OT - Thank you for all the support!

[Guest guest]

Dear Friends,

I want to thank each and every one of you for your kind words and support after

the sudden death of my husband.

I have gotten so many private messages from everybody I was completely

overwhelmed. I will try to write back to everyone, but it may take me a little

time. In the meantime, I did want to let people know how touched I was by

your responses.

We had a beautiful memorial service for Mark on January 5. There was a very

large turnout, despite the fact that we had 12 inches of snow followed by

freezing rain 2 days before, and here in the South, nobody knows how to deal

with it. (Spoken by a former Yankee ...)

The very next day there was a front page article about autism in the Sunday

newspaper, with a great big picture of one of our school's instructors working

with a child. Most everything that was said in the article about autism

(biomedical issues, teaching etc.) was completely inaccurate, and we didn't get

more than a paragraph, but nonetheless, there was a huge response, with the

result that we've taken on 8 new students at the school and now have a waiting

list.

But since I am the person who has been doing most of the program book setups

(creating data sheets and cards etc.), I did want to explain why it may be a

little while before I get back to you.

On another note, I hope that what I am about to say may perhaps be a " heads up "

to others.

When Kenny received Medicaid funding a couple of years ago, one of the

stipulations was that a child cannot receive any income or have any assets.

Accordingly, we destroyed our wills, which left 50% to each child should we both

die at the same time. Unfortunately, we got hung up on who to name as

guardians (none of the people in our immediate families being appropriate

because they would not have supported what we are doing with Kenny) and never

rewrote the wills.

In addition, when Mark switched jobs a couple of years ago, and the life

insurance was so expensive, we thought we could cut corners by just getting the

basic policy offered by his employer. We never sat down with a financial

planner because we had no assets to speak of (most of you can probably

understand why if you have a child with autism.)

I realize now this was a big mistake. We weren't too worried about this because

Mark was extremely healthy, and everybody in his family has lived well into

their 90's. We felt we had more important things to do, and this just got

pushed to the back burner. Since I wasn't earning any income, the only thing we

thought about was getting enough life insurance on me to cover Kenny's

educational expenses should something happen.

I am sure I will get through this one way or another, but it would have been

much easier had we really planned for the possibility of a catastrophic event.

In this particular situation, nobody actually saw what happened to Mark, so it

became a coroner's case. This means a 90 day wait on a death certificate, and

consequently, a holdup on everything that I now have to file for.

So, my message to everyone is, DON'T WAIT, and BE PREPARED FOR THE UNEXPECTED.

I've now spoken with some friends who have agreed to be guardians for the

children, and I'm in the process of trying to put things in order. Believe me,

it would have been a lot more bearable to do this when I wasn't trying to pull

my life back together.

I do not mean any of the above to sound like I'm asking people to feel sorry for

me, but rather, I hope that by sharing this story that I can help others in the

future.

Again, I appreciate all the support you have all given me over the past couple

of weeks.

P.S. For those who have made a contribution to the school in Mark's name, I

probably forgot to mention that we are a non-profit, and therefore your

contribution is tax deductible. I will send out letters to everybody, but it

may take awhile before I can get to it.

s (Cary, NC)

persistentC@...

President, The Mariposa School for Children with Autism

http://www.rtphome.org/mariposa/