19 Year Old with OCD

[Guest guest]

I have a 19 year old son who has OCD for quite some time, we've tried

several therapists, medication when this was first brought to my

attention when he was in the 9th grade which was diagnosed as social

anxiety. He won't talk to any of the therapist, so we stopped the

therapy. 3 years later it seems to have gotten worse and in his

senior when it was time to graduate, he refused to go this graduation

and deferred college for a year. He wanted to start taking herbs

instead of medicine. So we saw a herbalist and he started taking

herbs, unfortunately, herbs take a long time to work and he hasn't

been taking them regularly as he should. I took him back to therapy

and he wouldn't do any of the assignments the doctor recommended. He

doesn't believe that therapy will help him and now he stopped the

therapy after a few sessions. He doesn't work nor does he want to

work, he says he can't function if he had a job, but he's supposed to

go to start college this September and I'm afraid he's going to say

he doesn't want to go again. I've been told that tough love is

needed in this case, because he's just feeding into the OCD. He was

diagnosed with a severe case of sleep apnea (stops breathing 100

times within an hour), he refuses to get his enlaraged tonsils and

adneoids removed which was recommended by the Pulmonary and ENT

doctors. He's not using the CPAP machine as he should. He finds

excuses for everything and is very defensive with me. One week he's

going to be a vegetarian and the next he's eating everything in site

that is no good for him. He has no friends. I also have a 12 year

old son and there relationship is not that great, because instead of

acting like a big brother, he acts like the 12 year old. There is

absolutely no reasoning with him at all. Unfortunately, my husband

is not much help or support in this area. HELP!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

Hi Roslyn,

First of BIG HUG! You have my empathy with all this. My son is 16

and although our challenges are different, I understand the challenge

of this age. Not an adult, not a child, don't want to be directed,

don't want to take the initiative, want to make the decisions but

can't always be responsible, in short a man-child. With this illness

on board the task of " stearing " and guiding as a parent is kind of

like playing ping pong I find, just batted about back and forth...an

endless game.

On the one hand, yes one needs to be firm and take a stand on certain

things and state expectations that is what it is to parent. On the

other hand if they are in the " grip " of ocd stuff it has to be their

decision/choice. How we handle it is that we " expect " that our son

will, for example, go to school. If he feels he cannot, we

encourage, cajole, and remind the consequence of not getting his

schooling. But in the end we cannot make him go. So, as the parent

we are there to guide but it is his choice. We can also remove

priviledges etc, but if it is the illness, in the end this makes no

impact.

Not sure if I am being very clear, because we struggle with this too

and there is a lack of clarity around where the illness ends and teen

stuff begins and how to handle it all.

In terms of the therapy part it is really tough, because that is what

is needed to get well. However, again, if they are not on board with

it, it is going nowhere anyway. Our focus has been beyond therapy,

what do you want for your life, there has to be an incentive, a

reason to do it. Our son is only 16 and bounces back and forth on

this one too. Lets face it the therapy they have to do to get well

is not an easy, so who would want to sign up for it. We see it as a

process, moving in a direction toward getting on board with the

therapy, and I suspect that can actually take a lifetime to fully

embrace. You can lead a horse to water and all that....

Not sure if any of this is of any help to you, but wanted you to know

that someone understands this impossible age and challenge as a

parent. I am not sure what if any ultimatum you could use as

leverage to try and encourage/strong arm him into therapy, but

perhaps the next step is a neutral but firm stance that he must

choose something constructive in order for you to continue supporting

him and allowing him to live at home as a dependent.

Hugs!

Barb

>

> I have a 19 year old son who has OCD for quite some time, we've

tried

> several therapists, medication when this was first brought to my

> attention when he was in the 9th grade which was diagnosed as

social

> anxiety. He won't talk to any of the therapist, so we stopped the

> therapy. 3 years later it seems to have gotten worse and in his

> senior when it was time to graduate, he refused to go this

graduation

> and deferred college for a year. He wanted to start taking herbs

> instead of medicine. So we saw a herbalist and he started taking

> herbs, unfortunately, herbs take a long time to work and he hasn't

> been taking them regularly as he should. I took him back to therapy

> and he wouldn't do any of the assignments the doctor recommended.

