Why do some people handle stress with ease ...? () ***

[Guest guest]

"Why Do Some People Handle Stress With Ease While Others Feel Anxious?" Written by Barry , Ph.D."RESILIENCE. That's the ability to bounce back when stress strikes. Resilient adults experience just as much stress as everyone else, but they cope more successfully because they have developed the right skills."Here, ways to harness the power of resilience . . ."MAKE CHANGES. Do you repeat the same kind of behavior even though that behavior consistently gets negative results?"Examples: Nagging your spouse to do something he/she refused to

do . . . losing your temper with your children . . . complaining about work."The next time you're angry or stressed, ask yourself whether your behavior is contributing to the problem. Don't wait for other people to change. Instead, look for ways that you can change."Example: One of my clients was unhappy because she felt everyone at work was unfriendly. I asked her how she might be contributing to the situation. She realized that she rarely smiled and looked away when people walked by. She then started smiling and saying hello to everyone. They looked surprised at first but smiled back. This one change greatly improved her work relationships."Resilient people also recognize what is NOT under their control. You might worry about terrorism, but you'll be less stressed if you focus on things that you can change. Rather than dwell on the big picture, develop an emergency plan at home."SEE PROBLEMS

AS CHALLENGES. The Chinese word for CRISIS means "opportunity with danger." Don't dwell on the downside when life is difficult. Look for opportunities that are presented by the situation."Example: When a project at work is unsuccessful, some people give in to feelings of defeat and question their own competence. A stress-hardy individual asks himself, "What can I learn from this project that will help me with the next ones?""CULTIVATE EMPATHY. The ability to see the world through other people's eyes is a key component of resilience. It helps you anticipate the problems that can lead to conflict and stress."Example: One of my clients often said to his employees, "Is that the best you can do?" His intention was to motivate, but the employees heard criticism."Eventually, he asked himself how he would feel if his employees spoke to him that way. This prompted him to change his approach and start

acknowledging their effort, commenting on the positive and saying, "Let's see what we can do to improve these other areas.""LISTEN. Poor communication creates tension and stress. Good communication means active listening -- really understanding what other people are telling you."Example: Suppose your teenage son keeps saying that he is stupid. Your instinct as a parent might be to say, "No you're not. You're very smart." This approach almost guarantees an angry response because you're not hearing what your son is saying."Better Response: Validate his concerns. You might say, "I'm glad you told me how you feel. Now let's find a solution." Validating doesn't mean that you agree. It just shows that you're listening and understanding what is being said."EMBRACE YOUR STRENGTHS. It's easy to judge yourself harshly when you don't measure up to some external definition of success, but dwelling on

weaknesses creates tremendous stress."Instead, focus on your "islands of competence," the areas in which you are skilled. For example, you might be a caring spouse and a good coach of your kids' soccer team."You'll also be more resilient when you remind yourself of all the good things in your life - your spouse . . . children . . . friends . . . health . . . home . . . a job you enjoy . . . a satisfying hobby, etc."ACCEPT MISTAKES. Many people who aren't resilient view every mistake as a personal failure. As a result, they avoid challenges - and one day wake up realizing that they're not enjoying their lives."Those who experience the least stress tend to try different things. They're not afraid of failure because they believe that they'll recover and learn something from the experience."Example: Suppose you have always wanted to be comfortable speaking in front of large groups but were

afraid to try. Start small. Tell a story in front of a few people at work or a party. You won't be perfect at first, but you will learn what works and what doesn't. Don't berate yourself if you fall short. Give yourself credit for taking the first step."HELP OTHERS. The act of helping others -- through volunteer work, for example -- adds meaning to your life and, in the process, reduces stress. This is true for people of all ages."Example: When I ran an in-patient unit for troubled youth, their hostile behavior dropped dramatically once I started saying things like, "I need your help." People want to feel they are making a positive difference in this world. When they do, their anger and stress decrease."*** This article was found in Volume 25, Number 17 (September 1, 2004) issue of BOTTOM LINE PERSONAL Newsletter."Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Barry , Ph.D., assistant

clinical professor of psychology, department of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School, Boston, and consultant in psychology at McLean Hospital, Belmont, Massachusetts."" Barry , Ph.D., is coauthor of THE POWER OF RESILIENCE (Contemporary)." www.drrobertbrooks.comI found this article very interesting and wanted to share it with you. BE RESILIENT! PJ, owner of affirmations to de-stress http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/AffirmationstoDe-Stress A positive thinking, positive affirmations support group, that discusses ways to cope with the stresses of daily life. Come aboard! PJ and Gang