A Special-Needs Mother's Day Wish List

[Guest guest]

Forwarding as is and can y'all relate?

A Special-Needs Mother's Day Wish List

From Terri Mauro,

Your Guide to Parenting Special Needs.

FREE Newsletter. Sign Up Now!

http://specialchildren.about.com/od/needalaugh/a/momwishlist.htm?p=1

Psst ... moms! Commercials are going to try to convince your spouse

that jewelry or candy or flowers are the perfect Mother's Day gift,

but you know all too well that the important things in life don't hang

on a necklace or clip round a wrist. Things like sleep. Understanding.

Revenge. Tailor this list to your own special needs, then use it to

give your significant other a clue about giving a significant present.

* * * * *

To my loving partner in parenting:

I know you're trying to figure out a Mother's Day present for me (and

if you aren't, take this as a big, fat hint).

Jewelry is a lovely thought, but not exactly practical, given that our

child might steal, break, perseverate on, or require us to hock

anything nice to pay for medical expenses. Candy is always

appreciated, but since I've just consumed all the children's Easter

sweets to save them from obesity, diabetes, and allergens, I'm not

really in the mood. Instead, honey, why not pick one of these gifts

I'd really love. They may take a little more effort than something in

the Hallmark aisle, but they'll make a big difference to me.

1. You know that material I've been asking you to read about our

child's disabilities, that stack about 500 pages high? Read it. Now.

Really.

2. Do some research of your own for a change and bring me something I

haven't seen before. Then explain it to me.

3. Find the home number of every specialist and educator who ever

dissed me and make some really good prank phone calls.

4. Offer to stand guard duty at the bathroom door while I take a nice,

long, hot bath, free of constant cries of " Moooooooooooooom. "

5. Buy some sturdy boxes for storing all the children's school papers,

and then believe me when I say I have to save everything they've ever

done for possible documentation of learning progress.

6. Buy some sturdy notebooks for storing all the children's specialist

reports, and then organize them for me so I can always find the exact

one I want in a snap.

7. Sit down with me for one hour to discuss decisions we have to make

about our child's behavior, treatment, schooling, and/or future. No TV

watching, newspaper reading, or dozing allowed.

8. Next time you're tempted to make some crack about a neighbor or a

teacher or a family member that you just know our child is going to

repeat out of context at the worst possible time ... don't. Just don't.

9. More precious to me than diamonds and rubies is a good long nap.

Make it happen.

10. Next time we have a dispute over discipline, I win. (What's that?

I always win anyway? It's the gift that keeps on giving!)

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rights reserved.

[Guest guest]

Perhaps will adapt this for our special kiddos:

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids

each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean,

correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry,

and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and

relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist

appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the

Urgent Care.

He must also make cookie s or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house,

planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and

all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep

fingernails

manicured and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe

abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings

but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least

once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each

night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and

comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will

be required to know all of the following information: each child's

birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name.

Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of

labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack,

favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they

want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man

wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his

spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again

for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right To be called

Mother!

After you get done laughing, send this to as many females as you think

will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it.

mum592001 wrote:

Forwarding as is and can y'all relate?

A Special-Needs Mother's Day Wish List

From Terri Mauro,

Your Guide to Parenting Special Needs.

FREE Newsletter. Sign Up Now!

http://specialchildren.about.com/od/needalaugh/a/momwishlist.htm?p=1

Psst ... moms! Commercials are going to try to convince your spouse

that jewelry or candy or flowers are the perfect Mother's Day gift,

but you know all too well that the important things in life don't hang

on a necklace or clip round a wrist. Things like sleep. Understanding.

Revenge. Tailor this list to your own special needs, then use it to

give your significant other a clue about giving a significant present.

* * * * *

To my loving partner in parenting:

I know you're trying to figure out a Mother's Day present for me (and

if you aren't, take this as a big, fat hint).

Jewelry is a lovely thought, but not exactly practical, given that our

child might steal, break, perseverate on, or require us to hock

anything nice to pay for medical expenses. Candy is always

appreciated, but since I've just consumed all the children's Easter

sweets to save them from obesity, diabetes, and allergens, I'm not

really in the mood. Instead, honey, why not pick one of these gifts

I'd really love. They may take a little more effort than something in

the Hallmark aisle, but they'll make a big difference to me.

1. You know that material I've been asking you to read about our

child's disabilities, that stack about 500 pages high? Read it. Now.

Really.

2. Do some research of your own for a change and bring me something I

haven't seen before. Then explain it to me.

3. Find the home number of every specialist and educator who ever

dissed me and make some really good prank phone calls.

4. Offer to stand guard duty at the bathroom door while I take a nice,

long, hot bath, free of constant cries of " Moooooooooooooom. "

5. Buy some sturdy boxes for storing all the children's school papers,

and then believe me when I say I have to save everything they've ever

done for possible documentation of learning progress.

6. Buy some sturdy notebooks for storing all the children's specialist

reports, and then organize them for me so I can always find the exact

one I want in a snap.

7. Sit down with me for one hour to discuss decisions we have to make

about our child's behavior, treatment, schooling, and/or future. No TV

watching, newspaper reading, or dozing allowed.

8. Next time you're tempted to make some crack about a neighbor or a

teacher or a family member that you just know our child is going to

repeat out of context at the worst possible time ... don't. Just don't.

9. More precious to me than diamonds and rubies is a good long nap.

Make it happen.

10. Next time we have a dispute over discipline, I win. (What's that?

I always win anyway? It's the gift that keeps on giving!)

This About.com page has been optimized for print. To view this page in

its original form, please visit:

http://specialchildren.about.com/od/needalaugh/a/momwishlist.htm

©2007 About.com, Inc., a part of The New York Times Company. All

rights reserved.

---------------------------------

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