My Pain & Prayer Request

[Guest guest]

Dearest Friends:

For 8 yrs from when I was 13 until I was 22 yrs old I was verbally

and emotionally abused by my ex-stepdad. I was in survival mode for

those 8 yrs plus about 4 yrs or so afterwards and I've only just

started remembering and working through it all as of about a year and

half to two yrs ago. I am in therapy with a wonderful therapist whom

I trust and I can talk to her about anything and everything. I hope

all is well with you. I'm really not doing well at all, I'm a

complete emotional mess. My head or my mind know's that's It's Not My

Fault, and that I'm Worth It, but my heart still hasn't gotten it

yet. So I know that in the back of my mind, but at the same time the

feelings of not feeling worth and feeling like it's my fault, etc are

so extremely over powering so much so that I forget that I Actually

Am Worth It and that It's Not My Fault, etc. Right now oh how I wish

there were never such a thing as feelings as I'm in so much pain. I

know god's doesn't give us more than we can handle, but it sure the

hell feels like alot more than I can handle. but I guess it must not

be otherwise I wouldn't be going through this right now. I'm just a

complete mess and it feels like everything is coming out backwards. I

know I'm angry , but I still have yet to find it as it burried way

deep down in side somewhere so! instead of getting angry I upset and

depressed, etc and can't stop crying,etc, and am feeling unworthy and

unloved and not valued, and whatever else goes along with it all.

This is just so dam unfair. I'm also still not sleeping very well or

not getting much sleep at all if any and I cry myself to sleep and/or

wake up crying. Sometime I have so many dam feelings like now I don't

even know what they all are besides the fact that I've always had

trouble identifing my feelings. I live at home with my mom and my new

step-dad but I'm not really able to talk to either of them most

especially my mom as she has never been emotionally available to me

ever since I was little and I don't think she will ever be. I'm so

very much in need of being held and comforted and a great big hug,

but as usual I don't have anyone here at home to do that. I guess I'm

still very much in need of some serious and I mean serious healing

prayers. Even know as I'm sitting here writing this I feel like I

could burst into tears again at any second and I can feel the tears

starting to roll down my cheeks this very second.

Love, {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}} & Blessings,

Your Sister Lara xoxo

Feeling unworthy, unloved and not valued in Tolland,CT