Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning.My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world)The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot.I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not?Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 I know you've probably already thought of this but can you build in some reward system for his attendance? The other thing is that my son goes to weekly counseling. Maybe this would help him with his daily life issues? By the way I hate the "just like every other boy" comment....drives me insane! To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning.My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world)The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot.I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not?Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 This is a nightmarish situation to have to deal with. Mine, at nine, often refuses to get out of bed to go to school. I can't physically force him to do so. What I do is list the things he enjoys doing that he will be deprived of if he doesn't get out of bed and ready and off to school. The first time I did this, he said he didn't care. He wasn't going to go. He stayed home in his room or on the sofa all day. No computer or TV. He didn't show this behavior for quite a while after that. When it happened again, I read off the list. He got out of bed. Hope this helps. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning.My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world)The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot.I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not?Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 I've never liked rewards for doing something you're supposed to do, we've always worked on a consequence system rather than rewards. Like no school means no X-Box, computer, telephone, or kindle (since it connects to the internet too) for the day. Maybe it's time to change it up a bit. The just like every other boy thing drives me nuts! It came specifically from my dad and since E is one of several boys in dad's family that have Aspergers, one would think Grampa would know better. Guess he's pretty oblivious! Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers >Sent: Sun, March 18, 2012 9:18:25 AMSubject: Re: Intro I know you've probably already thought of this but can you build in some reward system for his attendance? The other thing is that my son goes to weekly counseling. Maybe this would help him with his daily life issues? By the way I hate the "just like every other boy" comment....drives me insane! To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning.My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world)The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot.I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not?Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Thanks ! This is what I did last time he was "too sick to go to school" It worked, but we're already in hot water with the school. I just don't know how to explain my child to them. Again. Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***From: Van Laan To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers >Sent: Sun, March 18, 2012 10:30:28 AMSubject: Re: Intro This is a nightmarish situation to have to deal with. Mine, at nine, often refuses to get out of bed to go to school. I can't physically force him to do so. What I do is list the things he enjoys doing that he will be deprived of if he doesn't get out of bed and ready and off to school. The first time I did this, he said he didn't care. He wasn't going to go. He stayed home in his room or on the sofa all day. No computer or TV. He didn't show this behavior for quite a while after that. When it happened again, I read off the list. He got out of bed. Hope this helps. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning.My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world)The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot.I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not?Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Hi Jodi --It sounds like you've got a problem on your hands. Have you tried setting up a (simple) daily system of rewards in a "pay as you go fashion" rather than penalties for the wrong behavior when it occurs? Sometimes it's easy to accidentally set up a negative system where all the child thinks he's hearing are threats -- what he won't get if he doesn't go to school. Maybe if you set it up so that each day's participation in fun activities happens only if he went to school. So, it's 4:00pm and he wants to turn on computer, the question becomes "Did you go to school today? OK, go ahead and play." Much more emphasis on the positive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 That is very good advice !!! --------------------------- >Hi Jodi -- > >It sounds like you've got a problem on your hands. Have you tried setting up a (simple) daily system of rewards in a " pay as you go fashion " rather than penalties for the wrong behavior when it occurs? Sometimes it's easy to accidentally set up a negative system where all the child thinks he's hearing are threats -- what he won't get if he doesn't go to school. Maybe if you set it up so that each day's participation in fun activities happens only if he went to school. So, it's 4:00pm and he wants to turn on computer, the question becomes " Did you go to school today? OK, go ahead and play. " Much more emphasis on the positive. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Thanks for your advice ! It looks like it's time to revamp again! Would you suggest including E in deciding what type of rewards would be best? Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers >Sent: Sun, March 18, 2012 12:16:40 PMSubject: Re: Intro Hi Jodi --It sounds like you've got a problem on your hands. Have you tried setting up a (simple) daily system of rewards in a "pay as you go fashion" rather than penalties for the wrong behavior when it occurs? Sometimes it's easy to accidentally set up a negative system where all the child thinks he's hearing are threats -- what he won't get if he doesn't go to school. Maybe if you set it up so that each day's participation in fun activities happens only if he went to school. So, it's 4:00pm and he wants to turn on computer, the question becomes "Did you go to school today? OK, go ahead and play." Much more emphasis on the positive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 I had similar issues with my son. He was the same age as your son and missing lots of school, yet still managed to get high honor roll. the teachers called me in and lectured me about the importance of going to school, as if I didnt know that. After a while I gave up arguing with them, This year he is 13 and rarely misses a day, tho he still isnt happy to go. My 16 yr old aspergers child has been missing a lot of school due to depression. His grades are not good, and every morning we try to get him to go, but sometimes I feel there is not much sense in this, as he is depressed and I question whether he is learning anything in this state of mind. we've had to hire a tutor, and he receives outside counseling. His guidance counselor told me that "school just isn't his thing"., even tho he's very smart. It's an on-going struggle. We are getting him re-evaluated, as his IEP was taken from him a few years ago. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning.My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world)The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot.I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not?Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Hi and welcome,I am seriously considering homeschooling my son for 4th grade and beyond...Have you considered that option? Scary, I know!!!!LoriSubject: Re: IntroTo: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers >Date: Sunday, March 18, 2012, 9:47 AM I had similar issues with my son. He was the same age as your son and missing lots of school, yet still managed to get high honor roll. the teachers called me in and lectured me about the importance of going to school, as if I didnt know that. After a while I gave up arguing with them, This year he is 13 and rarely misses a day, tho he still isnt happy to go. My 16 yr old aspergers child has been missing a lot of school due to depression. His grades are not good, and every morning we try to get him to go, but sometimes I feel there is not much sense in this, as he is depressed and I question whether he is learning anything in this state of mind. we've had to hire a tutor, and he receives outside counseling. His guidance counselor told me that "school just isn't his thing"., even tho he's very smart. It's an on-going struggle. We are getting him re-evaluated, as his IEP was taken from him a few years ago. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning.My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world)The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot.I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not?Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 A friend showed me an app that I have on my iPad now. It's called iReward and it's a simple tally system of behavior requirements and rewards. It has some set up when you download it, but I deleted all of their required behaviors and put our target behaviors, including following directions quickly, keeping personal space, and so on. And deleted their suggested rewards and put the ones that matter to my child, like 30 minutes of the Wii and going to a movie, etc. It's been very helpful in giving him a motivation and keeping me on top of the reward system that can quickly become overwhelming. We started out doing checkins with the system several times a day giving a star per item for the past couple of hours, and now just do it once a day for the whole day's behavior. So at the end of the day, if he kept personal space all day, he gets 5 stars. But if one time he got in his brother's face, he gets 4. If he got in his brother's face and also tossed a toy and it got close to or hit someone, he gets 3. So it's positive-- he's almost always coming out ahead, but he gets more stars faster if he does better. >Hi Jodi -- > >It sounds like you've got a problem on your hands. Have you tried setting up a (simple) daily system of rewards in a " pay as you go fashion " rather than penalties for the wrong behavior when it occurs? Sometimes it's easy to accidentally set up a negative system where all the child thinks he's hearing are threats -- what he won't get if he doesn't go to school. Maybe if you set it up so that each day's participation in fun activities happens only if he went to school. So, it's 4:00pm and he wants to turn on computer, the question becomes " Did you go to school today? OK, go ahead and play. " Much more emphasis on the positive. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 My son went to school more willingly, and got sick less often, once we made the non-negotiable rule that computers, Xbox, Wii, etc may not be used during school hours. It took until he was about 14 before he got himself ready for school - 12 before he would dress himself on his own - and I still need to wake him up, but at least he went. We live about 100m from the school, so we can hear the bell, and he is usually walking out the door at or after the last bell for the morning. I try to get him to go earlier, the deputy principal has talked to him numerous times, but he just refuses to go before he needs to. He doesn't hate being at school, just can't see the point of being there if nothing is happening. He will happily stay back 1/2hr or more after school to finish a physics or chemistry prac, but having to socialise for even 5 minutes is more than he can take. One thing I learnt early on was, to paraphrase Winston Churchill, 'never give in'. If there was even the slightest chance I would relent and let him play games or go online when he was sick, the number of days he wanted to stay home increased again.  