Re: When to Talk to Young Child About Aspergers?

[Guest guest]

I believe you should tell your kid when they want to know.  If he

knows he is different, then he is most likely ready to hear why he

is different. Whether he feels defective or not depends a lot on how

he is told and by whom - which is why you should not wait too long

as it allows someone else to do so first.  It is unlikely that

someone else will do a better job than you would.

 

Hi all,

Our son, age 7, was diagnosed last fall. We haven't told

him yet, and I was wondering how people have decided when

it's time to talk to their child about Aspergers, and how

they approached it? I think it's important that he know he

has a difference that explains why he has some rules and

difficulties other kids don't have, but I don't want to

make him feel defective in any way.

Feel free to email me directly; I know this is a very

individual decision.

Thanks,

mshausfrau@...

Sent from my iPhone

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found in this message.

Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

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01/04/12

[Guest guest]

We told our son as soon as we got the diagnosis - he was 7-1/2. It explained why he had to keep going to a "different" doctor and it also helped him understand why he was different from other kids. We put a positive spin on everything about it and tried to keep it on a 7 year old's level. As the years passed we have explained further as we learn things and when things come up pertaining to the aspergers we try and work that into conversation (although this takes time, he is not always willing to have a conversation! lol)

I was just watching some re-runs of the show Parenthood, after some folks on this group were talking about it. The boy with aspergers on that show was never told of his diagnosis, and learned of it one day when his Dad and his Uncle were arguing and it came out in a moment of anger when they didn't know the boy was in the room. I would hate for a kid to learn about his aspergers in this way.

I also wouldn't want to have to answer the question "why didn't you tell me before now?"

You know your son better than anyone - so you will do a good job explaining to him (even if you don't feel that way), and you can also let him know that you don't know some stuff, but you can learn together. It doesn't have to be perfect, but it should be done with love and because you love him, you will find the words you need!

Good luck!

Estevan, SK

Canada

-- Re: When to Talk to Young Child About Aspergers?

I believe you should tell your kid when they want to know. If he knows he is different, then he is most likely ready to hear why he is different. Whether he feels defective or not depends a lot on how he is told and by whom - which is why you should not wait too long as it allows someone else to do so first. It is unlikely that someone else will do a better job than you would.

Hi all, Our son, age 7, was diagnosed last fall. We haven't told him yet, and I was wondering how people have decided when it's time to talk to their child about Aspergers, and how they approached it? I think it's important that he know he has a difference that explains why he has some rules and difficulties other kids don't have, but I don't want to make him feel defective in any way.Feel free to email me directly; I know this is a very individual decision. Thanks,mshausfrau@... Sent from my iPhone

No virus found in this message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.comVersion: 2012.0.1901 / Virus Database: 2109/4723 - Release Date: 01/04/12

[Guest guest]

My son was diagnosed last year with Autism(14yrs old). I at first wasn't going

to tell him then when I started looking into a Spectrum schools I finally sat

him down. I believe if you tell your child with a positive perspective it will

make them feel more comfortable. My son now a year later is proud to say he has

Autism, it helps that the other children at his school also have spectrum

disorders.

>

> Hi all,

>

> Our son, age 7, was diagnosed last fall. We haven't told him yet, and I was

wondering how people have decided when it's time to talk to their child about

Aspergers, and how they approached it? I think it's important that he know he

has a difference that explains why he has some rules and difficulties other kids

don't have, but I don't want to make him feel defective in any way.

>

> Feel free to email me directly; I know this is a very individual decision.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

> mshausfrau@...

>

> Sent from my iPhone

>

[Guest guest]

Hello , my grandson was diagnosed with mild autism just a few

months ago, he had a school evaluation last spring though at the end of

first grade and after testing the school recommended he get special

services for autism. At first we were somewhat like you and felt it

needed to be a secret, guess we were just unsure how to proceed, anyway

it just gradually came out that he was " different. " I think it was a

relief to him to find out this information, and was sure it was an utter

relief to his older brother, age 11, and sister age 14 because their

friends had already asked many questions about him, why was he so

different, etc.

