Guest guest Posted April 15, 2012 Report Share Posted April 15, 2012 I'm so frustrated- again. Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult mornings, and it's getting old. Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about how " blank " was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling guilty and I'm tired. I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. Anyone? thanks for listening. R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2012 Report Share Posted April 15, 2012 Hi, I too can relate on two counts, I was this way as a child and gave my parents a fit until I was finally asked to leave. I was 23 at the time of the asking. I am also raising a son who is 7, is just like I was. He has been diagnosed with ASD, I have Aspergers. He defies me with everything I say. His father has to step in because he doesn't see me as a threat, doesn't care if he pleases me, and only responds to harsh words from his father about consequences. I have found one thing that helps me when his dad is not here, and that is " If you do not stop such and such, you will lose your game system for one week. " This immediately gets an " OKAY! " response from him and a change in his attitude toward me. I have not had to actually follow through yet with the punishment because he does stop whatever it was that caused the need for me having to issue that warning. I dread the day he actually forces me to follow through, because he gets violent toward me, has tried to break my cell when I tell him I'm calling his father, punches me, attacks me and shows no sign of caring that he's upset me or hurt me in any way. My oldest (18 yo son) has had to step in and hold him down to get him to calm down when he gets like that. He has had these outbursts towards me since about 3 months old. Yes, that young. He would scream when I'd try to nurse him, so I ended up having to pump and put him on a bottle, I could not even hold him while he took his bottle. I realize what his issue is with me and I do not take it personally, but at times, it gets hard when I'm bruised or I've hurt my arm (old injury that gets worse when I have to restrain him). I also dread the day when he gets too big for me to handle alone. I pray this day never comes, but if it does, I will have to deal with that at that time. I cannot threaten to spank him, as it makes his attacks worse. If I tell him to go to his room, he defies me and will not go, and I am not strong enough to drag him up there, so that is when I have had to pull out the taking away the game system punishment. It works for now. I've talked to his Occ. therapist about this issue, and she has had conversations with him about his need to " do as mom says " even if he doesn't want to. It hasn't really made a difference, not that I can see. I think my reason for not losing my mind over this issue is because I know what it's like to be defiant against a mother, and the feelings inside, and the fact that it truly isn't about hatred toward the mother figure, so I don't take it to heart when he tells me he hates me. I know that he means he is mad at me and it comes out in those words. I have had that conversation with him, and have told him that it makes me sad when he tells me he hates me when he's really mad at me. He tells me when he's okay with me that he loves me, but when he is in the midst of an outburst, those words flow freely from his lips, and I work very hard on not responding to them and keep in mind that it's anger not true hatred, and that is how it verbalizes it. He has told me he doesn't really hate me, but doesn't know what else to say when he's mad, I told him, just say Mamma I am mad at you instead of using the word hate, but he knows that word upsets me the most, so he uses it to try to get a reaction from me, and I am learning NOT to react to it when he says it. Ashton (Aspie mom with 2 Autie sons) I'm so frustrated- again. Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult mornings, and it's getting old. Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about how " blank " was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling guilty and I'm tired. I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. Anyone? thanks for listening. R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2012 Report Share Posted April 16, 2012 could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to where he is.LouiseTo: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers >Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AMSubject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write to me if you just need to vent. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM Subject: Son antagonizes everyone I'm so frustrated- again. Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult mornings, and it's getting old. Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about how "blank" was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling guilty and I'm tired. I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. Anyone? thanks for listening. R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2012 Report Share Posted April 16, 2012 Look at this link. http://www.dsm5.org/proposedrevisions/pages/proposedrevision.aspx?rid=397 It's a new proposed diagnosis for pediatric bipolar. My son was diagnosed with pediatric bipolar and I didn't think it quite fit, but medication that came with the diagnosis has been a huge benefit, whatever the diagnosis. But this new diagnosis describes my son very well. The difference between this and pediatric bipolar is the bipolar has tended to grow up to NOT be bipolar as adults, they grow up to be depressed. Either way, you might ask the doctor about bipolar, because they can't give the new diagnosis yet, but bipolar treatment has turned our home around, and my child says he can finally control his temper. Says he never wanted to act the way he used to, but now he can control himself and is very pleased with the changes. I am too. And he kept the Aspergers diagnosis-- this is a common co-morbid condition. > > could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) > that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with > fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for > adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red > dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and > everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to > where he is. > > Louise > > > > > > ________________________________ > > To: " autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AM > Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone > > > Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as > my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are > on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after > being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be > very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will > mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My > eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an > appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not > have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write > to me if you just need to vent. > > > ________________________________ > > To: autism-aspergers > Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM > Subject: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > I'm so frustrated- again. > Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. > He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great > joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and > throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult > mornings, and it's getting old. > > Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed > ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. > > > He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty > much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the > help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline > strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take > the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never > at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about > how " blank " was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or > lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most > difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling > guilty and I'm tired. > > > I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes > wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just > ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's > not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive > towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. > > > We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth > until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm > tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- > when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, > funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. > > > > Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're > either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the > backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. > > > I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room > again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. > > > Anyone? > thanks for listening. > R > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2012 Report Share Posted April 16, 2012 no. he couldn't have FA. However, interesting that you mention the dyes- we did the feingold diet several years ago, and the one thing we've stuck to is NO food dyes. I can totally tell if he's had dye through his behavior. it's crazy. could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to where he is. Louise To: " autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AMSubject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write to me if you just need to vent. