Guest guest Posted July 30, 1999 Report Share Posted July 30, 1999 , wife to Preston, mother to Shelbie 8, Mandy 3 and 14 months Moderator of Military EFMs, IVH-Hydrocephalus, NewView and NICU Families Registered Chat for Preemies Friends and Family. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------\ ------------------------------------------ HEART-----Heart, intellect, awareness, mind, inner person, inner feelings, deepest thoughts, inner self. Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position? A. Authorized personnel only--doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc. Q. What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning? A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make it's way out of you. Q. What are forceps? A. Giant baby tweezers. Q. Does anyone in this country still give birth in the fields? A. Not on purpose. Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A. Yes, pregnancy. Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids? A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for. Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk? A. In your breasts. Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps? A. Yes, baby lips. Q. How does one sanitize nipples? A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan. Q. What are the terrible twos? A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey. Q. Can a mother get pregnant while nursing? A. Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first. Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away? A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global chemical warfare. Q. Do I have to have a baby shower? A. Not if your change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q. What causes baby blues? A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos. Q. What is colic? A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control. Q. What are night terrors? A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant again. Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A. When the kids are in college. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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