Re: ~Don’t Put Us On A Pedestal~

[Guest guest]

Ohhhhhh sweet ,

Wonderful Wonderful Wonderful. I tell ya, it is so good to be able to

be so " human " when I'm with . I found a man that loves me for

who I truly am, warts and all. It is so amazing to me to be able to

tell him exactly how I feel without fear of him belittling me. I have

no fear that he will ever leave me because of what or who I am. This

is true love to me and so very sweet.

It was such a relief to be able to let help me when I was in the

hospital and lying there in NICU with my head shaved. I looked bad,

felt worse, and goodness knows how I smelled. I was hooked up to

machinery from my head on down so even a sponge bath was a major

event. He never laughed at me because I was butt ugly...LOL. It was

, after the catheter came out, who lovingly placed the bedpan

underneath me when I couldn't get a nurse in there fast enough! How

embarassing is that?? But he never complained. (Sorry to embarrass

you ).

In fact, and I may have already told you this, after I was home from

the hospital and we were both standing by the kitchen sink one day, I

was taking some medicine and feeling so ugly with no hair and my face

still as round as an overly inflated beachball from all the steriods

I'd had to take. I asked him " Do you still love me even though I'm so

ugly " . He answered " Baby I think you're beautiful just for the simple

fact that you're alive " . , I had never felt more beautiful in my

life than at that moment.

I had never really thought about it until I read this...but it really

is a disservice to someone to put them on a pedastal. It would be

unbearable if I couldn't be who I really am with the people I love.

I'm not good at all at hiding my flaws, and I have a real hard time

sitting still, so I'd fall off that pedastal real fast anyway!!

Besides the fact that you probably couldn't get me up there to start

with. I hope no one ever puts me on a pedastal and I feel like I have

to live up to something I'm not. What an awful way to live.

And though I adore and love him with all my heart and soul and

sometimes it may sound like I worship the ground he walks on, I would

never put on a pedastal either. I've seen sides of him that

would take the teflon right off my cookware. I'd much rather dance

the perfect dance of imperfection together and right out in the open!

Thank you for sharing with us something so brilliant.

I love you,

--- In , " karmarqu69 " <karmarqu69@...>

wrote:

>

>

>

>

> [Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket]

> <http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29t>

>

> ~Don't Put Us On A Pedestal~

>

> Not long ago a man proudly told me that he puts his wife on a pedestal,

> that he idealizes her and considers her to be far superior to most other

> mere mortals. Knowing as he does my interest in how couples relate to

> one another, perhaps he expected me to applaud him for holding his wife

> in such high regard. And to think what a lucky woman she was to have

> such an appreciative partner!

>

> What I really thought, however, was how little trouble this man must

> have gone to over the years to actually get to know his wife. I wondered

> whether he had ever seen her for the flesh and blood person she truly

> was, or just his own idealized version of what he felt a woman should

> be?

>

> And far from thinking how lucky she was, I began to pity her,

> empathizing with how distant and alone she must feel, way up high on

> that pedestal all by herself. Pedestals, after all, may be fine for

> still, cold marble statues, but they don't offer much freedom to

> dance for warm, red-blooded human beings!

>

> I'm sure the man thought he was doing his wife some kind of favor,

> but the irony is that putting your partner, friend (or anyone you love)

> on a pedestal can be just as damaging as constantly criticizing them.

>

> When you elevate someone to icon status and hold them to impossibly high

> standards, you're actually devaluing—not honoring—the person

> inside. You're denying that person's very human right to be

> whole—to have not only virtues but faults, to make mistakes, to hold

> incorrect beliefs, and to have all those dark, sad, confused places

> within that we all do.

>

> And since much of our growth as human beings comes precisely from these

> troublesome aspects of ourselves, you're denying your partner's

> right to grow as well.

>

> [Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket]

> <http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29t>

>

> Putting someone on a pedestal means that you're worshipping a

> fantasy figure of your own making instead of understanding and

> appreciating the actual person in front of you. Rather than encouraging

> and empowering your partner to be all that they're capable of being,

> even though that inevitably includes a few warts, you're trying to

> force them to conform to the superficial and controlling image of what

> you want them to be.