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM Subject: Son antagonizes everyone I'm so frustrated- again. Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult mornings, and it's getting old. Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about how " blank " was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling guilty and I'm tired. I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. Anyone? thanks for listening. R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2012 Report Share Posted April 16, 2012 What med is related to this bipolorness? that you couldn't get w/ just an ASD or ADHD dx? To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 6:54 PM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone Look at this link. http://www.dsm5.org/proposedrevisions/pages/proposedrevision.aspx?rid=397 It's a new proposed diagnosis for pediatric bipolar. My son was diagnosed with pediatric bipolar and I didn't think it quite fit, but medication that came with the diagnosis has been a huge benefit, whatever the diagnosis. But this new diagnosis describes my son very well. The difference between this and pediatric bipolar is the bipolar has tended to grow up to NOT be bipolar as adults, they grow up to be depressed. Either way, you might ask the doctor about bipolar, because they can't give the new diagnosis yet, but bipolar treatment has turned our home around, and my child says he can finally control his temper. Says he never wanted to act the way he used to, but now he can control himself and is very pleased with the changes. I am too. And he kept the Aspergers diagnosis-- this is a common co-morbid condition. > > could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) > that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with > fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for > adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red > dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and > everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to > where he is. > > Louise > > > > > > ________________________________ > > To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AM > Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone > > > Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as > my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are > on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after > being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be > very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will > mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My > eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an > appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not > have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write > to me if you just need to vent. > > > ________________________________ > > To: autism-aspergers > Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM > Subject: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > I'm so frustrated- again. > Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. > He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great > joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and > throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult > mornings, and it's getting old. > > Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed > ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. > > > He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty > much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the > help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline > strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take > the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never > at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about > how "blank" was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or > lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most > difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling > guilty and I'm tired. > > > I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes > wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just > ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's > not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive > towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. > > > We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth > until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm > tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- > when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, > funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. > > > > Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're > either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the > backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. > > > I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room > again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. > > > Anyone? > thanks for listening. > R > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2012 Report Share Posted April 16, 2012 My nine, almost ten, year old son is exactly the same way. I cringe until the ADHD medicine kicks in. You are a great mom, don't take any of it personally (like that is even close to being easy to do!). If you want the advice, which I am only giving because it worked for me to make the morning easier, is to give my son his ADHD medicine about 10 to 15 minutes before he actually wakes up in the morning. I rouse him enough to take the pill, then tell him I will be back in 10 minutes to wake him up for the day (which helps with the transition) and when I return to wake him he is usually just as big of a bear as always, but by the time he has had his breakfast he is the sweet kid I know he can be. The ADHD medicine helps him control his outbursts, both physically and verbally at me, while they may still occur, they are less intense than they use to be. Sometimes in the mornings, after I got my son out of bed, I used to go hide in the garage and cry, unable to conceive that I created this little monster who wanted nothing but to be hurtful and mean. I would cry until I got to work, feeling as if I had already lived a day before I stepped into the office. Hang in there, I wish I had a cure for all of this. I wish their brains could just calm enough to take in the world without reacting, but until that magic cure comes along, I am glad that I still have a lawn chair in the garage for "those really trying times."~Carly (Minnesota)Mom to Sammy, ASD, ADHD, Depression, 4th Grade To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 6:22 PM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone no. he couldn't have FA. However, interesting that you mention the dyes- we did the feingold diet several years ago, and the one thing we've stuck to is NO food dyes. I can totally tell if he's had dye through his behavior. it's crazy. could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to where he is. Louise To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AMSubject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write to me if you just need to vent. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM Subject: Son antagonizes everyone I'm so frustrated- again. Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult mornings, and it's getting old. Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about how "blank" was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling guilty and I'm tired. I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. Anyone? thanks for listening. R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2012 Report Share Posted April 16, 2012 I just want to encourage you to try different meds. We were using straight up Ritalin and it made my son aggressive. We tried Metadate (time release ritalin) and it was better, but we kept having to up and up the dose and added Tennex to it, but he was getting too hyper focused. Then, switched to Vyvanse (which is still a stimulant, but just a little different) and it's been wonderful. Much more smooth and longer lasting and we found we could even lower the equivalent dose. Plus, it dissolves in water so it's super easy to get my little guy to take it. Whatever you do, don't put up with where you're at. Ask for help from your dev ped or someone else and do something. You shouldn't have to just live through it. <<<Hugs!>>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2012 Report Share Posted April 16, 2012 For about the first 8 years of school, the time from when my son got up at about 7:30 until he left for school at 9:00 was the longest part of the day - at least 75% of it. By the time he left, I needed half an hour or more to recover. It still gets a bit stressful, but is much better than it was. Once I get him up, he can handle the rest. We just know not to talk to him for half an hour.  