're really only stating your point,,,,but it is coming across to me as degrading...as if I've been insulting you when I haven't been.

So,,,,,,,,I hear you Roxanna. You have heard me. Hopefully, we can find a new discussion, right?

Bottom line....

Not all with ASD's are on the same level or show the same 'symptoms'. Some are high functioning, some aren't. Some invent, some don't. Some are social, some aren't....but bottom line,,,,just because you aren't social, doesn't mean that you have AS. I like to agree with people. And,,,,,,,,Oh...Jan and I agree sometimes. (I'm gonna have to go back and read it all) hee hee.

I hope I covered it all?

Sorry, again, to offend.

Robin

From: Sue Ann <iamgr8fulgmail (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: torn Date: Saturday, July 26, 2008, 3:10 PM

Robin and Donna,It appears I'm in the same 'boat' as you two. My 18 yr old son soundsvery much like Robin's. And, like Donna, our son loves to travel onfamily vacations.I struggle with feeling sad that he doesn't socialize, other thanfamily and church and, rarely, someone his own age group. It waseasier in high school as it was a very small school and he belonged tothe academic team and such. But this first year of college has beenrough. I had always hoped he'd find it easier by the time he got tocollege.At the same time, I'm not sure he 'misses' socializing. He enjoys hisown company and reads, has a strict exercise routine (yes,OCD-ish) ,and loves his animals. And like Robin mentioned, he doesn't get those'mild freak-outs' after forced social situations.How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? We have justdecided to stay informed, pray/meditate and have faith that it

willunfold as it should.And I am grateful for this comforting forum.sue> > > I just gotta say one thing.....and I hope this comes out right. I > > get how this thread is talking about exposing our kids to all kind > > of experiences so that they can learn to deal and cope.......> >> > But,,,,,is there anyone out there, other than us, that has let their > > child just "be" and seen good things?> >> > We not only pulled him from traditional school for this last > > grade,,,,,,, but I don't put him in anything he doesn't want to

try.> >> > He goes to the pool when he wants....or stays home if he doesnt' > > want to go. He rides bikes......or not. He takes our dog for a > > walk with his ltl sis,,,,,,,,, or not. We go to church.> >> > We visit friends..... ......... ..some days are hermit- > > days......others are wonderful.> > He doesn't freak like he used to,,,,as if he was "coming down" from > > interaction or having to keep it "together" all day.> >> > He talks to us. He's calmer.> > I guess we took a different approach.... .in a way. Maybe it was > > because the social stuff he "got" was all negative,,,, ,that we saw > > that not everyone enjoys being social.....> >> > I love to stay home. Love to see friends,,,but love to get home.> > Not all of us have "social" jobs........ .........> >>

> So,,,,,I'm wondering if anyone else just lets their kid "be" with AS > > and doesn't try to mold it into something better for them. (Please > > don't take that wrong......cause I struggle from time to time with > > whether we should still be going to therapists, etc. I stopped > > them, too, cause we were told to always be "getting out there" and > > playing with more and more other kids to get experience on how to > > "be". We saw that Ian was nicer than most of the kids we were > > supposed to put him with. Sure,,,,,,,he talked aobut his > > games.....whatever, ,,,, but he was nicer. Ick.> >> > Anyway,,,,I hope I didn't offend. Just wondering if there were > > "others" like us.> >> > Hee hee.> >> >> > Robin> >> > Normal is just a cycle on a washing

machine!!

Ta semester! - sök efter resor hos Kelkoo. Jämför pris på flygbiljetter och hotellrum: http://www.kelkoo. se/c-169901- resor-biljetter. html

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[Guest guest]

Thanks Kim,

Yes, we know it is crazy it is a choice we made so she can be home with the kids

during the week. It was important for us to have one of us at home during the

week. It's not that we did not mind sending them to daycare (although its great

she is home) but is gets expensive for 3 children.

Yes, I understand your night at the grocery store. I too had a similar story

once, except my time we were at the zoo, walking around all day it was not good

by the end of the day. I could barely walk, my daughter was limping like awful,

but the power of an 8 year old, she kept on going. So yes, many nights in

tears. Usually over my daughter. I stinks to know I gave her this, but that is

another thread and we won't start that one.

Yes, is tough right now in this economy. In my field technical certifications

means everything to the right manager. Which is one of the reaons I have been

working so hard on getting these. I am sure you heard the big annoucement from

a rather large US bank this week, >50,000 layoffs coming. Well that's my

company. It sure is scary right now. Doing everything I can to stay

marketable. I have been studying for 4 days straight now and hope to write my

first cert on Friday. It's a tough slugging. Keep falling asleep. LOL, the

material is boring too so I can't say its all CMT, or sleep Apnea, holy, hard to

get a handle on some days.

(Ontario, Canada)

[Guest guest]

Good Luck Matt over the coming weeks - the 50k job cut for the company that lost

23% of its value today will be deep and to the bone. Bankers and brokers will

even lose their jobs this time!  I wish the problems could be fixed with

AFOs(ha,ha)

Kim

[Guest guest]

Thanks Kim. Sure is a trying time right now. My blood pressure has been

through the roof lately too. I finally decided there was nothing I could do

about my job except do the best I can. Thanks again.

Matt

[Guest guest]

Matt,

I know ---Sometimes all the " right thought and actions " just gets you half way

and for many of us this weekend ---- we just have to hand over troubles to a

higher power( I guess that is the way to be living every day) any way enjoy our

weekend. Gosh it's Sunday maybe things will get clearer and better soon! With

the start of Thanksgiving holiday and my son's health issue this week I actually

forgot about the trouble of little c this weekend. I would have never predicted

this ..... You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope we land

on our feet this week.

Kim

[Guest guest]

You are right there, Kim. I hope this all works out. We can only hope it will.

I forgot your Thanksgiving is coming up. Looks like I will be on call for that

one. One nice thing for my peers having a Canadian on there team.

Thanks for the thoughts you are in my prayers as well.

Remember " C never Sleeps "

Matt