>

> Not only is such an attitude wrong, but it also hurts both of you as

> well as the relationship itself. Living under the psychological burden

> of someone else's unrealistic expectations, partners on pedestals

> get the message that to be loved, they have to be perfect. They can

> never really relax and just be themselves, as they live in terror that

> their human flaws will be " found out, " that someday they'll

> really screw up and pay for their mistakes by losing love. And

> naturally, partners on pedestals can't risk confiding any faults or

> weaknesses to those who hold such unrealistic expectations of them, so

> they're often forced to suffer alone.

>

> Besides the agony that this causes to the partner or friend on the

> pedestal, any real intimacy or sharing that the relationship might have

> enjoyed becomes impossible. Partners and friends on pedestals may keep

> on denying crucial parts of themselves just to maintain the status quo,

> or they may eventually rebel from the confining strictures placed upon

> them and come crashing down from that pedestal, " misbehaving "

> just to claim back the parts of self that have been too long denied.

>

> [Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket]

> <http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29t>

>

> I'm not suggesting that partners or friends shouldn't admire,

> respect, honor, and even adore each other. A relationship like that is

> what we all really want, after all.

>

> But to be happy and successful, friendships and relationships must be

> based not upon unrealistic ideals, but upon the utual ability for

> partners and friends to see and appreciate each other as the authentic,

> lovable, fully HUMAN beings that they are.

>

> And wouldn't you rather cuddle up to one of those than a cold marble

> statue, anyway?

>

> [Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket]

> <http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29t>

>

> Love~All~Ways

> *~Karma*

>

<http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcHJvZmlsZS5teXNwYWNlLmNvbS9pbmRleC5\

>

jZm0/ZnVzZWFjdGlvbj11c2VyLnZpZXdwcm9maWxlJmZyaWVuZGlkPTYxNTEzNTQ3Jk15VG9\

> rZW49MWIyMzg2YzQtMTFjMi00YWFlLWJiMTQtYmUzNzBjYTNiMTNj>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello Dear,

I love this .It makes you Think.

Peace and Love,

Lynn

--- In , " karmarqu69 " <karmarqu69@...>

wrote:

>

>

>

>

> [Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket]

> <http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29t>

>

> ~Don't Put Us On A Pedestal~

>

> Not long ago a man proudly told me that he puts his wife on a

pedestal,

> that he idealizes her and considers her to be far superior to most

other

> mere mortals. Knowing as he does my interest in how couples relate to

> one another, perhaps he expected me to applaud him for holding his

wife

> in such high regard. And to think what a lucky woman she was to have

> such an appreciative partner!

>

> What I really thought, however, was how little trouble this man must

> have gone to over the years to actually get to know his wife. I

wondered

> whether he had ever seen her for the flesh and blood person she truly

> was, or just his own idealized version of what he felt a woman should

> be?

>

> And far from thinking how lucky she was, I began to pity her,

> empathizing with how distant and alone she must feel, way up high on

> that pedestal all by herself. Pedestals, after all, may be fine for

> still, cold marble statues, but they don't offer much freedom to

> dance for warm, red-blooded human beings!

>

> I'm sure the man thought he was doing his wife some kind of favor,

> but the irony is that putting your partner, friend (or anyone you

love)

> on a pedestal can be just as damaging as constantly criticizing them.

>

> When you elevate someone to icon status and hold them to impossibly

high

> standards, you're actually devaluing—not honoring—the person

> inside. You're denying that person's very human right to be

> whole—to have not only virtues but faults, to make mistakes, to

hold

> incorrect beliefs, and to have all those dark, sad, confused places

> within that we all do.

>

> And since much of our growth as human beings comes precisely from

these

> troublesome aspects of ourselves, you're denying your partner's

> right to grow as well.

>

> [Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket]

> <http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29t>

>

> Putting someone on a pedestal means that you're worshipping a

> fantasy figure of your own making instead of understanding and

> appreciating the actual person in front of you. Rather than

encouraging

> and empowering your partner to be all that they're capable of being,

> even though that inevitably includes a few warts, you're trying to

> force them to conform to the superficial and controlling image of what

> you want them to be.