My nine, almost ten, year old son is exactly the same way. I cringe until the ADHD medicine kicks in. You are a great mom, don't take any of it personally (like that is even close to being easy to do!). If you want the advice, which I am only giving because it worked for me to make the morning easier, is to give my son his ADHD medicine about 10 to 15 minutes before he actually wakes up in the morning. I rouse him enough to take the pill, then tell him I will be back in 10 minutes to wake him up for the day (which helps with the transition) and when I return to wake him he is usually just as big of a bear as always, but by the time he has had his breakfast he is the sweet kid I know he can be. The ADHD medicine helps him control his outbursts, both physically and verbally at me, while they may still occur, they are less intense than they use to be. Sometimes in the mornings, after I got my son out of bed, I used to go hide in the garage and cry, unable to conceive that I created this little monster who wanted nothing but to be hurtful and mean. I would cry until I got to work, feeling as if I had already lived a day before I stepped into the office. Hang in there, I wish I had a cure for all of this. I wish their brains could just calm enough to take in the world without reacting, but until that magic cure comes along, I am glad that I still have a lawn chair in the garage for "those really trying times." ~Carly (Minnesota) Mom to Sammy, ASD, ADHD, Depression, 4th Grade From: Ristau To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 6:22 PM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone  no. he couldn't have FA. However, interesting that you mention the dyes- we did the feingold diet several years ago, and the one thing we've stuck to is NO food dyes. I can totally tell if he's had dye through his behavior. it's crazy. On Sun, Apr 15, 2012 at 6:46 PM, Louise Harmala wrote:  could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and everything.  He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to where he is. Louise From: Durko To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone  Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write to me if you just need to vent. From: Ristau To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM Subject: Son antagonizes everyone  I'm so frustrated- again. Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult mornings, and it's getting old. Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about how "blank" was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling guilty and I'm tired. I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. Anyone? thanks for listening. R No virus found in this message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2411/4939 - Release Date: 04/15/12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2012 Report Share Posted April 16, 2012 I have a FAS'er as well and I was thinking the same thing. Myke To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 6:46 PM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to where he is.LouiseTo: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers >Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AMSubject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write to me if you just need to vent. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM Subject: Son antagonizes everyone I'm so frustrated- again. Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult mornings, and it's getting old. Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about how "blank" was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling guilty and I'm tired. I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. Anyone? thanks for listening. R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2012 Report Share Posted April 16, 2012 In our case he is on Prozac and Abilify. I don't know if you can get those with the other diagnoses. We never did. > > > > could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) > > that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with > > fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for > > adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red > > dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and > > everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to > > where he is. > > > > Louise > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: Durko <roseemerald66@> > > To: " autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > > > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AM > > Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as > > my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are > > on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after > > being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be > > very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will > > mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My > > eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an > > appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not > > have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write > > to me if you just need to vent. > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: Ristau <2boyzmama@> > > To: autism-aspergers > > Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM > > Subject: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > > > I'm so frustrated- again. > > Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. > > He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great > > joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and > > throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult > > mornings, and it's getting old. > > > > Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed > > ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. > > > > > > He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty > > much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the > > help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline > > strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take > > the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never > > at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about > > how " blank " was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or > > lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most > > difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling > > guilty and I'm tired. > > > > > > I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes > > wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just > > ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's > > not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive > > towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. > > > > > > We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth > > until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm > > tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- > > when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, > > funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. > > > > > > > > Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're > > either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the > > backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. > > > > > > I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room > > again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. > > > > > > Anyone? > > thanks for listening. > > R > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2012 Report Share Posted April 16, 2012 Glad I'm not the only one that literally can't stand my son until maybe 930! We homeschool and so we don't start school until he's regulated on his meds (they've kicked in). To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 8:39 PM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone For about the first 8 years of school, the time from when my son got up at about 7:30 until he left for school at 9:00 was the longest part of the day - at least 75% of it. By the time he left, I needed half an hour or more to recover. It still gets a bit stressful, but is much better than it was. Once I get him up, he can handle the rest. We just know not to talk to him for half an hour. My nine, almost ten, year old son is exactly the same way. I cringe until the ADHD medicine kicks in. You are a great mom, don't take any of it personally (like that is even close to being easy to do!). If you want the advice, which I am only giving because it worked for me to make the morning easier, is to give my son his ADHD medicine about 10 to 15 minutes before he actually wakes up in the morning. I rouse him enough to take the pill, then tell him I will be back in 10 minutes to wake him up for the day (which helps with the transition) and when I return to wake him he is usually just as big of a bear as always, but by the time he has had his breakfast he is the sweet kid I know he can be. The ADHD medicine helps him control his outbursts, both physically and verbally at me, while they may still occur, they are less intense than they use to be. Sometimes in the mornings, after I got my son out of bed, I used to go hide in the garage and cry, unable to conceive that I created this little monster who wanted nothing but to be hurtful and mean. I would cry until I got to work, feeling as if I had already lived a day before I stepped into the office. Hang in there, I wish I had a cure for all of this. I wish their brains could just calm enough to take in the world without reacting, but until that magic cure comes along, I am glad that I still have a lawn chair in the garage for "those really trying times." ~Carly (Minnesota) Mom to Sammy, ASD, ADHD, Depression, 4th Grade From: Ristau To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 6:22 PM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone no. he couldn't have FA. However, interesting that you mention the dyes- we did the feingold diet several years ago, and the one thing we've stuck to is NO food dyes. I can totally tell if he's had dye through his behavior. it's crazy. On Sun, Apr 15, 2012 at 6:46 PM, Louise Harmala wrote: could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to where he is. Louise From: Durko To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write to me if you just need to vent. From: Ristau To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM Subject: Son antagonizes everyone I'm so frustrated- again. Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult mornings, and it's getting old. Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about how "blank" was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling guilty and I'm tired. I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. Anyone? thanks for listening. R No virus found in this message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2411/4939 - Release Date: 04/15/12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2012 Report Share Posted April 16, 2012 My son's behavior is different, but still upsetting to the household. He takes a set of medications in the a.m. each for a different purpose and then a single medicine at night. I'm not familiar with " just " ADHD that is treated for the school day, can he take an additional dose for the overnight or is that not workable? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2012 Report Share Posted April 16, 2012 My son is twenty six years and is still playing the blame games. That ability to have empathy just isn't there. My dentist has a nephew with AS and he said he'd kill him if he could. We all know he doesn't mean that. We think things to ourself that we would never say to another person. These children didn't ask for this. Nor did their parents. I not only fight the AS but have to attend AL-ANON meetings, which I hate. Even though he hasbeen sober for over a year, I'm always waiting for the foot to drop. Typical re-hab centers have no clue about his AS. So no matter ho much counseling he got in re-hab, it's basically a one size fits all therapy. To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:43 PM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone Glad I'm not the only one that literally can't stand my son until maybe 930! We homeschool and so we don't start school until he's regulated on his meds (they've kicked in). To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 8:39 PM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone For about the first 8 years of school, the time from when my son got up at about 7:30 until he left for school at 9:00 was the longest part of the day - at least 75% of it. By the time he left, I needed half an hour or more to recover. It still gets a bit stressful, but is much better than it was. Once I get him up, he can handle the rest. We just know not to talk to him for half an hour. My nine, almost ten, year old son is exactly the same way. I cringe until the ADHD medicine kicks in. You are a great mom, don't take any of it personally (like that is even close to being easy to do!). If you want the advice, which I am only giving because it worked for me to make the morning easier, is to give my son his ADHD medicine about 10 to 15 minutes before he actually wakes up in the morning. I rouse him enough to take the pill, then tell him I will be back in 10 minutes to wake him up for the day (which helps with the transition) and when I return to wake him he is usually just as big of a bear as always, but by the time he has had his breakfast he is the sweet kid I know he can be. The ADHD medicine helps him control his outbursts, both physically and verbally at me, while they may still occur, they are less intense than they use to be. Sometimes in the mornings, after I got my son out of bed, I used to go hide in the garage and cry, unable to conceive that I created this little monster who wanted nothing but to be hurtful and mean. I would cry until I got to work, feeling as if I had already lived a day before I stepped into the office. Hang in there, I wish I had a cure for all of this. I wish their brains could just calm enough to take in the world without reacting, but until that magic cure comes along, I am glad that I still have a lawn chair in the garage for "those really trying times." ~Carly (Minnesota) Mom to Sammy, ASD, ADHD, Depression, 4th Grade From: Ristau To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 6:22 PM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone no. he couldn't have FA. However, interesting that you mention the dyes- we did the feingold diet several years ago, and the one thing we've stuck to is NO food dyes. I can totally tell if he's had dye through his behavior. it's crazy. On Sun, Apr 15, 2012 at 6:46 PM, Louise Harmala wrote: could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to where he is. Louise From: Durko To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write to me if you just need to vent. From: Ristau To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM Subject: Son antagonizes everyone I'm so frustrated- again. Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult mornings, and it's getting old. Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about how "blank" was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling guilty and I'm tired. I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. Anyone? thanks for listening. R No virus found in this message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2411/4939 - Release Date: 04/15/12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2012 Report Share Posted April 16, 2012 We used to have a really hard time in the mornings when my DD was younger. I started going in a half hour before it was time to wake up and I'd wake her just enough to get her to take her pill. She would go back to sleep and then get up when her alarm went off. Even with that she was still grumpy but not as bad. We don't have to do that anymore. She is 15 now. I'm not a morning person and I don't like to be bothered in the mornings either so I understand how they feel (at least somewhat). I try to keep mornings to just getting ready for school. We don't discuss family problems or anything else that may cause conflict or additional stress. My kids are not asked to preform chores in the mornings. They must get up, get dress, brush teeth/hair, eat breakfast, take meds and go to school. I get up and just watch them. I don't intervene unless there is a problem. I gently remind them to brush their teeth and ask if they have taken their meds. If someone is getting stressed I tell them to hurry and get all ready for school and then then can come snuggle up next to me for a couple minutes of calm. They both react well to this. Electronics are 'it' in our house. If they choose to misbehave then they choose to loose their electronics (phone, TV, video games, radio, ipod, computer...) for the remainder of the day. I rarely do any type of long term disciple because my daughter just doesn't care/understand after the first day or two. She doesn't understand time in the way that we do. Her behavior today has nothing to do with the day after tomorrow or the weekend. She can't understand the correlation. Immediate, remainder of the day, consequences get the desired response. I think you should definitely talk to your Dr (over and over) and if he/she doesn't listen or won't help...find a new one. There are meds out there that can help. You just have to find it. Good luck and know that you are not alone!   Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you; Jesus Christ and the American Soldier. One died for your soul; the other for your freedom. -- Son antagonizes everyone I'm so frustrated- again. Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult mornings, and it's getting old. Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about how "blank" was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling guilty and I'm tired. I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. Anyone? thanks for listening. R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2012 Report Share Posted April 17, 2012 We also found the hyperfocusing issue with Daytrana (it is a patch). We have used the Vyvanse for nearly two years and are lucky to say it has turned our lives around. He takes a low dosage of Aderhal at 3pm and that helps him finish the day and get through homework. By nightime he is wild, but we just have fun then because all of the work is done. Instead of agonizing over homework that took all night because of the lack of attention, it now only takes 30 minutes and we get to enjoy bike rides with the dogs, the dog park, dinner picnics and once in a while we will even do a movie on a school night! Sammy actually brought home his 4th grade report card and it is filled with ALL As and Bs. I firmly believe he could not be productive at school without the extra help of medication. I hope you find some solace, watching your child so out of control is sometimes more painful than childbirth itself. Good luck and no matter what you choose to do, I support you because you love your little one.