MORNING COFFEE

[Guest guest]

NUDGING WITHOUT NAGGING

We've all been there. We want to encourage a child to do her homework,or a spouse to complete his project, or a colleague to complain lessand act more. How can we encourage without criticizing, berating orpushing too hard?

Here are three techniques that can help you nudge without nagging.

* Show appreciation.

Novelist Arnold had a publisher who boasted about theextraordinary efficiency of his secretary. One day while visiting thepublisher's office, asked her: "Your boss claims you'reextremely efficient. What's your secret?"

"It's not my secret," said the assistant, "it's his." She went on totell him that her boss always acknowledged and appreciated everythingshe did, regardless how insignificant. That was why she worked so hardfor him. Her boss' appreciation nudged her toward constantimprovement.

* If possible, keep it light-hearted.

The careful use of humor can work in any relationship where nudgingmay be required. One wife used it effectively when she found herselfon the verge of nagging her husband to repair the lawn mower. He hadpromised to fix it, but the grass grew ever taller while heprocrastinated.

Then one day he came home and found her seated on the ground snippinggrass with sewing scissors, one blade at a time. He watched inamazement and then went into the house.When he returned, he handed her a toothbrush. "Honey," he said, "whenyou finish cutting the grass would you mind sweeping the sidewalks?"

They both laughed. And, more importantly, the mower was fixed.

* Be polite and respectful.

Sometimes it's more about how you say it than what you say. Peoplerespond best when they are respected and valued.

on stated, "Those who are lifting the world upward andonward are those who encourage more than criticize." Try these simpletechniques next time you want to nudge without nagging.

Steve Goodier

Astronomer Carl Sagan said that we're all made of "star stuff."Whatever it is that we are made of, we are certainly made ofthe same "stuff" - the same atoms, molecules and cells. We are much more alike than we realize.

Remembering this can help calm you, and give you a sense of connectedness with others.

Try this experiment today. With each person that you pass, become aware that the "stuff" -the essence-what's inside you is inside them. Check out the person in the car coming toward you. You both share the same essential life essence. The people on the bus , at your office-are all made of the same unique, special , mysterious stuff as you.

After a day of literally connecting with every person you encounteryou will find your mood is buoyant. You will feel part of a bigger world that the one your normally inhabit. Seeing yourself in others and others in you, brings calmness, peace and an incredible sense of belonging.

The greatest triumphs often come after the biggest setbacks. The most substantial successes are often preceded by numerous failures. Why does achievement so regularly rise out of disappointment? Because disappointment can be such a powerful teacher. Others could tell you a thousand times what doesn't work, and still you might be tempted to try it. Once you've experienced disappointing results for yourself, however, you're not going to make the same mistake again. Are you hesitant to move forward because there's the possibility of a setback? Then consider that every short-term disappointment can serve to build a stronger foundation for long-term achievement. Even when you're not getting the results you want, you're making progress. Every experience, whether successful or not, can teach you how to do it better. So go ahead, step forward, and travel confidently in the direction of your dreams. For even though the setbacks and disappointments will come, you surely have nothing to fear. And, even more importantly, you have everything to gain. Ralph Marston

Dear Readers, " Morning Coffee " is a labor of love and meant to be shared with others to spread encouragement and inspiration. If you share, please be kind and give credit where credit is due and copy and paste or forward with Page Header and contact information included.Thank you , Please Add Me to Morning Coffee" Morning Coffee"Created, and maintained by:Dizzyrizzy@... GrandmaGail2BC@...Copyright © 1996 -2008" Morning Coffee" all rights reserved. Subscribe: YourMorningCoffee-subscribe