<For General Information Only> Re: Re:Is Sex Necessary?

[Guest guest]

Oh, this post came at a great time for me!! I really think you are

inside my head sometimes, ALice, hehe Kidding, but seriously, this

really makes sense for me and I will implement this for I am having

some issues lately with communication..Thank you so much ALice!

Namaste, LUNA

>

> He Said, She Said: Communicating With The Opposite Sex

> By Bermes

> Communication in relationships comes up a lot in personal and

professional coaching sessions. In their quests for a fulfilling,

successful, accomplished, meaningful lives; my clients have to

interact with the opposite sex - it's true. And in doing so, they

often get smacked in the head with the differences in communicative

style and focus of their opposite sex partner. Not knowing the most

fundamental differences in masculine and feminine communication is

like trying to speak American English in Ireland. A lot of

information will translate; and quite a bit of it won't. So here are

the basics. Take what's useful for your own professional development

and self-improvement. These tips work at home and on the job.

>

> In the most basic sense, men tend communicate by doing things and

for the sake of accomplishing a task. They show affection through

favors, solving problems, and physical gestures. They also expect to

see a tangible outcome from a dialogue. They tend to give advice and

share opinions as a gesture of affection... unfortunately women

typically find this offensive.

>

> Women, on the other hand, tend to communicate for the sake of

social connection. They share thoughts and feelings; and

see " bonding " as a sufficient and desirable outcome for

communication. Women also tend to talk in a really elaborate,

detailed verbal pattern. Unfortunately, this drives men nuts.

>

> Married people, co-workers, and even opposite sex family members

misunderstand each other - this is very common. In fact, " inability

to communicate " is the number one reason cited for divorce. The good

news is there are ways to improve the communication that takes place

between men and women. Here are some simple tips.

>

> a.. Give your partner clues about what you need. Ask simply and

directly for the listening and speaking behaviors you are wanting at

that time. If you want quiet listening and support, but no advice,

just say so. If you want a more succinct account of a situation, ask

for it (gently).

>

> b.. Try to interpret your partner's communication via their

learned rules and tendencies. Their behaviors will not translate

correctly if you're using your rules to interpret them. Batman and

Wonder Woman do not use the same decoder ring; neither should you.

>

> c.. Resist the temptation to criticize their communication. For a

long time society (and even researchers) looked at feminine

communication as " right " and masculine as " wrong. " The truth is...

they both work fine. Criticism will only deepen the divide.

>

> d.. Learn to be bi-lingual. Develop competencies in masculine and

feminine communication styles, so that no matter who you talk to, and

in what context, you can speak the language that works. Research

proves the most successful people do.

> Here are some other generalizations about the way men and women

communicate (these are not blanket truths, just statistical

tendencies)...

> Men

>

> a.. Listen while doing something else, and provide advice and/or

tactical support

> b.. Tend to prefer direct, succinct language that is not very

detailed

> c.. Tend to be competitive

> d.. Men tend to need make up sex before they can 'talk about it'

> e.. Show affection by doing things for those they care about

> f.. Talk most comfortably while side by side, or while engaged in

an activity

> g.. Focus on task needs of a situation

> Women

> a.. Tend to listen by nodding, making noises that show they are

interested, and by sympathizing

> b.. Tend to use elaborate, detailed language

> c.. Tend to be cooperative

> d.. Need to 'talk about it' before they want to have make up sex

> e.. Show affection verbally by sharing thoughts and feelings

> f.. Talk most comfortably while sitting face to face, doing

nothing else that could interfere with the dialogue

> g.. Focus on the social or emotional needs of a situation

> Continue learning to interpret your partner's communication, ask

for what you want/need, and increase your competencies in each

communication style. You can indeed bridge the gender gap.

> Bermes, MA, CPCC is a Certified Personal and Professional

Coach whose articles appear regularly in popular magazines. You can

discover her proven techniques to overcoming anxiety,

procrastination, career frustrations and more by subscribing to her

free newsletter at Bermes.com.

>