Guest guest Posted September 8, 2007 Report Share Posted September 8, 2007 , I sat spellbound by this incredible collection of deep and personal experience....I have more respect for you (like that's possible hehe). I read the first paragraph and realized I've been there too, and I said that very same thing before! "That was the best you had?" Not in defiance, but in personal liberation. In the process of acknowledgment that I made it through this desert, and found this miracle spring of life and knowledge! I know what that drink feels like, and my heart became one with your experience my special friend. There's something about this story that reminds me of the legend of the Norse God Odin. He ties himself upside down to a tree branch over a body of water. He stays there without food or drink until he's almost dead, all for the quest of finding a greater knowledge. He sacrifices an eye because he realizes this is the way he can find this greater knowledge. He then sees the symbols of the Rune stones floating on the surface of the water. The knowledge he was searching for. He swipes them up and moves on victorious and much wiser. Knowing his own self better.... A master of himself in more ways than most would ever dare know. Then my dear , you went on to explain this tornado-like funnel state of other peoples experience that you were observing, feeling and experiencing as your own. What a profound journey! Alice in the rabbit hole. You found love in this dark and maddening world! I've always believed that the truest way to have compassion is to break the blocks and limits of separation. To learn how to telepathically transcend the rules of matter and time in order to truly experience another person. And in that experience, you really know them, and only then can you really help that person. It's not sympathy. It's not empathy. True compassion is beyond that I think. Compassion is a force that seems to run on the lines of understanding and "knowing", leading to an incredible love! I believe that's what you have done here. You lost yourself in that tornado of others experience and you were able to truly transcend to a state of compassion. Unconditional and without limits. I love you , you are an amazing free spirit!Stefanie>> I have crawled across the desert, one hand over the other, and have sank> my face in the cool water that bubbles up through the sand, yet my> thirst is not quite yet satisfied. The vultures circle overhead, daring> to come closer, and I view them through my half shut eyes...through my> parched and burned lips, I smile. "That was the best you had"? Spitting> out sand, rising to my knees...oh, to just drift off to sleep in this> position, that would be enough. "I can not die, as I have died so many> times I've forgotten how." Like the Highlander...I only appear to die,> and awaken yet again.> > I write from somewhere in the void. Almost back to "fullness" but not> completely, yet. It's coming back, I am coming back.> > I start this journey from the last time I wrote here. For that is the> last time I was here, anywhere. I had gone into meditation, as I always> do. A simple place I go within. A calm place, one of peace and tranquil> setting. My chest warming from the glow that is the center of my being,> radiating like the sun. Glimmering, as water sparkles, than a blast, as> if an atom explosion into every direction. Through the earth, through> the dimensions, through the universes. Through time, past and present;> present and future; the same reflects to itself, as only itself, one.> > As is always the case, I feel cleansed, connected, whole...I exist, and> nothing else does without me. My only thought is that I exist...and I am> nothing else but love. It is I who have thought love, yet, it is love,> that has created me.> > As I found myself in this place, I began to send love into that which> came to me. It entered into what came to my mind, as a solid blast of> the sun, directly into the heart, exploding into every part of the> being...and as they filled to overflowing capacity, and exploded outward> to all that was near them...that too filled with love, repeating> itself...for love spreads to all that comes in contact with it.> > This is how I normally send love, constantly, into all> things...including all of those I know...into those in "friends" lists;> member lists, etc...By entering one or more of these, the love fills,> overflows, and then proceeds into all they are connected to, their> "friends" lists, their member lists, their families, their lives,> forever and continually passing onward. And the sending is also the> receiving, as it all comes back along it many, many paths,> overlapping...and going out again, more powerful than before.> > This time was no different up to the point of beginning to send to those> that came to mind....and then....> > > As I lay there in bed, comfortably sending...surrounded by so much> peace...I connected...> > ...connected to I don't know, still not sure, of what...something. I> felt like I had grabbed hold of a live high power line and could not let> go. My mind became overwhelmed with millions of thoughts, none of which> I could focus upon.> > As if I had been sucked into a giant tornado, standing in the center of> this enormous power...I was so small. Millions of faces came forward,> some dripping blood from their teeth...some of them animals...many were> animals I have never seen...yet, I was observing them, not scared, or> becoming them...as if in a nightmare. But they were everywhere, and they> were thoughts. I say millions, but there were many more I'm sure.> > So much fear, confusion...I felt myself spinning within my own body...as> if the force of all of these passing thoughts and attached feelings were> creating a vortex. I could not lay still...I'm not sure I can fully> explain the feeling..."hebe jebe's"? A want to climb out of my skin? I> had seemed to lose my place within myself. I went to the living room to> try to be still, but within, I was on fire...my skin crawled. Such a> state of utter confusion and hopelessness. No control...nothing seemed> to be of this world.> > I was still observing, I knew this much...and as these thoughts swirled> round and round, like raging winds inside my mind, and I was nothing but> "mind"...I, the me that is my true self, simply watched. I felt, and> somehow knew, I had tapped into a mind...several minds...and connections> to other minds...so full of turmoil. Who could withstand such a thing as> this? I felt, from my observing standpoint, that if any one person had> this going on within them, it would be too easily to stop it by any> means at their disposal. I knew this from the observing self, that was> me...and aware, that if I dared, "connect" to any of these, I might be> consumed.> > I stood my ground, without need of trying, yet, the winds beat and> howled...the gates of hells descending...or was I descending? I dared> not use thought...not here...for what thought would be available? I felt> some part of what I am still sending love...sometimes only hearing the> word come from me..."love...love...love". It dawned on me that perhaps I> had entered the thoughts and turmoil of the many...in order to become> their thoughts...and once there, I was changing the thoughts with this> love that uttered forth. I don't know if this is what was happening, but> it seems to be what was implied.> > For what was almost two days...the thoughts swirled...all> thoughts...thoughts I can not repeat...thoughts of every kind. Is it any> wonder someone would not go insane if they got stuck here, is another> flash that came to me...still observing. Is it any wonder someone would> not feel so overwhelmed, they would not choose to end it to make it> stop? Could it even be like some of the stories you hear of mind> controlled subjects having "e.l.f." waves directed at them, causing them> to act, or, react to some of those thoughts? Still observing, having> these flashes of possibilities come to me...but not so much as thoughts.> > I could see how someone could be so confused, and defeated. It's as if I> were seeing into the minds of places love was not getting to. I could> understand where some might relate it to an experience of evil, demons,> entities, etc...It would be too easy to engage these "thoughts" and> become them.> > I will say it is nothing like a "dark night of the soul". I've had one> of those, I think...about ten years ago or so. One night I had just> meditated, and IT came on me all at once. It couldn't have lasted more> than maybe 15 minutes, but it was like forever...as one thing after> another flashed through my mind...awake as I was...my eyes closed,> rapidly moving...as one scene after another appeared to me, complete> with the full experience, and I saw "everything" in my life that had not> been of love. It felt like hundreds of full scenes came for each second,> but each one lasted for hours...like flipping through an old cartoon> book, yet nothing was cartoon about it. The only thing it could be said> to be like was the end of life's "review"....then it was gone....and I> was left empty.> > No, it wasn't like that....not until later anyway. As I said....this> went on for almost 2 days. I could not answer anyone...could not reply> to anyone asking me a question. might respond to that later. I> could not respond because to do so, I would have to engage whatever was> there at that second to connect back to the "outside" of me. Remember,> I'm in the middle, my center, simply observing...in the middle of this> high powered tornado, that I can not disengage from. To respond> outwards...I would have to use one of these connections in front of> me...and something even deeper within would not let me do that. To> engage any of the thoughts here, would have me become it...and I knew> not which it would be.> > So I did not respond...could not.> > Which reminds me of yet another time not long ago...perhaps 2 years now.> I was out on the back patio, when all of a sudden, I could not breath. I> could not take air in, nor push it out. My chest felt like it was on> fire, as did my lungs. My head began to heat up intensely...lack of air> to be sure. I could not have called out if I'd wanted to. And even then,> I knew that if someone had of seen it and tried to help, or worse yet,> called for help...I would have died.> > I fell to my knees and pounded my chest...my face filling with blood, or> leaving it...not sure which. This seemed to take about an hour, but> could not have been more than 15 minutes. I was doing everything I could> to force air into my lungs...nothing. All I could do to get it> in...nothing. I was screaming for air from inside but none would come. I> felt that if I could get my lungs to move one way or the other, it would> force the opposite to happen as well.> > My heart was beating out of my chest...I was pushing on my lungs trying> to collapse them and form suction...still nothing...down on my> knees...my whole body on fire....screaming but no sound. I was going> numb...my heart stopped...or the pressure was so great, I neither heard> or felt it anymore....I looked up through the trees, so peaceful....so> slow....so surreal. I told myself I was not going to let IT happen like> this...no damned way. I refused to die!> > As if the most beautiful cooling breeze that had ever been created in> the existence of the earth came out of the trees, cooling me in my> superheated state, my lungs filled with air, as if they were filling> with water, rushing into a vessel of clay...I felt it, I heard it....and> then my heart. I fell off my knees and onto my back, and as I lay there,> filling myself with all the air I could take...and out again, and then> more....I looked up through the> trees....and.....felt.................alive.> > This is what it was beginning to feel like, in a way...after these 2> days. Except...I felt so empty. Most all of the thoughts had gone...as> if, one by one, maybe, just the love I was sending, or repeating from> someplace, had changed them, or dissolved them, one by one. They were> gone....yet, here I was in this huge void of space.> > Like those whose might have a giant pressure kind of headache...and it> goes away, your left with that vacuum of cold vast emptiness. Like being> in a huge empty room, and having no energy to crawl over to the door> out. Like sitting in a huge old car, the steering wheel many times your> own size, feet unable to reach the peddles, barely able to see over the> wheel through the windshield. The thoughts were gone, but I was weak. I> could barely move. And any moving I had to do seemed to take forever. It> was if I was in this big over sized costume body, and it was hard to get> it to work right...it was clumsy, and I was> lacking in how to operate it.> > I slept or just lay there...for a few more days...however long it's> been. I had entered into the energy of a pool of minds, all connected> in some way. This is what has come to my awareness in all of this.> Perhaps entering in order to heal. Or to change thoughts, and the very> energy itself. Perhaps in part, I entered into an illness or two. I'm> only guessing of course. I don't feel as if it was any one person or> even into one situation...but many of them, all at the same time.> > I don't know how I did it, for I did nothing any different than any> other time. I entered with love. Yet, somehow I feel as if I absorbed> and experienced a multiple "stigmata"...[on the inside]. A stigmata> being that person who produced wounds on the outside of the body...