Needing to Vent

[Guest guest]

Good morning everyone.. I love reading all the posts and the amazing

support that is given to each other. I usually just lurk and read the

posts but this is the first time I think Ive ever posted. My name is

Kim...I am a single mom of an amazing child on the spectrum. I myself

have also been dx'd with a form of Aspergers <just recently before my

39th birthday> My dilemma is this: Last year I had to place my son

Connor <who is 13> in a residential private school for kids on the

ASD spectrum due to his extremely aggressive and violent behaviours.

In August it will be a year already. I am still having an extremely

difficult time with this. Connor has been my world for 13 years. I

have been his only caregiver. I gave up my career as a nurse to care

for him. He also has cerebral palsy, mental retardation and global

developmental delays. I get no assistance from my ex husband, who has

had no contact with Cj in over 5 years. I have been fighting

depression and feel extremely guilty for having to admit I am no

longer, at this time, to care for my son. The school has been

extremely positive as far as Connor is concerned. He is doing very

well at the school. The number of behaviours is decreasing but since,

puberty has hit with a vengence, the intensity of the behaviours has

increased requiring the assistance of at least 4 staff members to

handle things. I call every single night to speak with his residence

teachers, I am in contact with his social worker at least once a week

by phone and emails and bring him home every other weekend. This has

been a positive experience for both of us.I was working but just got

fired two weeks ago plus I am also going back to school for a career

change but still in the medical field. I have my good days and bad

days as far as missing him. I sometimes think I am a bad mommy for

having to reliquish his care to others, and other times I am glad

that he's able to get the care and the structure he needs, even

though I am not able to provide this for him on a 24/7 basis. Thanks

for listening...thanks for providing this venue for me and others to

vent...Any feedback anyone reading this has to share please feel free

to share. I thank you...and have a great day.