Re:My Pain In Shame-Peaceable

[Guest guest]

Dear Peaceable;

I was surprised to see that your email name is Peaceable White Buffalo, because my Indian name is Sister White Buffalo!! So we are sisters, I guess. lol. This is very dear information, and I am going to save it in a safe spot for my emotionally hard days. It seems I only have emotional hard days or the emotional pain and confusion when the physical pain gets too much. I started reading your post and thought you were talking about physical pain just showing you that you were growing, and thought "Wait, physical pain is to show you that something is wrong with your body, so what does this mean?" But as I read along farther, I realized that you were speaking of the emotional pain that comes from changing from a caterpillar into a butterfly, when changing your whole self. I'm sure I'm not the only one that will think your post is worth holding onto. I thank you for your compassion and thoughtfulness.

Blessings,

Sheila

Dear Sheila,I've just jumped into the group after days of being offline, forgive me if some of this may have been said, without reading everything my heart aches with you and reaches to you, dear one. Pain , I KNOW it, and though it probably sounds so strange to you just now - Pain is part of a great healing going on in you. Ouch! I know it hurts, but if you can know it is a sign of great growth, then perhaps your dear heart will be comforted and you can welcome and allow this process to reach it's conclusion in healing and harmony. For pain to complete it's healing work, you must go through it as it sheds attention on the old things passing from your life and points a way into the unknown of the beautiful things about to blossom from the fertile muck from which all beautiful flowers need to grow.A little more than a year ago I was growing in this way also, and tearfully left my husband, though he didn't want me to go (and in fact, down deep inside I didn't want to go but felt he would be better so much better off without me for all my inner awakenings that frightened me, put me off balance with myself and my whole world)! I need to tell you it was a great learning and healing for us both on many levels, and because we are best friends, him an especially open, kind and understanding soul (as much as he could muster under the circumstances!), he encouraged me, let me fly away, and though "on my own", feeling I had left him forever and for good, we continued to communicate as we suffered our deepest pains "alone". Keep communication lines open, here with this group, and with any who are willing to listen and talk with you - this is key as you sort things out (and you will!). It is not an "all or nothing" world, even though in the panic of the pain we often can only "see" it that way.This, too, WILL pass, dear one. Hold your heart gently now, and feel the love of this group lift your heart higher in a place of warm, nurturing rays of light and love. With our hands cupped about the places where you now hurt, we send our energies for this great healing that has already begun in you. Don't forget to rest, eat some healthful foods that nourish your body and soul, sleep often as you can, and don't get too picky with yourself, feeling you have to "change" everything all at once...at the risk of making all this sound too easy, I need to share a small piece of wisdom that has gotten me through horrific moments when I could not even "think", those moments that seemed like years...inch by inch, it's a cinch, yard by yard, it's hardmile by mile it's a real trial...So, take baby steps, allowing them as sweet, adorable, precious baby steps to take you from one space just right for you to another place just right for your growth,for you are coming into new territory for yourself in finding the authentic you. Not a one of us learned to walk without falling down plenty of times, and sometimes we landed on our head! ouch! But, like a baby, go with the wonder of this challenge, after a good cry, gather yourself up and stand again, take another baby step. One day you will do this so automatically you won't even remember walking from one end of the room to another. It is a miracle, but a miracle that must start "the hard way"...one baby step at a time. So, I know you will not give up, look down at your feet, one in front of the other...Put your tasks in small "doable" packages, and please know you are always home on this planet - for we are all brothers and sisters in this great journey, this adventure called life. Go for a walk, as you watch your feet...find and pick up a stone, put it in your pocket, purse...this is an ancient grandfather, wise and calm, who may impart to you the rock solid strength for each moment along your journey. You may squeeze this stone when the pain overwhelms you, set it beside your teacup, alongside your bed. The rock, perfect is its activity, all ways are justice and peace. It is in these simple things we can again reconnect to all that is, all that was, and all that will ever be.And one day, you will look back on the pain of healing with gratitude and a smile for the many things you have gained in this great learning. And one day, you may well also be richly blessed, as I now am from the depths of a heart that has truly known pain, for truly blessed am I to now be able, beyond my pain, to remind another pained heart there is always a rainbow at the end of the storm.Blessings and peace I send alond with a big hug. You are in my prayers, precious one.Mitakuye Oyasin, (we are all related)Peaceable