I remember his brother saying, " Oooooh that I thought something was

wrong with him! " Then they made a joke of it, they make a joke of

everything, called it ASSburgers for quite awhile, farting and burping

and jumping around. Boys will be boys. He has always wanted to be

accepted and felt he wasn't and I don't know how he feels now but hope

it is better at school. One incident last summer he was playing in a

fountain with some kids he'd gone to school with and a little girl came

up to me and said, " Does Lucas have autism! " I wish I would have told

her outright yes he did, but was caught so off guard I was speechless,

just felt protective of him, didn't like her rather direct tone as

though it was an accusation. Sigh.

So we are learning. Right now he is so obsessed with the movies " War of

the Worlds " I am getting a bit worried. He is constantly drawing

pictures of the tri-pods zapping houses and people, etc. He drew all our

family a very detailed picture for Christmas and put their names on the

front very neatly. He is proud of his artistic abilities and they are

amazing. But it is a bit violent when you think about it, I watched the

original with him the other day, he watches it EVERY day and was amazed

at how the people melted when zapped, it was intense. I saw it as a kid

and guess it didn't hurt me.

He doesn't really like school much and acts out that he is a tri-pod all

the time zapping things. People don't know why he is acting out like

that and my daughter had to explain it to his teacher, he is a character

out of a movie. She also is a movie nut and watches them constantly so

guess it runs in the family. Something funny did happen when he went

back to school though, he'd drawn his teacher a detailed picture of this

destruction, and had written, " Fu-- you! Fu-- you! " which is I guess

what they say in the newer version when they are zapping people, and she

told my daughter, laughing at the time, that she has to report this to

the principal.

Oh my goodness, I do not think that is good. We are used to his words

and my daughter is always telling him what words he should NOT say or

write, so now she is wondering why did he ever do this and then hand it

to his teacher!!! And I wonder why my daughter did not CATCH it!

Today I go with them to his " other school. " It is called " Therapy

Solutions For Kids " and the really nice therapist works on his sensory

issues there, like swinging him on a platform and he grabs puzzle pieces

off the mats and does a puzzle, things like that. He feels very special

he has his own one-on-one teacher, and very special he doesn't have to

go to his real school on Thursdays.

We tend to be very positive and happy about things. I also have a son

with severe autism and severe other problems such as seizures. He is 47

years old and on a food tube, doesn't talk or do anything for himself.

He does walk with support so we take him to the bathroom a couple of

times a day and change his Depends. He does #2 in the toilet thank

goodness but didn't always and many a time I have been up to my elbows

bathing him. Now we still do the water just is not so brown.

Right now I am worried about him and think I will take him to the ER

later today. We have a small hospital here where he was born and I take

him there so they can compare chest x-rays, etc. He has been

hospitalized for serious pneumonia quite a few times and had a seizure

Sun. night at church actually and I wonder if he has not aspirated and

needs antibiotics again.

It is an ongoing battle, but the positives do outweigh the negatives I

think, if you want them to. We have a very strong faith in God and

practice our faith as Christians so that has helped us over the years,

there is no way I would be here I don't think without Jesus in my life

helping me each day and answering my prayers for my family.

Wow that was long. Happy New Year everybody! Did you see where OREGON

won the Rose Bowl, woopee, first time we won in 95 years! Was time!!!

Much love to you all,

Carolyn in Oregon, USA ;o)

wrote:

>

> Hi all,

>

> Our son, age 7, was diagnosed last fall. We haven't told him yet, and

> I was wondering how people have decided when it's time to talk to

> their child about Aspergers, and how they approached it? I think it's

> important that he know he has a difference that explains why he has

> some rules and difficulties other kids don't have, but I don't want to

> make him feel defective in any way.

