Guest guest Posted October 22, 2007 Report Share Posted October 22, 2007 Dear Liane, Another very helpful post...Are you getting tired of me saying that yet? LOL...They truly are! It seems the Universe is really moving through so many of us lately! Thank you my sweet e- mama!! Love and light, your e-daughter, Luna-- - In , " lianeqrz_legey " <butterflygris@...> wrote: > > > > > The Inner " Others " > by Holt > > We are complex beings. Within each of us there are many, many aspects, > some > of which seem to be at war with others. > > The Inner Critic > We all have an Inner Critic: that voice that nags at us, puts us down, > tells > us we're not good enough. When we were little, our parents or teachers > were > critical of us, and we developed the habit of criticizing ourselves. > When I > hear a voice in my head saying " You failed, " that's a giveaway that my > Critic is speaking. Only the Critic would say that. > > Be aware of the Critic's distinctive voice or pattern. Often the Critic > masquerades as Reality or Truth and keeps its true identity well hidden. > At > such times, go cautiously and ask yourself: " Is it possible that there > is > another way to see this situation? " The tricky part is to remember to > ask > this question. Ask it whenever you start feeling bad, especially if you > are > putting yourself down or judging a situation as hopeless. > > Know that you can always choose whether or not to tune in on the Critic > channel, or some other channel of your mind; don't hesitate to switch > channels as soon as you realize you're hearing the Critic. Haven't you > spent > enough of your life listening to that voice? Perhaps it was useful at > one > time, and then you may not have realized that you had any other option, > but > now you know there is a choice. Be aware that you can decide whether or > not > to listen to the Critic, to believe it, or to act on what it says. > Whenever > you do make another choice, observe carefully what happens. Although the > Critic has always warned you that disaster would ensue if you stopped > obeying it, discover whether or not this is true in > your experience. > > When I listen to my Critic too much, everyone around me starts sounding > bossy and critical. I start seeing Critics all around me because I > project > them from my own mind. Hearing the Critic's judgmental words, I begin > using > this language toward others, and they in turn feel criticized by me. At > such > times, try telling your Critic to put earphones on and listen to its > favorite music. > > When others are angry at me, my Inner Critic arises and says, " See - - > you > did it wrong, you failed to please them. " Now, when I hear that, I'm > learning to say, " I did the best I could at the time. If they are angry, > perhaps it's their problem. " > > Despite all the abuse my Critic seems to heap upon me, it has a valuable > role to play in my life. When I was growing up, its cautions helped me > to > survive; I need to honor it for that. When the Critic's voice is getting > in > my way, I sometimes say: " Thank you for your concerns. Please save them > for > later. I'll check in with you after a while. " This frees me from my > Critic > while I focus on an important situation. Later, I can dialogue with my > Critic and ask about its fears. Usually I learn that my Critic was > afraid of > a possible negative consequence of my behavior, and was trying to > protect me > It's good to define for your Critic what you want its job to be, while > setting limits on when you will listen to it. > > Once while I was attending a workshop with Barbara Brennan, I was > practicing > the skill of tuning into other people's energy fields. My Critic was > declaring loudly, " You'll never learn how to do that; you have no skill > whatsoever! " I thanked it and asked it to be silent for awhile, > promising > that I would check in later. Much to my surprise, I was then able to do > rather accurate readings of two participants in the workshop. On the > train > ride home, I remembered to check in with my Critic. It brought up a fear > of > which I had not been consciously aware: that if I were to > develop psychic skills, some people would perceive me as weird or crazy, > and > I might lose certain friends. This was the first time I had ever truly > listened to my Critic on my own terms, instead of raging against it or > meekly complying with it. I was impressed by its genuine concern for my > well-being. > > When my Critic is ranting about some error or act of poor judgment I've > made > it sometimes works well to outline what I would do differently next > time. > For instance, when my Critic was berating me over missing the Creek > Cleanup > Day, I said: " Next time, I will write it down in my schedule. That way I > won > t miss it or schedule other things for that day. " > > Sometimes it seems more like a Complainer than a Critic. It's a fearful > voice that worries, " You've made the wrong decision, this experience > isn't > what it should be, you're missing out. " The false perception that leads > to > complaining and criticism is based on the belief that I have to rely > only on > my own wits and choices (with no help available from Spirit). This calls > for > a compassionate but firm reply, such as: " Dear Complainer, I'm sorry > that > this experience isn't quite up to your > expectations. But life isn't really about finding the most perfect > experiences, it's about making the best of whatever is given. Let's > focus on > what is delightful instead of what isn't. " Fear of missing out can > actually > cause us to miss out on the present moment! We can never know enough to > make > the wisest choice at all times, but we can choose to look for the gift. > > ASK YOURSELF: What is my Inner Critic trying to protect me from? > > The Impartial Witness > The best balance to the Inner Critic is the Impartial Witness. The role > of > the Witness is not to judge, compare, criticize, or give orders, but > simply > to observe with impartiality, detachment, curiosity, even wonder. The > Witness might say things like, " Let's take another look " and " Is this > the > real truth or not? " > > Ram Dass tells a story of a farmer with a son and a horse, both of whom > give > him great