He

> doesn't believe that therapy will help him and now he stopped the

> therapy after a few sessions. He doesn't work nor does he want to

> work, he says he can't function if he had a job, but he's supposed

to

> go to start college this September and I'm afraid he's going to say

> he doesn't want to go again. I've been told that tough love is

> needed in this case, because he's just feeding into the OCD. He

was

> diagnosed with a severe case of sleep apnea (stops breathing 100

> times within an hour), he refuses to get his enlaraged tonsils and

> adneoids removed which was recommended by the Pulmonary and ENT

> doctors. He's not using the CPAP machine as he should. He finds

> excuses for everything and is very defensive with me. One week

he's

> going to be a vegetarian and the next he's eating everything in

site

> that is no good for him. He has no friends. I also have a 12 year

> old son and there relationship is not that great, because instead

of

> acting like a big brother, he acts like the 12 year old. There is

> absolutely no reasoning with him at all. Unfortunately, my

husband

> is not much help or support in this area. HELP!!!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Barb...I spoke with him recently about getting a part time job,

something easy (stock shelves, anything). I know it's hard for him because I

too struggled to do certain things at that age. But he seems so content with

the way things are. He says he trys, but I don't see it. He was able to get

his drivers license and is driving, but he won't go on the highway. I was proud

that he did it. It seems that he listens to my husband much better than me, but

my husband is not stearn with him, I'm the stearn one in the family. I told him

he had to get a job by the end of this month March 31st, needless to say he

hasn't stepped out of the house but to run an errand for me and go to a

professional basketball game last week with the family. It's all about what he

wants, not what he really needs. Thank you for your kind words, it nice to know

I'm not alone. I worry about him so much. I made an appointment next week for

me to see a therapist in

hopes that he can help/show me what to do for my son.

It sure ain't easy being a parent and our kids have no idea how much we worry

and love them. Hugs back at you :-)

Re: 19 Year Old with OCD

Hi Roslyn,

First of BIG HUG! You have my empathy with all this. My son is 16

and although our challenges are different, I understand the challenge

of this age. Not an adult, not a child, don't want to be directed,

don't want to take the initiative, want to make the decisions but

can't always be responsible, in short a man-child. With this illness

on board the task of " stearing " and guiding as a parent is kind of

like playing ping pong I find, just batted about back and forth...an

endless game.

On the one hand, yes one needs to be firm and take a stand on certain

things and state expectations that is what it is to parent. On the

other hand if they are in the " grip " of ocd stuff it has to be their

decision/choice. How we handle it is that we " expect " that our son

will, for example, go to school. If he feels he cannot, we

encourage, cajole, and remind the consequence of not getting his

schooling. But in the end we cannot make him go. So, as the parent

we are there to guide but it is his choice. We can also remove

priviledges etc, but if it is the illness, in the end this makes no

impact.

Not sure if I am being very clear, because we struggle with this too

and there is a lack of clarity around where the illness ends and teen

stuff begins and how to handle it all.

In terms of the therapy part it is really tough, because that is what

is needed to get well. However, again, if they are not on board with

it, it is going nowhere anyway. Our focus has been beyond therapy,

what do you want for your life, there has to be an incentive, a

reason to do it. Our son is only 16 and bounces back and forth on

this one too. Lets face it the therapy they have to do to get well

is not an easy, so who would want to sign up for it. We see it as a

process, moving in a direction toward getting on board with the

therapy, and I suspect that can actually take a lifetime to fully

embrace. You can lead a horse to water and all that....

