Re: How do you deal with I need...?!

[Guest guest]

Dana

Does your Ex go with to any of the therapy sessions? If he doesn't, you

might want to include him next time. It might help if he hears straight from

the doctor what the plan is and why you're doing it. He needs to understand

that by enabling your son, he is truly hurting his effort to get better. This

being explained by a doctor & not someone in the family might be the best

way for him to accept it.

Just my thoughts.

LT

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[Guest guest]

Hi LT,

No, his dad has been invited to therapy, parent/teacher conferences,

etc. and doesn't go. He says he's too busy but understands what the

therapist and I tell him. Then he says he " forgot " and buys him things.

Believe me, if he were a supportive (read emotionally healthy) parent,

this wouldn't be an issue because we'd still be married!!

So is it okay for me to have a new rule: No asking...period? So he

can't ask Dad?

Dana

> Does your Ex go with to any of the therapy sessions? If he doesn't,

you

> might want to include him next time. It might help if he hears

straight from

> the doctor what the plan is and why you're doing it. He needs to

understand

> that by enabling your son, he is truly hurting his effort to get

better. This

> being explained by a doctor & not someone in the family might be

the best

> way for him to accept it.

>

> Just my thoughts.

> LT

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Dana,

I would have his " asking dad " be a penalty where he loses something,

same as if he asked for more than 3 things in a day. Maybe that

would work.

Am wondering too - what does he do with the $10/week? What about

using that for those things he *says* he needs and " no asking dad " --

unless you know he actually needs it and it's dad's turn to pay, etc.

Just some quick thoughts. Don't want to discourage him from trying

at all but needs to know he can't get the " OCD needs " met through

dad.

I will say my sons all went through (and sometimes still) the " HAVE

to have " years and the " have " meaning " NOW!! " And that was without

OCD feeding into it. They do get grumpy/upset at hearing " no. " I

know more than once I went thru the " need vs want " lecture.

>

> Thought I'd get a question out for a really annoying OCD behavior;

one

> I'm sure a lot of us have to deal with.

>

> My DS (9) always (I mean, ALWAYS; it starts at 6 am and goes

nonstop)

[Guest guest]

Hi Dana,

I would have his " asking dad " be a penalty where he loses something,

same as if he asked for more than 3 things in a day. Maybe that

would work.

Am wondering too - what does he do with the $10/week? What about

using that for those things he *says* he needs and " no asking dad " --

unless you know he actually needs it and it's dad's turn to pay, etc.

Just some quick thoughts. Don't want to discourage him from trying

at all but needs to know he can't get the " OCD needs " met through

dad.

I will say my sons all went through (and sometimes still) the " HAVE

to have " years and the " have " meaning " NOW!! " And that was without

OCD feeding into it. They do get grumpy/upset at hearing " no. " I

know more than once I went thru the " need vs want " lecture.

>

> Thought I'd get a question out for a really annoying OCD behavior;

one

> I'm sure a lot of us have to deal with.

>

> My DS (9) always (I mean, ALWAYS; it starts at 6 am and goes

nonstop)

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone! I knew this was the right place to turn.

Anyway, when he gets his weekly $10 he immediately starts getting

hysterical about going out to buy ANYTHING (crappy toy from

Walgreen's, etc.). Then he plays with it maybe twice and it's on to

the next demand. It seems like it's a truly compulsive behavior I

need to lock down. And it doesn't even have to be something for him;

this past week he was ramped up about buying presents for a birthday

party. We had bought one and then he called his dad and asked if he

could take him to buy more presents. He just needs to BUY stuff.

I talked to him last night about the new rules: He can't ask for

stuff, period. The OCD wants it, not him, and there are so many more

fun things to do than shop, etc. Instead there's a list that I keep

and he's allowed to write his demands on it for only 5 minutes daily,

and when he gets his allowance he's allowed to show me the list. He

can't talk about it; he just has to present me the list.

Oh my Golly, he was furious; refused to do his homework and just

started flipping out. He wanted to know if he could go sleep at his

dad's house (something that NEVER happens). So I knew I was on to

something, yes?

Eventually he calmed down, did his homework and agreed. I just kept

thinking, " Thank heavens you're still little; I'd never be able to try

this if you were 17... " .

So many struggles...

Thanks again!

Dana