Real Careers and Relationships WAS: Just found out

[Guest guest]

Maureen wrote: " ... <snip> ... I'll never be able to have the kind

of relationships I want, and getting a real career will probably be

epically difficult ... <snip> ... "

OK, you will probably say that I am talking down to you when I am not.

You are 20 years old. That means that, based on statistics, you have

far more years ahead of you than behind you. During those first 20

years, 60% of that time was spent being a child, amd 35% of that time

was spent being a teenager. Only 5% to date has been devoted to

being an adult.

To decide, based on 5% of your life that you will never have a real

career or the kind of relationship you want is jumping the gun, in my

opinion.

I know of quite a number of NTs who enter their 30s without having

found their true calling (read: real career) and many more that

cannot differentiate between a real relationship and hormones raging.

AS will not prevent you from getting into a relationship or from

securing a 'real' career.

What you have to do to secure your 'real' career is to clearly

identify for yourself, without input from others, what sort of career

you wish to establish. Consider your perseverative interests and

your passions.

My current boyfriend has AS and it wasn't until he followed his

passion as a visual artist that he found what he was looking for in a

career. Yay! I was fortunate in that I determined as a toddler what

I wanted to do and upon reaching 16 years of age, I went out and did

just that. To this very day (and I am truly ancient), I am still

doing what I chose to do as a toddler and loving every minute of my

career.

As for relationships, after my divorce many, many years ago I moved

forward with a 'carved in stone' list of attributes and traits that

my soul mate would need to possess naturally. Between my ex-husband

and my boyfriend was a decade long drought of my own choosing because

I refused to settle for less than what was on my 'carved in stone'

list.

To give you an example of some of the traits and attributes that were

fixed were the following;

1. Must be faithful.

2. Must be a good man with good morals and a good set of ethics that

are not unlike my own.

3. Must be spiritual rather than religious.

4. Must have a sense of humour that is kind and light hearted.

5. Must respect my son and accept him as he is, diagnoses and all.

6. Must respect me and accept me as I am, diagnoses and all.

7. Must respect himself and accept himself as he is, diagnoses (if

he has any) and all.

8. Must be a self-starter.

9. Must have goals and ambitions and dreams.

10. Must love chicken as it will be on the menu more times than most

people can stomach.

Of course, there were quite a few more " Must Have " points but you get

the idea.

Until what was on my list was checked off, I was not willing to

consider dating.

At 20, it would serve you well to take your 20s (which is exactly

what I did) to just go out there and find out who you are and what

you really like in life.

If you want children, there's plenty of time between 30 and 40 to

have children.

If you don't want children, all the better that you should marry

later in life rather than earlier as you will not have the 'let's

have kids' argument with your future partner.

Raven

Co-Administrator