Not sure if any of this is of any help to you, but wanted you to know

that someone understands this impossible age and challenge as a

parent. I am not sure what if any ultimatum you could use as

leverage to try and encourage/strong arm him into therapy, but

perhaps the next step is a neutral but firm stance that he must

choose something constructive in order for you to continue supporting

him and allowing him to live at home as a dependent.

Hugs!

Barb

>

> I have a 19 year old son who has OCD for quite some time, we've

tried

> several therapists, medication when this was first brought to my

> attention when he was in the 9th grade which was diagnosed as

social

> anxiety. He won't talk to any of the therapist, so we stopped the

> therapy. 3 years later it seems to have gotten worse and in his

> senior when it was time to graduate, he refused to go this

graduation

> and deferred college for a year. He wanted to start taking herbs

> instead of medicine. So we saw a herbalist and he started taking

> herbs, unfortunately, herbs take a long time to work and he hasn't

> been taking them regularly as he should. I took him back to therapy

> and he wouldn't do any of the assignments the doctor recommended.

He

> doesn't believe that therapy will help him and now he stopped the

> therapy after a few sessions. He doesn't work nor does he want to

> work, he says he can't function if he had a job, but he's supposed

to

> go to start college this September and I'm afraid he's going to say

> he doesn't want to go again. I've been told that tough love is

> needed in this case, because he's just feeding into the OCD. He

was

> diagnosed with a severe case of sleep apnea (stops breathing 100

> times within an hour), he refuses to get his enlaraged tonsils and

> adneoids removed which was recommended by the Pulmonary and ENT

> doctors. He's not using the CPAP machine as he should. He finds

> excuses for everything and is very defensive with me. One week

he's

> going to be a vegetarian and the next he's eating everything in

site

> that is no good for him. He has no friends. I also have a 12 year

> old son and there relationship is not that great, because instead

of

> acting like a big brother, he acts like the 12 year old. There is

> absolutely no reasoning with him at all. Unfortunately, my

husband

> is not much help or support in this area. HELP!!!!!!

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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[Guest guest]

Hi Roslyn, Your welcome. No it sure " ain't easy " ! The one thing

that caught my attention was when you said you were the " stern one "

and your husband is not. Similar here, my husband is a softie and

will accomodate and bend more than I will. I have to say when I

focus on connecting and being neutral I get better results than when

I am frustrated and angry and it comes out as demanding and

unsympathetic(which at that moment I am).

I think the bond with Mum is perhaps a more emotional one and makes

it difficult for both them and us. They need us to be on their side

and may feel dependent and then resent when we choose against the

ocd, which feels against them. Am I making sense?! I think you get

it anyway.... It is SO hard!

More hugs!

Barb

> >

> > I have a 19 year old son who has OCD for quite some time, we've

> tried

> > several therapists, medication when this was first brought to my

> > attention when he was in the 9th grade which was diagnosed as

> social

> > anxiety. He won't talk to any of the therapist, so we stopped the

> > therapy. 3 years later it seems to have gotten worse and in his

> > senior when it was time to graduate, he refused to go this

> graduation

> > and deferred college for a year. He wanted to start taking herbs

> > instead of medicine. So we saw a herbalist and he started taking

> > herbs, unfortunately, herbs take a long time to work and he

hasn't

> > been taking them regularly as he should. I took him back to

therapy

> > and he wouldn't do any of the assignments the doctor recommended.

> He

> > doesn't believe that therapy will help him and now he stopped the

> > therapy after a few sessions. He doesn't work nor does he want to

> > work, he says he can't function if he had a job, but he's

supposed

> to

> > go to start college this September and I'm afraid he's going to

say

> > he doesn't want to go again. I've been told that tough love is

> > needed in this case, because he's just feeding into the OCD. He

> was

> > diagnosed with a severe case of sleep apnea (stops breathing 100

> > times within an hour), he refuses to get his enlaraged tonsils

and

> > adneoids removed which was recommended by the Pulmonary and ENT

> > doctors. He's not using the CPAP machine as he should. He finds

> > excuses for everything and is very defensive with me. One week

> he's

> > going to be a vegetarian and the next he's eating everything in

> site

> > that is no good for him. He has no friends. I also have a 12 year

> > old son and there relationship is not that great, because instead

> of

> > acting like a big brother, he acts like the 12 year old. There is

> > absolutely no reasoning with him at all. Unfortunately, my

> husband

> > is not much help or support in this area. HELP!!!!!!

