Re: To tell or not to tell....

[Guest guest]

We also told our son when he got the diagnosis.  We couldn't see any

reason not to.  It helped him to understand why he was different. 

We also told his teachers, and most of his school mates knew.  So

far it has been positive rather than negative.

 

My son and I participate in a social skills group once a

week. He learns social skills with other children with

similar dx to him while all the parents are in a parent

group. Tonight we discussed whether or not we have told

our kids about their dx and how we told and if we haven't

told them, why not? I was the only person in the group who

has told and so I am curious about how others feel about

this. I told when he was 4. He was taking a bus to

Easter Seals for OT, had speech, had behaviorist visits

and people coming to the house messing with him and I

thought he should know why we do all that. I told him that

1/2 of his brain works extra fast and that is why he is so

good at memorizing directions and tiny details most people

don't even notice and that 1/2 of his brain works a little

slower and that's why we do all these extra things to help

him get better at stuff. It was very simple and childlike.

He is now 8 and since our first discussion we have ! added

to it. He knows his cousins have autism but he knows he

isn't like them so I have explained that it is a spectrum

and what that means and he is able to understand that...

he is quite intelligent. I have also explained to him that

there are all types of people that have all different

types of challenges like being blind or deaf, missing a

limb or in a wheelchair.... I added how blessed we are

that we didn't have to deal with any issues like that and

how cool it is that he was given such wonderful gifts

along with the challenges and that some people's

challenges can't be improved and we are very lucky that we

can always work to try to improve where he does have

challenges. He thought that all sounded pretty cool and

feels pretty good about it. I was glad that if there was

only 1 parent in that group who has told that it was me.

Whew.... got that outta the way. So it made me wonder what

the other parents were waiting for. I didn't ask. I don't

know why. So I'll a! sk you guys...... if you haven't told

your child... what are you waiting for? What would make a

particular time the "right time". Robison (author of

Look Me In The Eye) was diagnosed in his 40s and was able

to look back on his life... including his childhood and

say" Oooohhh..... that explains everything!" I am grateful

it is already just naturally in our vocabulary and there

won't ever be a shock.... can't wait to hear other

opinions or stories......

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found in this message.

Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2114/4872 - Release Date:

03/15/12

[Guest guest]

, I think that is great and needed to know someone out there agreed with me!! Shana

[Guest guest]

Our daughter was 8 when testing was first brought up to us. She had friends in

her class who were on the spectrum, which is actually how she came to their

attention. The special teachers that would come in kept trying to pull her out

of class after observing her, thinking she was diagnosed.

After her teacher that year showed a film to the class about kids who had

Asperger's, the teacher noted a lot of similarities between Gillian and one of

the girls on the video.

Because Gillian was older, we told her while they were still testing her. She

knew what was going on as they tested her, and when they did a formal dx on her,

we talked with her about it, what it meant, what it would change at school, but

that ultimately, it wasn't a bad thing- it just gave those of us around her a

better way to understand how she thinks, and that it doesn't change who she is

at all. She was proud of the DX- she would tell anyone who she talked to for the

first 3 months, at least.

>

> My son and I participate in a social skills group once a week. He learns

social skills with other children with similar dx to him while all the parents

are in a parent group. Tonight we discussed whether or not we have told our

kids about their dx and how we told and if we haven't told them, why not? I was

the only person in the group who has told and so I am curious about how others

feel about this. I told when he was 4. He was taking a bus to Easter

Seals for OT, had speech, had behaviorist visits and people coming to the house

messing with him and I thought he should know why we do all that. I told him

that 1/2 of his brain works extra fast and that is why he is so good at

memorizing directions and tiny details most people don't even notice and that

1/2 of his brain works a little slower and that's why we do all these extra

things to help him get better at stuff. It was very simple and childlike. He

is now 8 and since our first discussion we have added to it. He knows his

cousins have autism but he knows he isn't like them so I have explained that it

is a spectrum and what that means and he is able to understand that... he is

quite intelligent. I have also explained to him that there are all types of

people that have all different types of challenges like being blind or deaf,

missing a limb or in a wheelchair.... I added how blessed we are that we didn't

have to deal with any issues like that and how cool it is that he was given such

wonderful gifts along with the challenges and that some people's challenges

can't be improved and we are very lucky that we can always work to try to

improve where he does have challenges. He thought that all sounded pretty cool

and feels pretty good about it. I was glad that if there was only 1 parent in

that group who has told that it was me. Whew.... got that outta the way. So it

made me wonder what the other parents were waiting for. I didn't ask. I don't

know why. So I'll ask you guys...... if you haven't told your child... what are

you waiting for? What would make a particular time the " right time " .

