Goodbye Wonder Woman (or SuperMan)

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Goodbye Wonder Womanby e Carlson(Editor's Note: While this article is written for women, it could also beentitled "Goodbye Superman" and be applied to males as well...)For the most part, women have never had it so good. Thanks to our mothers,grandmothers, and great-grandmothers, we've achieved equality with men (evenif some men don't think so). We've made incredible strides in white- andblue-collar professional arenas, and we have broken strict gender barriersin nearly all industries. More than ever, we're respected by others and werespect ourselves. And we deserve it! We have more independence, options,and conveniences than ever, as well as the capacity to live rich, fulllives.Along with the many options we have created for ourselves, however, comessome very

real confusion accompanied by a sense of being overwhelmed. Unlikethe women who came in generations before us, we are lacking a concreteparadigm to live by. Instead, we are expected to do it all -- all the time.We have taken our ability to multi-task, and to accomplish a tremendousamount, to new levels. We are "super women" with much to celebrate -- yet weare exhausted!One thing that hasn't changed very much is that many of us have a tendencyto sweat the small stuff! Women are incredibly strong and, ironically, we doreally well when the stakes are high. If there's a crisis, we're on top ofit. If a friend is in need, we'll be there. If there's a sick child, turn toa woman for strength. If a sacrifice needs to be made, chances are, we willrise to the occasion and find a way to do what needs to be done.On the other hand, we're the first to "lose it" over fairly small stuff! Wecan be nitpicky, petty, uptight, and

tense. Many of us are perfectionists,overly controlling, and easily offended. We take things personally, and canbe very reactive and dramatic. We're often quick to get bothered, irritated,and frustrated.I'm a normal everyday person who has either dealt with, or is currentlydealing with, most of the issues and challenges in this book. To one degreeor another, most of us have struggled with body image, family choices,budgets, men, friends, lifestyle, time management, communication issues,parenting, and balance. I certainly have. This is the stuff life is made of,and from which none of us are exempt!I suppose that my greatest asset is that I'm a genuinely happy person mostof the time. I tend to see the glass half full instead of half empty. I'vealways felt grateful to be a woman and to be alive. Happiness and peace ofmind have always been a priority. Because of my basic nature and the effortsI've taken in this

direction, I've come to see that it's not necessary (mostof the time) to sweat the small stuff. I've found that the less bothered Ibecome, the more I'm able to celebrate being female.Like so many other women, I find all sorts of reasons (albeit some verysuperficial, but enjoyable nonetheless) to relish being a woman. I loveT-shirts with a bit of lace, French country prints, and cinnamon spicescents. I love taking aromatherapy baths and playing with makeup. To me,there is nothing greater than being "mommy," and I adore doing my girls'hair and nails. I also love being 's wife. I cherish my girlfriendsand the sensitivity, understanding, and compassion we offer each otherday-to-day. I love expressing myself passionately through art, creating ahaven out of my home, exercising, practicing yoga, and meditation -- and Iadmit, I also love to shop!On the other hand, I have also experienced, firsthand, the many

challenges,circumstances, and issues facing women today; everything from being afull-time business owner to part-time career woman blended with motherhood.I've also been a full-time mother and home manager. I've been successful atsome things, and less successful at others. There was a long time when westruggled to make ends meet financially. I've been single, and I've beenmarried. And of course there was a time, although I sometimes havedifficulty remembering those years, when I was a struggling teen and collegestudent.I saw a bumper sticker that said: "I am Woman. I am invincible. I am tired."Girlfriend, doesn't that say it all? Where do we women get the idea that wehave to be perfect and do everything with the gusto and grace of WonderWoman? There's no harm in giving everything you do the best you have tooffer, but when your expectations are too high and your head hurts or yourhair feels as though it could fall

out, you need to consider wishing theWonder Woman in you goodbye.The key to this strategy is threefold. One, let go of the notion that youcan do it all. When you can't accomplish everything on your list, thatdoesn't mean you're inadequate. Two, be willing to ask for help when youneed it. Three, be willing to make changes when your system fails. If youcan do these three things, you have begun to say goodbye to Wonder Woman!I remember thinking that I would be the kind of woman who could easilybalance motherhood, career, and outside interests, as well as have a perfectmarriage. I did a pretty good job until our second daughter, our lovelyKenna, came along. Then my system failed and became out of balance. Kennawas one of the sweetest babies ever created. She was, however, an earinfection infant, and ran high fevers often. Dosed with antibiotics, she wassick a great deal of the time. Day care was out of the question; I