joy. One day, the horse runs away, and all the villagers shake > their heads in consternation. The farmer says, " We'll see. " The next > day, > his son goes out to search for the horse, and instead comes back with > two > wild horses, both very splendid. The neighbors say, " What good fortune. " > The > farmer says simply, " We'll see. " A few days later, as the son tries to > ride > one of the wild horses he is thrown off and breaks his leg. " Poor > fellow, " > intone the neighbors, sympathetically. The > farmer: " We'll see. " The next week, war breaks out and all the young men > of > draft age are signed up to defend their village; all, that is, except > the > farmer's son, who is too disabled to fight. " Lucky man! " sigh the > villagers. > And so on it goes. The farmer, like the Impartial Witness, does not get > caught in the emotional roller coaster caused by evaluating each event > as > good or bad, lucky or unlucky. He observes and accepts what is, without > judgment. Therein lies his serenity. > > To me, the Witness is like the sky above, observing everything; or like > the > ancestors looking upon us with unconditional positive regard, and > perhaps a > touch of fond amusement. Great old trees have this quality of pure > awareness > perhaps because they have witnessed so many generations of humans and > animals and their dramas. The trees remain unmoved, a stable awareness > in > times of crisis and storms. > > How can we cultivate the Impartial Witness? Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us > of > the witness quality of quiet water, which we can learn to emulate by > quieting our minds, with this meditative phrase: " Breathing in, I see > myself > as still water. Breathing out, I am reflecting things as they are. " > > Angeles Arrien advises that our Witness needs to be stronger than our > Critic > " Stop feeding your Critic gourmet meals, " she says. She suggests that we > look at our experiences without exaggeration or diminishment. When I > observe > myself doing something that appears to have a negative consequence, I am > now > learning to say, " How interesting! What can I learn here? " The Witness > looks > with curiosity and a desire to understand; it doesn't attempt to > evaluate. > > One of the great tasks that I believe we all come here to accomplish is > to > learn who we are. That sounds funny in a way. Aren't we supposed to know > ourselves, just from living with ourselves day in and day out, year > after > year? In truth, if we don't reflect and take time to get to know > ourselves, > we can stay very much in the dark. After more than fifty years, I am > still > shocked at how little I know myself sometimes. Just when I think I know > who > I am, I change. Half the battle is to know what I truly want, so I can > give > it to myself! > > I've discovered that being self-aware is a great gift to give others. > When I > know and communicate what I need and what works or doesn't work for me, > I > give other people clear guidelines. They don't have to read my mind in > order > to avoid stepping on my toes. Conversely, my lack of self-awareness > creates > difficulties in my relationships. For example, I've had experiences > traveling with a friend when I didn't realize that I needed some alone > time > or quiet time each day. If that did not happen, I found myself becoming > irritable without knowing why. > > Looking at myself through the compassionate eyes of the Witness, I can > see > that I need a lot of help. Yet I also see that this is true of most of > us, > and I'm neither ashamed nor sad about it. Nor am I proud of it. It's > just > the way things are. > > The most powerful way to cultivate the Witness is through the practice > of > meditation. Sitting quietly, we observe our thoughts and feelings with > acceptance, without judging or attempting to control or change anything. > > " Nonattachment " is a term used to describe a calm attitude toward > thoughts > and feelings, and ultimately toward whatever life brings. By not > identifying > with our viewpoints, opinions, or judgments, we begin to gain freedom > from > them. This is very different from refusing to look at or know about > uncomfortable inner processes. > > " Mindfulness " refers to the ability to go about our daily activities -- > breathing, walking, driving, speaking, eating -- while being fully > present > and aware. This concept, which I first learned about in Thich Nhat > Hanh's > wonderful book The Miracle of Mindfulness, sounds deceptively simple. > The > trouble is that our lives seem terribly complex. It's only possible for > me > to eat mindfully if I slow down, stop trying to read or listen to the > radio > or carry on a conversation at the same time, and put my full attention > on > each mouthful of food. Is it worth it? Whenever I eat with true > mindfulness, > I wonder whether eating disorders would exist if everyone simply > practiced > mindful eating. We would really taste our > food, and we would be more in touch with our bodies to know whether the > food > was agreeing with us or not; we might know when we were eating to try to > fill an emotional emptiness, and when we'd had enough. > > Our breath is one of the greatest allies in the practice of mindfulness. > > Coming back to an awareness of breath, several times a day, is a deep > practice of being present in the body, present in each moment. It's a > wonderful refuge from the fears of the future and the regrets of the > past. > During these moments my Witness gains strength. > > SPEND a LITTLE TIME EACH DAY reviewing your experiences while you are > calm and relaxed, not giving more time or energy to what went badly or > well, > but just seeing it all from the slightly more distant perspective that > time > can give. It's very tempting to evaluate: " I did a great job on this, I > did > that terribly. " Instead, simply look at it all and ask, " What can I > learn > about life? What can I learn about myself? " > > This article was excerpted by permission from The Circle of Healing, by > Holt copyright 2000, published by Talking Birds Press. > www.TalkingBirdsPress.com <http://ss.com/> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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