Robison (author of Look Me In The Eye) was diagnosed in his 40s and was able to

look back on his life... including his childhood and say " Oooohhh..... that

explains everything! " I am grateful it is already just naturally in our

vocabulary and there won't ever be a shock.... can't wait to hear other opinions

or stories......

>

[Guest guest]

I love your explanation. My daughter was 15 when she was finally diagnosed as Aspie. Prior to that she had several other diagnoses. She KNEW she was different from the other kids but didn't know why, so I've always told her why. I'd rather my child knows they are different for a reason than to go around thinking they are bad or stupid or crazy or whatever other thing they can come up with. Knowledge is power and our kids need all they power they can get. Ever since she was diagnosed as Aspie, she has seemed more comfortable in her own skin. She even made a friend that is PDD-NOS so they are very similar.

I believe we have to tell our kids what is going on with them. I also believe that we can't encourage or even allow them to use that as a crutch. They will eventually have to live within our society so we have to prepare them for that eventuality. We can't coddle and protect them from everything. This is their life and the sooner they know it and understand it the sooner they can learn to live with it.

  Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you;

Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.

One died for your soul; the other for your freedom.

-- To tell or not to tell....

My son and I participate in a social skills group once a week. He learns social skills with other children with similar dx to him while all the parents are in a parent group. Tonight we discussed whether or not we have told our kids about their dx and how we told and if we haven't told them, why not? I was the only person in the group who has told and so I am curious about how others feel about this. I told when he was 4. He was taking a bus to Easter Seals for OT, had speech, had behaviorist visits and people coming to the house messing with him and I thought he should know why we do all that. I told him that 1/2 of his brain works extra fast and that is why he is so good at memorizing directions and tiny details most people don't even notice and that 1/2 of his brain works a little slower and that's why we do all these extra things to help him get better at stuff. It was very simple and childlike. He is now 8 and since our first discussion we have added to it. He knows his cousins have autism but he knows he isn't like them so I have explained that it is a spectrum and what that means and he is able to understand that... he is quite intelligent. I have also explained to him that there are all types of people that have all different types of challenges like being blind or deaf, missing a limb or in a wheelchair.... I added how blessed we are that we didn't have to deal with any issues like that and how cool it is that he was given such wonderful gifts along with the challenges and that some people's challenges can't be improved and we are very lucky that we can always work to try to improve where he does have challenges. He thought that all sounded pretty cool and feels pretty good about it. I was glad that if there was only 1 parent in that group who has told that it was me. Whew.... got that outta the way. So it made me wonder what the other parents were waiting for. I didn't ask. I don't know why. So I'll ask you guys...... if you haven't told your child... what are you waiting for? What would make a particular time the "right time". Robison (author of Look Me In The Eye) was diagnosed in his 40s and was able to look back on his life... including his childhood and say" Oooohhh..... that explains everything!" I am grateful it is already just naturally in our vocabulary and there won't ever be a shock.... can't wait to hear other opinions or stories......

[Guest guest]

This is a great topic. I haven't told my grandson yet. By the way, I never wrote an introductory email describing my situation, but I'm his legal guardian and have raised him since birth. (he's nine) His mom who is seriously mentally ill cannot raise him and she wasn't married when she got pregnant. My eldest daughter whose son is an Aspie probably knows, but hasn't been told yet either. Whenever she approached the subject he would cover his ears and run out of the room. He didn't want to discuss it. So, anyhow, I never told my grandson either. Last week he asked me why he has to clear his throat all the time and blinks his eyes. He says he just can't stop doing it. We are just in the process of testing with a neurologist. It may be PDD or it may be Tourette's as well. I'm figuring after all this latest round of

testing, I will approach him about his diagnosis. Your way of doing it sounds lovely -- simple and in a way a child can understand. Thanks. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2012 11:36 PM Subject: To tell or not to tell....

