When little one's don't like ABA at the table any more

[Guest guest]

Pam,

We haven't been at a table with Evy (other than for drawing and art) for a

year. Evy is very happy. My one concern was that the NET was not an

efficient way to teach the abstract language piece. Evy can have simple

concrete conversations, enjoys playing with friends (and recently has been

able to play with a friend unassisted for up to 8 hours at a time--major

milestone). His symbolic play is becoming wonderful. His pretending skills

have blossomed. He told me the other day when I caught him walking outside

barefoot, to " Pretend my feet are shoes. " He still has very significant

gaps in abstract thinking. But I won't take him back to the table for

anything. He doesn't like it. And by table, I mean where he knows and I

know that he is expected to perform or give answers in order to get

something or escape. He knows that a demand is placed on him and he doesn't

want to go through that anymore.

So we have to be a little sneaky. I take out games and work on language

skills on the sly. His SLP at school gets away with this game board like a

token economy. He thinks he's playing a game, but has to do sequencing

cards in order to move his token. Move the game to the floor, if you need

to. And let him stop when he's had enough. Sometimes, the real issue is a

power struggle, where he just wants to have control of how long he engages

in an activity. If he doesn't feel like you are mindful of his needs and

wants, he may act up. He doesn't feel like a partner. He's being bullied,

and knows it. Not to say that is the case with your son. But sometimes the

most powerful words in building social relationships are, " Ok, you don't

have to do that if you don't want to. " If a child trusts that he has your

respect in that manner, he may return to work--as a partner, because he will

feel appreciated and respected.

If your team members have been using ABA just to control output, without

stopping to think, " Hey, there's a boy in there who may want to have a

different life " then they haven't really been fair to him. In my opinion,

of course. But when you are trying to build a social relationship, don't

you want to keep that in mind? I'd rather have a social child who takes

longer to learn abstract language, than a great speaker with no desire to

talk to anyone. So we plug away in the NET. And guess what? We enjoy

each other, and breakthroughs still occur.

Yesterday, after getting in serious trouble for deliberately stepping on his

hamburger because he didn't want to eat it, Evy sulked and tantrumed for

about 5 minutes. (No eat hamburger, then no drink slushy--which he

understood very well). Then OUT OF THE BLUE, unprompted, he said, " Mom, I

squished the hamburger. I'm sorry. " First time apology on his own. Made my

week. (Gave him a sip of my slushy) To which he said, " Pretend it's my

slushy. " (YES!!!!)

Hope this helps. But it's just my opinion. Do what you feel is right for

your son.

t Burk

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