Guest guest Posted March 7, 2012 Report Share Posted March 7, 2012 Yes, ignoring it "might" be ok for a typical child. To me it seems like you need to teach him ways to cope. Find out why he's upset and help him to calm himself. Talk it out maybe...."are you hitting me because you are angry?" and then, "maybe we can find other ways to be mad where you don't hit Mommy" Let's count to ten, do some exercise, lay on the floor and be a starfish (stretch arms and legs out as far as they can go and then relax, stretch, then relax), go yell into a pillow, wrap yourself in a blanket, get a hug from Mommy? To: autism-aspergers Sent: Wednesday, March 7, 2012 1:05 PM Subject: toddler hitting me Hi, My 2.5 y/o has been hitting his parents when we say no or reprimand him in the slightest bit. I think that ignoring it would be a successful tactic, but its really hard to ignore if he hits my face or pulls hair. I have to react to pry his hands off. It seems to have gotten worse when I tried to explain "mommy is sad" or "mommy won't play with you if you hit" etc. Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2012 Report Share Posted March 7, 2012 Just personal experience, quietly, patiently (easier said than done) get his hands off you, turn and walk away. Maybe talk about it later, maybe not. He may be after the attention and interaction. It has worked with my girls!! Good luck! Hi, My 2.5 y/o has been hitting his parents when we say no or reprimand him in the slightest bit. I think that ignoring it would be a successful tactic, but its really hard to ignore if he hits my face or pulls hair. I have to react to pry his hands off. It seems to have gotten worse when I tried to explain " mommy is sad " or " mommy won't play with you if you hit " etc. Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2012 Report Share Posted March 7, 2012 I have worked as an instructional aide to children with moderate to severe autism for over 3 yrs and have an 8 yr old son with ASD. Aggression is a behavior that if not nipped in the bud can become extreme over time. Especially if it works for the child. My suggestion is a planned ignore on the aggression as best you can. NO ATTENTION or preferred items during this time. As soon as your child is being compliant and having nice hands, praise him. with your happiness, kind words or a highly preferred item that he only gets to use when he is displaying appropriate behavior. however difficult it seems to be consistent I promise you it will be worth it. Do not give up or give in! --------------------------- > >> ** >> >> >> Hi, >> My 2.5 y/o has been hitting his parents when we say no or reprimand him in >> the slightest bit. I think that ignoring it would be a successful tactic, >> but its really hard to ignore if he hits my face or pulls hair. I have to >> react to pry his hands off. >> It seems to have gotten worse when I tried to explain " mommy is sad " or >> " mommy won't play with you if you hit " etc. >> Any advice? >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 Hi, we recently had this start up with our 4 year old. It's taken months to get him to cut back, plus he bit the heck out of me a couple of times. You won't like the sound of it ('cause neither did I), but a therapist recommended whacking them back. It works fairly well, until they forget and a few weeks later they start again. I also give him something else to whack (a pillow, etc.) or bite. good luck, > > Hi, > My 2.5 y/o has been hitting his parents when we say no or reprimand him in the slightest bit. I think that ignoring it would be a successful tactic, but its really hard to ignore if he hits my face or pulls hair. I have to react to pry his hands off. > It seems to have gotten worse when I tried to explain " mommy is sad " or " mommy won't play with you if you hit " etc. > Any advice? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 An appropriate response is to observe what is happening BEFORE the child hits. In addition to not being able to tolerate " no " or " reprimanding " , I wonder if: *) language is a problem; *) developmental delay is a problem; *) transition / changing from one activity to another activity is a problem (doing something to not doing that thing) is a problem; *) child being too tired or hungry or stressed is a problem: *) adults missing lots of warning cues that child is about to engage in behavior adults do not want, etc. *) the adults not providing an alternative activity for the child to switch to is another problem; Often, we forget that children (I am assuming that this child is on the spectrum) mature at different rates and that shame / guilt/ loss / pain / punishment and rewards actually teach children to lie and conceal " bad " activity instead of being motivated to do something because it is kind, cooperative, etc. They learn that they are not in charge of their own behavior (definitely not a good thing to even contemplate as an adult), but that arbitrary external forces (parents, authority figures, etc) are in charge of their behavior. This creates a follower and an irresponsible adult. These kinds of teens and adults follow laws only if police or other authority figures are around to enforce the laws; they speed, takes things, push the legal limits, lie and blame others as a way of life. It takes more time to help someone learn to be self-regulated or self-controlled. A 2 and 1/2 year old child is pretty young to expect that behavior to already be in