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

______________________________________________________________________

______________

> Looking for last minute shopping deals?

> Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

http://tools.search.yahoo.com/newsearch/category.php?category=shopping

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Roslyn,

I have a 17 yr old son with OCD. The teen years are probably the

hardest years for OCD. All that teen stuff going on and then on top of

it OCD. For parents, it's hard to tell what is teen behavior and what

is OCD. Some days I'm not sure how hard our son is trying to fight the

OCD and do his ERP homework. His OCD is fairly severe, so I know it is

hard for him. But he does have to take responsibility and he does have

to be willing to work at it. We've tried using rewards and removing

privileges to get him to do the ERP homework. Sometimes it works and

sometimes it doesn't. He had a job, but quit the job a couple months

ago. He's made a couple of attempts to find another job, but doesn't

seem to be too motivated. He is doing therapy, so we are kind of

waiting to see if he starts improving. Wish I had some more suggestions

for you. It is aggravating. Hopefully the therapist you are going to

see can give you some good advice. Hugs. Take care

Connie

[Guest guest]

Hi Roslyn, I have a 19 yr old who is pretty bad too. Won't try meds

and there is no therapist right now (no insurance to cover). Long

story. He is attending college his first year and doing fine. He

still manages to enjoy his church activities too. Now he also has

an Aspergers diagnosis (on autism spectrum), mildly affects him in

some ways but socially has been one way; no social life, friends.

Nice person though.

Anyway - was wondering about your son's earlier years, before the

anxiety and OCD? Things going well then, school and social life and

family life...?

We've tried some alternatives things too. My son was good about

trying them, took them daily. Right now his OCD is the scrupulosity

type with bad thoughts, etc, that all revolve around

religion/faith. And nothing " alternative " we've tried has helped a

bit.

What type OCD problems does your son have? Mine used to have a lot

of physical type rituals/compulsions but those finally got better.

It's hard when they are teens!

>

> I have a 19 year old son who has OCD for quite some time, we've

tried

> several therapists, medication when this was first brought to my

> attention when he was in the 9th grade which was diagnosed as

social

> anxiety. He won't talk to any of the therapist, so we stopped the

> therapy. 3 years later it seems to have gotten worse and in his

> senior when it was time to graduate, he refused to go this

[Guest guest]

Barb, you are so right, I never thought about it that way. Patience is

definitely something that I've learned with dealing with this. Have a great

weekend.

Re: 19 Year Old with OCD

Hi Roslyn, Your welcome. No it sure " ain't easy " ! The one thing

that caught my attention was when you said you were the " stern one "

and your husband is not. Similar here, my husband is a softie and

will accomodate and bend more than I will. I have to say when I

focus on connecting and being neutral I get better results than when

I am frustrated and angry and it comes out as demanding and

unsympathetic( which at that moment I am).

I think the bond with Mum is perhaps a more emotional one and makes

it difficult for both them and us. They need us to be on their side

and may feel dependent and then resent when we choose against the

ocd, which feels against them. Am I making sense?! I think you get

it anyway.... It is SO hard!

More hugs!

