WAS:Re: A New Member NOW: Counselling

[Guest guest]

This post got me thinking about the various counsellors I have been

to during my life. I consider therapy to be something different to

counselling. Counselling is where one is expected to talk about

things, the counsellor listens, sometimes parrots back (to some

extent) what you have said and somehow solutions are meant to come

out of this by helping one think about things. I tend to think about

things anyway :-)

It got me thinking about how often things that I have said in

counselling and how the counsellor would often say things like 'that

was a terrible thing to have to go through' and similiar words.

At the time such things happened I never really thought of such -

something was happening - I had to deal with it the best I could. I

sometimes question the usefullness of 'oh that must have been

terrible' and similar.

It very likely was terrible; perhaps it is in some ways my avoidance

of emotions (lack of?) to the extent that if I was to think 'oh isn't

this terrible' and really acknowledge such that I would be

overwhelmed and go to pieces; whereas instead I focus on what can be

done and try and do such.

I also found in counselling that talking such aloud about things that

had happened was difficult, because to me it sounded bad. To me it

sounded as if things were worse than what they actually were. That is

not to say I embellished the things that had happened, but just

speaking about them aloud made me realise face things that had

happened - I guess I found that uncomfortable - and almost like 'what

is the point' it happened - it's been and gone, speaking about it

seemed painful.

Also I admit that I wouldn't particularly like it if a counsellor had

shrugged such off and said 'so what? no big deal'. Mmmmmm finding it

hard to express here, but I guess it is the facing of emotions and

the implications of things that can become overwhelming - I guess a

lot of the time my emotions don't get much of a look in (that is not

to say I don't have them), but that I am aware that if I focused on

the emotions - faced the emotions I would become overwhelmed and

unable to function, so therefore I try to focus on the practical side

of things and what can be done.

Mmmmmmmm hope some of that made sense - I often find it hard to

express my feelings.

Well need to rush off to take my son to an appointment - be back

later hopefully :-)

>

> My mother and I were weird. Makes me think she was an Aspie for

not having

> the " normal " social reaction to her diagnosis.

>

> Both of us thought " nothing of it " when she was diagnosed with

breast cancer

> as it was not terminal and I had already seen a lot of shows that

had a part

> about women's reaction to breast cancer ranging from comedy and

jokes about

> it (men vs. women's responses) to (I think) more serious dramas

about it.

>

> I don't think mom was hiding her feelings as she never changed her

behavior

> or attitude. Just got the surgery and was just find. BTW she

died " of

> natural causes " , no cancer effects.

>

> A lot of people and other " mental conditions " can have the same

reaction so

> the lack of sympathy or understanding is common. In some ways not

knowing

> the " devastating effect " of breast cancer most people wouldn't have

a

> reaction. At least if it was noted as not terminal. For any

condition when

> it's noted as truly life threatening (as in the doctor says you

have X

> amount of time to live) then the sympathy should occur in the

distant past

> or today.

>

> From what I learned about " social norms " and such that the

situation with

> such a diagnosis (or any similar 'devastating' type) it's a social

component

> of the diagnosis that is what is the sympathy causing part. As in

breast

> cancer is devastating to a woman to have her breast removed.

>

> It's a social response that I believe is taught, not a part of a

personality

> or " instinctual " . Oddly enough if a person does not have a response

it might

> be because they never learned it was anything important. There are

a lot of

> cancers that get talked about so it's easy to be confused.

>

> But the lack of an emotional response is most likely an indication

of a bad

> personality problem where the person is callus to others feelings

(not

> related to Asperger's) and is therefore a bad personality. It's

accused of

> persons who see too much crime and violence and go " New York " about

it (as

> shown on a Seinfeld episode). The media is bombarding individuals

with too

> much news about all sorts of things going on and then exaggerating

the

> emotional part in order to get ratings.

>

> I have a hard time believing that society has deteriorated so badly

(I have

> learned from history & now of " it's happened before " factor) over

all in all

> parts of the country (not just the overcrowded urban centers) but

with the

> various medias bombarding us (the internet added another whole wave

of

> bombardment) with so much psychologically enhanced news writing

(knowing how

> to manipulate an audience) that I'm afraid it's happening.

>

> There are reasons individually (though not an excuse in most cases)

but it's

> so very sad.

>

> On the counseling issue. In my case it was the therapist back

somewhere

> around the early 90's who would say " that was an awful thing for

the person

> to say " that started my emotional responses to things. I was

normally

> unemotional as I was programmed to do under unknown forced

circumstances (or

> other cause or reason) before she started that routine. So I

wasn't hurt so

> much before then but now after accumulating such observations

of " wow, that

> was a mean thing to say " that I'm an emotional mess these days.

>

> I grew up under very bad circumstances but with very little

information from

> then (I don't remember much of anything) there is no way to

speculate on

> what happened. I just simply was unresponsive relatively until that

> counselor " started " it. Though definitely 100% not at fault for my

> emotional state. I think it was unprofessional to say such things

as I

> haven't encountered it much since then.

>

> Maybe professional therapists like Psychologies are trained to be

> unemotional as part of the job? If you feel everyone's pain it

adds up and

> is devastating to a therapist. Just like the old adage about

doctors having

> to be " unemotional " on the job.

>

> Randy Garrett

> Antioch, CA USA

> -----<---{(@