This is a nightmarish situation to have to deal with. Mine, at nine, often refuses to get out of bed to go to school. I can't physically force him to do so. What I do is list the things he enjoys doing that he will be deprived of if he doesn't get out of bed and ready and off to school. The first time I did this, he said he didn't care. He wasn't going to go. He stayed home in his room or on the sofa all day. No computer or TV. He didn't show this behavior for quite a while after that. When it happened again, I read off the list. He got out of bed. Hope this helps. From: Jodi To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro  My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning. My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world) The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot. I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not? Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ No virus found in this message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2114/4877 - Release Date: 03/17/12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Sometimes you just have to accept that some people are not going to get it. Sometimes I think it would be amusing to see just how some people would describe a 'normal' boy.  I've never liked rewards for doing something you're supposed to do, we've always worked on a consequence system rather than rewards. Like no school means no X-Box, computer, telephone, or kindle (since it connects to the internet too) for the day. Maybe it's time to change it up a bit. The just like every other boy thing drives me nuts! It came specifically from my dad and since E is one of several boys in dad's family that have Aspergers, one would think Grampa would know better. Guess he's pretty oblivious!  Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 *** From: R. Tucker To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Sun, March 18, 2012 9:18:25 AM Subject: Re: Intro  I know you've probably already thought of this but can you build in some reward system for his attendance? The other thing is that my son goes to weekly counseling. Maybe this would help him with his daily life issues? By the way I hate the "just like every other boy" comment....drives me insane!  From: Jodi To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro  My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning. My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world) The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot. I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not? Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ No virus found in this message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2114/4877 - Release Date: 03/17/12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012  Thanks for your advice ! It looks like it's time to revamp again! Would you suggest including E in deciding what type of rewards would be best?  Jodi Only if you want the system to work. But make sure he knows he is making 'suggestions' not 'decisions'. If my son thought he was making the decisions and we treated them as suggestions, then things got off to a very bad start. No virus found in this message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2114/4877 - Release Date: 03/17/12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012  Thanks for your advice ! It looks like it's time to revamp again! Would you suggest including E in deciding what type of rewards would be best?  Jodi Only if you want the system to work. But make sure he knows he is making 'suggestions' not 'decisions'. If my son thought he was making the decisions and we treated them as suggestions, then things got off to a very bad start. No virus found in this message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2114/4877 - Release Date: 03/17/12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Once he started high school (gr 7) I gave my son permission to have a 'mental health day' if he needed it. He took a few that year, but by about yr 10 he didn't need them. We discovered that knowing he has an option to do something often means he doesn't need to. He is keeping up with work this year (gr 12), but it is a struggle for him. He starts on anxiety meds once he gets back from the excursion he is on. And melatonin to help him sleep. HE is thinking of taking next year off before starting university.  I had similar issues with my son.  He was the same age as your son and missing lots of school, yet still managed to get high honor roll.  the teachers called me in and lectured me about the importance of going to school, as if I didnt know that.  After a while I gave up arguing with them, This year he is 13 and rarely misses a day, tho he still isnt happy to go.  My 16 yr old aspergers child has been missing a lot of school due to depression.  His grades are not good, and every morning we try to get him to go, but sometimes I feel there is not much sense in this, as he is depressed and I question whether he is learning anything in this state of mind.  we've had to hire a tutor, and he receives outside counseling.  His guidance counselor told me that "school just isn't his thing"., even tho he's very smart. It's an on-going struggle.  We are getting him re-evaluated, as his IEP was taken from him a few years ago.   From: Jodi To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro  My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning. My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world) The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot. I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not? Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ No virus found in this message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2114/4877 - Release Date: 03/17/12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Once he started high school (gr 7) I gave my son permission to have a 'mental health day' if he needed it. He took a few that year, but by about yr 10 he didn't need them. We discovered that knowing he has an option to do something often means he doesn't need to. He is keeping up with work this year (gr 12), but it is a struggle for him. He starts on anxiety meds once he gets back from the excursion he is on. And melatonin to help him sleep. HE is thinking of taking next year off before starting university.  I had similar issues with my son.  He was the same age as your son and missing lots of school, yet still managed to get high honor roll.  the teachers called me in and lectured me about the importance of going to school, as if I didnt know that.  After a while I gave up arguing with them, This year he is 13 and rarely misses a day, tho he still isnt happy to go.  My 16 yr old aspergers child has been missing a lot of school due to depression.  His grades are not good, and every morning we try to get him to go, but sometimes I feel there is not much sense in this, as he is depressed and I question whether he is learning anything in this state of mind.  we've had to hire a tutor, and he receives outside counseling.  His guidance counselor told me that "school just isn't his thing"., even tho he's very smart. It's an on-going struggle.  We are getting him re-evaluated, as his IEP was taken from him a few years ago.   From: Jodi To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro  My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning. My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world) The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot. I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not? Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ No virus found in this message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2114/4877 - Release Date: 03/17/12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 You tell them to come pick up your child and take him to school. See how that sets with them. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2012 11:12 AM Subject: Re: Intro Thanks ! This is what I did last time he was "too sick to go to school" It worked, but we're already in hot water with the school. I just don't know how to explain my child to them. Again. Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***From: Van Laan To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers >Sent: Sun, March 18, 2012 10:30:28 AMSubject: Re: Intro This is a nightmarish situation to have to deal with. Mine, at nine, often refuses to get out of bed to go to school. I can't physically force him to do so. What I do is list the things he enjoys doing that he will be deprived of if he doesn't get out of bed and ready and off to school. The first time I did this, he said he didn't care. He wasn't going to go. He stayed home in his room or on the sofa all day. No computer or TV. He didn't show this behavior for quite a while after that. When it happened again, I read off the list. He got out of bed. Hope this helps. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning.My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world)The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot.I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not?Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 You tell them to come pick up your child and take him to school. See how that sets with them. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2012 11:12 AM Subject: Re: Intro Thanks ! This is what I did last time he was "too sick to go to school" It worked, but we're already in hot water with the school. I just don't know how to explain my child to them. Again. Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***From: Van Laan To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers >Sent: Sun, March 18, 2012 10:30:28 AMSubject: Re: Intro This is a nightmarish situation to have to deal with. Mine, at nine, often refuses to get out of bed to go to school. I can't physically force him to do so. What I do is list the things he enjoys doing that he will be deprived of if he doesn't get out of bed and ready and off to school. The first time I did this, he said he didn't care. He wasn't going to go. He stayed home in his room or on the sofa all day. No computer or TV. He didn't show this behavior for quite a while after that. When it happened again, I read off the list. He got out of bed. Hope this helps. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning.My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world)The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot.I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not?Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 I know people who do homeschool. It isn't easy unless there's a large group living in your area who does this sort of thing. The one big problem with homeschooling is missing out on social skills these kids so desperately need. They really need to be around other kids as much as possible. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2012 1:05 PM Subject: Re: Intro Hi and welcome,I am seriously considering homeschooling my son for 4th grade and beyond...Have you considered that option? Scary, I know!!!!LoriSubject: Re: IntroTo: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers >Date: Sunday, March 18, 2012, 9:47 AM I had similar issues with my son. He was the same age as your son and missing lots of school, yet still managed to get high honor roll. the teachers called me in and lectured me about the importance of going to school, as if I didnt know that. After a while I gave up arguing with them, This year he is 13 and rarely misses a day, tho he still isnt happy to go. My 16 yr old aspergers child has been missing a lot of school due to depression. His grades are not good, and every morning we try to get him to go, but sometimes I feel there is not much sense in this, as he is depressed and I question whether he is learning anything in this state of mind. we've had to hire a tutor, and he receives outside counseling. His guidance counselor told me that "school just isn't his thing"., even tho he's very smart. It's an on-going struggle. We are getting him re-evaluated, as his IEP was taken from him a few years ago. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning.My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world)The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot.I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not?Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 I know people who do homeschool. It isn't easy unless there's a large group living in your area who does this sort of thing. The one big problem with homeschooling is missing out on social skills these kids so desperately need. They really need to be around other kids as much as possible. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2012 1:05 PM Subject: Re: Intro Hi and welcome,I am seriously considering homeschooling my son for 4th grade and beyond...Have you considered that option? Scary, I know!!!!LoriSubject: Re: IntroTo: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers >Date: Sunday, March 18, 2012, 9:47 AM I had similar issues with my son. He was the same age as your son and missing lots of school, yet still managed to get high honor roll. the teachers called me in and lectured me about the importance of going to school, as if I didnt know that. After a while I gave up arguing with them, This year he is 13 and rarely misses a day, tho he still isnt happy to go. My 16 yr old aspergers child has been missing a lot of school due to depression. His grades are not good, and every morning we try to get him to go, but sometimes I feel there is not much sense in this, as he is depressed and I question whether he is learning anything in this state of mind. we've had to hire a tutor, and he receives outside counseling. His guidance counselor told me that "school just isn't his thing"., even tho he's very smart. It's an on-going struggle. We are getting him re-evaluated, as his IEP was taken from him a few years ago. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning.My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world)The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot.I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not?Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Homeschooling certainly isn't for everyone. And, not all kids thrive in the environment. Some kids do better all around in an homeschool environment because they don't have the social abilities to deal with school (even though they have been thrown into the school system from preschool). Some other kids can't deal with school because of the sensory issues or their extreme anxieties or depression. Our kids learn by teaching and teaching and teaching. And, often, schools don't have the ability or patience to teach true social skills. Just being in a group of kids doesn't always "teach" our kids to be social, unfortunately. It just depends on the kid. And, sometimes it teaches the WRONG social behaviors! I am sure we have all experienced that unfortunate part of social interactions.The social piece is certainly one argument against homeschooling but I doesn't have to be an argument. My son gets a great deal of socialization outside of school and with the academic intensity he has very little opportunities to socialize at school as it is. Its unfortunately, really. And, our school doesn't have social classes or groups to help these kids. The reality is, he has learned more social skills in 1:1 sessions (with his sister or his therapists or with me) than in school.Just an idea. I use to be against it. My husband was REALLY against it. But, we have changed alot in our thinking this year. We feel our child is wasting so much time in school. He is falling behind in certain subjects even though he is there 6 hours per day and comes homes to 3 hours of homework. With all the required homework (even with mods and accommodations), we still don't have time to work on the areas that are holding him back such as speed of multiplication facts, reading fluency, inferences, social issues and self help issues. If my son were homeschooled...I wouldn't have the pressure of so many tests (4-5 per week)...plus, benchmarks (6x per year) and theme tests (6x per year) and CA Star Testing. I could focus on the areas he needs focus on! Just an idea. If your kiddo isn't going to school anyway (and, not there to learn)...he could totally do independent study until he gets past his challenges of depression and such.LoriSubject: Re: IntroTo: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers >Date: Sunday, March 18, 2012, 9:47 AM I had similar issues with my son. He was the same age as your son and missing lots of school, yet still managed to get high honor roll. the teachers called me in and lectured me about the importance of going to school, as if I didnt know that. After a while I gave up arguing with them, This year he is 13 and rarely misses a day, tho he still isnt happy to go. My 16 yr old aspergers child has been missing a lot of school due to depression. His grades are not good, and every morning we try to get him to go, but sometimes I feel there is not much sense in this, as he is depressed and I question whether he is learning anything in this state of mind. we've had to hire a tutor, and he receives outside counseling. His guidance counselor told me that "school just isn't his thing"., even tho he's very smart. It's an on-going struggle. We are getting him re-evaluated, as his IEP was taken from him a few years ago. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 8:58 PM Subject: Intro My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning.My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world)The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot.I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not?Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 19, 2012 Report Share Posted March 19, 2012 Where we live, if you homeschool you can also take advantage of extra curicular activities offered by the school. A friend of mine homeschooled several years ago and her kids were allowed to take phys Ed at the school and they also participated in band and several after school sports. I guess if you home school, you still have to pay school taxes so you have the right to use the school for these things even if your kid is not attending regularly. These kids weren't on the spectrum but still could benefit from participating in activities with other kids their age. Estevan, SK Canada -- Intro My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning. My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world) The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot. I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not? Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ FREE Emoticons for your email - by IncrediMail Click Here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 19, 2012 Report Share Posted March 19, 2012 Where we live, if you homeschool you can also take advantage of extra curicular activities offered by the school. A friend of mine homeschooled several years ago and her kids were allowed to take phys Ed at the school and they also participated in band and several after school sports. I guess if you home school, you still have to pay school taxes so you have the right to use the school for these things even if your kid is not attending regularly. These kids weren't on the spectrum but still could benefit from participating in activities with other kids their age. Estevan, SK Canada -- Intro My name is Jodi, I'm a single mom to three kids, my older two are 18 and 14, they both suffer from OCD of varying degrees, but they are both totally functioning. My 12 year old, Ethan, has been given an official diagnoses of "falling within the spectrum", which depending on who you talk to makes him either "just like every other boy" (my dad) or "incredibly difficult to work with" (most of the rest of the world) The truth of the matter is both. Ethan is just like every other child in that he likes to have fun, he's got a wicked sense of humor, plays with friends on the block until you hit a hot spot. I'll start by saying that Ethan only borders on the spectrum. 99% of the time he's not displaying the traits that put him on the spectrum. Most issues I can resolve simply by using a calm tone or assigning consequences to behavior. The main issue we are having at the moment is school attendance. Ethan is an A student, so I'm not really concerned with his attendance, but the school is. How do I explain to the school that there are days I simply can't get him to go to school? There's no way I can or will physically dress him, remove him from his room, feed him, get him in the car and get him out and into school. First of all, I can't do it. I'm not as strong as he is. Secondly, if that's the measure it takes to get him to school, not only is he not learning anything that day but he's also going to make everyone in that school wish he wasn't there! How do I explain to the school that this seemingly average child is not? Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***,_._,___ FREE Emoticons for your email - by IncrediMail Click Here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 19, 2012 Report Share Posted March 19, 2012 There's an app for my Android, it doesn't sound as good, but it may serve our purpose. We talked about expectations and things we can do to live up to the expectations. We talked about what qualifies as sick and we're both thinking about what the appropriate reward would be for not missing any more days of school. We decided on a trip to the water park/wave pool near our house. For expectations and good behavior, I didn't feel it fair to require EVERY DAY be a great day, we all have bad days. So E calculated there's 89 days between now and the last day of school and to get an A for behavior at home he'd need 80 good days. An A in behavior proves that he's responsible enough to have his computer in his room, instead of the kitchen. I'm interested to see how he does! Jodi What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003 ***To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sun, March 18, 2012 3:02:54 PMSubject: Re: Intro A friend showed me an app that I have on my iPad now. It's called iReward and it's a simple tally system of behavior requirements and rewards. It has some set up when you download it, but I deleted all of their required behaviors and put our target behaviors, including following directions quickly, keeping personal space, and so on. And deleted their suggested rewards and put the ones that matter to my child, like 30 minutes of the Wii and going to a movie, etc. It's been very helpful in giving him a motivation and keeping me on top of the reward system that can quickly become overwhelming. We started out doing checkins with the system several times a day giving a star per item for the past couple of hours, and now just do it once a day for the whole day's behavior. So at the end of the day, if he kept personal space all day, he gets 5 stars. But if one time he got in his brother's face, he gets 4. If he got in his brother's face and also tossed a toy and it got close to or hit someone, he gets 3. So it's positive-- he's almost always coming out ahead, but he gets more stars faster if he does better. >Hi Jodi -- > >It sounds like you've got a problem on your hands. Have you tried setting up a (simple) daily system of rewards in a "pay as you go fashion" rather than penalties for the wrong behavior when it occurs? Sometimes it's easy to accidentally set up a negative system where all the child thinks he's hearing are threats -- what he won't get if he doesn't go to school. Maybe if you set it up so that each day's participation in fun activities happens only if he went to school. So, it's 4:00pm and he wants to turn on computer, the question becomes "Did you go to school today? OK, go ahead and play." Much more emphasis on the positive. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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