>

> Not only is such an attitude wrong, but it also hurts both of you as

> well as the relationship itself. Living under the psychological burden

> of someone else's unrealistic expectations, partners on pedestals

> get the message that to be loved, they have to be perfect. They can

> never really relax and just be themselves, as they live in terror that

> their human flaws will be " found out, " that someday they'll

> really screw up and pay for their mistakes by losing love. And

> naturally, partners on pedestals can't risk confiding any faults or

> weaknesses to those who hold such unrealistic expectations of them, so

> they're often forced to suffer alone.

>

> Besides the agony that this causes to the partner or friend on the

> pedestal, any real intimacy or sharing that the relationship might

have

> enjoyed becomes impossible. Partners and friends on pedestals may keep

> on denying crucial parts of themselves just to maintain the status

quo,

> or they may eventually rebel from the confining strictures placed upon

> them and come crashing down from that pedestal, " misbehaving "

> just to claim back the parts of self that have been too long denied.

>

> [Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket]

> <http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29t>

>

> I'm not suggesting that partners or friends shouldn't admire,

> respect, honor, and even adore each other. A relationship like that is

> what we all really want, after all.

>

> But to be happy and successful, friendships and relationships must be

> based not upon unrealistic ideals, but upon the utual ability for

> partners and friends to see and appreciate each other as the

authentic,

> lovable, fully HUMAN beings that they are.

>

> And wouldn't you rather cuddle up to one of those than a cold marble

> statue, anyway?

>

> [Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket]

> <http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29t>

>

> Love~All~Ways

> *~Karma*

>

<http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcHJvZmlsZS5teXNwYWNlLmNvbS9pbmRleC5\

\

>

jZm0/ZnVzZWFjdGlvbj11c2VyLnZpZXdwcm9maWxlJmZyaWVuZGlkPTYxNTEzNTQ3Jk15VG9\

\

> rZW49MWIyMzg2YzQtMTFjMi00YWFlLWJiMTQtYmUzNzBjYTNiMTNj>

>

[Guest guest]

This was so touching, and loving ... How blessed you both are..

My first husband was into beating me up, verbally, mentally, and

physically that it's even hard to express the hell I went through for

14yrs..

Then I met my second husband.. OOOOOOH he put me on that pedestal and

at the beginning I loved it... but it did leave me all alone.. to be

perfect.. and if I stepped one foot off of it.. there was no

understanding..

What is SO sad is My first husband as mean as he was, would have been

there for me and was when ever I was ill.. and I know that if I had

been in the same situation as your illness bald and all, he would have

dealt with it like ..

And for my second husband... the one that put me on a pedestal.. He

would not have been able to put that bed pan under me..

Oh is there a happy medium?? I just don't know...

And this post was also about friends, outside and on the Internet,

Myspace and others...

There are so many people out there that want to put us up on that

pedestal.. they think that we are something other than they.. I as you

know am just me..

I don't title myself with Lightworker or separate myself from anyone.

But people want to place us up high.. This I work very hard at by way

of communication with all of my friends here in cyberspace.

I know that has to take his sandals and robe off at times.. And

I tell him that I change my profile pic every so often because friends

want to place me in Mother 's shoes.. Even Liane tells me that

it can become too much at times.. And we have shared emotions about it

deeply..

We have all traveled some really hard roads in order to have the

wisdom and knowledge to share..We have been through it.. Been there

done that.. and more..

But because of this wisdom, because of this knowledge that we share

with as much love as possible, some just want to place us up there,

even fantasize as to who we are... We are real people not something to

be worshiped..

OK I am babbling!! But I wrote this because of all loving

relationships that are so effected by this pedestal... Love is the

key.. not caging or expectations or fantasising.. EEEEEEEEK.. I am

tired and I will get back to you on this more in depth..

But I need to say that... Yes again.. You are blessed the two of

you..and the cold marble of that pedestal is a hard and high lonely

place to be..

Both of you will grow old and Grey together.. Did I say Grey?

And the respect, that the two of you have, and the honor.. is what

it's all about..

Love you Both...

Thank you for sharing this..Really. It puts faith back into me that

maybe one day, I might think about getting hitched again.. And did I

say Hitched?