>

> Feel free to email me directly; I know this is a very individual

> decision.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

> mshausfrau@... <mailto:mshausfrau%40verizon.net>

>

> Sent from my iPhone

>

>

[Guest guest]

We tried to watch that show Parenthood for a few episodes but that

family drove me crazy, just too much noise and confusion all the time. I

did not find it entertaining, need something calmer to watch. I have

enough of THAT in my own life! And no that would not be a good way for a

child to find out, be gossiping about him behind his back and he

overhears. No way.

Carolyn

wmgodfrey@... wrote:

>

>

> We told our son as soon as we got the diagnosis - he was 7-1/2. It

> explained why he had to keep going to a " different " doctor and it also

> helped him understand why he was different from other kids. We put a

> positive spin on everything about it and tried to keep it on a 7 year

> old's level. As the years passed we have explained further as we learn

> things and when things come up pertaining to the aspergers we try and

> work that into conversation (although this takes time, he is not

> always willing to have a conversation! lol)

>

> I was just watching some re-runs of the show Parenthood, after some

> folks on this group were talking about it. The boy with aspergers on

> that show was never told of his diagnosis, and learned of it one day

> when his Dad and his Uncle were arguing and it came out in a moment of

> anger when they didn't know the boy was in the room. I would hate for

> a kid to learn about his aspergers in this way.

>

> I also wouldn't want to have to answer the question " why didn't you

> tell me before now? "

>

> You know your son better than anyone - so you will do a good job

> explaining to him (even if you don't feel that way), and you can also

> let him know that you don't know some stuff, but you can learn

> together. It doesn't have to be perfect, but it should be done with

> love and because you love him, you will find the words you need!

>

> Good luck!

>

>

> Estevan, SK

> Canada

>

>

>

>

>

>

> /--*/ Re: When to Talk to Young Child About

> Aspergers?

>

>

>

> I believe you should tell your kid when they want to know. If he

> knows he is different, then he is most likely ready to hear why he is

> different. Whether he feels defective or not depends a lot on how he

> is told and by whom - which is why you should not wait too long as it

> allows someone else to do so first. It is unlikely that someone else

> will do a better job than you would.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi all,

>

> Our son, age 7, was diagnosed last fall. We haven't told him yet, and

> I was wondering how people have decided when it's time to talk to

> their child about Aspergers, and how they approached it? I think it's

> important that he know he has a difference that explains why he has

> some rules and difficulties other kids don't have, but I don't want to

> make him feel defective in any way.

>

> Feel free to email me directly; I know this is a very individual

> decision.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

> mshausfrau@... <mailto:mshausfrau%40verizon.net>

>

> Sent from my iPhone

>

> No virus found in this message.

> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com <http://www.avg.com>

> Version: 2012.0.1901 / Virus Database: 2109/4723 - Release Date: 01/04/12

>

>

>

>

>

> FREE Animations for your email - by IncrediMail! Click Here!

>

<http://www.incredimail.com/?id=619268 & did=10500 & ppd=2728,201107241502,9,1,53164\

1472451506360 & rui=136280063 & sd=20120105>

>

>

[Guest guest]

And at what point can you explain to the child with the autism that they have it?  I don't think they will even begin to grasp it -

Hello , my grandson was diagnosed with mild autism just a fewmonths ago, he had a school evaluation last spring though at the end of

first grade and after testing the school recommended he get specialservices for autism. At first we were somewhat like you and felt itneeded to be a secret, guess we were just unsure how to proceed, anywayit just gradually came out that he was " different. " I think it was a

relief to him to find out this information, and was sure it was an utterrelief to his older brother, age 11, and sister age 14 because theirfriends had already asked many questions about him, why was he sodifferent, etc.

