Re: OCD and Social Life

March 31, 2008

Boy does this sound like my daughter!!!!!!

Does anyone have any answers ??

Hugs

Judy

OCD and Social Life

How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life? For

us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially negative

ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and recycling

these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude and

negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this mindset

somehow.

March 31, 2008

WOW same here, my dd is in 7th grade with no friends because she

feeds into the negativity and worrying so much! She is on

antibiotics now (no signs of strep but I suspected)and is doing

better but still no friends!

in MA

>

> Boy does this sound like my daughter!!!!!!

> Does anyone have any answers ??

> Hugs

> Judy

>

> OCD and Social Life

>

> How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life? For

> us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially

negative

> ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and

recycling

> these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude and

> negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this

mindset

> somehow.

>

March 31, 2008

I can relate to my child obsessing about some social situations.

Especially when a child is unkind to her or giving her the silent

treatment. She does not like when any one is upset with her. This whole

weekend she was so nervous about this one little girl and going back to

school today. She gets so anxious and can't seem to get on with her day

when she is worrying about things. ie. her friend. We had to go over

what she was going to say, what the girl might or might not do, what

her teacher would say to the little girl, and the list goes on.

As for the negative attitude...one of the things that has worked with

us is making sure she speaks of all the positives about her day. We,

many months ago,(and it took maybe 2 weeks)gave her 3 coins. Those

three coins were her tokens to use to complain. And she could only

complain about 3 things. Then after one week, we brought that to only 2

coins. After the two weeks, she barely needed them. That is not to say

that she can't tell us how she feels if something truly " neg " happened

but she was so focused on the negatives that when it came time for what

great things happened at school, she forgot them because she was so

focused on the beg. WE also did that for her compulsion to " tell " .

Maybe give it a try. It worked for us. And we would reward her with an

icecream or something little and tell her how great it was that she was

being so positive.

>

> How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life? For

> us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially negative

> ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and

recycling

> these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude and

> negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this

mindset

> somehow.

>

March 31, 2008

I should clarify something better...we may all have friends who are

so negative. The more " air " time they have to be negative (us

listening) the more the negativity is fed. I try to not let her

negativity get air time. It falls on " deaf ears. " Does this make

sense? If the coins seem too young for some of our girls or boys,

then have them write the negative thought on a piece a paper and put

it in a box. I would imagine they will eventually get tired of

writing every thing down. When my DD gets in the car from school, I

never ask point blank: How was school? Because it just opens up to -

" well, so and so did this " and anything negative.

Now, I ask what did you have for lunch? What was the best thing that

happened at school today? LOL

> >

> > Boy does this sound like my daughter!!!!!!

> > Does anyone have any answers ??

> > Hugs

> > Judy

> >

> > OCD and Social Life

> >

> > How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life?

For

> > us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially

> negative

> > ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and

> recycling

> > these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude

and

> > negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this

> mindset

> > somehow.

> >

March 31, 2008

***********

How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life? For us,

we see her obsessing about social situations, especially negative ones, or

kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and recycling these

thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude and a negative

tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this mindset somehow.

***********

My daughter is this way, too. Extremely frustrating.

Her problem is often on Sunday afternoon when she realizes she has to go

to school the next day and face the child(ren) of her anxiety again. Once

she is actually at school she is fine -- will often even play with the

very same kid(s) she was obsessing about the night before.

If there is a big social thing at school (Valentine's Party, Greek Mall,

etc.) she'll demonstrate quite a lot of anxiety and even have meltdowns

the evening before. Then turn around and be totally fine during the

actual event. She used to be a very social little girl (much more so than

either of her parents!) and still can be but she gets really stressed

ahead of time.

She also complains a lot about certain people. So and so has a " really

bad smell " or " is braggy " or " bossy " or what-have-you. Flavor of the Day

kind of thing. Yet, again, when she's actually with them she seems fine.

It is only the before and after stuff -- what she brings home to share

with us that is totally negative! Ugh!

Beth

March 31, 2008

*************

Now, I ask what did you have for lunch? What was the best thing that

happened at school today? LOL

*************

I've been trying that tactic as well and the answer I get, " Nothing! " then

she launches into who touched her desk, who ran into her on the

playground, what so-and-so said, etc. Ugh!

I really like the coin idea -- I may try to impliment that one! Thanks

for the suggestions!

Beth

March 31, 2008

Beth - My dd does both of the things you talk about...over the

weekend leading up to school and being fine at school and

the " nothing " response. When she says " nothing " leave it at that and

the moment she starts letting out negative say, " I won't listen to

the negative...if you want to talk positive then great. But no more

negative. " If she resists, then tell her she will have a consequence.

Because our children feel the need to tell about their whole day,

they have focused on the negative because we allowed it. For some

reason, we allow it until we are fed up and that is when we have

realized we have let it go too far. I say to mine now sometimes...is

this positive? Eventually, they will see that speaking of the

positives helps them a lot more. She will put up a fight, but with

consistency, it will lessen. Promise.

