Re: Share re CBT homework - long!

[Guest guest]

Hi Barb,

I can certainly understand your frustration with teens with OCD.

Very aggravating. Just because our son's therapists sends him home

with homework, doesn't mean he will do it. The therapist involves

our son in on the decision of what the homework should be. They

come up with it together. However, he gets home and doesn't do it

half the time (in fact I think he does it less than half the time).

The only thing I have found that helps is when I remind him that it

is homework both the therapist and he came up with. Then, he will

grudgingly do it.

You're right, dealing with teens is definitely a " special " kind

of fun. LOL Somehow when kids hit those teenage years, they turn in

to nocturnal animals. They also all of a sudden become extremely

intelligent and we parents become so much less intelligent then

them. Just ask any teen; they'll tell you - " mom and dad don't know

anything " . LOL Oh, and being rude, selfish, inconsiderate,

unappreciative; those come along for the ride as well. Take heart,

though, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Besides our 17

yr old son (OCD), we also have a 20 yr old daugher (no known

disorders; perhaps a few unknown ones ROFL). We are starting to see

glimpses of maturity in her. She still acts like a teen much of the

time, but every now and then she surprises us. A recent example is

she spent Easter weekend with her grandparents. She went there on

her own (without us) because they live close to where she is going

to college. Just found out last night that she sent an email to her

grandparents thanking them for having her over for Easter dinner.

She did that on her own without me hinting to her that that would be

a good idea. So, they do grow out of those obnoxious teen years

eventually. Hang in there Barb. Hugs to you. Hope this new

therapist works out much better.

Take care

Connie

>

> Just left a message on our son's psychologist's voice mail. I let

him

> know that our son filled out his CBT homework sheet on hand

washing

> for the entire week in one day(day 1), and that while reading

sheets

> he was given on anger management he read something he didn't like

and

> ripped up the sheets. So much for helping manage the anger.....!

>

> I think it's safe to say our 16yr old is not " with the program " .

We

> waited until he was in a reasonable state of mind (like that EVER

> exists) and busted him on the homework sheet. We made it humorous

on

> the one hand, while pointing out that if he doesn't follow what is

> recommended he is not giving this doctor's approach a chance.

>

> Of course our son in typical teenage fashion views it all as a

waste

> of time, rants that the doctor doesn't know what he is doing,

blah,

> blah, blah... (truthfully we wonder ourselves given it's been six

> months and we have seen little change). But honestly I don't

think

> our son has a real understanding of how this will work. It is

> difficult to see how focussing on stopping hand washing will stop

his

> thoughts of wanting to harm others, or the intense anger that he

> feels.

>

> Since this is the first time in six months that a homework sheet

was

> even sent home(only happened because we pressured for it), one

> wonders what has been happening for the last six months. It's a

darn

> good thing we are not paying for this, on the other hand one

wonders

> if you get what you pay for... I suspect their has been a whole

lot

> of the " C " part of CBT and little of the " B " part.

>

> If only one COULD " talk " their way out of this disorder! I'm not

> meaning to diminish the value of the cognitive part, I think it is

> important and can lead you in a direction and help with perception

> and all that, BUT in the end it is the ERP that works as the

research

> bears out.

>

> We are in the process of securing a new psychologist, but this one

we

> will have to pay for. We have had one visit and this doctor was

> intelligent and clear (not something we are accustomed to, can't

help

> myself). His opinion was that after 5 visits he would have a good

> idea whether someone was really ready and willing to do CBT, and

if

> not he would stop. At $150 a session that kind of clarity is

> essential!

>

> Such a tiresome road this OCD, not to mention TEENS that won't get

> out of bed in the morning, are rude, selfish, inconsiderate,

> unappreciative...ok, I'll stop now. Would love to hear from

others

> dealing with the " special " fun of teens.

>

> Barb

> Mum to a 16yr old that she is feeling rather fed up with right now!

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with you, Barb, that the ERP is the part that works. The

cognitive reasoning with thoughts, or talking back to them hasn't been

nearly as effective, for Josh, as the ERP he's done. Not saying it

doesn't have merit, but it just hasn't worked as well for us.

I suppose ERP is part of CBT, but sometimes it isn't focused on enough.

I've also found starting on really small stuff and working up to the

tougher stuff has been really, really important for Josh. He gained

confidence as he saw the smaller things improve, so he felt he could

take on the bigger stuff. I think if we had jumped right into

something tough, he would have balked and we would not have had his

cooperation. He was willing to try something small though. And when

he saw that it worked, he was literally shocked, but also sold. He

still balks a bit when he has to take on something new that is hard,

but the therapist and I both remind and encourage him that he's done

it before and he can do it again. And he is moving at the pace he

sets. That has been a biggie for him.