> Mutant X had an episode one time, where one of the mutants could take> anyone's wound or illness to themselves, even a gunshot, thus healing> the one effected...but then having to recover, at a faster pace, that> wound or illness. I don't pretend it was any such thing....but, all I> can say is that it felt as if I had taken in what was not possible for> another to handle or work through.> > I re-read the above and cringe, yet, I can not change it....for that is> the feeling. I am only now just seeming to be "fully back" within the> space of my body. I am ok...I am fine. Was it empathy? It was not my> own, nor did I go looking for it...but it did come.> > You did say I was "getting in your head" Liane...lol...not that I try> to...but have I been entering heads here, or others connected to those> here? Did I take all of what's below the surface into myself? And if I> did? Why? Did I enter into the deeper situations, illnesses, sicknesses,> darker thoughts which is really what any ailment truly is? I don't know> for sure. I wasn't even sure I should even write about this experience,> or if I even could. The writing about it can't give the full experience> that it was. But it is so different than what has happened up to this> point.> > Maybe the empathy was too great, too closely connected....I'm not sure.> The only reason this is going out now is because someone, perhaps more> than one will find in it a clue they were seeking, an answer...some> broken connection.> > > With Much Love,> D~> > > > How much time has passed..................> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2007 Report Share Posted September 8, 2007 Sweet Stefanie, Like you, I have more respect for than ever! But, as one on the outside looking in, those were the worst two days of my life. I finally had to write and ask " what is going on here? is lost to me and I don't know how to get him back. " I knew he was lost in there somewhere. It still looked like , but those weren't his eyes...those weren't the things he would say to me...that wasn't even his voice. It was terrifying. I didn't understand it and honestly, I still don't. I'm just so glad to have him back! I kid about him being weird and crazy. But its the lovable kind of weird and crazy. That part of his personality I wouldn't trade for anything in the world! But I think I experienced in those two days, (was it only two? it seemed like weeks) kinda like what it would be like living with a truly insane person. You know they are there somewhere lost in that body - you can talk to them, but just can't connect. Nothing makes sense to them or you. There's walls you just can't climb over or tunnel under or blast through. They are lost and can't find their way back. And I was scared. I've seen act a lot of different ways...but I had never seen him like this. I cried my eyes out and just got a blank stare from him. After he wrote " In Through The Out " and posted it on the group, I read it and later he asked me if it sounded ok. Was it stupid...did it sound crazy? I said no, it was fine, yeah a little crazy but that's just how you are. But I told him the thing he didn't do was accurately portray how BAD it was. How terrified I was, and had to keep telling me that Daddy was going to be ok. He just had to work through this. I swear sometimes I think she's the mother and I'm the child! But we all survived and I don't even know yet what lessons I learned. Except maybe if I ever really lost him I wouldn't be able to survive. And to never take this love we have for granted. I did realize this was some kind of spiritual experience he was going through. It wasn't evil...though sometimes he spoke like I would think evil sounds like. And it was the sweetest thing in the world to see that smile again. To hear him tell me he loved me. So, yeah, I have more respect for him for the simple fact that he made it through...that he found his way back to me. As bad as I knew he was fighting, he could have just given up cause he thought it wasn't worth the fight. But his face shines brighter today. His smile seems bigger. His words a little wiser (though to me he was already wise!) His love for me and and you and everyone else seems even bigger and all encompassing and sometimes overwhelming!! But I still have so many questions. How did it happen? What made it happen? Did he open himself up to much? In his meditation, did he venture somewhere he shouldn't have gone? Is he constantly giving out to others so much without taking proper care of his own soul? And thank God for , who soothed me and let me know I wasn't crazy. I sure love you ! I love you sweet Stefanie and all you sweet sweet souls here on this group. And I love you ...but don't ever let that happen again! Much love to everyone, http://www.myspace.com/rarebreeze http://www.myspace.com/asundayinjune http://www.myspace.com/dnjazz http://www.intentionalone.com http://intentionalone.com/yabb/YaBB.pl *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ " Breathe deep, walk slow, hold tight to those you love, for the sun is setting and it will be over so fast. " -- Ken Pierpont > > > > I have crawled across the desert, one hand over the other, and have > sank > > my face in the cool water that bubbles up through the sand, yet my > > thirst is not quite yet satisfied. The vultures circle overhead, > daring > > to come closer, and I view them through my half shut eyes...through my > > parched and burned lips, I smile. " That was the best you had " ? > Spitting > > out sand, rising to my knees...oh, to just drift off to sleep in this > > position, that would be enough. " I can not die, as I have died so many > > times I've forgotten how. " Like the Highlander...I only appear to die, > > and awaken yet again. > > > > I write from somewhere in the void. Almost back to " fullness " but not > > completely, yet. It's coming back, I am coming back. > > > > I start this journey from the last time I wrote here. For that is the > > last time I was here, anywhere. I had gone into meditation, as I > always > > do. A simple place I go within. A calm place, one of peace and > tranquil > > setting. My chest warming from the glow that is the center of my > being, > > radiating like the sun. Glimmering, as water sparkles, than a blast, > as > > if an atom explosion into every direction. Through the earth, through > > the dimensions, through the universes. Through time, past and present; > > present and future; the same reflects to itself, as only itself, one. > > > > As is always the case, I feel cleansed, connected, whole...I exist, > and > > nothing else does without me. My only thought is that I exist...and I > am > > nothing else but love. It is I who have thought love, yet, it is love, > > that has created me. > > > > As I found myself in this place, I began to send love into that which > > came to me. It entered into what came to my mind, as a solid blast of > > the sun, directly into the heart, exploding into every part of the > > being...and as they filled to overflowing capacity, and exploded > outward > > to all that was near them...that too filled with love, repeating > > itself...for love spreads to all that comes in contact with it. > > > > This is how I normally send love, constantly, into all > > things...including all of those I know...into those in " friends " > lists; > > member lists, etc...By entering one or more of these, the love fills, > > overflows, and then proceeds into all they are connected to, their > > " friends " lists, their member lists, their families, their lives, > > forever and continually passing onward. And the sending is also the > > receiving, as it all comes back along it many, many paths, > > overlapping...and going out again, more powerful than before. > > > > This time was no different up to the point of beginning to send to > those > > that came to mind....and then.... > > > > > > As I lay there in bed, comfortably sending...surrounded by so much > > peace...I connected... > > > > ...connected to I don't know, still not sure, of what...something. I > > felt like I had grabbed hold of a live high power line and could not > let > > go. My mind became overwhelmed with millions of thoughts, none of > which > > I could focus upon. > > > > As if I had been sucked into a giant tornado, standing in the center > of > > this enormous power...I was so small. Millions of faces came forward, > > some dripping blood from their teeth...some of them animals...many > were > > animals I have never seen...yet, I was observing them, not scared, or > > becoming them...as if in a nightmare. But they were everywhere, and > they > > were thoughts. I say millions, but there were many more I'm sure. > > > > So much fear, confusion...I felt myself spinning within my own > body...as > > if the force of all of these passing thoughts and attached feelings > were > > creating a vortex. I could not lay still...I'm not sure I can fully > > explain the feeling... " hebe jebe's " ? A want to climb out of my skin? I > > had seemed to lose my place within myself. I went to the living room > to > > try to be still, but within, I was on fire...my skin crawled. Such a > > state of utter confusion and hopelessness. No control...nothing seemed > > to be of this world. > > > > I was still observing, I knew this much...and as these thoughts > swirled > > round and round, like raging winds inside my mind, and I was nothing > but > > " mind " ...I, the me that is my true self, simply watched. I felt, and > > somehow knew, I had tapped into a mind...several minds...and > connections > > to other minds...so full of turmoil. Who could withstand such a thing > as > > this? I felt, from my observing standpoint, that if any one person had > > this going on within them, it would be too easily to stop it by any > > means at their disposal. I knew this from the observing self, that was > > me...and aware, that if I dared, " connect " to any of these, I might be > > consumed. > > > > I stood my ground, without need of trying, yet, the winds beat and > > howled...the gates of hells descending...or was I descending? I dared > > not use thought...not here...for what thought would be available? I > felt > > some part of what I am still sending love...sometimes only hearing the > > word come from me... " love...love...love " . It dawned on me that perhaps > I > > had entered the thoughts and turmoil of the many...in order to become > > their thoughts...and once there, I was changing the thoughts with this > > love that uttered forth. I don't know if this is what was happening, > but > > it seems to be what was implied. > > > > For what was almost two days...the thoughts swirled...all > > thoughts...thoughts I can not repeat...thoughts of every kind. Is it > any > > wonder someone would not go insane if they got stuck here, is another > > flash that came to me...still observing. Is it any wonder someone > would > > not feel so overwhelmed, they would not choose to end it to make it > > stop? Could it even be like some of the stories you hear of mind > > controlled subjects having " e.l.f. " waves directed at them, causing > them > > to act, or, react to some of those thoughts? Still observing, having > > these flashes of possibilities come to me...but not so much as > thoughts. > > > > I could see how someone could be so confused, and defeated. It's as if > I > > were seeing into the minds of places love was not getting to. I could > > understand where some might relate it to an experience of evil, > demons, > > entities, etc...It would be too easy to engage these " thoughts " and > > become them. > > > > I will say it is nothing like a " dark night of the soul " . I've had one > > of those, I think...about ten years ago or so. One night I had just > > meditated, and IT came on me all at once. It couldn't have lasted more > > than maybe 15 minutes, but it was like forever...as one thing after > > another flashed through my mind...awake as I was...my eyes closed, > > rapidly moving...as one scene after another appeared to me, complete > > with the full experience, and I saw " everything " in my life that had > not > > been of love. It felt like hundreds of full scenes came for each > second, > > but each one lasted for hours...like flipping through an old cartoon > > book, yet nothing was cartoon about it. The only thing it could be > said > > to be like was the end of life's " review " ....then it was gone....and I > > was left empty. > > > > No, it wasn't like that....not until later anyway. As I said....this > > went on for almost 2 days. I could not answer anyone...could not reply > > to anyone asking me a question. might respond to that later. I > > could not respond because to do so, I would have to engage whatever > was > > there at that second to connect back to the " outside " of me. Remember, > > I'm in the middle, my center, simply observing...in the middle of this > > high powered tornado, that I can not disengage from. To respond > > outwards...I would have to use one of these connections in front of > > me...and something even deeper within would not let me do that. To > > engage any of the thoughts here, would have me become it...and I knew > > not which it would be. > > > > So I did not respond...could not. > > > > Which reminds me of yet another time not long ago...perhaps 2 years > now. > > I was out on the back patio, when all of a sudden, I could not breath. > I > > could not take air in, nor push it out. My chest felt like it was on > > fire, as did my lungs. My head began to heat up intensely...lack of > air > > to be sure. I could not have called out if I'd wanted to. And even > then, > > I knew that if someone had of seen it and