Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 I would have told her to take her ignorant bull and stick it where the sun dont shine --- Original Message --- Sent: March 13, 2012 3/13/12 To: autism-aspergers Subject: So frustrated  Yesterday, someone posted online (yes, I know, it probably is one of those things I should just let go...) that parents with special needs kids hide behind the diagnosis to avoid disciplining their children. She went on to further explain that kids who don't have visible special needs are just kids who lack good parenting. Of course, she's also someone who doesn't even HAVE kids. She actually feels like parents like all of us are just crappy parents. I told her I honestly hope she has perfect little angels some day, because there's no way she could handle being the mom of a child like mine without losing her freaking mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 In my first reply, I did actually specify that ignorance seems to color her posts quite regularly. > > I would have told her to take her ignorant bull and stick it where the sun dont shine > > --- Original Message --- > > > Sent: March 13, 2012 3/13/12 > To: autism-aspergers > Subject: So frustrated > > Â > > Yesterday, someone posted online (yes, I know, it probably is one of those things I should just let go...) that parents with special needs kids hide behind the diagnosis to avoid disciplining their children. She went on to further explain that kids who don't have visible special needs are just kids who lack good parenting. > > Of course, she's also someone who doesn't even HAVE kids. She actually feels like parents like all of us are just crappy parents. I told her I honestly hope she has perfect little angels some day, because there's no way she could handle being the mom of a child like mine without losing her freaking mind. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 I never saw the original post but I believe no matter what disability a child has they should be held accountable for the actions in some way but that unlike typically developing children we have an understanding that when it comes to those with special needs there are many reasons that may keep a child from being able to behave such as lack of communication and/or understanding or possibly sensory overload. A child who "could" behave properly most likely would if able. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 The original post was elsewhere online, but basically said that parents with kids who have non-visible special needs hide behind the DX to excuse bad behavior, or use a fake DX to have an excuse to be a lazy parent. I agree that kids should be held accountable, but that wasn't what the post was about at all. It was more about an ignorant woman (who isn't even a mother) complaining that people are too quick to use special needs as an excuse for children behaving badly. She believes that we all use it to justify not being good parents, or that lazy parents use the term " special needs " when the only special need is that the parents are too lazy to BE parents. All of it boiled down to a conversation about a child having a melt down for all of 5 minutes in a public venue. The parents took care of the melt down quickly and efficiently, but the person felt that the parents were just bad parents, or the kid wouldn't have melted down in the first place, and that if we " can't control our children " , they shouldn't be out in public. > > I never saw the original post but I believe no matter what disability a child has they should be held accountable for the actions in some way but that unlike typically developing children we have an understanding that when it comes to those with special needs there are many reasons that may keep a child from being able to behave such as lack of communication and/or understanding or possibly sensory overload. A child who " could " behave properly most likely would if able. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 It's the last bit that annoys me - that even when special needs are recognised, we are somehow being 'anti-social' in having our kids in public where others may be impacted by them. But there are people who believe (often strongly) that children should not be allowed anywhere where their presence or behaviour may be annoying to other adults, so perhaps it is mainly a reflection of the society we have built where no one is supposed to inconvenience us or impact on our lives in anything but a positive way.  The original post was elsewhere online, but basically said that parents with kids who have non-visible special needs hide behind the DX to excuse bad behavior, or use a fake DX to have an excuse to be a lazy parent. I agree that kids should be held accountable, but that wasn't what the post was about at all. It was more about an ignorant woman (who isn't even a mother) complaining that people are too quick to use special needs as an excuse for children behaving badly. She believes that we all use it to justify not being good parents, or that lazy parents use the term "special needs" when the only special need is that the parents are too lazy to BE parents. All of it boiled down to a conversation about a child having a melt down for all of 5 minutes in a public venue. The parents took care of the melt down quickly and efficiently, but the person felt that the parents were just bad parents, or the kid wouldn't have melted down in the first place, and that if we "can't control our children", they shouldn't be out in public. > > I never saw the original post but I believe no matter what disability a child has they should be held accountable for the actions in some way but that unlike typically developing children we have an understanding that when it comes to those with special needs there are many reasons that may keep a child from being able to behave such as lack of communication and/or understanding or possibly sensory overload.� A child who "could" behave properly most likely would if able.� > No virus found in this message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2114/4870 - Release Date: 03/14/12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2012 Report Share Posted March 15, 2012 VERY well said! > > My son used to tantrum every time I took him to a store. He had to have metal trains and he wanted them bad. I tried to shop at stores I thought wouldn't have them but it seemed like every store had them.... why do they sell metal trains at book stores by the way? Anyway, to avoid the ugly tantrum he would have should his father or I say no we of course bought him one every time. A wonderful behaviorist who was working with us at the time had taught me to not care about what other people thought. This was a new concept to me as I did care when he ate sand at the park and the people stared I cared. When he cried like someone was trying to kill him while getting a haircut I cared that everyone was staring. When he flailed about having a meltdown because it was time to leave the train museum I cared that everyone was staring. If I tried to say no to a toy everyone looked. Once I learned to let that go and not care at all about what > others thought I started to have much more success with my son on outings. I learned a few tricks and only focused on what my son needed and not the " looky loos " . If you give in to the screaming child you are a bad parent, if you let the child cry and go without you are a bad parent. If you leave the store to avoid the whole thing you are a bad parent. I decided to be a good parent and just not care. Others can be bothered or not be bothered.... my only concern when out in public is my child. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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