There is nothing cheap about quality help. We pay $160 an hour. We

have a $1500 deductible to meet, before our insurance will pay half.

And we are in the car 6-7 hours each time we make the trip to see him.

And as we all know, gas = $$. It is a sacrifice, a big one. . But,

we've seen improvement for the first time, EVER! So, maybe it would

be worth it to see this new guy. . Even though it is spendy (if you

can work it out in your budget). Wouldn't it be something, if he was

the one who could help. It sounds like he isn't going to string you

along and just keep taking your money. I respect someone up front

like that.

Josh't therapist told us up front that for some, the ERP won't work.

And he said if he saw that it wasn't working for Josh, he would let us

know. Then, more of less, our options would be meds alone. Wow!

Honesty! It was refreshing after being strung along by so many

therapists, for so many years.

I hope and pray with all my heart you see an improvement for your son.

Let us know what you decide to do.

Big Hugs,

BJ

>

> Just left a message on our son's psychologist's voice mail. I let him

> know that our son filled out his CBT homework sheet on hand washing

> for the entire week in one day(day 1), and that while reading sheets

> he was given on anger management he read something he didn't like and

> ripped up the sheets. So much for helping manage the anger.....!

>

> I think it's safe to say our 16yr old is not " with the program " . We

> waited until he was in a reasonable state of mind (like that EVER

> exists) and busted him on the homework sheet. We made it humorous on

> the one hand, while pointing out that if he doesn't follow what is

> recommended he is not giving this doctor's approach a chance.

>

> Of course our son in typical teenage fashion views it all as a waste

> of time, rants that the doctor doesn't know what he is doing, blah,

> blah, blah... (truthfully we wonder ourselves given it's been six

> months and we have seen little change). But honestly I don't think

> our son has a real understanding of how this will work. It is

> difficult to see how focussing on stopping hand washing will stop his

> thoughts of wanting to harm others, or the intense anger that he

> feels.

>

> Since this is the first time in six months that a homework sheet was

> even sent home(only happened because we pressured for it), one

> wonders what has been happening for the last six months. It's a darn

> good thing we are not paying for this, on the other hand one wonders

> if you get what you pay for... I suspect their has been a whole lot

> of the " C " part of CBT and little of the " B " part.

>

> If only one COULD " talk " their way out of this disorder! I'm not

> meaning to diminish the value of the cognitive part, I think it is

> important and can lead you in a direction and help with perception

> and all that, BUT in the end it is the ERP that works as the research

> bears out.

>

> We are in the process of securing a new psychologist, but this one we

> will have to pay for. We have had one visit and this doctor was

> intelligent and clear (not something we are accustomed to, can't help

> myself). His opinion was that after 5 visits he would have a good

> idea whether someone was really ready and willing to do CBT, and if

> not he would stop. At $150 a session that kind of clarity is

> essential!

>

> Such a tiresome road this OCD, not to mention TEENS that won't get

> out of bed in the morning, are rude, selfish, inconsiderate,

> unappreciative...ok, I'll stop now. Would love to hear from others

> dealing with the " special " fun of teens.

>

> Barb

> Mum to a 16yr old that she is feeling rather fed up with right now!

>

[Guest guest]

Oh good grief, Connie, we have to wait until they are TWENTY??? He

just turned 16. We are doomed! rofl

Seriously though, he's not too obnoxious yet, but he is nocturnal and

it's driving me crazy. He keeps me awake half the night too, since

his room is right across the hall. I don't remember becoming

nocturnal at that age. I must have been a weirdo. lol

:::Chanting:::

This too shall pass. . .This too shall pass. . This too shall pass. . .

BJ

> >

> > Just left a message on our son's psychologist's voice mail. I let

> him

> > know that our son filled out his CBT homework sheet on hand

> washing

> > for the entire week in one day(day 1), and that while reading

> sheets

> > he was given on anger management he read something he didn't like

> and

> > ripped up the sheets. So much for helping manage the anger.....!

> >

> > I think it's safe to say our 16yr old is not " with the program " .

> We

> > waited until he was in a reasonable state of mind (like that EVER

> > exists) and busted him on the homework sheet. We made it humorous

> on

> > the one hand, while pointing out that if he doesn't follow what is

> > recommended he is not giving this doctor's approach a chance.

> >

> > Of course our son in typical teenage fashion views it all as a

> waste

> > of time, rants that the doctor doesn't know what he is doing,

> blah,

> > blah, blah... (truthfully we wonder ourselves given it's been six

> > months and we have seen little change). But honestly I don't

> think

> > our son has a real understanding of how this will work. It is

> > difficult to see how focussing on stopping hand washing will stop

> his

> > thoughts of wanting to harm others, or the intense anger that he

> > feels.