>

> *************

> Now, I ask what did you have for lunch? What was the best thing that

> happened at school today? LOL

> *************

>

> I've been trying that tactic as well and the answer I

get, " Nothing! " then

> she launches into who touched her desk, who ran into her on the

> playground, what so-and-so said, etc. Ugh!

>

> I really like the coin idea -- I may try to impliment that one!

Thanks

> for the suggestions!

>

> Beth

>

March 31, 2008

in MA -

Just curious. If your daughter wasn't showing signs of strep, how did

you get the doctor to put her on antibiotic? Did you think this was due

to PANDAS?

> >

> > Boy does this sound like my daughter!!!!!!

> > Does anyone have any answers ??

> > Hugs

> > Judy

> >

> > OCD and Social Life

> >

> > How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life? For

> > us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially

> negative

> > ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and

> recycling

> > these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude and

> > negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this

> mindset

> > somehow.

> >

March 31, 2008

>

> How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life? For

> us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially negative

> ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and recycling

> these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude and

> negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this mindset

> somehow.

>

March 31, 2008

bacon -

Good ideas. We need to do a better job of this at our house. We ALLOW

her to be negative, don't we? Just didn't realize how strong a role WE

play in their attitude. Glad you mentioned this.

lwieland1

> > >

> > > Boy does this sound like my daughter!!!!!!

> > > Does anyone have any answers ??

> > > Hugs

> > > Judy

> > >

> > > OCD and Social Life

> > >

> > > How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life?

> For

> > > us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially

> > negative

> > > ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and

> > recycling

> > > these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude

> and

> > > negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this

> > mindset

> > > somehow.

> > >

March 31, 2008

I liked that idea, too. Will try that also.

lwieland1

>

> *************

> Now, I ask what did you have for lunch? What was the best thing that

> happened at school today? LOL

> *************

>

> I've been trying that tactic as well and the answer I get, " Nothing! "

then

> she launches into who touched her desk, who ran into her on the

> playground, what so-and-so said, etc. Ugh!

>

> I really like the coin idea -- I may try to impliment that one! Thanks

> for the suggestions!

>

> Beth

>

March 31, 2008

bacon -

What do you mean by " her compulsion to 'tell' " ? What does telling

alleviate? You all understand this disorder so much better than me!

lwieland1

> >

> > How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life? For

> > us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially

negative

> > ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and

> recycling

> > these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude and

> > negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this

> mindset

> > somehow.

> >

>

March 31, 2008

I have a nephew with OCD that is similar to what you are describing.

He has high standards for those around him, which I suspect is OCD

related,and when they can't live up to them, he complains about them.

Consequently, he only has one friend, but when he is here, he

complains about him, nonstop. Makes me sad for him. He also has this

NEED for everybody to agree with him, about everything. If they

don't, he gets really upset. I've often wondered if that is OCD

related too. I've tried to explain to him that he will never find

anyone who will completely agree with him on everything. And that

it's okay to " agree to disagree " with others, while still liking them,

or even loving them. But, I'm not sure it's gotten through.

Our son, on the other hand, just blurts things out. For instance, if

he thinks a friend is being weird, he just tells them so. They

scuffle a bit, laugh, then go back to what they were doing. I've seen

this happen with different friends he has. I just figured boys relate

different than girls. <grin>

Josh is a pessimist to the core, and the first to admit it. But, it

doesn't seem to affect him socially.

BJ

>

> How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life? For

> us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially negative

> ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and recycling

> these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude and

> negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this mindset

> somehow.

>

March 31, 2008

Great ERP, bacongirl! Sounds like it worked beautifully too.

BJ

> >

> > How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life? For

> > us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially negative

> > ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and

> recycling

> > these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude and

> > negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this

> mindset

> > somehow.

> >

>

March 31, 2008

Telling alleviates the negative thoughts she is having. (that is what

they think) My DD has intrusive thought OCD as well as the " just

right " OCD. Everything has to be or feel just right. That has a lot

to do with her sensitivity issues. But the more your dd or ,in my

case, my daughter told me, the more is perpetuated the negativity. It

doesn't alleviate it, it makes it more in the forefront. If she can't

tell you them all, then she won't give it much thought. My dd had to

realize that every thought she had was just that - A THOUGHT. If you

call your friend on the phone and constantly complain everyday, you

will continue because there is nothing stopping you. Now if your

frined says, lweiland, I will not sit on the phone and listen to all

this complaining...you may get angry at first but you will eventually

realize, she is right. That is all you were doing. Does this make

sense?

> > >

> > > How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life?

For

> > > us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially

> negative

> > > ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and

> > recycling

> > > these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude

and

> > > negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this

> > mindset

> > > somehow.

> > >

> >

>

March 31, 2008

lweiland1...Let me also say this...I don't always understand this

disorder, it just happens that I know a little about " negativity " and

what worked for us. But every day - things change and I have to get

help or ask others for advice. I have also read so many books and try

my hardest to educate myself in many ways because at times I feel

like I am on a rollercoaster. :)Her therapist is amazing. If you

can...get the book " What to do when you GRUMBLE TOO MUCH " a kids

guide to overcoming negativity. by. Dawn Huebner, ph.D. She also

has " What to do when you Worry too much. Great books.

