Moms--the Standard Model , by Erma Bombek

[Guest guest]

Moms--the Standard Model

by Erma Bombek

While the good Lord was creating Mothers, He was well into his sixth day of

overtime. Then an angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling

around on this one!"

And the Lord said, "Have you read the specification on this order? She has

to be completely washable but not plastic....Have 180 movable parts, all

replaceable...Run on black coffee and leftovers...have a lap that disappears

when she stands up...and a kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to

a disappointed love affair. Plus she has to have six pairs of hands!" The

angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands!!?? Not possible!"

"Oh, it's not the hands that are causing me the problem," Said the Lord,

"it's the three pairs of eyes that Mothers have to have." "That's on the

standard model?" asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks,

'What are you doing in there?' when she already knows...Another here in the

back of her head that sees what she shouldn't, but what she has to

know...and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child and

reflect, I understand, and I love you' without so much as saying a word."

"Lord," said the angel touching His sleeve gently, "Get some rest. Finish

this tomorrow."

"I can't" answered the Lord. "I am so close to creating something so close

to Myself. Already I have one that heals herself when she is sick...can feed

a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a five year old to

stand under a shower."

The angel circled the model of the Mother very slowly and sighed, "But it's

to soft!"

"And yet she's tough" said the Lord excitedly. "You cannot imagine what the

mother can handle or do!"

"Can it think?" asked the angel.

"Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise!" answered the

Creator.

Finally the angel bent over and ran her finger across the Mothers cheek.

"THERE'S A LEAK!" she pronounced. "I told you, you were trying to hard to

put to much into this model! You can't ignore the stress factor."

The Lord moved in for a closer look and gently lifted the drop of moisture

to His finger where it glistened and sparkled in the light.

"It's not a leak," He said. "It's a tear"

"A tear?" asked the angel. "What's it for?"

"It's for Joy, Sadness, Disappointment, Compassion, Pain, Loneliness, and

Pride."

And the angel exclaimed, "You're a genius!"

The Lord looked somber and replied,..."I didn't put it there.