Barb

> >

> > I have a 19 year old son who has OCD for quite some time, we've

> tried

> > several therapists, medication when this was first brought to my

> > attention when he was in the 9th grade which was diagnosed as

> social

> > anxiety. He won't talk to any of the therapist, so we stopped the

> > therapy. 3 years later it seems to have gotten worse and in his

> > senior when it was time to graduate, he refused to go this

> graduation

> > and deferred college for a year. He wanted to start taking herbs

> > instead of medicine. So we saw a herbalist and he started taking

> > herbs, unfortunately, herbs take a long time to work and he

hasn't

> > been taking them regularly as he should. I took him back to

therapy

> > and he wouldn't do any of the assignments the doctor recommended.

> He

> > doesn't believe that therapy will help him and now he stopped the

> > therapy after a few sessions. He doesn't work nor does he want to

> > work, he says he can't function if he had a job, but he's

supposed

> to

> > go to start college this September and I'm afraid he's going to

say

> > he doesn't want to go again. I've been told that tough love is

> > needed in this case, because he's just feeding into the OCD. He

> was

> > diagnosed with a severe case of sleep apnea (stops breathing 100

> > times within an hour), he refuses to get his enlaraged tonsils

and

> > adneoids removed which was recommended by the Pulmonary and ENT

> > doctors. He's not using the CPAP machine as he should. He finds

> > excuses for everything and is very defensive with me. One week

> he's

> > going to be a vegetarian and the next he's eating everything in

> site

> > that is no good for him. He has no friends. I also have a 12 year

> > old son and there relationship is not that great, because instead

> of

> > acting like a big brother, he acts like the 12 year old. There is

> > absolutely no reasoning with him at all. Unfortunately, my

> husband

> > is not much help or support in this area. HELP!!!!!!

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

____________ __

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> Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

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>

[Guest guest]

((((Hugs)))) to you, Roslyn.

The teen years are HARD! And our son is actually pretty good, but

still the hormones, and the moments of defiance. . Yikes! I loved

your description, Barb. . Man-child. Perfect description. Wanting

your help, leaning on you, then sort of resenting you for it. Uh-huh!

Stir in OCD and it REALLY complicates the matter.

Anyway, Roslyn, I guess I'm just relating more so than having any

answers.

For our son, the anxiety was so bad, so overwhelming, that he was

willing to to the ERP required to improve. I hate that he was

suffering so much, but if it motivated him, it may have been worth it.

It's hard to motivate a teen, PERIOD!

Our son is supposed to start some classes next year at a vocational

school, and also, eventually, add in some Running Start classes at a

community college nearby. We will see how it goes. I've accepted

(and it took me a while) that it might take him longer than the

average kid to get his education. Nothing has been normal in his life

so far, so I guess I can't expect it will change now, no matter how

much I wish it would.

I've seen a niece and a nephew both with OCD, both succeed at college.

I think the difference is that their OCD wasn't as severe, and that

is a factor. Their OCD has sort of worked for them in the sense that

they want to be the perfect student and both maintain a 4.0 grade

average.

The sleep apnea situation seems a bit scary. That sounds severe.

Could it be contributing to things some? He can't be getting good

rest. How big of a risk is it for him, health wise?

My husband has mild sleep apnea, and it he doesn't get good sleep, he

is as crabby as a bear. He tried the CPAP machine, but he still

breathed through his mouth, so it didn't help.

Why won't your son get the surgery? Fear? Our son HAD to have an

emergency appendectomy this last year and I was a mess, knowing how he

fears so many things, . . Worrying about his OCD, but he handled it

really well. When I asked him about it, he said he got past it

because the other alternative was death. He figured he had a better

chance of living through the surgery. Wow! That was a bit of rational

thinking in the midst of an irrational disorder. I was glad he was

capable of it when it counted.