place. Also, parents often use the language of " no, don't do X " . This actually sets the child up for failure. If I said to you, " quick, don't think of a red balloon " , your first thought would be of a red balloon, then you might have some confusion as you tried to think of something instead of a red balloon. If, instead, I said to you, " quick, think of a blue square " , you would NOT think of a red balloon - you would think of blue and a square. By telling a child " no, don't X " we are following the " quick, do not think of a red balloon " method of teaching and then we wonder why the child has a problem transitioning to " not X " . And this method also has a built in failure mechanism of not providing an alternative, but expecting the child to do the behavioral equivalent of infinity minus X and coming up with the appropriate/adult-pleasing activity. I am not shocked that a therapist recommend hitting back. This is a reflection of bad/poor quality training. There are lots of bad/incompetent therapists and there are some great therapists and there are more in-between therapists. It would be helpful to remember that deep down, inside of yourself, you would want to be treated with kindness and compassion. And, your child wants to be treated with kindness and compassion. It is unkind to " hit back " , especially when you a lots bigger and more powerful than the child. Again, way deep inside of you, you already know that. This is why you were troubled with the advice of the therapist. I am so glad you asked the question: what to do. So, what to do: take more time to assess what is happening, the environment, the child's ability to cope with change, your communication style, other things that you can provide for the child to do AND what is your child actually trying to accomplish with the behavior. If we think of behavior, itself, as communication - then we can use observation to understand behavior better and provide interventions that actually assist the person to grow and develop with compassion, kindness, and joy. Priscilla > > Hi, > My 2.5 y/o has been hitting his parents when we say no or reprimand him in the slightest bit. I think that ignoring it would be a successful tactic, but its really hard to ignore if he hits my face or pulls hair. I have to react to pry his hands off. > It seems to have gotten worse when I tried to explain " mommy is sad " or " mommy won't play with you if you hit " etc. > Any advice? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 Shana, I hear " working as an aide " which says to me that you aren't a parent to an autistic child and you don't live with it. Nor do I think your approach of just dodging their wrath as viable. It doesn't teach. Before you criticize so harshly, understand that I didn't enjoy hitting my child back. But he no longer hits at home or in public. It brought him a little " theory of mind. " And if you've ever seen an autistic child in a tantrum, you'd know lecturing and going through a stack of PECs isn't going to get their attention. Some of these kids can really hurt others and themselves. Getting the point across by reciprocating curbed that behavior quickly for us. As an aide I'm sure you're not allowed to reciprocate hitting and biting, so you can thank the parents that find this approach works. admonishment preemptively dismissed, ~ > > Humiliation and losing things when exhibiting bad behavior will not motivate or model correct behavior. I can't believe parents with children with ASD are suggesting to other parents a " whack em back " method as a behavior intervention. I have worked as an aide with at least a hundred different children from ages 5-22 from very moderate to very severe and when I go to work everyday I have to protect myself and other children from children who attempt to bite, pinch, scratch, pull hair, spit, kick, or headbutt. I wouldn't like to think that parents are " whacking em " as a behavior intervention at home. >  > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 > > An appropriate response is to observe what is happening BEFORE the child hits. In addition to not being able to tolerate " no " or " reprimanding " , I wonder if: > *) language is a problem; > *) developmental delay is a problem; > *) transition / changing from one activity to another activity is a problem (doing something to not doing that thing) is a problem; > *) child being too tired or hungry or stressed is a problem: > *) adults missing lots of warning cues that child is about to engage in behavior adults do not want, etc. > *) the adults not providing an alternative activity for the child to switch to is another problem; >.... > > Priscilla Thank you for this well thought out and kind advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 We've had success with hitting them back (not at full-force, of course!)... I might not have thought of this if a therapist hadn't recommended it. We were told ignoring it is allowing it to happen. good luck! ~ > > Hi, > My 2.5 y/o has been hitting his parents when we say no or reprimand him in the slightest bit. I think that ignoring it would be a successful tactic, but its really hard to ignore if he hits my face or pulls hair. I have to react to pry his hands off. > It seems to have gotten worse when I tried to explain " mommy is sad " or " mommy won't play with you if you hit " etc. > Any advice? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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