~Carly (Minnesota)Mom to Sammy (4th Grade, ASD, ADHD and there is talk of lifting the Depression dx, very excited about that!) To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 7:35 PM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone I just want to encourage you to try different meds. We were using straight up Ritalin and it made my son aggressive. We tried Metadate (time release ritalin) and it was better, but we kept having to up and up the dose and added Tennex to it, but he was getting too hyper focused. Then, switched to Vyvanse (which is still a stimulant, but just a little different) and it's been wonderful. Much more smooth and longer lasting and we found we could even lower the equivalent dose. Plus, it dissolves in water so it's super easy to get my little guy to take it. Whatever you do, don't put up with where you're at. Ask for help from your dev ped or someone else and do something. You shouldn't have to just live through it. <<<Hugs!>>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2012 Report Share Posted April 17, 2012 Vyvanse and Adderall made my son aggressive and mean. He did not have a good response to it. We do Concerta ER at 54 mg. and then unfortunately he needs something to get him back down to go to bed so he does Clonidine .02 mg To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Monday, April 16, 2012 8:50 PM Subject: Re: Re: Son antagonizes everyone We also found the hyperfocusing issue with Daytrana (it is a patch). We have used the Vyvanse for nearly two years and are lucky to say it has turned our lives around. He takes a low dosage of Aderhal at 3pm and that helps him finish the day and get through homework. By nightime he is wild, but we just have fun then because all of the work is done. Instead of agonizing over homework that took all night because of the lack of attention, it now only takes 30 minutes and we get to enjoy bike rides with the dogs, the dog park, dinner picnics and once in a while we will even do a movie on a school night! Sammy actually brought home his 4th grade report card and it is filled with ALL As and Bs. I firmly believe he could not be productive at school without the extra help of medication. I hope you find some solace, watching your child so out of control is sometimes more painful than childbirth itself. Good luck and no matter what you choose to do, I support you because you love your little one.~Carly (Minnesota)Mom to Sammy (4th Grade, ASD, ADHD and there is talk of lifting the Depression dx, very excited about that!) To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 7:35 PM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone I just want to encourage you to try different meds. We were using straight up Ritalin and it made my son aggressive. We tried Metadate (time release ritalin) and it was better, but we kept having to up and up the dose and added Tennex to it, but he was getting too hyper focused. Then, switched to Vyvanse (which is still a stimulant, but just a little different) and it's been wonderful. Much more smooth and longer lasting and we found we could even lower the equivalent dose. Plus, it dissolves in water so it's super easy to get my little guy to take it. Whatever you do, don't put up with where you're at. Ask for help from your dev ped or someone else and do something. You shouldn't have to just live through it. <<<Hugs!>>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2012 Report Share Posted April 17, 2012 I agree. Abilify hasn't been approved for use in children. It can have life-threatening side effects. To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Monday, April 16, 2012 9:14 AM Subject: Re: Re: Son antagonizes everyone I've been afraid to try the ambilify due to the side effects, weight gain, metabolic syndrome effects, and also possible breast tissue/ discharge for males. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Monday, April 16, 2012 7:56 AM Subject: Re: Re: Son antagonizes everyone My son is on abilify, paxil and vyvanse. He was only on vyanse when he was diagnosed with FAS. I don't know where you live, but I have a very good doctor in the Novi area. Dr. Sachs. My son was diagnosed through U of M. They have a fetal alcohol clinic.LouiseTo: autism-aspergers Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:19:13 PMSubject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone In our case he is on Prozac and Abilify. I don't know if you can get those with the other diagnoses. We never did. > > > > could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) > > that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with > > fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for > > adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red > > dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and > > everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to > > where he is. > > > > Louise > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: Durko <roseemerald66@> > > To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > > > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AM > > Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as > > my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are > > on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after > > being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be > > very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will > > mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My > > eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an > > appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not > > have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write > > to me if you just need to vent. > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: Ristau <2boyzmama@> > > To: autism-aspergers > > Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM > > Subject: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > > > I'm so frustrated- again. > > Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. > > He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great > > joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and > > throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult > > mornings, and it's getting old. > > > > Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed > > ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. > > > > > > He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty > > much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the > > help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline > > strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take > > the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never > > at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about > > how "blank" was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or > > lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most > > difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling > > guilty and I'm tired. > > > > > > I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes > > wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just > > ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's > > not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive > > towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. > > > > > > We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth > > until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm > > tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- > > when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, > > funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. > > > > > > > > Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're > > either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the > > backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. > > > > > > I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room > > again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. > > > > > > Anyone? > > thanks for listening. > > R > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2012 Report Share Posted April 17, 2012 It can cause diabetes which may not resolve with the discontinuation of the med. To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Tuesday, April 17, 2012 7:11 AM Subject: Re: Re: Son antagonizes everyone I agree. Abilify hasn't been approved for use in children. It can have life-threatening side effects. To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Monday, April 16, 2012 9:14 AM Subject: Re: Re: Son antagonizes everyone I've been afraid to try the ambilify due to the side effects, weight gain, metabolic syndrome effects, and also possible breast tissue/ discharge for males. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Monday, April 16, 2012 7:56 AM Subject: Re: Re: Son antagonizes everyone My son is on abilify, paxil and vyvanse. He was only on vyanse when he was diagnosed with FAS. I don't know where you live, but I have a very good doctor in the Novi area. Dr. Sachs. My son was diagnosed through U of M. They have a fetal alcohol clinic.LouiseTo: autism-aspergers Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:19:13 PMSubject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone In our case he is on Prozac and Abilify. I don't know if you can get those with the other diagnoses. We never did. > > > > could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) > > that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with > > fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for > > adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red > > dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and > > everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to > > where he is. > > > > Louise > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: Durko <roseemerald66@> > > To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > > > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AM > > Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as > > my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are > > on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after > > being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be > > very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will > > mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My > > eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an > > appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not > > have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write > > to me if you just need to vent. > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: Ristau <2boyzmama@> > > To: autism-aspergers > > Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM > > Subject: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > > > I'm so frustrated- again. > > Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. > > He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great > > joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and > > throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult > > mornings, and it's getting old. > > > > Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed > > ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. > > > > > > He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty > > much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the > > help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline > > strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take > > the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never > > at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about > > how "blank" was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or > > lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most > > difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling > > guilty and I'm tired. > > > > > > I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes > > wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just > > ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's > > not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive > > towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. > > > > > > We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth > > until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm > > tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- > > when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, > > funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. > > > > > > > > Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're > > either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the > > backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. > > > > > > I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room > > again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. > > > > > > Anyone? > > thanks for listening. > > R > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2012 Report Share Posted April 17, 2012 's dx is Asperger's and ADHD - however, just a couple of weeks ago when i requested a note from his Dr for the school file, it also included Opp. Def. Dis. I was shocked- although, i can see how that fits! I guess I poured out my heart about the frustration with his non-compliance b/c it often feels like many other Aspie kids don't have the meltdowns/tantrums/disobedience/aggression that we see every day. As sad as I am to read your stories, I have to say, it helps me to know we're not alone, and that the dx does seem to fit. I've been reading the OASIS guide to Aspergers and it's hitting it right on the head. I had been wondering if this really fit him as a dx- since a lot of it doesn't, but after reading through this book, I now see why two Drs at different practices have confirmed the ASD dx. Thanks for letting me vent, for the encouragement, and for listening. He's off to school again- tried giving him his meds before he got out of bed- that truly did seem to help a bit. We will keep that up for sure! thanks everyone! -heather r Vyvanse and Adderall made my son aggressive and mean. He did not have a good response to it. We do Concerta ER at 54 mg. and then unfortunately he needs something to get him back down to go to bed so he does Clonidine .02 mg To: " autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Monday, April 16, 2012 8:50 PM Subject: Re: Re: Son antagonizes everyone We also found the hyperfocusing issue with Daytrana (it is a patch). We have used the Vyvanse for nearly two years and are lucky to say it has turned our lives around. He takes a low dosage of Aderhal at 3pm and that helps him finish the day and get through homework. By nightime he is wild, but we just have fun then because all of the work is done. Instead of agonizing over homework that took all night because of the lack of attention, it now only takes 30 minutes and we get to enjoy bike rides with the dogs, the dog park, dinner picnics and once in a while we will even do a movie on a school night! Sammy actually brought home his 4th grade report card and it is filled with ALL As and Bs. I firmly believe he could not be productive at school without the extra help of medication. I hope you find some solace, watching your child so out of control is sometimes more painful than childbirth itself. Good luck and no matter what you choose to do, I support you because you love your little one.~Carly (Minnesota) Mom to Sammy (4th Grade, ASD, ADHD and there is talk of lifting the Depression dx, very excited about that!) To: autism-aspergers Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 7:35 PM Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone I just want to encourage you to try different meds. We were using straight up Ritalin and it made my son aggressive. We tried Metadate (time release ritalin) and it was better, but we kept having to up and up the dose and added Tennex to it, but he was getting too hyper focused. Then, switched to Vyvanse (which is still a stimulant, but just a little different) and it's been wonderful. Much more smooth and longer lasting and we found we could even lower the equivalent dose. Plus, it dissolves in water so it's super easy to get my little guy to take it. Whatever you do, don't put up with where you're at. Ask for help from your dev ped or someone else and do something. You shouldn't have to just live through it. <<<Hugs!>>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2012 Report Share Posted April 17, 2012 Every med has possible side effects. Risperadone caused weight gain but Abilify did not in my son. All the possible side effects are rare. I just needed to weight the possible positives vs possible negatives.That is all any of us can do...Sent from my iPhoneed l It can cause diabetes which may not resolve with the discontinuation of the med. To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Tuesday, April 17, 2012 7:11 AM Subject: Re: Re: Son antagonizes everyone I agree. Abilify hasn't been approved for use in children. It can have life-threatening side effects. To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Monday, April 16, 2012 9:14 AM Subject: Re: Re: Son antagonizes everyone I've been afraid to try the ambilify due to the side effects, weight gain, metabolic syndrome effects, and also possible breast tissue/ discharge for males. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Monday, April 16, 2012 7:56 AM Subject: Re: Re: Son antagonizes everyone My son is on abilify, paxil and vyvanse. He was only on vyanse when he was diagnosed with FAS. I don't know where you live, but I have a very good doctor in the Novi area. Dr. Sachs. My son was diagnosed through U of M. They have a fetal alcohol clinic.LouiseTo: autism-aspergers Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:19:13 PMSubject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone In our case he is on Prozac and Abilify. I don't know if you can get those with the other diagnoses. We never did. > > > > could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) > > that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with > > fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for > > adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red > > dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and > > everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to > > where he is. > > > > Louise > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: Durko <roseemerald66@> > > To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > > > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AM > > Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as > > my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are > > on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after > > being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be > > very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will > > mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My > > eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an > > appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not > > have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write > > to me if you just need to vent. > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: Ristau <2boyzmama@> > > To: autism-aspergers > > Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM > > Subject: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > > > I'm so frustrated- again. > > Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. > > He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great > > joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and > > throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult > > mornings, and it's getting old. > > > > Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed > > ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. > > > > > > He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty > > much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the > > help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline > > strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take > > the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never > > at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about > > how "blank" was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or > > lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most > > difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling > > guilty and I'm tired. > > > > > > I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes > > wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just > > ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's > > not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive > > towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. > > > > > > We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth > > until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm > > tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- > > when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, > > funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. > > > > > > > > Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're > > either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the > > backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. > > > > > > I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room > > again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. > > > > > > Anyone? > > thanks for listening. > > R > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (27) |**|end egp html banner|**| Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2012 Report Share Posted April 17, 2012 Every med has possible side effects. Risperadone caused weight gain but Abilify did not in my son. All the possible side effects are rare. I just needed to weight the possible positives vs possible negatives.That is all any of us can do...Sent from my iPhoneed l It can cause diabetes which may not resolve with the discontinuation of the med. To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Tuesday, April 17, 2012 7:11 AM Subject: Re: Re: Son antagonizes everyone I agree. Abilify hasn't been approved for use in children. It can have life-threatening side effects. To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Monday, April 16, 2012 9:14 AM Subject: Re: Re: Son antagonizes everyone I've been afraid to try the ambilify due to the side effects, weight gain, metabolic syndrome effects, and also possible breast tissue/ discharge for males. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Monday, April 16, 2012 7:56 AM Subject: Re: Re: Son antagonizes everyone My son is on abilify, paxil and vyvanse. He was only on vyanse when he was diagnosed with FAS. I don't know where you live, but I have a very good doctor in the Novi area. Dr. Sachs. My son was diagnosed through U of M. They have a fetal alcohol clinic.LouiseTo: autism-aspergers Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:19:13 PMSubject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone In our case he is on Prozac and Abilify. I don't know if you can get those with the other diagnoses. We never did. > > > > could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) > > that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with > > fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for > > adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red > > dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and > > everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to > > where he is. > > > > Louise > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: Durko <roseemerald66@> > > To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > > > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AM > > Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as > > my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are > > on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after > > being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be > > very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will > > mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My > > eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an > > appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not > > have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write > > to me if you just need to vent. > > > > > > ________________________________ > > From: Ristau <2boyzmama@> > > To: autism-aspergers > > Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM > > Subject: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > > > I'm so frustrated- again. > > Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. > > He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great > > joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and > > throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult > > mornings, and it's getting old. > > > > Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed > > ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. > > > > > > He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty > > much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the > > help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline > > strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take > > the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never > > at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about > > how "blank" was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or > > lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most > > difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling > > guilty and I'm tired. > > > > > > I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes > > wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just > > ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's > > not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive > > towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. > > > > > > We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth > > until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm > > tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- > > when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, > > funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. > > > > > > > > Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're > > either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the > > backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. > > > > > > I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room > > again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. > > > > > > Anyone? > > thanks for listening. > > R > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > > Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (27) |**|end egp html banner|**| Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2012 Report Share Posted April 17, 2012 I agree. For us, the damage done by not having the medication was clear. That is the balance I had to weigh. The medication gives my child a chance to live without constant negative feedback from the world around him tearing him up on a daily basis. Yes, it gives us a new challenge, keeping weight in check, but it gives him a chance at a future that he would not have had if he had been allowed to continue down the self-destructive path his negativity and anger set him on. There are no easy answers. > > > > > > > > could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) > > > > that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with > > > > fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for > > > > adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red > > > > dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and > > > > everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to > > > > where he is. > > > > > > > > Louise > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > > From: Durko <roseemerald66@> > > > > To: " autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > > > > > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AM > > > > Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as > > > > my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are > > > > on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after > > > > being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be > > > > very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will > > > > mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My > > > > eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an > > > > appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not > > > > have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write > > > > to me if you just need to vent. > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > > From: Ristau <2boyzmama@> > > > > To: autism-aspergers > > > > Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM > > > > Subject: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I'm so frustrated- again. > > > > Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. > > > > He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great > > > > joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and > > > > throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult > > > > mornings, and it's getting old. > > > > > > > > Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed > > > > ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. > > > > > > > > > > > > He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty > > > > much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the > > > > help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline > > > > strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take > > > > the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never > > > > at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about > > > > how " blank " was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or > > > > lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most > > > > difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling > > > > guilty and I'm tired. > > > > > > > > > > > > I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes > > > > wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just > > > > ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's > > > > not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive > > > > towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. > > > > > > > > > > > > We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth > > > > until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm > > > > tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- > > > > when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, > > > > funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're > > > > either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the > > > > backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. > > > > > > > > > > > > I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room > > > > again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. > > > > > > > > > > > > Anyone? > > > > thanks for listening. > > > > R > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic > > Messages in this topic (27) > > |**|end egp html banner|**| > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2012 Report Share Posted April 17, 2012 I agree. For us, the damage done by not having the medication was clear. That is the balance I had to weigh. The medication gives my child a chance to live without constant negative feedback from the world around him tearing him up on a daily basis. Yes, it gives us a new challenge, keeping weight in check, but it gives him a chance at a future that he would not have had if he had been allowed to continue down the self-destructive path his negativity and anger set him on. There are no easy answers. > > > > > > > > could your son possibily have fetal alcohol? I have a 13 year old son (adopted) > > > > that sounds just like your son. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with > > > > fetal alcohol. He still has his moments even though he is on medication for > > > > adhd and mood issues. Recently I noticed that after eating anything with red > > > > dye or pop he becomes more aggressive and extrememly irriated with anyone and > > > > everything. He is our one child that will need constant supervision as to > > > > where he is. > > > > > > > > Louise > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > > From: Durko <roseemerald66@> > > > > To: " autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > > > > > Sent: Sun, April 15, 2012 9:49:45 AM > > > > Subject: Re: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your frustration as > > > > my 13yr. old son is exactly the same. I have 4 children as well, 3 of which are > > > > on the spectrum. The oldest tends to be most aggressive, though its often after > > > > being provoked by my 13 year old. At times even though he is difficult he can be > > > > very sensitive, and kind. Actually I have hope that eventually the behavior will > > > > mellow or that he find some work that will have minimal contact with others. My > > > > eldest child is very gullible, and has great difficulty relating to peers on an > > > > appropriate age level, doing better with younger children. I am sorry I do not > > > > have an answer for you, except to say your not alone. Please feel free to write > > > > to me if you just need to vent. > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > > From: Ristau <2boyzmama@> > > > > To: autism-aspergers > > > > Sent: Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:19 AM > > > > Subject: Son antagonizes everyone > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I'm so frustrated- again. > > > > Mostly because it's morning. And the morning is when my son can be the worst. > > > > He is so antagonistic. He is 10 and has three younger siblings. He takes great > > > > joy in needling them, teasing them, often chasing then, intimidating them and > > > > throwing his weight around. It's frustrating, makes for very difficult > > > > mornings, and it's getting old. > > > > > > > > Once he has his meds (for ADHD) he calms down a bit, but he gets out of bed > > > > ready to take on the world- and not in a good way. > > > > > > > > > > > > He is an incredibly difficult child to parent- for the mere fact that he pretty > > > > much does whatever he wants. We've tried everything- including things with the > > > > help of counselors and family advocates. From reward systems to discipline > > > > strategies, he could care less. He's motivated only by his will and will take > > > > the punishment to get his way. He is argumentative, is always right, and never > > > > at fault. He often retreats into his room to cry and sulk and vocalize about > > > > how " blank " was a huge injustice- even if he was disciplined for hitting, or > > > > lying, or being mean. He never sees it as his fault. he can be the most > > > > difficult person to live with. I vacillate between being angry and feeling > > > > guilty and I'm tired. > > > > > > > > > > > > I read so much about aspergers and don't see a whole lot of this. I sometimes > > > > wonder if he's been misdiagnosed, or if there is more to the story than just > > > > ASD. It's not quirks and difficulty socializing, it's full on intensity. He's > > > > not as aggressive as he used to be- which is helpful- he used to be abusive > > > > towards me and his younger brother- but that has subsided as he's gotten older. > > > > > > > > > > > > We're at a loss. A lot of the time we just tolerate him, or grit our teeth > > > > until he's either changed moods, gone to sleep, or has left for school. I'm > > > > tired of surviving my son, and want to more easily enjoy him. -Let me just add- > > > > when he wants to be- he's an amazing kid. Curious, bright, compassionate, > > > > funny, and helpful. Sadly, these traits are the ones that come out the least. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Does anyone else experience this? His personality takes over the family- we're > > > > either managing his behavior, correcting his behavior, or riding out the > > > > backlash from past behavior. It's not fair to the other kids. > > > > > > > > > > > > I've rambled enough. I'm just frustrated once again because he's in his room > > > > again after hitting his brother- for absolutely no reason. > > > > > > > > > > > > Anyone? > > > > thanks for listening. > > > > R > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic > > Messages in this topic (27) > > |**|end egp html banner|**| > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2012 Report Share Posted April 17, 2012 > > I agree. For us, the damage done by not having the medication was clear. That is the balance I had to weigh. The medication gives my child a chance to live without constant negative feedback from the world around him tearing him up on a daily basis. Yes, it gives us a new challenge, keeping weight in check, but it gives him a chance at a future that he would not have had if he had been allowed to continue down the self-destructive path his negativity and anger set him on. There are no easy answers. Absolutely, in a perfect situation my child wouldn't need any medication, but that's not where we are at. So we choose as best we can and accept the consequences as they come. I have to let my child pursue some happiness even if I am worried about side effects. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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