BJ

>

> I have a 19 year old son who has OCD for quite some time, we've tried

> several therapists, medication when this was first brought to my

> attention when he was in the 9th grade which was diagnosed as social

> anxiety. He won't talk to any of the therapist, so we stopped the

> therapy. 3 years later it seems to have gotten worse and in his

> senior when it was time to graduate, he refused to go this graduation

> and deferred college for a year. He wanted to start taking herbs

> instead of medicine. So we saw a herbalist and he started taking

> herbs, unfortunately, herbs take a long time to work and he hasn't

> been taking them regularly as he should. I took him back to therapy

> and he wouldn't do any of the assignments the doctor recommended. He

> doesn't believe that therapy will help him and now he stopped the

> therapy after a few sessions. He doesn't work nor does he want to

> work, he says he can't function if he had a job, but he's supposed to

> go to start college this September and I'm afraid he's going to say

> he doesn't want to go again. I've been told that tough love is

> needed in this case, because he's just feeding into the OCD. He was

> diagnosed with a severe case of sleep apnea (stops breathing 100

> times within an hour), he refuses to get his enlaraged tonsils and

> adneoids removed which was recommended by the Pulmonary and ENT

> doctors. He's not using the CPAP machine as he should. He finds

> excuses for everything and is very defensive with me. One week he's

> going to be a vegetarian and the next he's eating everything in site

> that is no good for him. He has no friends. I also have a 12 year

> old son and there relationship is not that great, because instead of

> acting like a big brother, he acts like the 12 year old. There is

> absolutely no reasoning with him at all. Unfortunately, my husband

> is not much help or support in this area. HELP!!!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Connie, it definitely is challenge.

Re: 19 Year Old with OCD

Hi Roslyn,

I have a 17 yr old son with OCD. The teen years are probably the

hardest years for OCD. All that teen stuff going on and then on top of

it OCD. For parents, it's hard to tell what is teen behavior and what

is OCD. Some days I'm not sure how hard our son is trying to fight the

OCD and do his ERP homework. His OCD is fairly severe, so I know it is

hard for him. But he does have to take responsibility and he does have

to be willing to work at it. We've tried using rewards and removing

privileges to get him to do the ERP homework. Sometimes it works and

sometimes it doesn't. He had a job, but quit the job a couple months

ago. He's made a couple of attempts to find another job, but doesn't

seem to be too motivated. He is doing therapy, so we are kind of

waiting to see if he starts improving. Wish I had some more suggestions

for you. It is aggravating. Hopefully the therapist you are going to

see can give you some good advice. Hugs. Take care

Connie

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

[Guest guest]

I was severely stricken by OCD by the time I'd gotten to college.  I do

understand your son's fears.  What helped me amazingly well was taking

Anafranil.  None of the other meds have ever worked as well for me.  I do

think you need to do some tough love in the form of insisting your son either go

to one of the intensive residential treatment centers for OCD or at least start

taking one of the medicines for OCD (in your presence so you know he is taking

it).  There have to be things you are enabling him with by paying for beyond

basic room and board.  Does he have a cell phone?  a tv in his room?  video

games?  These could be taken away until he is ready to get help.

[Guest guest]

His sleep apnea I believe is contributing to a lot of his issues and evidently

been dealing with for a while. I never knew about it until my mother was

diagonosed and thought only older people have sleep apnea. My son's doctor said

his youngest patient is 3 years old. His sleep apnea is really bad, he wakes up

with headaches, hard time concentrating, depression, anxiety, hard to wake up in

the morning, he was late for high school constantly (the principal made him sign

a contract that he wouldn't be late for a certain amount of time) and if he was

he was going to be suspended that's how bad it had gotten. His tonsils are huge

and adneoids. The ENT doctor told us all the pros and cons to the surgery and

since he's young, he should be back to normal in 2 weeks. But believes the

tonsils are there for a reason and he wants to take herbs to shrink them. he's

very much into holistics, which is fine, but he doesn't follow through on

anything including

the herbs he should be taking for OCD. I know the CPAP is not easy to sleep

with, but I've heard people say it's changed their lives. I even read a study

about people suffering from depression and when diagnosed with sleep apnea

started using the CPAP and began to feel much better (not as depressed). I wish

I could tell him he's having the surgery whether he wants to or not. The doctor

told him that by having them removed it's good chance he may not need the CPAP

and even if he did, the machine would work better for him, since he has such a

bad case.