tried to help, or worse yet, > > called for help...I would have died. > > > > I fell to my knees and pounded my chest...my face filling with blood, > or > > leaving it...not sure which. This seemed to take about an hour, but > > could not have been more than 15 minutes. I was doing everything I > could > > to force air into my lungs...nothing. All I could do to get it > > in...nothing. I was screaming for air from inside but none would come. > I > > felt that if I could get my lungs to move one way or the other, it > would > > force the opposite to happen as well. > > > > My heart was beating out of my chest...I was pushing on my lungs > trying > > to collapse them and form suction...still nothing...down on my > > knees...my whole body on fire....screaming but no sound. I was going > > numb...my heart stopped...or the pressure was so great, I neither > heard > > or felt it anymore....I looked up through the trees, so peaceful....so > > slow....so surreal. I told myself I was not going to let IT happen > like > > this...no damned way. I refused to die! > > > > As if the most beautiful cooling breeze that had ever been created in > > the existence of the earth came out of the trees, cooling me in my > > superheated state, my lungs filled with air, as if they were filling > > with water, rushing into a vessel of clay...I felt it, I heard > it....and > > then my heart. I fell off my knees and onto my back, and as I lay > there, > > filling myself with all the air I could take...and out again, and then > > more....I looked up through the > > trees....and.....felt.................alive. > > > > This is what it was beginning to feel like, in a way...after these 2 > > days. Except...I felt so empty. Most all of the thoughts had gone...as > > if, one by one, maybe, just the love I was sending, or repeating from > > someplace, had changed them, or dissolved them, one by one. They were > > gone....yet, here I was in this huge void of space. > > > > Like those whose might have a giant pressure kind of headache...and it > > goes away, your left with that vacuum of cold vast emptiness. Like > being > > in a huge empty room, and having no energy to crawl over to the door > > out. Like sitting in a huge old car, the steering wheel many times > your > > own size, feet unable to reach the peddles, barely able to see over > the > > wheel through the windshield. The thoughts were gone, but I was weak. > I > > could barely move. And any moving I had to do seemed to take forever. > It > > was if I was in this big over sized costume body, and it was hard to > get > > it to work right...it was clumsy, and I was > > lacking in how to operate it. > > > > I slept or just lay there...for a few more days...however long it's > > been. I had entered into the energy of a pool of minds, all connected > > in some way. This is what has come to my awareness in all of this. > > Perhaps entering in order to heal. Or to change thoughts, and the very > > energy itself. Perhaps in part, I entered into an illness or two. I'm > > only guessing of course. I don't feel as if it was any one person or > > even into one situation...but many of them, all at the same time. > > > > I don't know how I did it, for I did nothing any different than any > > other time. I entered with love. Yet, somehow I feel as if I absorbed > > and experienced a multiple " stigmata " ...[on the inside]. A stigmata > > being that person who produced wounds on the outside of the body... > > Mutant X had an episode one time, where one of the mutants could take > > anyone's wound or illness to themselves, even a gunshot, thus healing > > the one effected...but then having to recover, at a faster pace, that > > wound or illness. I don't pretend it was any such thing....but, all I > > can say is that it felt as if I had taken in what was not possible for > > another to handle or work through. > > > > I re-read the above and cringe, yet, I can not change it....for that > is > > the feeling. I am only now just seeming to be " fully back " within the > > space of my body. I am ok...I am fine. Was it empathy? It was not my > > own, nor did I go looking for it...but it did come. > > > > You did say I was " getting in your head " Liane...lol...not that I try > > to...but have I been entering heads here, or others connected to those > > here? Did I take all of what's below the surface into myself? And if I > > did? Why? Did I enter into the deeper situations, illnesses, > sicknesses, > > darker thoughts which is really what any ailment truly is? I don't > know > > for sure. I wasn't even sure I should even write about this > experience, > > or if I even could. The writing about it can't give the full > experience > > that it was. But it is so different than what has happened up to this > > point. > > > > Maybe the empathy was too great, too closely connected....I'm not > sure. > > The only reason this is going out now is because someone, perhaps more > > than one will find in it a clue they were seeking, an answer...some > > broken connection. > > > > > > With Much Love, > > D~ > > > > > > > > How much time has passed.................. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2007 Report Share Posted September 8, 2007 , my sweet ... I just now read what had written and I was correct... He had taken in way to much without grounding himself.. Without clearing, and opening up his Chakras.. This is so important to someone like .. That can keep absorbing and keep absorbing.. Even in Rem sleep he still was absorbing.. This is not good, as we spoke about.. Damn it .. do your home work and get grounded and cleared,, LOL LOL. You above all people should take better care of yourself.. We love you , and We love .. It broke my heart that you and T were going through this.. But I was so happy to know that you have cleared, and YOU NEED MORE SLEEP... SORRY HAD TO VENT...................... I am so very connected to you both and .. You just don't know.. You are like my family... REALLY.. .. know that you are officially in charge of to do his grounding and his homework on this subject.. get out and get some sun and fresh air.. GO HUG A TREE FOR GOODNESS SAKE..LOL LOL BUT HEY I MEAN IT We don't want to loose you in Cyber Space you know? You are too important to all of us.. BREATH, BREATH, BREATH.. LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU GUYS.. And all is well.. .. so glad you vented here also.. very healing.. My arms are wrapped around with a big hug.. and a joyful tear.. Love to you both ~Karma > > > > > > I have crawled across the desert, one hand over the other, and have > > sank > > > my face in the cool water that bubbles up through the sand, yet my > > > thirst is not quite yet satisfied. The vultures circle overhead, > > daring > > > to come closer, and I view them through my half shut eyes...through my > > > parched and burned lips, I smile. " That was the best you had " ? > > Spitting > > > out sand, rising to my knees...oh, to just drift off to sleep in this > > > position, that would be enough. " I can not die, as I have died so many > > > times I've forgotten how. " Like the Highlander...I only appear to die, > > > and awaken yet again. > > > > > > I write from somewhere in the void. Almost back to " fullness " but not > > > completely, yet. It's coming back, I am coming back. > > > > > > I start this journey from the last time I wrote here. For that is the > > > last time I was here, anywhere. I had gone into meditation, as I > > always > > > do. A simple place I go within. A calm place, one of peace and > > tranquil > > > setting. My chest warming from the glow that is the center of my > > being, > > > radiating like the sun. Glimmering, as water sparkles, than a blast, > > as > > > if an atom explosion into every direction. Through the earth, through > > > the dimensions, through the universes. Through time, past and present; > > > present and future; the same reflects to itself, as only itself, one. > > > > > > As is always the case, I feel cleansed, connected, whole...I exist, > > and > > > nothing else does without me. My only thought is that I exist...and I > > am > > > nothing else but love. It is I who have thought love, yet, it is love, > > > that has created me. > > > > > > As I found myself in this place, I began to send love into that which > > > came to me. It entered into what came to my mind, as a solid blast of > > > the sun, directly into the heart, exploding into every part of the > > > being...and as they filled to overflowing capacity, and exploded > > outward > > > to all that was near them...that too filled with love, repeating > > > itself...for love spreads to all that comes in contact with it. > > > > > > This is how I normally send love, constantly, into all > > > things...including all of those I know...into those in " friends " > > lists; > > > member lists, etc...By entering one or more of these, the love fills, > > > overflows, and then proceeds into all they are connected to, their > > > " friends " lists, their member lists, their families, their lives, > > > forever and continually passing onward. And the sending is also the > > > receiving, as it all comes back along it many, many paths, > > > overlapping...and going out again, more powerful than before. > > > > > > This time was no different up to the point of beginning to send to > > those > > > that came to mind....and then.... > > > > > > > > > As I lay there in bed, comfortably sending...surrounded by so much > > > peace...I connected... > > > > > > ...connected to I don't know, still not sure, of what...something. I > > > felt like I had grabbed hold of a live high power line and could not > > let > > > go. My mind became overwhelmed with millions of thoughts, none of > > which > > > I could focus upon. > > > > > > As if I had been sucked into a giant tornado, standing in the center > > of > > > this enormous power...I was so small. Millions of faces came forward, > > > some dripping blood from their teeth...some of them animals...many > > were > > > animals I have never seen...yet, I was observing them, not scared, or > > > becoming them...as if in a nightmare. But they were everywhere, and > > they > > > were thoughts. I say millions, but there were many more I'm sure. > > > > > > So much fear, confusion...I felt myself spinning within my own > > body...as > > > if the force of all of these passing thoughts and attached feelings > > were > > > creating a vortex. I could not lay still...I'm not sure I can fully > > > explain the feeling... " hebe jebe's " ? A want to climb out of my skin? I > > > had seemed to lose my place within myself. I went to the living room > > to > > > try to be still, but within, I was on fire...my skin crawled. Such a > > > state of utter confusion and hopelessness. No control...nothing seemed > > > to be of this world. > > > > > > I was still observing, I knew this much...and as these thoughts > > swirled > > > round and round, like raging winds inside my mind, and I was nothing > > but > > > " mind " ...I, the me that is my true self, simply watched. I felt, and > > > somehow knew, I had tapped into a mind...several minds...and > > connections > > > to other minds...so full of turmoil. Who could withstand such a thing > > as > > > this? I felt, from my observing standpoint, that if any one person had > > > this going on within them, it would be too easily to stop it by any > > > means at their disposal. I knew this from the observing self, that was > > > me...and aware, that if I dared, " connect " to any of these, I might be > > > consumed. > > > > > > I stood my ground, without need of trying, yet, the winds beat and > > > howled...the gates of hells descending...or was I descending? I dared > > > not use thought...not here...for what thought would be available? I > > felt > > > some part of what I am still sending love...sometimes only hearing the > > > word come from me... " love...love...love " . It dawned on me that perhaps > > I > > > had entered the thoughts and turmoil of the many...in order to become > > > their thoughts...and once there, I was changing the thoughts with this > > > love that uttered forth. I don't know if this is what was happening, > > but > > > it seems to be what was implied. > > > > > > For what was almost two days...the thoughts swirled...all > > > thoughts...thoughts I can not repeat...thoughts of every kind. Is it > > any > > > wonder someone would not go insane if they got stuck here, is another > > > flash that came to me...still observing. Is it any wonder someone > > would > > > not feel so overwhelmed, they would not choose to end it to make it > > > stop? Could it even be like some of the stories you hear of mind > > > controlled subjects having " e.l.f. " waves directed at them, causing > > them > > > to act, or, react to some of those thoughts? Still observing, having > > > these flashes of possibilities come to me...but not so much as > > thoughts. > > > > > > I could see how someone could be so confused, and defeated. It's as if > > I > > > were seeing into the minds of places love was not getting to. I could > > > understand where some might relate it to an experience of evil, > > demons, > > > entities, etc...It would be too easy to engage these " thoughts " and > > > become them. > > > > > > I will say it is nothing like a " dark night of the soul " . I've had one > > > of those, I think...about ten years ago or so. One night I had just > > > meditated, and IT came on me all at once. It couldn't have lasted more > > > than maybe 15 minutes, but it was like forever...as one thing after > > > another flashed through my