I remember his brother saying, " Oooooh that I thought something waswrong with him! " Then they made a joke of it, they make a joke ofeverything, called it ASSburgers for quite awhile, farting and burping

and jumping around. Boys will be boys. He has always wanted to beaccepted and felt he wasn't and I don't know how he feels now but hopeit is better at school. One incident last summer he was playing in a

fountain with some kids he'd gone to school with and a little girl cameup to me and said, " Does Lucas have autism! " I wish I would have toldher outright yes he did, but was caught so off guard I was speechless,

just felt protective of him, didn't like her rather direct tone asthough it was an accusation. Sigh.So we are learning. Right now he is so obsessed with the movies " War ofthe Worlds " I am getting a bit worried. He is constantly drawing

pictures of the tri-pods zapping houses and people, etc. He drew all ourfamily a very detailed picture for Christmas and put their names on thefront very neatly. He is proud of his artistic abilities and they are

amazing. But it is a bit violent when you think about it, I watched theoriginal with him the other day, he watches it EVERY day and was amazedat how the people melted when zapped, it was intense. I saw it as a kid

and guess it didn't hurt me.He doesn't really like school much and acts out that he is a tri-pod allthe time zapping things. People don't know why he is acting out likethat and my daughter had to explain it to his teacher, he is a character

out of a movie. She also is a movie nut and watches them constantly soguess it runs in the family. Something funny did happen when he wentback to school though, he'd drawn his teacher a detailed picture of this

destruction, and had written, " Fu-- you! Fu-- you! " which is I guesswhat they say in the newer version when they are zapping people, and shetold my daughter, laughing at the time, that she has to report this to

the principal.Oh my goodness, I do not think that is good. We are used to his wordsand my daughter is always telling him what words he should NOT say orwrite, so now she is wondering why did he ever do this and then hand it

to his teacher!!! And I wonder why my daughter did not CATCH it!Today I go with them to his " other school. " It is called " TherapySolutions For Kids " and the really nice therapist works on his sensory

issues there, like swinging him on a platform and he grabs puzzle piecesoff the mats and does a puzzle, things like that. He feels very specialhe has his own one-on-one teacher, and very special he doesn't have to

go to his real school on Thursdays.We tend to be very positive and happy about things. I also have a sonwith severe autism and severe other problems such as seizures. He is 47years old and on a food tube, doesn't talk or do anything for himself.

He does walk with support so we take him to the bathroom a couple oftimes a day and change his Depends. He does #2 in the toilet thankgoodness but didn't always and many a time I have been up to my elbowsbathing him. Now we still do the water just is not so brown.

Right now I am worried about him and think I will take him to the ERlater today. We have a small hospital here where he was born and I takehim there so they can compare chest x-rays, etc. He has beenhospitalized for serious pneumonia quite a few times and had a seizure

Sun. night at church actually and I wonder if he has not aspirated andneeds antibiotics again.It is an ongoing battle, but the positives do outweigh the negatives Ithink, if you want them to. We have a very strong faith in God and

practice our faith as Christians so that has helped us over the years,there is no way I would be here I don't think without Jesus in my lifehelping me each day and answering my prayers for my family.Wow that was long. Happy New Year everybody! Did you see where OREGON

won the Rose Bowl, woopee, first time we won in 95 years! Was time!!!Much love to you all,Carolyn in Oregon, USA ;o) wrote:>> Hi all,>> Our son, age 7, was diagnosed last fall. We haven't told him yet, and

> I was wondering how people have decided when it's time to talk to> their child about Aspergers, and how they approached it? I think it's> important that he know he has a difference that explains why he has

> some rules and difficulties other kids don't have, but I don't want to> make him feel defective in any way.>> Feel free to email me directly; I know this is a very individual> decision.

>> Thanks,>> > mshausfrau@... <mailto:mshausfrau%40verizon.net>>> Sent from my iPhone

>>------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

I JUST told my son. He is was 9 in Oct. We told him last week folling watching the Temple Grandlin movie on HBO. It's PG I believe and he SAW things that reminded me of him and he asked lots of questions about why she did this or that. It helped to use that to lead into a conversation after. To: "autism-aspergers "

<autism-aspergers > Sent: Thursday, January 5, 2012 6:09 AM Subject: When to Talk to Young Child About Aspergers?