Your son definitely was very rationale when he decided to have the surgery. I

wish my son would see that at as well. He would feel so much better.

Re: 19 Year Old with OCD

((((Hugs)))) to you, Roslyn.

The teen years are HARD! And our son is actually pretty good, but

still the hormones, and the moments of defiance. . Yikes! I loved

your description, Barb. . Man-child. Perfect description. Wanting

your help, leaning on you, then sort of resenting you for it. Uh-huh!

Stir in OCD and it REALLY complicates the matter.

Anyway, Roslyn, I guess I'm just relating more so than having any

answers.

For our son, the anxiety was so bad, so overwhelming, that he was

willing to to the ERP required to improve. I hate that he was

suffering so much, but if it motivated him, it may have been worth it.

It's hard to motivate a teen, PERIOD!

Our son is supposed to start some classes next year at a vocational

school, and also, eventually, add in some Running Start classes at a

community college nearby. We will see how it goes. I've accepted

(and it took me a while) that it might take him longer than the

average kid to get his education. Nothing has been normal in his life

so far, so I guess I can't expect it will change now, no matter how

much I wish it would.

I've seen a niece and a nephew both with OCD, both succeed at college.

I think the difference is that their OCD wasn't as severe, and that

is a factor. Their OCD has sort of worked for them in the sense that

they want to be the perfect student and both maintain a 4.0 grade

average.

The sleep apnea situation seems a bit scary. That sounds severe.

Could it be contributing to things some? He can't be getting good

rest. How big of a risk is it for him, health wise?

My husband has mild sleep apnea, and it he doesn't get good sleep, he

is as crabby as a bear. He tried the CPAP machine, but he still

breathed through his mouth, so it didn't help.

Why won't your son get the surgery? Fear? Our son HAD to have an

emergency appendectomy this last year and I was a mess, knowing how he

fears so many things, . . Worrying about his OCD, but he handled it

really well. When I asked him about it, he said he got past it

because the other alternative was death. He figured he had a better

chance of living through the surgery. Wow! That was a bit of rational

thinking in the midst of an irrational disorder. I was glad he was

capable of it when it counted.

BJ

>

> I have a 19 year old son who has OCD for quite some time, we've tried

> several therapists, medication when this was first brought to my

> attention when he was in the 9th grade which was diagnosed as social

> anxiety. He won't talk to any of the therapist, so we stopped the

> therapy. 3 years later it seems to have gotten worse and in his

> senior when it was time to graduate, he refused to go this graduation

> and deferred college for a year. He wanted to start taking herbs

> instead of medicine. So we saw a herbalist and he started taking

> herbs, unfortunately, herbs take a long time to work and he hasn't

> been taking them regularly as he should. I took him back to therapy

> and he wouldn't do any of the assignments the doctor recommended. He

> doesn't believe that therapy will help him and now he stopped the

> therapy after a few sessions. He doesn't work nor does he want to

> work, he says he can't function if he had a job, but he's supposed to

> go to start college this September and I'm afraid he's going to say

> he doesn't want to go again. I've been told that tough love is

> needed in this case, because he's just feeding into the OCD. He was

> diagnosed with a severe case of sleep apnea (stops breathing 100

> times within an hour), he refuses to get his enlaraged tonsils and

> adneoids removed which was recommended by the Pulmonary and ENT

> doctors. He's not using the CPAP machine as he should. He finds

> excuses for everything and is very defensive with me. One week he's

> going to be a vegetarian and the next he's eating everything in site

> that is no good for him. He has no friends. I also have a 12 year

> old son and there relationship is not that great, because instead of

> acting like a big brother, he acts like the 12 year old. There is

> absolutely no reasoning with him at all. Unfortunately, my husband

> is not much help or support in this area. HELP!!!!!!