Wow I really am tired..LOL

Love

~Karma

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > [Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket]

> > <http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29t>

> >

> > ~Don't Put Us On A Pedestal~

> >

> > Not long ago a man proudly told me that he puts his wife on a

pedestal,

> > that he idealizes her and considers her to be far superior to most

other

> > mere mortals. Knowing as he does my interest in how couples relate to

> > one another, perhaps he expected me to applaud him for holding his

wife

> > in such high regard. And to think what a lucky woman she was to have

> > such an appreciative partner!

> >

> > What I really thought, however, was how little trouble this man must

> > have gone to over the years to actually get to know his wife. I

wondered

> > whether he had ever seen her for the flesh and blood person she truly

> > was, or just his own idealized version of what he felt a woman should

> > be?

> >

> > And far from thinking how lucky she was, I began to pity her,

> > empathizing with how distant and alone she must feel, way up high on

> > that pedestal all by herself. Pedestals, after all, may be fine for

> > still, cold marble statues, but they don't offer much freedom to

> > dance for warm, red-blooded human beings!

> >

> > I'm sure the man thought he was doing his wife some kind of favor,

> > but the irony is that putting your partner, friend (or anyone you

love)

> > on a pedestal can be just as damaging as constantly criticizing them.

> >

> > When you elevate someone to icon status and hold them to

impossibly high

> > standards, you're actually devaluing—not honoring—the person

> > inside. You're denying that person's very human right to be

> > whole—to have not only virtues but faults, to make mistakes, to hold

> > incorrect beliefs, and to have all those dark, sad, confused places

> > within that we all do.

> >

> > And since much of our growth as human beings comes precisely from

these

> > troublesome aspects of ourselves, you're denying your partner's

> > right to grow as well.

> >

> > [Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket]

> > <http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29t>

> >

> > Putting someone on a pedestal means that you're worshipping a

> > fantasy figure of your own making instead of understanding and

> > appreciating the actual person in front of you. Rather than

encouraging

> > and empowering your partner to be all that they're capable of being,

> > even though that inevitably includes a few warts, you're trying to

> > force them to conform to the superficial and controlling image of what

> > you want them to be.

> >

> > Not only is such an attitude wrong, but it also hurts both of you as

> > well as the relationship itself. Living under the psychological burden

> > of someone else's unrealistic expectations, partners on pedestals

> > get the message that to be loved, they have to be perfect. They can

> > never really relax and just be themselves, as they live in terror that

> > their human flaws will be " found out, " that someday they'll

> > really screw up and pay for their mistakes by losing love. And

> > naturally, partners on pedestals can't risk confiding any faults or

> > weaknesses to those who hold such unrealistic expectations of them, so

> > they're often forced to suffer alone.

> >

> > Besides the agony that this causes to the partner or friend on the

> > pedestal, any real intimacy or sharing that the relationship might

have

> > enjoyed becomes impossible. Partners and friends on pedestals may keep

> > on denying crucial parts of themselves just to maintain the status

quo,

> > or they may eventually rebel from the confining strictures placed upon

> > them and come crashing down from that pedestal, " misbehaving "

> > just to claim back the parts of self that have been too long denied.

> >

> > [Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket]

> > <http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29t>

> >

> > I'm not suggesting that partners or friends shouldn't admire,

> > respect, honor, and even adore each other. A relationship like that is

> > what we all really want, after all.

> >

> > But to be happy and successful, friendships and relationships must be

> > based not upon unrealistic ideals, but upon the utual ability for

> > partners and friends to see and appreciate each other as the

authentic,

> > lovable, fully HUMAN beings that they are.

> >

> > And wouldn't you rather cuddle up to one of those than a cold marble

> > statue, anyway?

> >

> > [Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket]

> > <http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcGhvdG9idWNrZXQuY29t>

> >

> > Love~All~Ways

> > *~Karma*

> >

>

<http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcHJvZmlsZS5teXNwYWNlLmNvbS9pbmRleC5\

> >

>

jZm0/ZnVzZWFjdGlvbj11c2VyLnZpZXdwcm9maWxlJmZyaWVuZGlkPTYxNTEzNTQ3Jk15VG9\

> > rZW49MWIyMzg2YzQtMTFjMi00YWFlLWJiMTQtYmUzNzBjYTNiMTNj>

> >

>