Update on 19 year old daughter

[Guest guest]

Hey all:

Some hopeful news on college aged daughter.

Recap: She was initially diagnosed with depression when she was 15,

then that changed to OCD. Last two years of HS were very difficult

for her and for us - grades falling, social contacts diminished,

started hanging out with a totally different socioeconomic group,

belligerent, made plans and goals but couldn't keep them, etc. You

all know the story. We took her to our HMO therapist who, although

spouted CBT and ERP claimed she wasn't " ready " for that, and just gave

her supportive therapy. Daughter got worse, therapy notably unhelpful.

WIth our massive urging and support, daughter graduated from HS and

got into chosen college. Once there her anxiety started up big-time,

and she started making all the poor judgments that got her in trouble

in HS - sleeping in, missing classes, too much time on the internet,

etc. etc., and not taking responsibility for it. Meanwhile she had

started seeing Osborne in Seattle, who appropriately re-dx her

with anxiety disorder rather than OCD, which really is more appropriate.

After much support and tweaking of her schedule this first year of

college (dropping classes, taking Withdrawals instead of finishing,

etc.) she suddenly a few weeks ago decided she was too anxious to

finish this year, and announced she was just quitting, and didn't

attend her midterm exams. I visited her and had a long talk with her

and the Asst. Dean of Students, and daughter agreed to hang in till

the end of the year, and make decisions about taking a leave of

absence until summer. The Asst. Dean of Students was VERY helpful,

reassuring her that LOTS of kids have a tough first year, and none of

this will leave any kind of mark on her.

She seems to be attending classes and finishing up well. She just

received an A on a paper and felt incredibly validated, feeling that

her efforts were beginning to pay off. The Dean of Students exhorted

her to act as if she's coming back next year, and make a decision

about a leave in the summer.

So, fingers crossed, she'll finish up the year with several credits

under her belt and be able to return next year feeling confident she

can manage the anxiety and stress of academic life.

My point in sharing this is that much of what the Asst. Dean of

Students told her was stuff that Mom and I have been trying to tell

her for the past four years. Normal developmental issues of identity

formation and separation from the family really exacerbated the OCD.

Her original therapist's course of action - from what we knew of it -

was, in my opinion, not helpfulfor my daughter. It may have been

supportive therapy and may have helped her in some ways, but I think

what she needed was a more structured approach focusing on the OCD and

a little more advice-giving.

I'm a Marriage and Family Therapist, and am all in favor of many

different modes of therapy, but sometimes there is a huge place for a

trusted mentor figure to simply say " look, kiddo, life will be much

easier for you if you do it THIS way instead of the way you've been

doing it. "