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Put the Spark Back in Your Relationship

Posted by Dr. Berman

on Mon, Sep 10, 2007, 11:46 am PDT

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Maintaining a healthy and happy relationship is not always an easy feat. Great relationships take work. Even the most compatible of lovebirds will encounter cold spells and roadblocks on their journey to "happily ever after." Fortunately, there are a few simple things you can do to help ensure the success of your relationship:

Weekly date night: By now, most couples have heard about the "weekly date night" rule. But how many of you have actually taken this advice to heart? Chances are, you tried it once or twice...but then soon abandoned it in the face of kids, errands, and other priorities. Recommit to this relationship rule. You and your spouse need this time to talk, share, and bond. If you are short on time or cash, at least be sure to spend an hour or two together. Take a walk around the neighborhood, or share a few glasses of wine in your backyard. Just be sure to enjoy your spouse without distractions at least once a week. Vacation, no kids allowed: While weekly date nights are a great way to begin increasing intimacy, women often need more than just a couple of hours a week in order to truly de-stress and focus on their loved one. Since women are multitaskers, it can be hard for them to disengage completely from their many responsibilities. This is where vacations come into play! Recent studies have found that couples who take just one vacation a year see vast improvement in their relationships. Use your vacation to break away from your day-to-day routine. Relax with your partner and revive your relationship. However, there is one caveat to keep in mind: No kids! You need to enjoy quality adult time. Hire a babysitter or call in a favor with the grandparents -- no guilt allowed! I love you, times four: For most couples, saying the words "I love you" can become routine. Rediscover the importance of these three little words by remembering to say them at least four times a day. And don't just repeat them ad nauseam! Find new, exciting, or even funny ways to spout your love for your partner. Try slipping a note in his lunch bag, tracing it in the bathroom mirror after a hot shower, or even just whispering it to her first thing in the morning! The ten-second kiss: When was the last time you kissed your spouse? Really, truly, passionately kissed them? Chances are, it's been awhile! However, kissing is a special and important way for you to bond with your partner. Make the time to kiss your partner for 10 seconds every single day. It is bound to feel unnatural at first, but this is just a tool to get you back in the habit of kissing your partner. Before long, you will find that kissing has become a spontaneous and fun part of your relationship again! Voice three appreciations to each other: What do you appreciate about your partner? Is he a good father? Is she a great listener? Does he always remember to empty the dishwasher? Does she always have a cup of coffee waiting for you in the morning? No matter what you appreciate about your partner, be it large or small, make sure to voice it! I challenge all of my readers: Tell your partner 3 things you appreciate about them. Make sure to be specific - instead of saying, "I appreciate you for being a good father," say "I appreciate when you read to the kids before bed." Your partner will be blown away by your love and approval!

Now that I have given you some of my tips for a happy relationship, discuss with your loved one what's already working in your relationship and share that with each other...and all the rest of us! What are your tried-and-true tips for a loving relationship?

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