mind...awake as I was...my eyes closed, > > > rapidly moving...as one scene after another appeared to me, complete > > > with the full experience, and I saw " everything " in my life that had > > not > > > been of love. It felt like hundreds of full scenes came for each > > second, > > > but each one lasted for hours...like flipping through an old cartoon > > > book, yet nothing was cartoon about it. The only thing it could be > > said > > > to be like was the end of life's " review " ....then it was gone....and I > > > was left empty. > > > > > > No, it wasn't like that....not until later anyway. As I said....this > > > went on for almost 2 days. I could not answer anyone...could not reply > > > to anyone asking me a question. might respond to that later. I > > > could not respond because to do so, I would have to engage whatever > > was > > > there at that second to connect back to the " outside " of me. Remember, > > > I'm in the middle, my center, simply observing...in the middle of this > > > high powered tornado, that I can not disengage from. To respond > > > outwards...I would have to use one of these connections in front of > > > me...and something even deeper within would not let me do that. To > > > engage any of the thoughts here, would have me become it...and I knew > > > not which it would be. > > > > > > So I did not respond...could not. > > > > > > Which reminds me of yet another time not long ago...perhaps 2 years > > now. > > > I was out on the back patio, when all of a sudden, I could not breath. > > I > > > could not take air in, nor push it out. My chest felt like it was on > > > fire, as did my lungs. My head began to heat up intensely...lack of > > air > > > to be sure. I could not have called out if I'd wanted to. And even > > then, > > > I knew that if someone had of seen it and tried to help, or worse yet, > > > called for help...I would have died. > > > > > > I fell to my knees and pounded my chest...my face filling with blood, > > or > > > leaving it...not sure which. This seemed to take about an hour, but > > > could not have been more than 15 minutes. I was doing everything I > > could > > > to force air into my lungs...nothing. All I could do to get it > > > in...nothing. I was screaming for air from inside but none would come. > > I > > > felt that if I could get my lungs to move one way or the other, it > > would > > > force the opposite to happen as well. > > > > > > My heart was beating out of my chest...I was pushing on my lungs > > trying > > > to collapse them and form suction...still nothing...down on my > > > knees...my whole body on fire....screaming but no sound. I was going > > > numb...my heart stopped...or the pressure was so great, I neither > > heard > > > or felt it anymore....I looked up through the trees, so peaceful....so > > > slow....so surreal. I told myself I was not going to let IT happen > > like > > > this...no damned way. I refused to die! > > > > > > As if the most beautiful cooling breeze that had ever been created in > > > the existence of the earth came out of the trees, cooling me in my > > > superheated state, my lungs filled with air, as if they were filling > > > with water, rushing into a vessel of clay...I felt it, I heard > > it....and > > > then my heart. I fell off my knees and onto my back, and as I lay > > there, > > > filling myself with all the air I could take...and out again, and then > > > more....I looked up through the > > > trees....and.....felt.................alive. > > > > > > This is what it was beginning to feel like, in a way...after these 2 > > > days. Except...I felt so empty. Most all of the thoughts had gone...as > > > if, one by one, maybe, just the love I was sending, or repeating from > > > someplace, had changed them, or dissolved them, one by one. They were > > > gone....yet, here I was in this huge void of space. > > > > > > Like those whose might have a giant pressure kind of headache...and it > > > goes away, your left with that vacuum of cold vast emptiness. Like > > being > > > in a huge empty room, and having no energy to crawl over to the door > > > out. Like sitting in a huge old car, the steering wheel many times > > your > > > own size, feet unable to reach the peddles, barely able to see over > > the > > > wheel through the windshield. The thoughts were gone, but I was weak. > > I > > > could barely move. And any moving I had to do seemed to take forever. > > It > > > was if I was in this big over sized costume body, and it was hard to > > get > > > it to work right...it was clumsy, and I was > > > lacking in how to operate it. > > > > > > I slept or just lay there...for a few more days...however long it's > > > been. I had entered into the energy of a pool of minds, all connected > > > in some way. This is what has come to my awareness in all of this. > > > Perhaps entering in order to heal. Or to change thoughts, and the very > > > energy itself. Perhaps in part, I entered into an illness or two. I'm > > > only guessing of course. I don't feel as if it was any one person or > > > even into one situation...but many of them, all at the same time. > > > > > > I don't know how I did it, for I did nothing any different than any > > > other time. I entered with love. Yet, somehow I feel as if I absorbed > > > and experienced a multiple " stigmata " ...[on the inside]. A stigmata > > > being that person who produced wounds on the outside of the body... > > > Mutant X had an episode one time, where one of the mutants could take > > > anyone's wound or illness to themselves, even a gunshot, thus healing > > > the one effected...but then having to recover, at a faster pace, that > > > wound or illness. I don't pretend it was any such thing....but, all I > > > can say is that it felt as if I had taken in what was not possible for > > > another to handle or work through. > > > > > > I re-read the above and cringe, yet, I can not change it....for that > > is > > > the feeling. I am only now just seeming to be " fully back " within the > > > space of my body. I am ok...I am fine. Was it empathy? It was not my > > > own, nor did I go looking for it...but it did come. > > > > > > You did say I was " getting in your head " Liane...lol...not that I try > > > to...but have I been entering heads here, or others connected to those > > > here? Did I take all of what's below the surface into myself? And if I > > > did? Why? Did I enter into the deeper situations, illnesses, > > sicknesses, > > > darker thoughts which is really what any ailment truly is? I don't > > know > > > for sure. I wasn't even sure I should even write about this > > experience, > > > or if I even could. The writing about it can't give the full > > experience > > > that it was. But it is so different than what has happened up to this > > > point. > > > > > > Maybe the empathy was too great, too closely connected....I'm not > > sure. > > > The only reason this is going out now is because someone, perhaps more > > > than one will find in it a clue they were seeking, an answer...some > > > broken connection. > > > > > > > > > With Much Love, > > > D~ > > > > > > > > > > > > How much time has passed.................. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2007 Report Share Posted September 8, 2007 Hummm...I was going to download an oak tree screen saver, so I could reach over and " ground " away, but the zip file tripped at the root and never got it to load. They say sex is " grounding " , but the ...errr...nebber mind. and I use to go rock hunting when we lived out in the country before moving here...we were good at finding all kinds of crystals and related. And we loved to " feel " the trees. thought we were half nuts....now she's sure, as we could put our hands on them and feel the rush of energy coursing through. I've never got a tree to respond, yet...but could get plants to stretch out and touch my fingers...that's wild. On our walks the earth gave us many gifts...and where I got my kundilini stick, I call it... We'd love to be back deep in the woods...and even back on the mountain again. Always that urge and pull to return...as if it waits for me. I generally sleep after 15 minutes of inactivity...or I slip into hibernate mode that is...no, wait....that's the computer. Generally I have forever been a night owl and at my peek energies through the night...held many 3rd shift jobs due to that. Mostly, my body dictates sleep...when it's ready..it goes...when it's done...it wakes...most sleep amounts to 4 hours at a time, with the occasional 10 hour deep sleep once or twice a week. I could use some extra sun though....it's beginning to cool down some...was running in the 90's and 100's for the last 3 months or so. I don't think the air has even been turned off during all that time.....lol maybe camping real soon, it's been awhile. But my weight has been insane over the passed 2 years...going from 200 to 148 to 160, then 180, then to 150...radical changes all the time...I rarely notice it...but T does. Energy tends to be intense though and a constant regardless of all other things...I can go forever when needed when others drop....lolololol I always found that funny. I need a month long sabbatical in the mountains under a waterfalls...or a long smoke lodge event... Anyway....I'll start sleeping with more trees and breathing hard.....that's what you said right? lololololololololo LightTraveler " Bob " > > > > > > > > I have crawled across the desert, one hand over the other, and have > > > sank > > > > my face in the cool water that bubbles up through the sand, yet my > > > > thirst is not quite yet satisfied. The vultures circle overhead, > > > daring > > > > to come closer, and I view them through my half shut > eyes...through my > > > > parched and burned lips, I smile. " That was the best you had " ? > > > Spitting > > > > out sand, rising to my knees...oh, to just drift off to sleep in > this > > > > position, that would be enough. " I can not die, as I have died > so many > > > > times I've forgotten how. " Like the Highlander...I only appear > to die, > > > > and awaken yet again. > > > > > > > > I write from somewhere in the void. Almost back to " fullness " > but not > > > > completely, yet. It's coming back, I am coming back. > > > > > > > > I start this journey from the last time I wrote here. For that > is the > > > > last time I was here, anywhere. I had gone into meditation, as I > > > always > > > > do. A simple place I go within. A calm place, one of peace and > > > tranquil > > > > setting. My chest warming from the glow that is the center of my > > > being, > > > > radiating like the sun. Glimmering, as water sparkles, than a blast, > > > as > > > > if an atom explosion into every direction. Through the earth, > through > > > > the dimensions, through the universes. Through time, past and > present; > > > > present and future; the same reflects to itself, as only itself, > one. > > > > > > > > As is always the case, I feel cleansed, connected, whole...I exist, > > > and > > > > nothing else does without me. My only thought is that I > exist...and I > > > am > > > > nothing else but love. It is I who have thought love, yet, it is > love, > > > > that has created me. > > > > > > > > As I found myself in this place, I began to send love into that > which > > > > came to me. It entered into what came to my mind, as a solid > blast of > > > > the sun, directly into the heart, exploding into every part of the > > > > being...and as they filled to overflowing capacity, and exploded > > > outward > > > > to all that was near them...that too filled with love, repeating > > > > itself...for love spreads to all that comes in contact with it. > > > > > > > > This is how I normally send love, constantly, into all > > > > things...including all of those I know...into those in " friends " > > > lists; > > > > member lists, etc...By entering one or more of these, the love > fills, > > > > overflows, and then proceeds into all they are connected to, their > > > > " friends " lists, their member lists, their families, their lives, > > > > forever and continually passing onward. And the sending is also the > > > > receiving, as it all comes back along it many, many paths, > > > > overlapping...and going out again, more powerful than before. > > > > > > > > This time was no different up to the point of beginning to send to > > > those > > > > that came to mind....and then.... > > > > > > > > > > > > As I lay there in bed, comfortably sending...surrounded by so much > > > > peace...I connected... > > > > > > > > ...connected to I don't know, still not sure, of what...something. I > > > > felt like I had grabbed hold of a live high power line and could not > > > let > > > > go. My mind became overwhelmed with millions of thoughts, none of > > > which > > > > I could focus upon. > > > > > > > > As if I had been sucked into a giant tornado, standing in the center > > > of > > > > this enormous power...I was so small. Millions of faces came > forward, > > > > some dripping blood from their teeth...some of them animals...many > > > were > > > > animals I have never seen...yet, I was observing them, not > scared, or > > > > becoming them...as if in a nightmare. But they were everywhere, and > > > they > > > > were thoughts. I say millions, but there were many more I'm sure. > > > > > > > > So much fear, confusion...I felt myself spinning within my own > > > body...as > > > > if the force of all of these passing thoughts and attached feelings > > > were > > > > creating a vortex. I could not lay still...I'm not sure I can fully > > > > explain the feeling... " hebe jebe's " ? A want to climb out of my > skin? I > > > > had seemed to lose my place within myself. I went to the living room > > > to > > > > try to be still, but within, I was on fire...my skin crawled. Such a > > > > state of utter confusion and hopelessness. No control...nothing > seemed > > > > to be of this world. > > > > > > > > I was still observing, I knew this much...and as these thoughts > > > swirled > > > > round and round, like raging winds inside my mind, and I was nothing > > > but > > > > " mind " ...I, the me that is my true self, simply watched. I felt, and > > > > somehow knew, I had tapped into a mind...several minds...and > > > connections > > > > to other minds...so full of turmoil. Who could withstand such a > thing > > > as > > > > this? I felt, from my observing standpoint, that if any one > person had > > > > this going on within them, it would be too easily to stop it by any > > > > means at their disposal. I knew this from the observing self, > that was > > > > me...and aware, that if I dared, " connect " to any of these, I > might be > > > > consumed. > > > > > > > > I stood my ground, without need of trying, yet, the winds beat and > > > > howled...the gates of hells descending...or was I descending? I > dared > > > > not use thought...not here...for what thought would be available? I > > > felt > > > > some part of what I am still sending love...sometimes only > hearing the > > > > word come from me... " love...love...love " . It dawned on me that > perhaps > > > I > > > > had entered the thoughts and turmoil of the many...in order to > become > > > > their thoughts...and once there, I was changing the thoughts > with this > > > > love that uttered forth. I don't know if this is what was happening, > > > but > > > > it seems to be what was implied. > > > > > > > > For what was almost two days...the thoughts swirled...all > > > > thoughts...thoughts I can not repeat...thoughts of every kind. Is it > > > any > > > > wonder someone would not go insane if they got stuck here, is > another > > > > flash that came to me...still observing. Is it any wonder someone > > > would > > > > not feel so overwhelmed, they would not choose to end it to make it > > > > stop? Could it even be like some of the stories you hear of mind > > > > controlled subjects having " e.l.f. " waves directed at them, causing > > > them > > > > to act, or, react to some of those thoughts? Still observing, having > > > > these flashes of possibilities come to me...but not so much as > > > thoughts. > > > > > > > > I could see how someone could be so confused, and defeated. It's > as if > > > I > > > > were seeing into the minds of places love was not getting to. I > could > > > > understand where some might relate it to an experience of evil, > > > demons, > > > > entities, etc...It would be too easy to engage these " thoughts " and > > > > become them. > > > > > > > > I will say it is nothing like a " dark night of the soul " . I've > had one > > > > of those, I think...about ten years ago or so. One night I had just > > > > meditated, and IT came on me all at once. It couldn't have > lasted more > > > > than maybe 15 minutes, but it was like forever...as one thing after > > > > another flashed through my mind...awake as I was...my eyes closed, > > > > rapidly moving...as one scene after another appeared to me, complete > > > > with the full experience, and I saw " everything " in my life that had > > > not > > > > been of love. It felt like hundreds of full scenes came for each > > > second, > > > > but each one lasted for hours...like flipping through an old cartoon > > > > book, yet nothing was cartoon about it. The only thing it could be > > > said > > > > to be like was the end of life's " review " ....then it was > gone....and I > > > > was left empty. > > > > > > > > No, it wasn't like that....not until later anyway. As I said....this > > > > went on for almost 2 days. I could not answer anyone...could not > reply > > > > to anyone asking me a question. might respond to that > later. I > > > > could not respond because to do so, I would have to engage whatever > > > was > > > > there at that second to connect back to the " outside " of me. > Remember, > > > > I'm in the middle, my center, simply observing...in the middle > of this > > > > high powered tornado, that I can not disengage from. To respond > > > > outwards...I would have to use one of these connections in front of > > > > me...and something even deeper within would not let me do that. To > > > > engage any of the thoughts here, would have me become it...and I > knew > > > > not which it would be. > > > > > > > > So I did not respond...could not. > > > > > > > > Which reminds me of yet another time not long ago...perhaps 2 years > > > now. > > > > I was out on the back patio, when all of a sudden, I could not > breath. > > > I > > > > could not take air in, nor push it out. My chest felt like it was on > > > > fire, as did my lungs. My head began to heat up intensely...lack of > > > air > > > > to be sure. I could not have called out if I'd wanted to. And even > > > then, > > > > I knew that if someone had of seen it and tried to help, or > worse yet, > > > > called for help...I would have died. > > > > > > > > I fell to my knees and pounded my chest...my face filling with > blood, > > > or > > > > leaving it...not sure which. This seemed to take about an hour, but > > > > could not have been more than 15 minutes. I was doing everything I > > > could > > > > to force air into my lungs...nothing. All I could do to get it > > > > in...nothing. I was screaming for air from inside but none would > come. > > > I > > > > felt that if I could get my lungs to move one way or the other, it > > > would > > > > force the opposite to happen as well. > > > > > > > > My heart was beating out of my chest...I was pushing on my lungs > > > trying > > > > to collapse them and form suction...still nothing...down on my > > > > knees...my whole body on fire....screaming but no sound. I was going > > > > numb...my heart stopped...or the pressure was so great, I neither > > > heard > > > > or felt it anymore....I looked up through the trees, so > peaceful....so > > > > slow....so surreal. I told myself I was not going to let IT happen > > > like > > > > this...no damned way. I refused to die! > > > > > > > > As if the most beautiful cooling breeze that had ever been > created in > > > > the existence of the earth came out of the trees, cooling me in my > > > > superheated state, my lungs filled with air, as if they were filling > > > > with water, rushing into a vessel of clay...I felt it, I heard > > > it....and > > > > then my heart. I fell off my knees and onto my back, and as I lay > > > there, > > > > filling myself with all the air I could take...and out again, > and then > > > > more....I looked up through the > > > > trees....and.....felt.................alive. > > > > > > > > This is what it was beginning to feel like, in a way...after these 2 > > > > days. Except...I felt so empty. Most all of the thoughts had > gone...as > > > > if, one by one, maybe, just the love I was sending, or repeating > from > > > > someplace, had changed them, or dissolved them, one by one. They > were > > > > gone....yet, here I was in this huge void of space. > > > > > > > > Like those whose might have a giant pressure kind of > headache...and it > > > > goes away, your left with that vacuum of cold vast emptiness. Like > > > being > > > > in a huge empty room, and having no energy to crawl over to the door > > > > out. Like sitting in a huge old car, the steering wheel many times > > > your > > > > own size, feet unable to reach the peddles, barely able to see over > > > the > > > > wheel through the windshield. The thoughts were gone, but I was > weak. > > > I > > > > could barely move. And any moving I had to do seemed to take > forever. > > > It > > > > was if I was in this big over sized costume body, and it was hard to > > > get > > > > it to work right...it was clumsy, and I was > > > > lacking in how to operate it. > > > > > > > > I slept or just lay there...for a few more days...however long it's > > > > been. I had entered into the energy of a pool of minds, all > connected > > > > in some way. This is what has come to my awareness in all of this. > > > > Perhaps entering in order to heal. Or to change thoughts, and > the very > > > > energy itself. Perhaps in part, I entered into an illness or > two. I'm > > > > only guessing of course. I don't feel as if it was any one person or > > > > even into one situation...but many of them, all at the same time. > > > > > > > > I don't know how I did it, for I did nothing any different than any > > > > other time. I entered with love. Yet, somehow I feel as if I > absorbed > > > > and experienced a multiple " stigmata " ...[on the inside]. A stigmata > > > > being that person who produced wounds on the outside of the body... > > > > Mutant X had an episode one time, where one of the mutants could > take > > > > anyone's wound or illness to themselves, even a gunshot, thus > healing > > > > the one effected...but then having to recover, at a faster pace, > that > > > > wound or illness. I don't pretend it was any such thing....but, > all I > > > > can say is that it felt as if I had taken in what was not > possible for > > > > another to handle or work through. > > > > > > > > I re-read the above and cringe, yet, I can not change it....for that > > > is > > > > the feeling. I am only now just seeming to be " fully back " > within the > > > > space of my body. I am ok...I am fine. Was it empathy? It was not my > > > > own, nor did I go looking for it...but it did come. > > > > > > > > You did say I was " getting in your head " Liane...lol...not that > I try > > > > to...but have I been entering heads here, or others connected to > those > > > > here? Did I take all of what's below the surface into myself? > And if I > > > > did? Why? Did I enter into the deeper situations, illnesses, > > > sicknesses, > > > > darker thoughts which is really what any ailment truly is? I don't > > > know > > > > for sure. I wasn't even sure I should even write about this > > > experience, > > > > or if I even could. The writing about it can't give the full > > > experience > > > > that it was. But it is so different than what has happened up to > this > > > > point. > > > > > > > > Maybe the empathy was too great, too closely connected....I'm not > > > sure. > > > > The only reason this is going out now is because someone, > perhaps more > > > > than one will find in it a clue they were seeking, an answer...some > > > > broken connection. > > > > > > > > > > > > With Much Love, > > > > D~ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > How much time has passed.................. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2007 Report Share Posted September 8, 2007 Dear .... Your response leaves me very, connected to you. I thank you for your sincerest understanding of what this was. I was not so sure I could describe what had happened and it come out anywhere near explaining what happened in this experience... > Not in defiance, but in personal liberation. In the process of > acknowledgment that I made it through this desert, and found this > miracle spring of life and knowledge! I know what that drink feels like, > and my heart became one with your experience my special friend. ....exactly my dear, exactly......thank you. With Great Love & Compassion For You & All, D~ > > > > I have crawled across the desert, one hand over the other, and have > sank > > my face in the cool water that bubbles up through the sand, yet my > > thirst is not quite yet satisfied. The vultures circle overhead, > daring > > to come closer, and I view them through my half shut eyes...through my > > parched and burned lips, I smile. " That was the best you had " ? > Spitting > > out sand, rising to my knees...oh, to just drift off to sleep in this > > position, that would be enough. " I can not die, as I have died so many > > times I've forgotten how. " Like the Highlander...I only appear to die, > > and awaken yet again. > > > > I write from somewhere in the void. Almost back to " fullness " but not > > completely, yet. It's coming back, I am coming back. > > > > I start this journey from the last time I wrote here. For that is the > > last time I was here, anywhere. I had gone into meditation, as I > always > > do. A simple place I go within. A calm place, one of peace and > tranquil > > setting. My chest warming from the glow that is the center of my > being, > > radiating like the sun. Glimmering, as water sparkles, than a blast, > as > > if an atom explosion into every direction. Through the earth, through > > the dimensions, through the universes. Through time, past and present; > > present and future; the same reflects to itself, as only itself, one. > > > > As is always the case, I feel cleansed, connected, whole...I exist, > and > > nothing else does without me. My only thought is that I exist...and I > am > > nothing else but love. It is I who have thought love, yet, it is love, > > that has created me. > > > > As I found myself in this place, I began to send love into that which > > came to me. It entered into what came to my mind, as a solid blast of > > the sun, directly into the heart, exploding into every part of the > > being...and as they filled to overflowing capacity, and exploded > outward > > to all that was near them...that too filled with love, repeating > > itself...for love spreads to all that comes in contact with it. > > > > This is how I normally send