> >

> > Since this is the first time in six months that a homework sheet

> was

> > even sent home(only happened because we pressured for it), one

> > wonders what has been happening for the last six months. It's a

> darn

> > good thing we are not paying for this, on the other hand one

> wonders

> > if you get what you pay for... I suspect their has been a whole

> lot

> > of the " C " part of CBT and little of the " B " part.

> >

> > If only one COULD " talk " their way out of this disorder! I'm not

> > meaning to diminish the value of the cognitive part, I think it is

> > important and can lead you in a direction and help with perception

> > and all that, BUT in the end it is the ERP that works as the

> research

> > bears out.

> >

> > We are in the process of securing a new psychologist, but this one

> we

> > will have to pay for. We have had one visit and this doctor was

> > intelligent and clear (not something we are accustomed to, can't

> help

> > myself). His opinion was that after 5 visits he would have a good

> > idea whether someone was really ready and willing to do CBT, and

> if

> > not he would stop. At $150 a session that kind of clarity is

> > essential!

> >

> > Such a tiresome road this OCD, not to mention TEENS that won't get

> > out of bed in the morning, are rude, selfish, inconsiderate,

> > unappreciative...ok, I'll stop now. Would love to hear from

> others

> > dealing with the " special " fun of teens.

> >

> > Barb

> > Mum to a 16yr old that she is feeling rather fed up with right now!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Barb,

YYour story was enlightening to read. I am wondering about theCBT

stuff too. I haven't really been doing it that long- 12 + weeks, but

I think that this other approach (ERP) might have more impact. I

definitely think it will be harder(from the little that I have read).

If it makes you feel any better, I feel like, my 8 year old acts like

a 16 year old- with the attitude!!! I am hoping she/we have her OCD

and whatever else is going on with her, in-check by the time her

teenage years roll up... if we don't, I thinkk we are in for a real

struggle.

I will pray for you, if you pray for me!

Thanks for sharing,

Dawn

> >

> > Just left a message on our son's psychologist's voice mail. I let

him

> > know that our son filled out his CBT homework sheet on hand

washing

> > for the entire week in one day(day 1), and that while reading

sheets

> > he was given on anger management he read something he didn't like

and

> > ripped up the sheets. So much for helping manage the anger.....!

> >

> > I think it's safe to say our 16yr old is not " with the program " .

We

> > waited until he was in a reasonable state of mind (like that EVER

> > exists) and busted him on the homework sheet. We made it

humorous on

> > the one hand, while pointing out that if he doesn't follow what

is

> > recommended he is not giving this doctor's approach a chance.

> >

> > Of course our son in typical teenage fashion views it all as a

waste

> > of time, rants that the doctor doesn't know what he is doing,

blah,

> > blah, blah... (truthfully we wonder ourselves given it's been six

> > months and we have seen little change). But honestly I don't

think

> > our son has a real understanding of how this will work. It is

> > difficult to see how focussing on stopping hand washing will stop

his

> > thoughts of wanting to harm others, or the intense anger that he

> > feels.

> >

> > Since this is the first time in six months that a homework sheet

was

> > even sent home(only happened because we pressured for it), one

> > wonders what has been happening for the last six months. It's a

darn

> > good thing we are not paying for this, on the other hand one

wonders

> > if you get what you pay for... I suspect their has been a whole

lot

> > of the " C " part of CBT and little of the " B " part.

> >

> > If only one COULD " talk " their way out of this disorder! I'm not

> > meaning to diminish the value of the cognitive part, I think it

is

> > important and can lead you in a direction and help with

perception

> > and all that, BUT in the end it is the ERP that works as the

research

> > bears out.

> >

> > We are in the process of securing a new psychologist, but this

one we

> > will have to pay for. We have had one visit and this doctor was

> > intelligent and clear (not something we are accustomed to, can't

help

> > myself). His opinion was that after 5 visits he would have a

good

> > idea whether someone was really ready and willing to do CBT, and

if

> > not he would stop. At $150 a session that kind of clarity is

> > essential!

> >

> > Such a tiresome road this OCD, not to mention TEENS that won't

get

> > out of bed in the morning, are rude, selfish, inconsiderate,

> > unappreciative...ok, I'll stop now. Would love to hear from

others

> > dealing with the " special " fun of teens.

> >

> > Barb

> > Mum to a 16yr old that she is feeling rather fed up with right

now!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Connie,

Thanks for sharing and relating. Good to know that at 20 your

daughter is more mature, but as BJ says, do we have to wait four more

years!!! I kind of suspect we do... Must be nice for you that your

daughter said thank you without prompting, always encouraging when

they do something like this isn't it?!