> > >

> > > How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life?

For

> > > us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially

> negative

> > > ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and

> > recycling

> > > these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude

and

> > > negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this

> > mindset

> > > somehow.

> > >

> >

>

March 31, 2008

Hi, we have never had a definite 'PANDAS'diagnosis, But I can tell

from her behaviors when she has strep. I have convinced her

Pediatrician of this and she will give me antibiotics as needed.

Since she has had her tonsil out it has only been maybe 2x a year.

Her cultures alway come back negative, I figure the strep is hidden

somewhere in her body and resufaces every now and then.

cathy in MA

> > >

> > > Boy does this sound like my daughter!!!!!!

> > > Does anyone have any answers ??

> > > Hugs

> > > Judy

> > >

> > > OCD and Social Life

> > >

> > > How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social

life? For

> > > us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially

> > negative

> > > ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and

> > recycling

> > > these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative

attitude and

> > > negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this

> > mindset

> > > somehow.

> > >

March 31, 2008

Hi, we have never had a definite 'PANDAS'diagnosis, But I can tell

from her behaviors when she has strep. I have convinced her

Pediatrician of this and she will give me antibiotics as needed.

Since she has had her tonsil out it has only been maybe 2x a year.

Her cultures alway come back negative, I figure the strep is hidden

somewhere in her body and resufaces every now and then.

cathy in MA

> > >

> > > Boy does this sound like my daughter!!!!!!

> > > Does anyone have any answers ??

> > > Hugs

> > > Judy

> > >

> > > OCD and Social Life

> > >

> > > How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social

life? For

> > > us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially

> > negative

> > > ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and

> > recycling

> > > these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative

attitude and

> > > negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this

> > mindset

> > > somehow.

> > >

April 1, 2008

Could the following situation be related to OCD in some way?

My daughter last night was telling me about a conversation that was

going on at her lunchtable yesterday. Two girls who play volleyball for

the school, both 13, were talking about volleyball this coming fall.

They both have been playing on a junior Olympic volleyball team over the

winter and were talking about how they didn't want to play for the

school this year(most likely because they are much better than everyone

else now). Anyway, one of the girls, who can be really nasty at times,

asked my daughter why she didn't play on the school team this past year.

Well, she had played the previous year and loved it but one of the

coaches was really mean, i.e. gave out awards at the end of the season

which were quite personal(my daughter got the Milky Way award for being

'out in left field' most of the time. Another girl, who is overweight,

got the Diet Mountain Dew award.) There were several things throughout

the season this coach did that were inappropriate. I've never seen

anything like it actually and we've been on many sports teams. She just

shouldn't have been coaching children. Anyway, I wouldn't let my

daughter play under her again. Well! In answering this girl's question

about why she didn't play last year, my daughter said, " My mom didn't

like Coach ____. Thought she was too angry all the time. " Well, the

other said, " You mean, you didn't like her because she was tough? "

Anyway, the whole thing turned into a bullying situation. My daughter

said, " Oh, I can still play on the Olympic team. " The other girl

replied, " Well, it costs like $300 and the jacket is $100, " as if it was

too expensive for her. We live in a condo where most other people

around us live in large houses. It was just a nasty thing to say and a

way to keep her away. Anyway, we live in a very small town and I'm sure

this girl will go right home and tell her mom that I didn't like Coach

______ who is one of her dearest friends, so I was horrified by all

this. Why couldn't my daughter respond with, " Oh, I just had too much

going on last fall, couldn't squeeze it in. " We talked about what to say

if someone asked, over and over and over again because I knew it would

come up. I asked her this and she said, " I don't like to lie. " I

wanted to scream!!!! I had to explain - again - why being discreet is

so important. I still don't think she understood. Ggggrrrrr! How do

I deal with this?

>

> How does OCD affect your child's social skills and social life? For

> us, we see her obsessing about social situations, especially negative

> ones, or kids who she doesn't like, just keeps recycling and recycling

> these thoughts. Because of this, she exudes a negative attitude and

> negative tone. I hate this. Would love to get her out of this mindset

> somehow.

>

April 1, 2008

so sorry for your discomfort...

i would say defintitely connected to ocd! my son cant lie either (and most of

the time, thats a good thing!) hes always sooooo careful to say things just

right!!!! i have tried to explain to him over time social niceties and HOW to

say something that may seem like a lie to him but is not really a lie, just

learning to say something so that it wont socially offend.. but i must say ive

found that he wont learn to generalize from it.. in other words, he may learn

that particular example (ie, how to tell a kid who calls up and invites him to

come play that he doesnt want to without saying, i dont want to come !) but he

wontbe able to understand from that how to say it in a different but similair

situation!

i am hopeful however, that as his therapy continues he will get better at that!!

good luck

judy