love, constantly, into all > > things...including all of those I know...into those in " friends " > lists; > > member lists, etc...By entering one or more of these, the love fills, > > overflows, and then proceeds into all they are connected to, their > > " friends " lists, their member lists, their families, their lives, > > forever and continually passing onward. And the sending is also the > > receiving, as it all comes back along it many, many paths, > > overlapping...and going out again, more powerful than before. > > > > This time was no different up to the point of beginning to send to > those > > that came to mind....and then.... > > > > > > As I lay there in bed, comfortably sending...surrounded by so much > > peace...I connected... > > > > ...connected to I don't know, still not sure, of what...something. I > > felt like I had grabbed hold of a live high power line and could not > let > > go. My mind became overwhelmed with millions of thoughts, none of > which > > I could focus upon. > > > > As if I had been sucked into a giant tornado, standing in the center > of > > this enormous power...I was so small. Millions of faces came forward, > > some dripping blood from their teeth...some of them animals...many > were > > animals I have never seen...yet, I was observing them, not scared, or > > becoming them...as if in a nightmare. But they were everywhere, and > they > > were thoughts. I say millions, but there were many more I'm sure. > > > > So much fear, confusion...I felt myself spinning within my own > body...as > > if the force of all of these passing thoughts and attached feelings > were > > creating a vortex. I could not lay still...I'm not sure I can fully > > explain the feeling... " hebe jebe's " ? A want to climb out of my skin? I > > had seemed to lose my place within myself. I went to the living room > to > > try to be still, but within, I was on fire...my skin crawled. Such a > > state of utter confusion and hopelessness. No control...nothing seemed > > to be of this world. > > > > I was still observing, I knew this much...and as these thoughts > swirled > > round and round, like raging winds inside my mind, and I was nothing > but > > " mind " ...I, the me that is my true self, simply watched. I felt, and > > somehow knew, I had tapped into a mind...several minds...and > connections > > to other minds...so full of turmoil. Who could withstand such a thing > as > > this? I felt, from my observing standpoint, that if any one person had > > this going on within them, it would be too easily to stop it by any > > means at their disposal. I knew this from the observing self, that was > > me...and aware, that if I dared, " connect " to any of these, I might be > > consumed. > > > > I stood my ground, without need of trying, yet, the winds beat and > > howled...the gates of hells descending...or was I descending? I dared > > not use thought...not here...for what thought would be available? I > felt > > some part of what I am still sending love...sometimes only hearing the > > word come from me... " love...love...love " . It dawned on me that perhaps > I > > had entered the thoughts and turmoil of the many...in order to become > > their thoughts...and once there, I was changing the thoughts with this > > love that uttered forth. I don't know if this is what was happening, > but > > it seems to be what was implied. > > > > For what was almost two days...the thoughts swirled...all > > thoughts...thoughts I can not repeat...thoughts of every kind. Is it > any > > wonder someone would not go insane if they got stuck here, is another > > flash that came to me...still observing. Is it any wonder someone > would > > not feel so overwhelmed, they would not choose to end it to make it > > stop? Could it even be like some of the stories you hear of mind > > controlled subjects having " e.l.f. " waves directed at them, causing > them > > to act, or, react to some of those thoughts? Still observing, having > > these flashes of possibilities come to me...but not so much as > thoughts. > > > > I could see how someone could be so confused, and defeated. It's as if > I > > were seeing into the minds of places love was not getting to. I could > > understand where some might relate it to an experience of evil, > demons, > > entities, etc...It would be too easy to engage these " thoughts " and > > become them. > > > > I will say it is nothing like a " dark night of the soul " . I've had one > > of those, I think...about ten years ago or so. One night I had just > > meditated, and IT came on me all at once. It couldn't have lasted more > > than maybe 15 minutes, but it was like forever...as one thing after > > another flashed through my mind...awake as I was...my eyes closed, > > rapidly moving...as one scene after another appeared to me, complete > > with the full experience, and I saw " everything " in my life that had > not > > been of love. It felt like hundreds of full scenes came for each > second, > > but each one lasted for hours...like flipping through an old cartoon > > book, yet nothing was cartoon about it. The only thing it could be > said > > to be like was the end of life's " review " ....then it was gone....and I > > was left empty. > > > > No, it wasn't like that....not until later anyway. As I said....this > > went on for almost 2 days. I could not answer anyone...could not reply > > to anyone asking me a question. might respond to that later. I > > could not respond because to do so, I would have to engage whatever > was > > there at that second to connect back to the " outside " of me. Remember, > > I'm in the middle, my center, simply observing...in the middle of this > > high powered tornado, that I can not disengage from. To respond > > outwards...I would have to use one of these connections in front of > > me...and something even deeper within would not let me do that. To > > engage any of the thoughts here, would have me become it...and I knew > > not which it would be. > > > > So I did not respond...could not. > > > > Which reminds me of yet another time not long ago...perhaps 2 years > now. > > I was out on the back patio, when all of a sudden, I could not breath. > I > > could not take air in, nor push it out. My chest felt like it was on > > fire, as did my lungs. My head began to heat up intensely...lack of > air > > to be sure. I could not have called out if I'd wanted to. And even > then, > > I knew that if someone had of seen it and tried to help, or worse yet, > > called for help...I would have died. > > > > I fell to my knees and pounded my chest...my face filling with blood, > or > > leaving it...not sure which. This seemed to take about an hour, but > > could not have been more than 15 minutes. I was doing everything I > could > > to force air into my lungs...nothing. All I could do to get it > > in...nothing. I was screaming for air from inside but none would come. > I > > felt that if I could get my lungs to move one way or the other, it > would > > force the opposite to happen as well. > > > > My heart was beating out of my chest...I was pushing on my lungs > trying > > to collapse them and form suction...still nothing...down on my > > knees...my whole body on fire....screaming but no sound. I was going > > numb...my heart stopped...or the pressure was so great, I neither > heard > > or felt it anymore....I looked up through the trees, so peaceful....so > > slow....so surreal. I told myself I was not going to let IT happen > like > > this...no damned way. I refused to die! > > > > As if the most beautiful cooling breeze that had ever been created in > > the existence of the earth came out of the trees, cooling me in my > > superheated state, my lungs filled with air, as if they were filling > > with water, rushing into a vessel of clay...I felt it, I heard > it....and > > then my heart. I fell off my knees and onto my back, and as I lay > there, > > filling myself with all the air I could take...and out again, and then > > more....I looked up through the > > trees....and.....felt.................alive. > > > > This is what it was beginning to feel like, in a way...after these 2 > > days. Except...I felt so empty. Most all of the thoughts had gone...as > > if, one by one, maybe, just the love I was sending, or repeating from > > someplace, had changed them, or dissolved them, one by one. They were > > gone....yet, here I was in this huge void of space. > > > > Like those whose might have a giant pressure kind of headache...and it > > goes away, your left with that vacuum of cold vast emptiness. Like > being > > in a huge empty room, and having no energy to crawl over to the door > > out. Like sitting in a huge old car, the steering wheel many times > your > > own size, feet unable to reach the peddles, barely able to see over > the > > wheel through the windshield. The thoughts were gone, but I was weak. > I > > could barely move. And any moving I had to do seemed to take forever. > It > > was if I was in this big over sized costume body, and it was hard to > get > > it to work right...it was clumsy, and I was > > lacking in how to operate it. > > > > I slept or just lay there...for a few more days...however long it's > > been. I had entered into the energy of a pool of minds, all connected > > in some way. This is what has come to my awareness in all of this. > > Perhaps entering in order to heal. Or to change thoughts, and the very > > energy itself. Perhaps in part, I entered into an illness or two. I'm > > only guessing of course. I don't feel as if it was any one person or > > even into one situation...but many of them, all at the same time. > > > > I don't know how I did it, for I did nothing any different than any > > other time. I entered with love. Yet, somehow I feel as if I absorbed > > and experienced a multiple " stigmata " ...[on the inside]. A stigmata > > being that person who produced wounds on the outside of the body... > > Mutant X had an episode one time, where one of the mutants could take > > anyone's wound or illness to themselves, even a gunshot, thus healing > > the one effected...but then having to recover, at a faster pace, that > > wound or illness. I don't pretend it was any such thing....but, all I > > can say is that it felt as if I had taken in what was not possible for > > another to handle or work through. > > > > I re-read the above and cringe, yet, I can not change it....for that > is > > the feeling. I am only now just seeming to be " fully back " within the > > space of my body. I am ok...I am fine. Was it empathy? It was not my > > own, nor did I go looking for it...but it did come. > > > > You did say I was " getting in your head " Liane...lol...not that I try > > to...but have I been entering heads here, or others connected to those > > here? Did I take all of what's below the surface into myself? And if I > > did? Why? Did I enter into the deeper situations, illnesses, > sicknesses, > > darker thoughts which is really what any ailment truly is? I don't > know > > for sure. I wasn't even sure I should even write about this > experience, > > or if I even could. The writing about it can't give the full > experience > > that it was. But it is so different than what has happened up to this > > point. > > > > Maybe the empathy was too great, too closely connected....I'm not > sure. > > The only reason this is going out now is because someone, perhaps more > > than one will find in it a clue they were seeking, an answer...some > > broken connection. > > > > > > With Much Love, > > D~ > > > > > > > > How much time has passed.................. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2007 Report Share Posted September 8, 2007 Hello beautiful ...I can't completely understand the kind of emotions you were going through. I've never been in your shoes watching someone you love become like a different person to the extent of what happened with . Little was for sure right though, it was something he was going to have to work through. Such a sage spirit your is! There are cases where people who have had their Kundalini energy blow open unexpectedly, or those who have not cared for themselves correctly with their energy can in fact go crazy. Kundalini is not a chakra (in the way that we know chakras), it is a river of powerful energy-force that can truly cause physical upset, or physical change. That's why it's so important to take care of all three of our bodies, not just our physical one. This was a very important experience for you all. As you mentioned you're much more grateful for what you have, and I'm sure that is seeing things much more vividly than ever before! Infinite respect and love to you, , , and ! Stefanie> > >> > > I have crawled across the desert, one hand over the other, and have> > sank> > > my face in the cool water that bubbles up through the sand, yet my> > > thirst is not quite yet satisfied. The vultures circle overhead,> > daring> > > to come closer, and I view them through my half shut eyes...through my> > > parched and burned lips, I smile. "That was the best you had"?> > Spitting> > > out sand, rising to my knees...oh, to just drift off to sleep in this> > > position, that would be enough. "I can not die, as I have died so many> > > times I've forgotten how." Like the Highlander...I only appear to die,> > > and awaken yet again.> > >> > > I write from somewhere in the void. Almost back to "fullness" but not> > > completely, yet. It's coming back, I am coming back.