>

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[Guest guest]

The only physical rititual I noticed when he was younger was washing his hands

constantly, but that has stopped. He has a lot of anxiety, depression, social

phobias, he has a hard time concentrating, no motivation, procrastinates. It's

very hard at this age to reason with them and with the OCD makes it ten times

worse.

Re: 19 Year Old with OCD

Hi Roslyn, I have a 19 yr old who is pretty bad too. Won't try meds

and there is no therapist right now (no insurance to cover). Long

story. He is attending college his first year and doing fine. He

still manages to enjoy his church activities too. Now he also has

an Aspergers diagnosis (on autism spectrum), mildly affects him in

some ways but socially has been one way; no social life, friends.

Nice person though.

Anyway - was wondering about your son's earlier years, before the

anxiety and OCD? Things going well then, school and social life and

family life...?

We've tried some alternatives things too. My son was good about

trying them, took them daily. Right now his OCD is the scrupulosity

type with bad thoughts, etc, that all revolve around

religion/faith. And nothing " alternative " we've tried has helped a

bit.

What type OCD problems does your son have? Mine used to have a lot

of physical type rituals/compulsions but those finally got better.

It's hard when they are teens!

>

> I have a 19 year old son who has OCD for quite some time, we've

tried

> several therapists, medication when this was first brought to my

> attention when he was in the 9th grade which was diagnosed as

social

> anxiety. He won't talk to any of the therapist, so we stopped the

> therapy. 3 years later it seems to have gotten worse and in his

> senior when it was time to graduate, he refused to go this

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[Guest guest]

Jordana,

He refuses to take any type of medicine and therapy. You think I should take

TV, Video games away until he agrees to do therapy? I was talking to him

yesterday about finding a job and he just sat there and didn't say a word. He

was supposed to have a job by the end of March, needless to say that didn't

happen. It's like he takes me for a joke, when I told him he has no choice but

to get a job. How did you deal with OCD at that age besides the medicine?

Re:19 Year Old with OCD

I was severely stricken by OCD by the time I'd gotten to college. I do

understand your son's fears. What helped me amazingly well was taking

Anafranil. None of the other meds have ever worked as well for me. I do think

you need to do some tough love in the form of insisting your son either go to

one of the intensive residential treatment centers for OCD or at least start

taking one of the medicines for OCD (in your presence so you know he is taking

it). There have to be things you are enabling him with by paying for beyond

basic room and board. Does he have a cell phone? a tv in his room? video

games? These could be taken away until he is ready to get help.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your reply from your perspective of one with OCD.

It is very helpful to us parents who don't know what to do and don't

want to enable our worsen our child's illness by our actions, but hate

to see them suffer and not able to reach their full potential.

~ICL~

[Guest guest]

Hi lyn,

You have my empathy.

It is hard to be supporting to our children when it feels like we are

taking all the burden on ourselves and they are not able to motivate

themselves to try to manage their illness better.

My daughter told me that she likes her OCD and that she is just doing

the therapy, meds etc. to please us. I had to remind her that at it's

worst she could not go anywhere and was even uncomfortable in most

rooms of the house and wore a towel on her head 24/7. She talked

about living on her own in an apartment where no one was allowed in

and being a hermit. This seemed to bring her joy but scared the CRAP

out of me as I've read books about people who have isolated themselves

to their rooms with food having to be placed outside their door.

No, I don't want to feed the OCD if that possibility is still there.

We have a fairly good relationship of open communication now, but to

get there I had to back off and let some healing happen first. I had

to work on ways to let her know I loved her despite the OCD and if I

was mad it was at the OCD and not her.

I praise her when I see her doing something that I know is hard. I

say " stupid OCD monster, leave her alone " when I see her struggling.

One day at a time, is how we are still managing. I have no high

expectations about the future, so that anything that is positive feels

like a bonus.

Am I resigned to the illness? Yes. Have I given up? Hell, no!

{hugs}

~ICL~