wouldn'tdream of having someone else care for my sick child. But and I wererunning out of answers.Finally, a solution came to me one stressed-out morning. As I finallyquieted down, I realized that I was trying to maintain an image that was nowtotally out of control, and that was bigger than I had energy for or that Iever imagined it would be. It was as if a light bulb went on; it becameobvious that it was time to wish Wonder Woman goodbye -- and that's exactlywhat I did!I began to think it was time for my first career change; I was going to gofrom graphic designer to home manager. Although it wasn't the best of timesfinancially, we decided that our family would be better served if I took aleave of absence from my business. I knew that this was probably going toclose a chapter in my personal history, and it wasn't going to be easy, aschange rarely is. However, I decided that I needed to prioritize my

family'sneeds (and sanity) over my own need to hold on to the "Wonder Woman" whothought she could handle running a business during nap times. It was justtoo much!After the initial adjustment, I figured out that taking care of our twodaughters full-time was a lot of fun, even if it meant less money -- and itwas so much more gratifying without the frustration of having a workschedule to attend to.Stress is a very real phenomenon, but consider how much of it you create foryourself. If your husband's income alone is not enough to adequately providefor your family, then your only choice may be to go to work. On the otherhand, if your husband's income is ample, yet you choose to work, and you'reconstantly stressed-out and made miserable by your job -- well, in my book,that's a different story.It might sound as if I'm making the case that all mothers should stay homewith their children instead of working. I'm

not. All I'm saying is that allof us need to take a look at our lives as circumstances change, and reflecton our priorities. As big events occur -- bringing babies home from thehospital, having ill parents, or tending a sick child, for instance -- wecan't just expect our lives to go on as usual. We need to evaluate whetheror not our current lifestyle best serves us, and if not, to navigate our wayin a new direction by making small shifts and adjustments. Beingstressed-out to the max virtually all the time is not giving your family thebest you have to offer, because there's no way the material things youprovide will replace your sanity, and that of your family.If, on the other hand, you can create some flexibility in your work schedulewhen needed, and you have excellent help, and all the family members arethriving, good for you -- you've found a balance that works.Keep in mind that Wonder Woman thinks she can do

everything and be allthings to everyone, all at once! She never says, "No, but thanks forasking," when asked to volunteer her time. She can't set limits, and shecontinues to add more and more to her calendar without letting go ofanything. She darts here and there, leaving a frenetic trail of busyness.She adds one more committee to her list, or one more pet. She never says noto a lunch date or social request -- unless, of course, she's alreadybooked. She always takes in houseguests. Does she have a family? Well, ifnot, you can bet she plans on squeezing one into her schedule! Whatever herreasons, she does too much and eventually she caves in from exhaustion!If this sounds familiar, it's time to reevaluate your "Wonder Woman" imageand self-imposed expectations. Whether you're a stay-at-home, full-time momor corporate executive; single, married with children, or otherwise; youneed to ask yourself some basic questions.

Would you enjoy your childrenmore and have more to offer them emotionally if you took an occasionalbreak? Are you spending too much time away from them in the name of goodworks? Is your home-based business totally taking over your life? How muchof you does the company you work for really own, and how much are youwilling to give up to continue to climb the corporate ladder?The point is, if you're stressed, working too hard, and completely out ofsteam, consider what things you have control over and make some changes.Most important, realize that you don't have to be perfect -- and that WonderWoman is merely a figment of someone else's imagination.____________________This article was excerpted from the book Don't Sweat The Small Stuff forWomen by e Carlson. ©2001. Reprinted with permission of thepublisher, Hyperion, New York. www.hyperionbooks.comAbout The Author:e Carlson is the co-author of the

New York Times bestseller Don'tSweat the Small Stuff in Love. She has been a guest on numerous nationalradio and television shows. She has run several successful business, and hasa passion for meditation and yoga. She has been married to bestsellingauthor Carlson for 15 years. She is the author of Don't Sweat TheSmall Stuff for Women. Visit their website at www.dontsweat.com. http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/AffirmationstoDe-Stress A positive thinking, positive affirmations support group, that empowers us with ways to sail through daily life stress. Come aboard! PJ and Gang