My son and I participate in a social skills group once a week. He learns social skills with other children with similar dx to him while all the parents are in a parent group. Tonight we discussed whether or not we have told our kids about their dx and how we told and if we haven't told them, why not? I was the only person in the group who has told and so I am curious about how others feel about this. I told when he was 4. He was taking a bus to Easter Seals for OT, had speech, had behaviorist visits and people coming to the house messing with him and I thought he should know why we do all that. I told him that 1/2 of his brain works extra fast and that is why he is so good at memorizing directions and tiny details most people don't even notice and that 1/2 of his brain works a little slower and that's why we do all these extra things to help him get better at stuff. It was very simple and childlike. He is now 8 and since our

first discussion we have added to it. He knows his cousins have autism but he knows he isn't like them so I have explained that it is a spectrum and what that means and he is able to understand that... he is quite intelligent. I have also explained to him that there are all types of people that have all different types of challenges like being blind or deaf, missing a limb or in a wheelchair.... I added how blessed we are that we didn't have to deal with any issues like that and how cool it is that he was given such wonderful gifts along with the challenges and that some people's challenges can't be improved and we are very lucky that we can always work to try to improve where he does have challenges. He thought that all sounded pretty cool and feels pretty good about it. I was glad that if there was only 1 parent in that group who has told that it was me. Whew.... got that outta the way. So it made me wonder what the other parents were waiting

for. I didn't ask. I don't know why. So I'll ask you guys...... if you haven't told your child... what are you waiting for? What would make a particular time the "right time". Robison (author of Look Me In The Eye) was diagnosed in his 40s and was able to look back on his life... including his childhood and say" Oooohhh..... that explains everything!" I am grateful it is already just naturally in our vocabulary and there won't ever be a shock.... can't wait to hear other opinions or stories......

[Guest guest]

We told our son right away too - after going through all the testing, it was the natural thing to do, as we had to explain what all the testing was about. I think it was good for him to know why he was so different from the other kids. About 6 months after being diagnosed, he wrote in his journal at school (grade 3) "I am so glad I have aspergers syndrome so I don't have to be like everyone else!" As he got older he didn't always feel that way but now at nearly 15 he is very comfortable with his differences and using them effectively as he works towards his goal of being in the TV industry, working with cameras, sound boards and other stuff I don't understand!! (although he explains it to me all the time, in great detail!! Lol)

Estevan, SK

Canada

-- Re: To tell or not to tell....

We also told our son when he got the diagnosis. We couldn't see any reason not to. It helped him to understand why he was different. We also told his teachers, and most of his school mates knew. So far it has been positive rather than negative.

My son and I participate in a social skills group once a week. He learns social skills with other children with similar dx to him while all the parents are in a parent group. Tonight we discussed whether or not we have told our kids about their dx and how we told and if we haven't told them, why not? I was the only person in the group who has told and so I am curious about how others feel about this. I told when he was 4. He was taking a bus to Easter Seals for OT, had speech, had behaviorist visits and people coming to the house messing with him and I thought he should know why we do all that. I told him that 1/2 of his brain works extra fast and that is why he is so good at memorizing directions and tiny details most people don't even notice and that 1/2 of his brain works a little slower and that's why we do all these extra things to help him get better at stuff. It was very simple and childlike. He is now 8 and since our first discussion we have ! added to it. He knows his cousins have autism but he knows he isn't like them so I have explained that it is a spectrum and what that means and he is able to understand that... he is quite intelligent. I have also explained to him that there are all types of people that have all different types of challenges like being blind or deaf, missing a limb or in a wheelchair.... I added how blessed we are that we didn't have to deal with any issues like that and how cool it is that he was given such wonderful gifts along with the challenges and that some people's challenges can't be improved and we are very lucky that we can always work to try to improve where he does have challenges. He thought that all sounded pretty cool and feels pretty good about it. I was glad that if there was only 1 parent in that group who has told that it was me. Whew.... got that outta the way. So it made me wonder what the other parents were waiting for. I didn't ask. I don't know why. So I'll a! sk you guys...... if you haven't told your child... what are you waiting for? What would make a particular time the "right time". Robison (author of Look Me In The Eye) was diagnosed in his 40s and was able to look back on his life... including his childhood and say" Oooohhh..... that explains everything!" I am grateful it is already just naturally in our vocabulary and there won't ever be a shock.... can't wait to hear other opinions or stories......

No virus found in this message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.comVersion: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2114/4872 - Release Date: 03/15/12

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