Re: Hello New Here

[Guest guest]

ABR said

>inside I still fight the low self-esteem I carried with

>me for most of my life. Sadly I'll always feel a small hole in my

>heart where my mother is missing .. but I'd rather have that than a

>completely shatterd heart with her in my life.

Welcome to the board. I, too, just learned about BPD a few months

ago. I first read Stop Walking on Eggshells and found it helpful as

it looks at the affect a BP has on those close to him/her. Then I

read Understanding the Borderline Mother and finally I got Surviving a

Borderline Parent. It was the most useful to me for getting down to

how this has affected me and what I want to change about myself in my

life. I am 61 years old, but feel young at heart and am so glad I

still have time to change. Learning all this has helped me have a

much better relationship with my own children, (I have five)

especially my daughters as it seems I was able to let my sons go

easier. I had no brothers, only two sisters and I only learned about

mother/daughter relationships growing up. Of course, what I learned

was off balance and wrong. I didn't realize it til now, although I

always felt resentment toward my mother and didn't know why. What I

learned in Surviving a BP parent was that I had a lot of anger. I was

in denial about what it was and could never have changed that if I

hadn't recognized it and worked through it. My mother (nada) is very

elderly and I know nothing I do will change her so all the change has

come in me. I now feel better about myself and know I am entitled to

happiness and a life with my own family without guilt, feeling I am

supposed to be tuned into nada all the time. I was WAY too enmeshed

emotionally with her. Maybe Surviving a Borderline Parent could help

you to erase some of the low self esteem. It has exercises in

thinking and writing down specific memories, attitudes, beliefs etc

that help you to see where your thinking may have been directed in an

unhealthy direction. Hope this helps you.

I know what it is to have a nada who is SUCH a victim!!!!!!!! I also

understand having one who is NEVER guilty of anything or at fault in

any way. It helps to remember that she is more miserable than she has

made me. Now she has lost the power to make me feel unhappy or

guilty. I have taken charge of my own feelings and it feels great.

Keep posting and reading here. This board just keeps me reinforced in

what I now know, and keeps me on track with my own happy life.

Dee