Re: Halloween night and children

November 1, 2004

Congrats ,

You've been doing lots of growing and stretching since I've been on

this list. Very brave, not always comfortable but since fleas are

often the most comfortable, the mixed feelings sound like a good

sign.

Very sweet of you to give the BIG candy prize. Probably made that

little girl feel very special. And I think you're right. The key to

remember about kids is that they're much more interested in

themselves than they are you. And they respond to kindness and

that's what you made an effort to show them.

All the pagan celebrations of Hallowe'en focus on it as a time of

letting go of past failures and sadness as well as connecting with

ancestors. Moving from grieving into healing and rebirth. What a

nice way to let go. It looks like you had a very successful

Hallowe'en from here.

Nadine

November 1, 2004

BM,

YOU ARE strong, you are going to fight threw this and YOU will succeed! We

are tough kiddos, we learned how to survive in some really horrible homes, with

horrible people. IT makes us that much stronger, and you sound so ready!

I am pleased to read what you wrote, you were not the one who caused this

problem, remember that, NADA caused her pain/problems.

Just keep up the good work, and great posts =)

Again,

Kim

In a message dated 11/1/2004 5:17:58 PM Eastern Standard Time,

hattivatti_100@... writes:

's post made me sad, in a good way. It is reassuring to hear

about people getting stronger and finding more about who they are. I

am not patient that way, so the ten years you mentioned made me worry

a bit. I have lost already 38 years of my life to this futile fight,

I need to change my thinking fast - my thoughts amuse me, 'cause I've

always been one of those people who try to make things happen fast,

but have to always accept that there is no way of controlling how

long things take or controlling much of anything for that matter.

I know I am strong and I will fight to get over my fleas, and I will

fight to make my kids lives a better one. There is so much sadness

and so much pain, but there is also happiness about the chance that

has been given to me to make a difference.

I feel glad that you have overcome obstacles on your way, may your

path be smoother from now on and for you others too that

have reached that point.

Hugs, BM

November 1, 2004

Thanks to my wonderful ModOasis family for the encouragement . Ten

years of healing (starting with moving away from nada), and I'm

finally feeling brave enough to try new ways of behaving and

thinking. It would be a lot harder without you guys to talk to about

it. Hard enough to do it in the first place!

Kim - I'm so sorry about what you have to put up with at home. It

sounds like you are the source of strength for your kids; they'll

remember that, no matter what else happens. I don't have much in the

way of advice to give you - my own personal policy is " no abusive

relationships, period " , but I realize that it's complicated with a

marriage and family. So just keep posting here to get the support

and comfort you need. (((HUGS)))

Nadine - When I was a kid, I was always paying far more attention to

other people - what they said, their non-verbals, their behavior -

being very aware of what they were doing and thinking ahead to what

I should be doing/saying in response to them. I think that's part of

what's so hard about being a KO - we missed " our " time, the time

when we were supposed to be concerned only with ourselves. And now

we're adults, and we're supposed to be concerned with other people,

our own children, and we just never get that chance to just be who

we want to be. I've been wondering why I felt lonely last night, and

I think that's why. At the same time, the good feelings came from

watching children be children, and being able to participate in that.

Sylvia -

> Does it seem like, even though we have to set boundaries with our

>BP parent, we also have to TEST and go through the unreasonable

> boundaries they have set for us?

Definitely. I think the only way to get past all of this is to go

THROUGH it - right through all the barriers, the fences, the brick

walls, etc. It feels a lot like lining yourself up with the place in

your life where you had to stop growing for nada's benefit (around

age five for me), and moving through the growing process the HEALTHY

way, watching out for all the weirdness that nada gave us. I think

I'm probably around age six in that process right now - still

lots of work to do.

November 1, 2004