> > >> > > I start this journey from the last time I wrote here. For that is the> > > last time I was here, anywhere. I had gone into meditation, as I> > always> > > do. A simple place I go within. A calm place, one of peace and> > tranquil> > > setting. My chest warming from the glow that is the center of my> > being,> > > radiating like the sun. Glimmering, as water sparkles, than a blast,> > as> > > if an atom explosion into every direction. Through the earth, through> > > the dimensions, through the universes. Through time, past and present;> > > present and future; the same reflects to itself, as only itself, one.> > >> > > As is always the case, I feel cleansed, connected, whole...I exist,> > and> > > nothing else does without me. My only thought is that I exist...and I> > am> > > nothing else but love. It is I who have thought love, yet, it is love,> > > that has created me.> > >> > > As I found myself in this place, I began to send love into that which> > > came to me. It entered into what came to my mind, as a solid blast of> > > the sun, directly into the heart, exploding into every part of the> > > being...and as they filled to overflowing capacity, and exploded> > outward> > > to all that was near them...that too filled with love, repeating> > > itself...for love spreads to all that comes in contact with it.> > >> > > This is how I normally send love, constantly, into all> > > things...including all of those I know...into those in "friends"> > lists;> > > member lists, etc...By entering one or more of these, the love fills,> > > overflows, and then proceeds into all they are connected to, their> > > "friends" lists, their member lists, their families, their lives,> > > forever and continually passing onward. And the sending is also the> > > receiving, as it all comes back along it many, many paths,> > > overlapping...and going out again, more powerful than before.> > >> > > This time was no different up to the point of beginning to send to> > those> > > that came to mind....and then....> > >> > >> > > As I lay there in bed, comfortably sending...surrounded by so much> > > peace...I connected...> > >> > > ...connected to I don't know, still not sure, of what...something. I> > > felt like I had grabbed hold of a live high power line and could not> > let> > > go. My mind became overwhelmed with millions of thoughts, none of> > which> > > I could focus upon.> > >> > > As if I had been sucked into a giant tornado, standing in the center> > of> > > this enormous power...I was so small. Millions of faces came forward,> > > some dripping blood from their teeth...some of them animals...many> > were> > > animals I have never seen...yet, I was observing them, not scared, or> > > becoming them...as if in a nightmare. But they were everywhere, and> > they> > > were thoughts. I say millions, but there were many more I'm sure.> > >> > > So much fear, confusion...I felt myself spinning within my own> > body...as> > > if the force of all of these passing thoughts and attached feelings> > were> > > creating a vortex. I could not lay still...I'm not sure I can fully> > > explain the feeling..."hebe jebe's"? A want to climb out of my skin? I> > > had seemed to lose my place within myself. I went to the living room> > to> > > try to be still, but within, I was on fire...my skin crawled. Such a> > > state of utter confusion and hopelessness. No control...nothing seemed> > > to be of this world.> > >> > > I was still observing, I knew this much...and as these thoughts> > swirled> > > round and round, like raging winds inside my mind, and I was nothing> > but> > > "mind"...I, the me that is my true self, simply watched. I felt, and> > > somehow knew, I had tapped into a mind...several minds...and> > connections> > > to other minds...so full of turmoil. Who could withstand such a thing> > as> > > this? I felt, from my observing standpoint, that if any one person had> > > this going on within them, it would be too easily to stop it by any> > > means at their disposal. I knew this from the observing self, that was> > > me...and aware, that if I dared, "connect" to any of these, I might be> > > consumed.> > >> > > I stood my ground, without need of trying, yet, the winds beat and> > > howled...the gates of hells descending...or was I descending? I dared> > > not use thought...not here...for what thought would be available? I> > felt> > > some part of what I am still sending love...sometimes only hearing the> > > word come from me..."love...love...love". It dawned on me that perhaps> > I> > > had entered the thoughts and turmoil of the many...in order to become> > > their thoughts...and once there, I was changing the thoughts with this> > > love that uttered forth. I don't know if this is what was happening,> > but> > > it seems to be what was implied.> > >> > > For what was almost two days...the thoughts swirled...all> > > thoughts...thoughts I can not repeat...thoughts of every kind. Is it> > any> > > wonder someone would not go insane if they got stuck here, is another> > > flash that came to me...still observing. Is it any wonder someone> > would> > > not feel so overwhelmed, they would not choose to end it to make it> > > stop? Could it even be like some of the stories you hear of mind> > > controlled subjects having "e.l.f." waves directed at them, causing> > them> > > to act, or, react to some of those thoughts? Still observing, having> > > these flashes of possibilities come to me...but not so much as> > thoughts.> > >> > > I could see how someone could be so confused, and defeated. It's as if> > I> > > were seeing into the minds of places love was not getting to. I could> > > understand where some might relate it to an experience of evil,> > demons,> > > entities, etc...It would be too easy to engage these "thoughts" and> > > become them.> > >> > > I will say it is nothing like a "dark night of the soul". I've had one> > > of those, I think...about ten years ago or so. One night I had just> > > meditated, and IT came on me all at once. It couldn't have lasted more> > > than maybe 15 minutes, but it was like forever...as one thing after> > > another flashed through my mind...awake as I was...my eyes closed,> > > rapidly moving...as one scene after another appeared to me, complete> > > with the full experience, and I saw "everything" in my life that had> > not> > > been of love. It felt like hundreds of full scenes came for each> > second,> > > but each one lasted for hours...like flipping through an old cartoon> > > book, yet nothing was cartoon about it. The only thing it could be> > said> > > to be like was the end of life's "review"....then it was gone....and I> > > was left empty.> > >> > > No, it wasn't like that....not until later anyway. As I said....this> > > went on for almost 2 days. I could not answer anyone...could not reply> > > to anyone asking me a question. might respond to that later. I> > > could not respond because to do so, I would have to engage whatever> > was> > > there at that second to connect back to the "outside" of me. Remember,> > > I'm in the middle, my center, simply observing...in the middle of this> > > high powered tornado, that I can not disengage from. To respond> > > outwards...I would have to use one of these connections in front of> > > me...and something even deeper within would not let me do that. To> > > engage any of the thoughts here, would have me become it...and I knew> > > not which it would be.> > >> > > So I did not respond...could not.> > >> > > Which reminds me of yet another time not long ago...perhaps 2 years> > now.> > > I was out on the back patio, when all of a sudden, I could not breath.> > I> > > could not take air in, nor push it out. My chest felt like it was on> > > fire, as did my lungs. My head began to heat up intensely...lack of> > air> > > to be sure. I could not have called out if I'd wanted to. And even> > then,> > > I knew that if someone had of seen it and tried to help, or worse yet,> > > called for help...I would have died.> > >> > > I fell to my knees and pounded my chest...my face filling with blood,> > or> > > leaving it...not sure which. This seemed to take about an hour, but> > > could not have been more than 15 minutes. I was doing everything I> > could> > > to force air into my lungs...nothing. All I could do to get it> > > in...nothing. I was screaming for air from inside but none would come.> > I> > > felt that if I could get my lungs to move one way or the other, it> > would> > > force the opposite to happen as well.> > >> > > My heart was beating out of my chest...I was pushing on my lungs> > trying> > > to collapse them and form suction...still nothing...down on my> > > knees...my whole body on fire....screaming but no sound. I was going> > > numb...my heart stopped...or the pressure was so great, I neither> > heard> > > or felt it anymore....I looked up through the trees, so peaceful....so> > > slow....so surreal. I told myself I was not going to let IT happen> > like> > > this...no damned way. I refused to die!> > >> > > As if the most beautiful cooling breeze that had ever been created in> > > the existence of the earth came out of the trees, cooling me in my> > > superheated state, my lungs filled with air, as if they were filling> > > with water, rushing into a vessel of clay...I felt it, I heard> > it....and> > > then my heart. I fell off my knees and onto my back, and as I lay> > there,> > > filling myself with all the air I could take...and out again, and then> > > more....I looked up through the> > > trees....and.....felt.................alive.> > >> > > This is what it was beginning to feel like, in a way...after these 2> > > days. Except...I felt so empty. Most all of the thoughts had gone...as> > > if, one by one, maybe, just the love I was sending, or repeating from> > > someplace, had changed them, or dissolved them, one by one. They were> > > gone....yet, here I was in this huge void of space.> > >> > > Like those whose might have a giant pressure kind of headache...and it> > > goes away, your left with that vacuum of cold vast emptiness. Like> > being> > > in a huge empty room, and having no energy to crawl over to the door> > > out. Like sitting in a huge old car, the steering wheel many times> > your> > > own size, feet unable to reach the peddles, barely able to see over> > the> > > wheel through the windshield. The thoughts were gone, but I was weak.> > I> > > could barely move. And any moving I had to do seemed to take forever.> > It> > > was if I was in this big over sized costume body, and it was hard to> > get> > > it to work right...it was clumsy, and I was> > > lacking in how to operate it.> > >> > > I slept or just lay there...for a few more days...however long it's> > > been. I had entered into the energy of a pool of minds, all connected> > > in some way. This is what has come to my awareness in all of this.> > > Perhaps entering in order to heal. Or to change thoughts, and the very> > > energy itself. Perhaps in part, I entered into an illness or two. I'm> > > only guessing of course. I don't feel as if it was any one person or> > > even into one situation...but many of them, all at the same time.> > >> > > I don't know how I did it, for I did nothing any different than any> > > other time. I entered with love. Yet, somehow I feel as if I absorbed> > > and experienced a multiple "stigmata"...[on the inside]. A stigmata> > > being that person who produced wounds on the outside of the body...> > > Mutant X had an episode one time, where one of the mutants could take> > > anyone's wound or illness to themselves, even a gunshot, thus healing> > > the one effected...but then having to recover, at a faster pace, that> > > wound or illness. I don't pretend it was any such thing....but, all I> > > can say is that it felt as if I had taken in what was not possible for> > > another to handle or work through.> > >> > > I re-read the above and cringe, yet, I can not change it....for that> > is> > > the feeling. I am only now just seeming to be "fully back" within the> > > space of my body. I am ok...I am fine. Was it empathy? It was not my> > > own, nor did I go looking for it...but it did come.> > >> > > You did say I was "getting in your head" Liane...lol...not that I try> > > to...but have I been entering heads here, or others connected to those> > > here? Did I take all of what's below the surface into myself? And if I> > > did? Why? Did I enter into the deeper situations, illnesses,> > sicknesses,> > > darker thoughts which is really what any ailment truly is? I don't> > know> > > for sure. I wasn't even sure I should even write about this> > experience,> > > or if I even could. The writing about it can't give the full> > experience> > > that it was. But it is so different than what has happened up to this> > > point.> > >> > > Maybe the empathy was too great, too closely connected....I'm not> > sure.> > > The only reason this is going out now is because someone, perhaps more> > > than one will find in it a clue they were seeking, an answer...some> > > broken connection.> > >> > >> > > With Much Love,> > > D~> > >> > >> > >> > > How much time has passed..................> > >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2007 Report Share Posted September 8, 2007 Namaste dear ......Infinite love,Stefanie> > >> > > I have crawled across the desert, one hand over the other, and have> > sank> > > my face in the cool water that bubbles up through the sand, yet my> > > thirst is not quite yet satisfied. The vultures circle overhead,> > daring> > > to come closer, and I view them through my half shut eyes...through> my> > > parched and burned lips, I smile. "That was the best you had"?