Our son has started hugging relatives to say hello(a custom in our

family). Before OCD he disliked even shaking hands, and after OCD,

forget it. I know it no longer is an OCD problem, but it seems to be

a " mature " choice for him to be more adult in his social

interactions, and we can tell it is genuine. Now if only he would

hug his Mum and Dad....it's been almost two years. Used to feel so

sad about this, now it's our " new normal " .

Our son filled out 3 days on his homework sheet today, guess that's

better than the whole week. Have to take what little progress comes

our way...he is still " guess-timating " , but that's his choice. I

just remind him it is only as effective as he choses it to be.

We like the new psychologist we consulted. He is just very booked, so

it may take a while to get on track with him, but feel hopeful in

this regard.

Thanks again for weighing in on the " teen thing " .

Hugs!

Barb

-- In , " Connie "

wrote:

>

> Hi Barb,

> I can certainly understand your frustration with teens with

OCD.

> Very aggravating. Just because our son's therapists sends him home

> with homework, doesn't mean he will do it. The therapist involves

> our son in on the decision of what the homework should be. They

> come up with it together. However, he gets home and doesn't do it

> half the time (in fact I think he does it less than half the

time).

> The only thing I have found that helps is when I remind him that it

> is homework both the therapist and he came up with. Then, he will

> grudgingly do it.

>

> You're right, dealing with teens is definitely a " special " kind

> of fun. LOL Somehow when kids hit those teenage years, they turn

in

> to nocturnal animals. They also all of a sudden become extremely

> intelligent and we parents become so much less intelligent then

> them. Just ask any teen; they'll tell you - " mom and dad don't

know

> anything " . LOL Oh, and being rude, selfish, inconsiderate,

> unappreciative; those come along for the ride as well. Take heart,

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Bj. It is encouraging to know that your son, a teen, is making

progress with this. I know you have been through a lot to find

the " right " doctor and travelling 7 hrs to see him and all. When you

find something that works it's gold!

" I agree with you, Barb, that the ERP is the part that works. The

cognitive reasoning with thoughts, or talking back to them hasn't been

nearly as effective, for Josh, as the ERP he's done. "

We are at the point now that we feel we need to make a change, and be

clear whether is really ready and willing to do CBT at this

point. Have to see what happens with the med change too. Fingers and

toes crossed!!!

Hugs!

Barb

[Guest guest]

Hi Dawn,

Yes, they can have that attitude whatever the age! It's just that

much more powerful in a 175lb body with an adult-like " mouth " . Lets

face it kids can be exhausting and with this disorder on board it can

just knock the stuffing out of you some days.

ERP is definitely very hard to do and the readiness and will really

have to be there or forget it. I would think the challenge with a

younger child is that you play a more active role in this, and would

be seen as the bad guy. With my teen I am already seen as the bad

guy who doesn't understand or know anything, without playing any such

role.... Would really love to find a " how to " manual on this one.

Good luck with your challenges with your 8 yr old. All prayers

welcomed and returned!

Hugs!

Barb

[Guest guest]

Hi Barb,

Don't mean to completely burst your bubble, but our daughter is just

starting to mature. She has a long way to go yet. From what I hear

from friends and co-workers, teens become human again at age 25. I

guess research has shown that the rational part of the brain does not

fully develop until age 25. So, you have about 9 more years :-)

Good to hear about the new psychologist. I hope he works out

better for your son. It does sound like your son has made a little

progress with the homework. Each week our son's therapist gives him new

homework to try. She is trying to find something low enough on the

anxiety scale for him. Unfortunately, he has just been going along with

what she suggests. He's not letting her know when the homework is too

high on his anxiety scale. But, I think he is starting to realize he

needs to be more honest with her. We'll see.

Take care

Connie

>

> Hi Connie,

>

> Thanks for sharing and relating. Good to know that at 20 your

> daughter is more mature, but as BJ says, do we have to wait four more

> years!!! I kind of suspect we do... Must be nice for you that your

> daughter said thank you without prompting, always encouraging when

> they do something like this isn't it?!

>

> Our son has started hugging relatives to say hello(a custom in our

> family). Before OCD he disliked even shaking hands, and after OCD,

> forget it. I know it no longer is an OCD problem, but it seems to be

> a " mature " choice for him to be more adult in his social

> interactions, and we can tell it is genuine. Now if only he would

> hug his Mum and Dad....it's been almost two years. Used to feel so

> sad about this, now it's our " new normal " .

>

> Our son filled out 3 days on his homework sheet today, guess that's

> better than the whole week. Have to take what little progress comes

> our way...he is still " guess-timating " , but that's his choice. I

> just remind him it is only as effective as he choses it to be.

>

> We like the new psychologist we consulted. He is just very booked, so

> it may take a while to get on track with him, but feel hopeful in

> this regard.

>

> Thanks again for weighing in on the " teen thing " .

> Hugs!

> Barb