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Re: Digest Number 1542

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>

>Ok I hadn't been to our site in quite a while (shame on me!) Can someone

>else go to our site http://www..org and tell us if you also get

>the new " Tripod Sidebar "

Yes, Terri. I get that awful thing. And I get some naked monkey with a

fiendish grin swinging across the top pursued by a net and the banner

shouting CATCH THE MONKEY AND WIN A PRIZE! Boy, oh Boy, THAT's

professional looking!

These two together and we look like a bunch of chumps! Can I help?

Lizz

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Dear Nevin,

Your mail was interesting to me. I have a 12 year old who when he was 3 went

through a Lovaas, ABA program for 40 hours a week or more. Verbal Behavior

wasn't even around in the early 90's but after learning about it's methodology

we

were implementing this approach already. We started in 1994 and ended in 1998

so we worked with him 4 1/2 years to get him to become indistinguishable.

I'de like to say how brave you are to have spoken to your son about autism at

age

10. We have NOT said anything to Jeff as of yet. To be honest with you he

doesn't show any desires or interests in knowing about the dramatic lifestyle he

lived up until he was 8. I have mentioned to him that when he was younger he

had a hard time talking and therapists came to the home to help him to speak.

He rarely remembers any of the 40 + therapists when I mention their name except

for two. We use to have to restrain at times up to 15-25 times a day for his

compliance and aggression. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if he remembered

much of his ABA program. My son is extremely bright; in the 5th grade public

school with all A's on his report card. He still today will have an anger

outburst but nothing like it was when he had autism. We chose not to tell Jeff

because he is just really learning for the first time about others emotions in a

natural setting without having to be prompted. When I officially called it quit

on his ABA program there was nothing left to do but watch him grow and mature.

He is one of the most poplular kids in his grade so he gets a lot of

attention and huge amounts of incidental opportunities to learn about the

reasoning

behind ones emotions. I believe it can't be taught like using a program. I also

believe it comes with maturity. I use to do reasoning with him when we watched

TV together. I also have told him alot about my childhood and how I was made

fun at and how my thoughts came into being and how I handled it. Normal

children at age 10 don't even have a good grasp on reasoning. I would just ask

questions as many opportunties as possible and talk about real life topics

focusing

on how people feel and why. Give him the knowledge and before you know it he

will have begun to pick it up on his own and he will starting asking questions

himself like my does now. Please don't worry too much about this it

will come into a working knowledge very soon. A good show for us to help him

along in his reasoning believe it or not is Law and Order. Jeff loves crime

stories and tries to figure out who was the culprit. Today at the store he

wanted

5 packs of pokemon cards and a game boy carrying case. He came over to me at

the ATM machine and asked if he could also buy a booster pack which was

another 12 dollars. I looked at him with a " I want to say yes but it's too much

money today " . He looked at both options he had and before I even gave him any

feedback on his original question he said " I know you don't have a lot money so

I'll put this back and keep my original pokemon cards " . " Is that what you want

mom? " I answered yes that would be a good idea for today. He read my

emotions. He didn't get angry because he wasn't able to get both items. I never

taught him this concept. It just came naturally . Deep inside my heart I wanted

to

buy the cards anyways because he was so concerned about how the way I felt and

that it cost more money and he figured it out all on his own. My son is

normal now. BUT I still have fear from time to time that he may not make a

particular hurdle in his life. He surprises me every time with flying colors.

We are still going to wait about telling him that he was autistic. If it

isn't broke don't fix it. He is incredibly senstive. I think he might come down

on

himself real hard if he knew he had some sorta label placed on him one time

in his life. He is still just a kid and doesn't need any extra grief.

God's Blessings to you and your son,

PMRC-Parent Mentor Resource Consultant

Message: 2

Date: Sun, 16 May 2004 07:56:39 -0000

From: " tiredbee2001 " <Nevin.Penny@...>

Subject: (unknown)

Hello list members!

Next week is National Autism Awareness Week.Today I had a very

limited but beautiful conversation with my 10 year old son about

autism! Roni has got severe communication and language

difficulties,his spontaneous repertoire is limited and he finds hard

to express himself.Anyway, my small table is always full of books on

autism and this week I received some publications from NAS.Just my

curiosity, asked Roni about autism.

This is the conversation that I have had;

Q:Roni, do you know what autism means( books, posters,brochures are

on the table)

Roni:Yes

Q:What does it mean ?

Roni: " Me " ( I heard the same statement a few months before when I was

reading books on autism, I had asked the same question.The

interesting thing is he repeated himself again )

Q:Can you tell me ..knowing that you have autism, how do you feel

about it?

Roni:Sad

Q:Why?

Roni: He stuttered a bit, because .......then he said " angry "

Q:Why?

Roni:because........Unfortunately he couldn't give me the answer.This

conversation didn't happen easily,my perseverance attitude has got

the result.I realise that he is growing!

Last 6 months I work with him time to time emotions from Simon Baron

Cohen's Mind -Read book.Since then he is expressing how does he feel

better but he can not reason it.I don't want to give him ready prompt

answers to choose, I want to hear his spontaneous response.How can I

improve his reasoning?

I wonder if anyone on the list have got similar conversation with

their child, I am sure high functioning kids may express much easily

how they feel knowing that they have autism.

All the best

Nevin

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