Using Humor on Good days and Bad

[Guest guest]

Oooooop's

Hug's

Jan xox

Using Humor on Good Days and Bad

Life is serious business. Of course it is. But have you noticed how some people seem burdened by life's challenges and others somehow move through them with relative ease? One of the key differences is the way they handle each situation. I've seen a huge difference with my children, at the office or in a crowded airport full of delays where having a sense of humor not only eases my personal tension, but it also helps the situation get resolved easier and faster and yes, more happily. In previous articles I have written about how laughter can improve physical conditions (including high blood pressure), but why wait for negative emotions to create sickness in you? Instead, having a sense of humor, even when you really don't feel funny, can go a long way toward making you both happier and healthier. To explore how you can create humor within yourself where none seemingly existed before, I called frequent Daily Health News contributor and life coach Zander, founder and chairman of The HandelGroup (WWW. Handelgroup.Com).

One of the great benefits of humor, says , is that it brings perspective to everything it touches including subjects, situations and people you get distressed about, hurt over or just don't like. "People don't have much tolerance for shortcomings," she says. "They make people prickly and create unnecessary upset." A sense of humor is the antidote to such prickliness. Let's say you are worried that your holiday dinner was "ruined" because the roast beef was a little overdone. You can focus on that or, on the other hand, you can focus on the warm feeling that your family had that day as they shared the slightly overdone meat and laugh at yourself for setting impossible standards. When you're caught in the mundane tasks of life, do you need to fret and stew, getting worked up again and again? How about making an attitude shift that will have you laughing about these matters instead... Possibly even enjoying them. As an example, let's say you are stuck in a long line at the department of motor vehicles. You can stand there getting totally stressed out about the crowd, the incompetent clerks, bureaucratic rules, the ridiculousness of having to renew your registration in person, etc. Or you can decide to enjoy the people around you, laugh about how all of you are stuck in this Seinfeld-like situation and end up having a pleasant experience at the DMV. "Humor brings joy and laughter to life," sums up... Even at the DMV.

HUMOR FOR PROBLEM SOLVING

Humor also has problem-solving benefits, especially when it comes to dealing with some of the most difficult problems or issues in our lives. "Humor lets you talk about things more easily and openly," says . "Humor and understanding are best friends." This explains why Alcoholics Anonymous, Weight Watchers and other group meetings where people confront their demons are so often laughter-filled. "Given that much of my work is about helping people change their behavior as easily as possible, I am always telling on myself with funny terms of endearment for my sometimes beastly behavior -- 'the steam roller rolls in and always thinks I am right.' Or, I call myself Lilith -- the character from Cheers -- the very cold woman with no emotion, who speaks in a monotone voice. This is all humor -- how people can accept serious, potentially critical points that end up being more like laughing at passing gas, which we all have done and do."

Another way humor lightens the load has to do with shifting your perspective on issues you feel you can't -- or won't -- change. Rather than stress about these challenges, suggests learning to see the joke in problems you feel stuck with. Whether it's your spouse's perpetual lateness or "forgetting" to call your mother every week, almost any shortcoming has a funny -- and humanizing -- element, and adding levity releases any meanness you carry toward yourself or others. A fine example of this came in an interview Mike Wallace did on "60 Minutes" with the late Luciano Pavarotti. Wallace asked the famous tenor if he was hurt by speculation that he was lazy. Pavarotti peered quietly at Wallace and then responded, "You want to know something? I am lazy," he said at which point both he and Wallace burst out laughing. We appropriately use the word "disarming" to describe a response like his -- the humor literally dis-armed what could otherwise have been painful. In my house, humor is a constant tool used to help chide my children to do their chores or practice their musical instruments -- I joke with them about their obligations and I joke about myself as the nagging mother. If I can see the humor in my own behavior and tease myself, it keeps them from getting angry with my "motherly ways."

DEVELOPING HUMOR

You may now be thinking that humor can't help you because you are lacking in that department. Many people claim a sense of humor is beyond them -- or that their problems are so serious there's nothing to laugh about -- so they shrug the possibility off, accepting their fate. That is nonsense, says . "Anyone can learn to have a sense of humor," she says. "You don't need to be clever with words to develop the ability to find humor in life and to bring levity to everything. It is a skill you can craft." And in no way does humor diminish commitment to life improvement... remember that gurus, including the Dalai Lama, love to laugh, even giggle.

Developing the art of humor does take time and practice, says , and so she suggests one way to have a great deal of fun with it is to turn it into a hobby. Couples can create a joint humor hobby to add extra spice to everyday life, she says. This will kick-start efforts to find interesting things to do together as well. Because there are many different kinds of humor in this world, from slapstick to sophisticated drawing-room comedy, she advises searching for and learning to enjoy as many types as you can, whether books, movies, comedy clubs, artists -- the field is wide open. In addition to bringing laughter into your relationship, a joint humor project will help you learn to view each other more gently. says that most couples spend a great deal of time being annoyed with each other, but once you start laughing together it helps open your eyes to the value of laughing about petty habits and differences rather than letting them annoy you for years... and years. You may even soon see that you don't have to take yourself, your partner or your relationship so seriously all the time. The family won't disinherit you if the roast is overcooked or the car is a little dirty, nor will the Martha police come if the lid is off the toothpaste tube or empty water glasses are left around the house. My husband will forever forget to give me phone messages. I could stew about it or, do as we do, which is to lovingly and with humor suggest that he "not give up his day job" when I hear about a message I did not get. A good-natured giggle is far more fun.

Some other ways you can use humor to add to your happiness are these:

Decide what areas in life you feel are especially heavy and void of humor.

Pretend that you are an unrelated outside observer watching those areas of your life. Evaluate them carefully to see what about them you might possibly start to find funny. What do you really sound like on the phone with your children? Has your spouse been late for the last 40 years and so isn't going to change his/her way? Is it true that you are a bad navigator and frequently get lost when driving to new places? While these and so many other moments can cause great angst -- they can also be laughed at if you just accept that's the way it is and are choosing not to change the situation. Then admit the humor to yourself or your loved one as appropriate, and "lighten up."

Create funny names for difficult personality characteristics and use the labels. For example, if you get irritable when hungry, admit to being a "starving monster," or a "Grumpy Grandpa" (no matter your age) if you don't like to go out to social events arranged by your spouse.

Go hunting for things that make you laugh -- movies, books, TV shows, YouTube offerings and the like -- and enjoy them often.

It feels good to laugh and smile, but sometimes we forget the feeling when it has gone untapped for too long. Humor is a joyous part of life and it makes everything better, says . Anger and annoyance can't cohabit with humor and laughter... it is up to you to choose your preference.

Source(s): Zander, life coach and chairman, The HandelGroup, www.handelgroup.com.

~Created By Angelstar 2003~

For TriciaC

Graphic's Shared

Np Infringement Intended