> > Spitting> > > out sand, rising to my knees...oh, to just drift off to sleep in> this> > > position, that would be enough. "I can not die, as I have died so> many> > > times I've forgotten how." Like the Highlander...I only appear to> die,> > > and awaken yet again.> > >> > > I write from somewhere in the void. Almost back to "fullness" but> not> > > completely, yet. It's coming back, I am coming back.> > >> > > I start this journey from the last time I wrote here. For that is> the> > > last time I was here, anywhere. I had gone into meditation, as I> > always> > > do. A simple place I go within. A calm place, one of peace and> > tranquil> > > setting. My chest warming from the glow that is the center of my> > being,> > > radiating like the sun. Glimmering, as water sparkles, than a blast,> > as> > > if an atom explosion into every direction. Through the earth,> through> > > the dimensions, through the universes. Through time, past and> present;> > > present and future; the same reflects to itself, as only itself,> one.> > >> > > As is always the case, I feel cleansed, connected, whole...I exist,> > and> > > nothing else does without me. My only thought is that I exist...and> I> > am> > > nothing else but love. It is I who have thought love, yet, it is> love,> > > that has created me.> > >> > > As I found myself in this place, I began to send love into that> which> > > came to me. It entered into what came to my mind, as a solid blast> of> > > the sun, directly into the heart, exploding into every part of the> > > being...and as they filled to overflowing capacity, and exploded> > outward> > > to all that was near them...that too filled with love, repeating> > > itself...for love spreads to all that comes in contact with it.> > >> > > This is how I normally send love, constantly, into all> > > things...including all of those I know...into those in "friends"> > lists;> > > member lists, etc...By entering one or more of these, the love> fills,> > > overflows, and then proceeds into all they are connected to, their> > > "friends" lists, their member lists, their families, their lives,> > > forever and continually passing onward. And the sending is also the> > > receiving, as it all comes back along it many, many paths,> > > overlapping...and going out again, more powerful than before.> > >> > > This time was no different up to the point of beginning to send to> > those> > > that came to mind....and then....> > >> > >> > > As I lay there in bed, comfortably sending...surrounded by so much> > > peace...I connected...> > >> > > ...connected to I don't know, still not sure, of what...something. I> > > felt like I had grabbed hold of a live high power line and could not> > let> > > go. My mind became overwhelmed with millions of thoughts, none of> > which> > > I could focus upon.> > >> > > As if I had been sucked into a giant tornado, standing in the center> > of> > > this enormous power...I was so small. Millions of faces came> forward,> > > some dripping blood from their teeth...some of them animals...many> > were> > > animals I have never seen...yet, I was observing them, not scared,> or> > > becoming them...as if in a nightmare. But they were everywhere, and> > they> > > were thoughts. I say millions, but there were many more I'm sure.> > >> > > So much fear, confusion...I felt myself spinning within my own> > body...as> > > if the force of all of these passing thoughts and attached feelings> > were> > > creating a vortex. I could not lay still...I'm not sure I can fully> > > explain the feeling..."hebe jebe's"? A want to climb out of my skin?> I> > > had seemed to lose my place within myself. I went to the living room> > to> > > try to be still, but within, I was on fire...my skin crawled. Such a> > > state of utter confusion and hopelessness. No control...nothing> seemed> > > to be of this world.> > >> > > I was still observing, I knew this much...and as these thoughts> > swirled> > > round and round, like raging winds inside my mind, and I was nothing> > but> > > "mind"...I, the me that is my true self, simply watched. I felt, and> > > somehow knew, I had tapped into a mind...several minds...and> > connections> > > to other minds...so full of turmoil. Who could withstand such a> thing> > as> > > this? I felt, from my observing standpoint, that if any one person> had> > > this going on within them, it would be too easily to stop it by any> > > means at their disposal. I knew this from the observing self, that> was> > > me...and aware, that if I dared, "connect" to any of these, I might> be> > > consumed.> > >> > > I stood my ground, without need of trying, yet, the winds beat and> > > howled...the gates of hells descending...or was I descending? I> dared> > > not use thought...not here...for what thought would be available? I> > felt> > > some part of what I am still sending love...sometimes only hearing> the> > > word come from me..."love...love...love". It dawned on me that> perhaps> > I> > > had entered the thoughts and turmoil of the many...in order to> become> > > their thoughts...and once there, I was changing the thoughts with> this> > > love that uttered forth. I don't know if this is what was happening,> > but> > > it seems to be what was implied.> > >> > > For what was almost two days...the thoughts swirled...all> > > thoughts...thoughts I can not repeat...thoughts of every kind. Is it> > any> > > wonder someone would not go insane if they got stuck here, is> another> > > flash that came to me...still observing. Is it any wonder someone> > would> > > not feel so overwhelmed, they would not choose to end it to make it> > > stop? Could it even be like some of the stories you hear of mind> > > controlled subjects having "e.l.f." waves directed at them, causing> > them> > > to act, or, react to some of those thoughts? Still observing, having> > > these flashes of possibilities come to me...but not so much as> > thoughts.> > >> > > I could see how someone could be so confused, and defeated. It's as> if> > I> > > were seeing into the minds of places love was not getting to. I> could> > > understand where some might relate it to an experience of evil,> > demons,> > > entities, etc...It would be too easy to engage these "thoughts" and> > > become them.> > >> > > I will say it is nothing like a "dark night of the soul". I've had> one> > > of those, I think...about ten years ago or so. One night I had just> > > meditated, and IT came on me all at once. It couldn't have lasted> more> > > than maybe 15 minutes, but it was like forever...as one thing after> > > another flashed through my mind...awake as I was...my eyes closed,> > > rapidly moving...as one scene after another appeared to me, complete> > > with the full experience, and I saw "everything" in my life that had> > not> > > been of love. It felt like hundreds of full scenes came for each> > second,> > > but each one lasted for hours...like flipping through an old cartoon> > > book, yet nothing was cartoon about it. The only thing it could be> > said> > > to be like was the end of life's "review"....then it was gone....and> I> > > was left empty.> > >> > > No, it wasn't like that....not until later anyway. As I said....this> > > went on for almost 2 days. I could not answer anyone...could not> reply> > > to anyone asking me a question. might respond to that later.> I> > > could not respond because to do so, I would have to engage whatever> > was> > > there at that second to connect back to the "outside" of me.> Remember,> > > I'm in the middle, my center, simply observing...in the middle of> this> > > high powered tornado, that I can not disengage from. To respond> > > outwards...I would have to use one of these connections in front of> > > me...and something even deeper within would not let me do that. To> > > engage any of the thoughts here, would have me become it...and I> knew> > > not which it would be.> > >> > > So I did not respond...could not.> > >> > > Which reminds me of yet another time not long ago...perhaps 2 years> > now.> > > I was out on the back patio, when all of a sudden, I could not> breath.> > I> > > could not take air in, nor push it out. My chest felt like it was on> > > fire, as did my lungs. My head began to heat up intensely...lack of> > air> > > to be sure. I could not have called out if I'd wanted to. And even> > then,> > > I knew that if someone had of seen it and tried to help, or worse> yet,> > > called for help...I would have died.> > >> > > I fell to my knees and pounded my chest...my face filling with> blood,> > or> > > leaving it...not sure which. This seemed to take about an hour, but> > > could not have been more than 15 minutes. I was doing everything I> > could> > > to force air into my lungs...nothing. All I could do to get it> > > in...nothing. I was screaming for air from inside but none would> come.> > I> > > felt that if I could get my lungs to move one way or the other, it> > would> > > force the opposite to happen as well.> > >> > > My heart was beating out of my chest...I was pushing on my lungs> > trying> > > to collapse them and form suction...still nothing...down on my> > > knees...my whole body on fire....screaming but no sound. I was going> > > numb...my heart stopped...or the pressure was so great, I neither> > heard> > > or felt it anymore....I looked up through the trees, so> peaceful....so> > > slow....so surreal. I told myself I was not going to let IT happen> > like> > > this...no damned way. I refused to die!> > >> > > As if the most beautiful cooling breeze that had ever been created> in> > > the existence of the earth came out of the trees, cooling me in my> > > superheated state, my lungs filled with air, as if they were filling> > > with water, rushing into a vessel of clay...I felt it, I heard> > it....and> > > then my heart. I fell off my knees and onto my back, and as I lay> > there,> > > filling myself with all the air I could take...and out again, and> then> > > more....I looked up through the> > > trees....and.....felt.................alive.> > >> > > This is what it was beginning to feel like, in a way...after these 2> > > days. Except...I felt so empty. Most all of the thoughts had> gone...as> > > if, one by one, maybe, just the love I was sending, or repeating> from> > > someplace, had changed them, or dissolved them, one by one. They> were> > > gone....yet, here I was in this huge void of space.> > >> > > Like those whose might have a giant pressure kind of headache...and> it> > > goes away, your left with that vacuum of cold vast emptiness. Like> > being> > > in a huge empty room, and having no energy to crawl over to the door> > > out. Like sitting in a huge old car, the steering wheel many times> > your> > > own size, feet unable to reach the peddles, barely able to see over> > the> > > wheel through the windshield. The thoughts were gone, but I was> weak.> > I> > > could barely move. And any moving I had to do seemed to take> forever.> > It> > > was if I was in this big over sized costume body, and it was hard to> > get> > > it to work right...it was clumsy, and I was> > > lacking in how to operate it.> > >> > > I slept or just lay there...for a few more days...however long it's> > > been. I had entered into the energy of a pool of minds, all> connected> > > in some way. This is what has come to my awareness in all of this.> > > Perhaps entering in order to heal. Or to change thoughts, and the> very> > > energy itself. Perhaps in part, I entered into an illness or two.> I'm> > > only guessing of course. I don't feel as if it was any one person or> > > even into one situation...but many of them, all at the same time.> > >> > > I don't know how I did it, for I did nothing any different than any> > > other time. I entered with love. Yet, somehow I feel as if I> absorbed> > > and experienced a multiple "stigmata"...[on the inside]. A stigmata> > > being that person who produced wounds on the outside of the body...> > > Mutant X had an episode one time, where one of the mutants could> take> > > anyone's wound or illness to themselves, even a gunshot, thus> healing> > > the one effected...but then having to recover, at a faster pace,> that> > > wound or illness. I don't pretend it was any such thing....but, all> I> > > can say is that it felt as if I had taken in what was not possible> for> > > another to handle or work through.> > >> > > I re-read the above and cringe, yet, I can not change it....for that> > is> > > the feeling. I am only now just seeming to be "fully back" within> the> > > space of my body. I am ok...I am fine. Was it empathy? It was not my> > > own, nor did I go looking for it...but it did come.> > >> > > You did say I was "getting in your head" Liane...lol...not that I> try> > > to...but have I been entering heads here, or others connected to> those> > > here? Did I take all of what's below the surface into myself? And if> I> > > did? Why? Did I enter into the deeper situations, illnesses,> > sicknesses,> > > darker thoughts which is really what any ailment truly is? I don't> > know> > > for sure. I wasn't even sure I should even write about this> > experience,> > > or if I even could. The writing about it can't give the full> > experience> > > that it was. But it is so different than what has happened up to> this> > > point.> > >> > > Maybe the empathy was too great, too closely connected....I'm not> > sure.> > > The only reason this is going out now is because someone, perhaps> more> > > than one will find in it a clue they were seeking, an answer...some> > > broken connection.> > >> > >> > > With Much Love,> > > D~> > >> > >> > >> > > How much time has passed..................> > >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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