Living with 3 kids on the Spectrum

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone!!!

Since I joined all the Autism lists a few years back I have received many

queries as to how I handle having three kids on the spectrum. Usually I haven't

had a lot of time (go figure) to give an adequate response, but tonight I have

been longwinded in responding to a lister. I thought I may as well send my

response out to everyone as my story so to speak.

<To answer your questions, I really didn't make the decision about having more

kids. We went through infertility treatments to have our first child and after

that our chances were low of getting pregnant without help. Then one day we

were surprised by my second pregnancy. I was 8 months pregnant with my second

child when my first child was diagnosed. Then my third child was conceived

while using birth control and my second child was diagnosed during that

pregnancy. My husband and I joke that God must have really wanted us to have

three kids!!!

Yes having one is very hard!! But having any child is filled with rewards and

trials. There are many disadvantages to having three special needs kids, but

there are at least an equal number if not more advantages. I wouldn't trade any

of them. During my pregnancies it was hard not to stress about the unknown, I

feared the worst case scenario but I also tried to work through how I would

handle it if it happened. It turns out that my oldest child is almost to

recovery, my second child is profoundly disabled, and my third child is the

least affected with only a few quirks that make him different but they don't

really interfere with living too much. If I had decided against having my

third child based on my fears, I would have missed out on some of the best

experiences of my life. Of course hindsight is always 20/20.

One great advantage to having my three kids is that even though they have

difficulty making friends, they have a remarkable relationship with each other.

They play together in ways that work for them and they take care of each other.

While they all three are on the spectrum, they couldn't be more different from

each other. My kids are proof that no two kids with autism are alike.

Back to the " isn't it hard having three " question... yes, I won't lie, for years

it was excruciatingly difficult and very difficult to bear mentally...

BUT...there was a light at the end of the tunnel. As time moved on I learned

more and more about how to help my kids which eased my worries about whether or

not I was doing the right thing. Also the kids have grown and learned

throughout the years, always making progress, sometimes by leaps and bounds and

sometimes at a snail's pace. In general, it gets a lot easier as they get

older. (Thinking back to the days when none of the them were potty trained

ugh!)

There are two major changes to my own personal life since having our kids. I

now appreciate all the wonderful things in life so much more. All the low times

make the good times phenomenal. Imagine the tears when Cady first said 'Mommy'

at age 3 1/2, then Hayley said it (with sign) for the first time at age 6.

Corey said it at age 2. We worked so hard to teach them and it finally

worked!!!! The joy was indescribable!!! Do mother's of only typical children

get to experience that level of euphoria? Without hardships, successes are not

as sweet. Life is wonderful, and because of my kids I realize that.

Also, I figured there had to be a reason that I was given these three beautiful

children to raise and learn from. I have found a purpose for my own life. I

want to help make some of the changes that are so desperately needed for all our

kids. This past September I went back to school to finish an undergrad degree I

started 20 years ago. I plan to get my masters and pursue Board Certification

in ABA. I have many dreams about things I would like to accomplish. I want

to....

1) design a system to make ABA easier for public schools to provide

2) produce a series of sign language videos for kids using the ABLLS with easy

signs for practical things like M & M's and fruit roll ups

3) do research

4) teach college, give seminars, and write a book

5) Not to mention, help as many kids as possible!!!

Yes going to school is very hard to juggle with a family, but I am doing very

well and when I get a chance to sleep I sleep really really hard!!! I've also

met some great people whom I've inspired to pursue ABA as a career!!!

I guess in a nutshell, I am happy with my life regardless of the hard times and

my kids are too!!!

-Kim

Very proud Mom to Cady 9, Hayley 7, and Corey 5 all on the spectrum >