Hi all,

Our son, age 7, was diagnosed last fall. We haven't told him yet, and I was wondering how people have decided when it's time to talk to their child about Aspergers, and how they approached it? I think it's important that he know he has a difference that explains why he has some rules and difficulties other kids don't have, but I don't want to make him feel defective in any way.

Feel free to email me directly; I know this is a very individual decision.

Thanks,

mshausfrau@...

Sent from my iPhone

[Guest guest]

My oldest witih AS is 9 and her dr. recommended waiting, talking about diversity, differences explaining what she has difficulties with and how to help, she is VERY resistant to being different. I kind of dread having to tell her, but she is so defensive right now and would HATE to be lumped in with her sister that I am hesitant.

I agree, it really depends on your child, sometimes it's hard to know what to do, but it really can be done in a very positive way and with age appropriateness.

 

Hi all, Our son, age 7, was diagnosed last fall. We haven't told him yet, and I was wondering how people have decided when it's time to talk to their child about Aspergers, and how they approached it? I think it's important that he know he has a difference that explains why he has some rules and difficulties other kids don't have, but I don't want to make him feel defective in any way.

Feel free to email me directly; I know this is a very individual decision. Thanks,mshausfrau@... Sent from my iPhone

[Guest guest]

I tell my daughter that her brain just works differently than other kids' brains work. I tell her that she is not worse or better than anyone else...just different. Her set of symptoms is called Asperger's. I say this in response to 'no one likes me' or 'I'm stupid' or whatever. I never say it is a disease or illness...because it's not. She was diagnosed only last month (at 14 y/o) but has had other diagnoses throughout time. This has always been my answer. I started explaining it to her when she was in about 1st grade and really started to notice that she wasn't like the other kids.

I don't have a problem telling anyone that my daughter has Asperger's. I would rather they know than to think she is 'bad' or 'retarded' or 'stupid' or 'spoiled' or whatever else they want to call her. If you think about it...your acquaintance's kid is throwing yet another fit, what is the first thing that you think of? I know I'm not thinking 'oh, does that child have a neurological disorder'. I'm thinking 'needs discipline!' As parents of special kids we tend to notice other kids behaviors and see them for what they might be but parents of NT kids just don't see that. They judge us and our kids. My friends and family all know.

The parents of all my girl scouts know. They reason they know is so that when a girl goes home and is talking about a fit, meltdown or weird thing my daughter said, they will understand what is going on. All the girls know too. They seem to accept her quirkiness a little better now. They don't accept her inappropriate behavior but now they just say 'please don't' or 'that hurt my feelings' or whatever. They don't get mad at her. They just verbalize the problem and then move on. She has to learn what is ok and what is not and the girls can do it better than I can because I'm just 'mom'. What do I know?

They have good kids books out there to help you explain it too. Check Amazon.

-- When to Talk to Young Child About Aspergers?

Hi all, Our son, age 7, was diagnosed last fall. We haven't told him yet, and I was wondering how people have decided when it's time to talk to their child about Aspergers, and how they approached it? I think it's important that he know he has a difference that explains why he has some rules and difficulties other kids don't have, but I don't want to make him feel defective in any way.Feel free to email me directly; I know this is a very individual decision. Thanks,mshausfrau@... Sent from my iPhone

[Guest guest]

I think that it TOTALLY depends on the kid. We told our son at the time of his diagnosis (he was four). He's always known that he has autism. It's helpful for him to have a framework for why he leaves the classroom for social skills and testing, and it's armed him with language to explain things to kids or adults who encounter him and don't know.

He'll be 10 in a month, and I have NO regrets about helping him to understand this part of himself. His kindergartener sister complains at times that she wishes SHE had autism because MAX gets to go to SPECIAL GROUPS and she does not. It's very sweet actually.

tt

 

And at what point can you explain to the child with the autism that they have it?  I don't think they will even begin to grasp it -

-- Terri D. Eagen-TorkkoFull-time feminist event planner, freelance editor, 24/7 bonus mom